JOBS GIR WOULD'VE HAD

Taco Bell

"Here's yer order, guy." GIR handed a man his 12-pack box of tacos.

"It's very light for the quantity in here." said the man, examining the box, then he looked up and saw that GIR was drooling brown meat. "OH COME ON!"

Lawyer

"Has the lawyer reached a verdict?" the judge asked.

GIR read his paper, "I know Kent!"

"...What?" said the judge.

"My client knows a guy named Kent!" said GIR.

"Kent... Mansley?" said the judge, "Do you know how long he's been in jail? GUILTY!" the judge banged his gavel on his desk.

"It said innocent, you idiot." said GIR's client as he was handcuffed and taken away.

Director

"Cut!" yelled GIR, "You need to wear this chicken hat or I'll get upset!"

Music Artist

"I got the ta-cos in me! Every time I touch that shell it dis-appears! Now everybody knows I got the ta-cos in me! TACOS, TACOS, TACOS! TACOS, TACOS, TACOS! TACOS, TACOS, TACOS! AWOOOOOO! I got teh tacos in me!"

Author (DISCLAIMER: MAY OFFEND FLAMBOYANT HARRY POTTER FANS)

In 1990, GIR took his hand at writing out a book about a boy who realizes he is a wizard and goes to a wizard school, then Joanne K. Rowling kidnaped him and stole the scrap of paper he began writing the book on at a cafe.

Inventor

"BEHOLD!" yelled GIR, "An automated taco-maker! It makes tacos."

Computer Programmer

GIR typed in a few words and all of the computers in the room crashed, "YAY! I WIN!"

Author (Second Try)

In 2005, GIR tried his hand at writing a book about someone who finds out they're the son of a Greek god and goes to a Summer camp that trains demigods, later, when he was on lunch break, he found out he had permanent writer's block and told Rick Rioardan to complete the book series for him, he obliged and GIR was happy.

Stuffed Animal Maker

GIR finished sewing together his last monkey and put it on a 100-foot-high pile of monkeys, his boss walked in.

"Uh, GIR, I asked for a hundred monkeys sewed by the factory's machines, not a thousand sewed by hand!"

"I like monkeys. Colon, end parenthese." GIR said.

Police Dog

"Do you smell anything in that suitcase?" asked the police officer holding GIR on a leash.

"THERE'S A DELICIOUS FISH IN THAT SUITCASE! FIIIIIISH!" GIR barked loudly at the man who had a dead piranha in a man's suitcase on a plane, he tackled the man and gnawed on the suitcase.

"NO! DOWN BOY, DOWN! BAD DOG! BAD!"

Bank Teller

"-997, 998, 999, 1,000." GIR finished counting the pennies that a man had, "Well, there you go, two dollars."

"Two? But a thousand cents is 10 dollars!" the man who owned the pennies said.

GIR dropped a math book on the counter, "Take it, read the whole thing, and come back to me when you're done!"

Cameraman

GIR held a video camera up to a weather reporter outside during a blizzard.

"...And I think that this is the biggest blizzard this year, some are referring to it a the snowpocalypse and-" GIR turned the camera away from the reporter and looked at a stand giving away free Invader ZIM T-Shirts.

Substitute Teacher

GIR walked into the classroom, jumped onto the desk, and did the numa numa dance.

THE. END.