Causality

Part II

Running had proven itself to be futile. I ran up to Tanya's family that first day, traveling over 1200 miles in just under seventeen hours. They were as warm and welcoming as they always were, and they respected my desire for privacy. But as I was out hunting in the middle of the Denali Forest, my vision blurred, the trees shifted, and the snow slid away and once I was again able to see clearly, I found myself back near Forks, in my favorite meadow.

Pulling my phone from my pocket, I stared at the display. It said it was just past six o'clock in the morning, which coincided with my mental countdown. However, that was not what caught my notice. I closed my eyes and reopened them, foolishly thinking that it would change the display. But it was to no avail… because the display on my cell phone read that it was again February 2nd.

It didn't make any sense, but instead of trying to solve the mystery, I simply took off yet again, this time traveling south, only stopping if I needed to avoid being seen.

No matter where I went, the moment the clock struck six in the morning, I would find myself back on the outskirts of Forks, in that very same meadow. I would be in British Columbia, Alberta, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Utah, Arizona, Oregon, Nevada, California, Colorado, on an airplane, in my car, and even in the middle of the fucking Pacific Ocean, and at six o'clock in the morning the scenery would blur, the terrain would change, and I would be in the middle of the fucking desolate field that I was beginning to loathe.

My cell phone always had the same display when I'd arrived there. Always six, always February 2nd. Each night, I would find myself stopping at midnight just so I could watch the date change and wonder if this would be the day when life would continue to move forward.

But nothing ever changed. I hunted, but always felt immensely thirsty when six o'clock rolled around. If I was feasting on an animal at the time, it would vanish, and the beast lurking in the shadows of my mind would growl viciously at the loss of its meal. When I destroyed things, everything was instantly righted when the magic hour rolled around.

My family would call when I didn't show up at the house in time for school. However, they, of course, never remembered the events of the day before. None of them ever knew that the previous morning I had informed them of my reasons for staying away from the town of Forks. Instead, I'd be able to hear Rosalie grumble in the background that it was my job to listen in to see if the new girl was suspicious and how could I abandon them this way. While I would hear Esme worry about when I was planning on returning. Alice would look forward to my future, but said that she couldn't see much and if what I was claiming was actually true, that running away wasn't the right decision because it wasn't taking me anywhere.

After the days turned into weeks and the weeks became months worth of February 2nds, I had to admit that I was beginning to agree with her. The time away made me miss my family. I yearned for the interaction and contact I had with them. Whereas it had only been a few hours since I'd seen them in their minds, it had been much longer to me. I was lonely, and eventually I began to doubt my thinking. How could my decisions be rational? There was no way that I could go on spending the rest of my immortal life reliving the same day over and over again. My sanity was bound to snap at one point.

I had considered death but had no idea of how to go about accomplishing such a thing without assistance. And there was no way I'd make it to Italy before the dawn of a new February 2nd.

For a brief time, I considered that perhaps there was some calamity that I was destined to stop. I headed into cities and towns in an attempt to save some poor soul's life. However, those "heroic" actions never removed me from my purgatory, a purgatory in which I was still being haunted by a girl who I was beginning to question if I'd actually killed.

It was after a great deal of frustration, irritation, and a sense of desolation that I finally resolved myself to my obvious fate and decided that on the next day I would remain in Forks after my six o'clock return. Such a decision might have seemed to be the obvious course, but I would be the first person to admit that I was a stubborn, guilt-ridden creature. Just because my last full day in Forks had resulted in the death of a girl did not mean that it was not her destiny to die. After a lengthy conversation with Alice, one in which I was thankful that she would not remember the following morning when I returned, she had posed the possibility that my problems revolved around the Swan girl. She was what had changed, but obviously, simply leaving her alive was not enough. Whether that meant I was supposed to kill her in yet another horrible way, or whether it meant I was supposed to befriend her, I didn't know, but I was willing to attempt just about anything if it meant my life could at last move forward.

It was 5:59 in the morning, and I was standing in the middle of a snowy field just outside of McCall, Idaho. I took a deep breath just as the final seconds counted down in my mind and closed my eyes, only to open them to find that I was standing in the middle of my private meadow just outside of Forks, Washington. Again.

On my way back to the house, I stopped and hunted first. It seemed logical that the correct course of action would be to see if I could remain in the same room as the girl without acting on my desire to kill her. When I arrived at the house and cleaned up, I heard several thoughts coming from my family members. All of whom were wondering why I had gone hunting without letting anyone know. We'd all been trying to hold off until the weekend, in an effort to stretch out the number of days between feeding so we had a smaller impact on the wildlife in the area.

"New girl starts today," I answered with a shrug. "I just thought it might be a good idea."

Once the words were out of my mouth, Alice looked forward to my future and saw me attacking the girl exactly as I had done the first time I'd met her, in the middle of her kitchen after school.

You've already decided? she asked silently.

Having no desire to have the discussion where others could hear, I just shifted my eyes from left to right. Alice and I had more than enough conversations in this way that she knew the message I was conveying.

This is the first vision I've had of her. Did you already know?

I glanced up to the ceiling before looking down at the floor.

How?

"Later," I said a bit louder, as if telling Esme and Carlisle goodbye. "We need to get to school."

Moments later, we were all in the car, and I was pulling out of the garage to head to school.

When we arrived, everyone got out. However, this time Alice was the one who was too curious about what was going on that she stayed back while the others went into the school. For what I knew for a fact to be the seventy-fifth time, I explained how I had been living the same day perpetually and filled her in on the conversation we'd had the previous morning. Just as Alice always did, she listened with an open mind. Although I heard the doubts run through her head, I also knew that she would give me the benefit of the doubt. She always did.

Leaving didn't help.

"No."

What is your plan today?

"I'm going to talk to her."

Talk to her or eat her? Then Alice showed me another vision of me approaching Isabella in the hallway at the school and luring her outside before attacking her.

I cringed. "I'm going to try talking." What I didn't tell Alice was the part of our conversation from the previous day when she'd told me that it was just as possible that I was meant to kill the girl—I'd just done it wrong before—so killing the Swan girl might be what I needed to do in order to move forward.

Alice sighed audibly. I'll try to continue to keep an eye out for you today, but I'm also getting worried about Jasper. He's never gone this long without hunting. Now, there is the issue that you've hunted and if you're concerned about slipping, Jasper is going to be thinking that he's even more likely to stumble and that will make him even more likely to have a problem. I've already seen him draining three different students since getting ready for school this morning.

"He'll be fine, Alice. Don't worry. This time I can assure you that I've been the one who has already seen it," I said with a smirk.

She visibly relaxed until we heard the old Chevy pick-up as it pulled into the student parking lot. Is that her?

I nodded.

And you can't hear her thoughts?

"Not a single one."

Huh. I wonder why I can see her future then. As if it were of no consequence, Alice shrugged her shoulders and turned to go into the school. After another beat longer, I followed.

By lunch, I was growing frustrated. I had learned nothing. Thus far the morning had gone exactly as I'd recalled it going before. Lectures, assignments, nothing of consequence. This time, my already dreadfully boring school day was even more mind-numbing because I'd already lived through it once. I had to fight off a shudder when the thought struck me that it was possible I'd have to go through it many more times before I got the day right and was able to move forward.

During lunch, I was so preoccupied with every movement the new girl made that Emmett had to kick my foot to get my attention when I missed the bell signaling the next class was about to begin.

Seated at my usual lab table in Biology class, I waited for Bella to come into the room. I held my breath the moment I saw her so I wouldn't receive a blast of her scent as she walked in front of the vent. When she at last was seated next to me, I smiled. Her cheeks flamed in response, and I could hear her heart thumping loudly, the blood rushing through her veins in nervousness. Swallowing down the venom pooling in my mouth, my mind briefly flashed to the memory of the first time I'd sat next to her in class, which led me directly to the thoughts I'd had of her while I'd been seated so close to her.

"Hello," I greeted, leaning toward her in an attempt to be friendly and in an effort to distract myself.

She turned her head, and her smile broadened. "Hi. I'm Bella," she replied, holding out her hand for me to take. In a bold and foolish move, I grasped her hand in mine. Bella gasped at the coldness of my skin, and I could swear that I felt a thrum of energy rush between us, as if we were both the frayed ends of a live wire. I could feel her heartbeat through her palm and fingers, and I closed my eyes for a moment, reveling in both the sensation and the sound as her heart began to beat even faster.

"And you are?"

Bella had no way of knowing that I was aware of her gossipy conversation with Jessica Stanley in the lunch room, so I knew she was only asking in either politeness or to propel a conversation. "Edward."

Her cheeks burned even more as I swallowed another mouthful of venom. This time, however, there was the smallest taste of her scent from when I'd opened my mouth to speak. The flames in my throat burned hotter. I squeezed my eyes shut in an effort to ignore it, but a piercing scream caught my attention and my eyes flew open. Isabella's thoroughly crushed and now bloodied hand was gripped firmly in mine. Before I could even process what to do, the fire alarm was blaring and all of the students were up out of their seats and rushing through the door.

It didn't take much searching through thoughts for me to know that Alice had pulled the alarm just as I was mangling Bella's hand. The students didn't seem to even notice that her screaming began milliseconds before the obnoxiously loud alarm. I pulled her from her seat and through the throng of students out to the courtyard, never once releasing her hand from my grip. I held my breath until I was able to lift her up in my arms and increase my speed into the woods behind the school.

Her noisy cries stopped as soon as I picked her up, although I immediately noticed her labored breathing as she attempted to contain her pain and emotions. Once we were far away from witnesses, I set her down. She continued to stare at me with wide eyes but couldn't seem to find her tongue.

"I'm sorry," I told her honestly.

Bella held her broken hand up toward me, and I softly cupped my icy hands around it. "It wasn't my intention to hurt you."

She shook her head. "H-how?"

"I'm very strong." I brushed my fingers along the bones from her wrist up to the tips of her fingers. There was a large cut where my fingernails had dug through the skin of her hand, digging into her fifth metacarpal. It was inevitable now, so I brought the open wound up to my nose and inhaled slowly.

"I am so sorry, Bella," I whispered again.

"We'll…" She shook her head, tears streaming down her face, and she tried to control her breathing. "Just help me, please." I could tell that she was dancing around saying that everything would all be "all right." Neither of us believed that, it was the furthest thing from the truth. None of this was all right. Not even close.

"You don't understand. I'm sorry for what I have to do now." She looked at me, clearly perplexed by my words. I inhaled the scent of her blood from her open wound just as I heard my family approaching. "But if we're lucky, this will all be some sort of strange dream and you'll awaken again tomorrow morning as if nothing happened."

Before she could even absorb my words I wrapped my right hand behind her neck, pulling her closer to me. Then I placed my lips up to her throbbing jugular and bit down as I snapped her neck.

The pattern continued.

I quickly learned that holding my breath and not speaking during Biology allowed me to make it through the short class without slaughtering the girl who sat next to me.

Instead, I typically waited until I coincidentally bumped into her in the hallway and I'd lure her into the janitor's closet, the girl's bathroom down the math hallway that no one ever went into because it was notorious for plumbing problems, or a deserted classroom. I'd catch her after her gym class, or I'd follow her home from school. For whatever reason, the girl seemed as drawn to me as I was to her. She never displayed the same hesitation or fear that a typical human victim expressed. Of course she was afraid, but she had a very trusting quality about her. Sometimes I would tell her what was coming, other times I'd take her completely by surprise. If I asked her why she followed when I asked her to, her answer was always, "I don't know. There is just something about you. It's like I'm supposed to be here with you."

Each and every time, I drained her dry. I couldn't stop myself. Whenever I was near her the monster inside would rattle the bars until I allowed him out to feed—or until he broke loose. Either way, the girl always wound up dead.

Restraint seemed futile. It was just like the running; no matter what I did, the day repeated itself. So, I spent a great deal of my time thinking about the best way to kill her. When I'd discussed the lure of her scent with Emmett one day after I'd sabotaged her truck in the parking lot and conveniently offered her a ride home, he'd said that he didn't think that there was any reason to resist. That if her blood was calling to me that strongly, then he felt that she was simply destined to be my next meal. And after my first experience of trying to talk with her, I knew that conversation was doomed to fail.

A terrible fate, but it was nearly impossible to fight, and obviously leaving her alone hadn't solved anything.

Bella died again and again to the point where I almost felt numb. The guilt was a constant, but because I was living in a perpetual state of self-loathing, I slowly grew immune to it. Her dead, haunting eyes weren't as clear, and I was resigned that this was our destiny.

That didn't mean I was cruel and heartless. Each time I apologized and gave her as quick and painless a death as possible.

Fifty-six more February 2nds came and went. Each and every time I'd killed the girl, and each and every time my sins had been erased. It was as if nothing had ever happened. Well, except for the painful and graphic memories that I housed. But no one else had to see it. No one else had to know. I had quit cluing my family into the goings on unless I was feeling particularly pensive and morose; then I would speak with one of them in order to see if they had a different perspective I'd not yet heard. Even that was always the same, however. Carlisle and Alice always thought I should overcome my thirst and spend time getting to know the girl. Esme just wanted me to be happy and do whatever I thought to be best. Rosalie's thoughts were selfish insomuch that she only wanted me to do whatever it was I had to do in order for them to all be able to continue to live in Forks. Emmett and Jasper both thought I should just kill the girl the right way—whatever the hell that method turned out to be—and be done with it.

I wasn't gaining anything by simply snapping the girl's neck and then having to explain to my family, yet again, what had happened. I hated those talks the most because, of course, they didn't know what was going on. I'd have to convince them of my curse, while apologizing for my failings. Then we would all spend the night hoping that everything would be washed away by the next morning.

The fact remained, however, that something had to change. As it was, nothing was changing, so I again decided to attempt to have a conversation with her and see how things progressed from there.

Therefore, on the one hundred twenty-third February 2nd, I again spoke to Isabella in class. We talked for a full five minutes. It took a bit to coax her into speaking, but once she did, I listened to her as she talked about her first day woes, her sadness about having left her mother in Phoenix, and her barely adjusting to living with her father. She seemed surprised at herself for speaking so freely, but said nothing further about it.

Then I forced myself to hold my breath and tried to ignore her luscious scent, the beautiful wet thudding sounds of her heart, and the warmth her body emitted. I only lasted another eight minutes before I attacked, this time in a room full of witness. Alice came running in moments later with Jasper by her side while I was still drinking down the last pint of Bella's blood while the rest of the classroom was in chaos. Most of them too stunned to move, though once Mike started screaming, most everyone else followed suit. Together, Alice and Jasper took out the rest of the witnesses… Jasper enjoyed himself immensely. I winced as I saw the pain in my sister's eyes while she drained the blood from the quiet girl named Angela whom she had always said seemed sweet—I was sure that after tasting her, she believed that statement even more. I felt guilty for putting her in a position where she felt the frenzy and the compulsion to go against her beliefs in that way. Before that moment, Alice hadn't killed a human since her newborn years.

We disabled the fire alarm, and Emmett helped us stage an explosion and fire in the Biology class room with a rigged locked door. It was a horrible tragedy. Every student who was supposed to be in the classroom was reported as dead, including me. No survivors and most of the bodies were burned beyond recognition. I ran home under the canopy of trees, while my family had to stay at the school and mourn my supposed demise. It was more sobering than when I'd finally realized I wasn't above God and returned back to Carlisle and Esme at the end of my rebellious years. It was painful to see the devastation on the faces of each of my family members. This was more than simply dealing with Rosalie's irritation that we had to move again. I had the fall of half of my family on my shoulders this time. When Rosalie and Emmett had come in to help us sabotage the classroom, they'd both had difficulty controlling their bloodlust, and already Emmett was in the midst of pondering the consequences if he were to kill a human since three of us had faltered in just one afternoon.

I spent the evening sitting around the dinning room table at our home, where my family and I discussed what we would need to do if time continued to move forward, and then we plotted what I should do if the day repeated itself again. I found myself hoping the day would recycle. If I ever needed a do over, this was the time.

I vowed right then that if I were lucky enough to go through the day again, I would do whatever I had to in order to make sure my family didn't have to suffer through the same guilt from killing so many innocents. This was my cross, my burden, and the last thing I wanted to do was to make the rest of them suffer. They all deserved better than that.