Disclaimer Blah Blah here.
A/n: Thanks again for all the reviews. I can't promise a chapter tomorrow but you neever know *smile*. More shipness! Steve's a Navy man...I'm sure he drops f-bombs every once in awhile, just not in public where CBS catches him. Koa= Warrior. :) If this is cheesy, or cliche...sorry..I'm not good with declarations of love. *lol*
If I Die Young
Chapter Five.
Steve sighed, deleting the message and going towards her room..he knocked lightly. Waiting. No answer, he sighed, knocking again, "Come on Kono, open up, we need to talk." Silence. A small noise that sounded like a cross between a sniffle and a scoff. "Come on beautiful, please." He said, laying his palm against the door, his forehead leaning against the cool wood, he listened, it sounded like she was packing from what he could tell. "Please." He murmered, "Let me at least explain before you run away."
The door swung open suddenly and he almost fell in, catching himself he moved in, watching her wrestle her things with one hand. "Do you call her beautiful?" She murmered, still not looking at him.
"Huh? No.." He furrowed his brow, "No I don't.."
"She is." Kono countered.
Steve shrugged, "Yeah..she is..but that's not the point."
"What's the point then, she wants you back, you should be happy and not be calling another woman pet names." She continued softly.
Steve growled, a very severe aneurysm face developing. "Fuck." He swore. "You know do you not pay attention to any of these fucking movies you like so much?"
Kono gave him a level look, "Life's not like the movies, Steve..."
"Yeah? Well sometimes it is. Don't you remember me telling you I cared about *you*?" He continued, "Do you think I'm going to be running back to Catherine like a lapdog because she wants me back? She broke my heart, Kono..and contrary to popular belief, that's actually pretty easy to do." He said, looking away, then looking back at the bags Kono packed, obvious hurt on his face. "Don't stand there and tell me you feel like a replacement, or that I'm still floating on some sort of fantasy after our mission together."
Kono shook her head, "No..I don't know Steve.' She sighed sitting on the bed, bouncing a bit as she ran her fingers through her hair. "I don't know what to think. I heard her say that you have something good..not had..and I just..I thought.." She shrugged helplessly.
"You thought I was trying to work it out with her and being nice to you on the side?" He sighed, blowing out a breath, shaking his head. He'd never figure out how women thought. Never. "I haven't talked to her since the day she dumped me, Kono. It's why she said I was still ignoring her calls, because I was. Yes, she's called a few times, but I've ignored them because I don't see the point of working something out with her, I don't think it's worth it."
"You don't think love is worth it?" Kono tilted her head, watching him.
Steve met her gaze, why, he wondered, did they always argue in a bedroom? The thought faded and he focused on her question, "Yes I think love is worth it. When you meet that person that you would die without, or die for. Then it's worth it, no matter what, no matter the consequence or the pain it takes to get there...even the idea that they may never return your feelings." His voice had grown soft, his gaze downcast in that little boy lost look he had sometimes..and only around her.
Kono nibbled her lip, "I never knew you were so...sensitive." She smiled,
Steve shrugged, "I'm not really...I don't have that option in life." He smirked..
"So you..don't love her."
"No." He shook his head, "I never did, I mean..we were close, but are you in love with all the men you've ever dated?" He quirked a brow.
"True." She kept watching him, "I suppose I was a little...trigger happy on that one."
"Don't apologize." Steve shook his head, "I'd have probably thought the same thing." He smiled softly, his gaze tender, "I'm sorry. I'll go throw the machine in the ocean if you want."
Kono chuckled, "No..the way you loose cell phones sometimes..you need it." She stood, "I guess I'll unpack again." She worried her lip, still standing before him. "So...why not go back to her..why not see if there could be love there?" She pressed.
Steve swallowed, looking away, shuffling his feet, "Because..I know there never will be with her..."
"But why." She pressed, stepping close.
"Because.." He shrugged.
"Is there someone else?" She quirked a brow.
They needed her in the interrogation room next...definately. She'd make anyone break with that look, those pointed questions. "yes." He whispered.
Kono nodded slowly, appearing to take this information in slowly, "Does she know how you feel?"
"I'm not sure." He continued, meeting her gaze straight on.
"Have you asked her?"
Steve cleared his throat, "I doubt she'd tell me...or she'd wonder why I asked."
"Then why don't you tell her how you feel? And how does she feel about you keeping a teammate in your house." Her eyes were sparkling now...maybe this was revenge..he wasn't sure.
"I think..I think she's okay with it." He smirked slightly, "She seems to be anyway...but she could be pulling the wool over my eyes."
Kono smirked, "Why haven't you acted on these feelings then?" She quirked a fine brow.
"Because..it's complicated."
"Life is complicated, Steven." Kono said, her eyes travelling his face.
"True." He nodded, "And because I didn't realize how much I cared til I almost lost her." He said, reaching out, trailing his fingers over her face, "I'm sorry Kono, I'll let you call her and tell her to screw off." He smirked, his thumb carressing her cheek.
"Hmm. That might be fun, seeing as she broke my Super-seal's heart." Her features were hard, "And this mystery girl." She took his hand in hers, "Does she care you're carressing the face of said teammate." Her eyes sparkled with mirth.
"Kono." He growled, pulling her close, but gently, he tickled her lightly, grinning when she giggled. He sighed, nuzzling her as he held her close, "I'm sorry beautiful."
"You keep saying that..I want to know why." They pulled apart, his eyes were almost tortured.
"I'm sorry because I'm afraid that if I tell you what we both know I'll loose you again. Everyone...everyone." He swallowed, pain in his beautiful eyes.
Kono cupped his face, "It wasn't your fault your mom was killed, or your father. You've been *pulled* into this shit, it's not your fault Mary's in LA..but she's *alive* Steve, alive and safe, because of you. You love her." She waited for the nod, "K, stop being so scared, you have to take risks in life, Steve..hell you know that..you take risks every day. Danny gives you shit about putting his life in danger, but he only does it to remind you later how everyone came out ok. Stop being afraid, my Koa."
"I've.." He shrugged, "I've never cared this much, Lani." Her heart jumped at the Hawaiian word for beautiful, he cupped her face again, "I'm not sure I can even say it."
"I have to know, Steve. I have to...we're risking a lot...risking the entire dynamic of our team, the governor's approval, the reputation of us both with HPD..especially me. I'm willing to risk that..because I don't think I could ever care for someone like I do you either, I can't see my life without you, I think about the last year..and it's full of you. Please..I can't be the one doing all the work here." She nibbled her lip.
He looked down into her eyes, swimming with emotion and begging him to respond. "Your family, espeically Chin, might want to run me through the ringer."
She smiled, "I'm sure he will." She stroked his cheek slowly, her thumb rasping over his stubble.
"Do you want the romantic ending version or ?"
Kono chuckled, "I want the honest, from the heart Steve version."
He smirked slightly, his finger tracing her features, "I love you, Kono." He said softly, barely audible, "I don't know when, or how..but I do. When I heard that call over the radio my heart stopped, I was afraid it was too late, afraid I would never see your smile again, your eyes." He kissed her forehead, "Afraid I would never be able to bust down another door with you," He smirked, "That I'd never be able to annoy Danny again by saying book 'im Kono." He smirked, and grinned when she giggled. It was a lot of words from the SEAL, but she'd always been the lucky one to get them, "Every second I was away from you, it was torture, wondering if you'd be okay, vowing myself never to let it happen again." He sighed, "I have no idea how the hell this is going to work, beautiful. But I want it to."
"So do I." She whispered, basking in the light of his tenderness. She leaned forward, hugging him one armed, her head on his chest where his heart beat wildly. "And really I almost answered and told her to leave my man the fuck alone, but.. you know." She shrugged.
Steve chuckled, nuzzling her hair.
"Am..Am I interupting something here? Cause it looks like I am..so." Danny said from the doorway, his hands talking with him.
Steve growled, turning towards him, "What is *with* you just waltzing into other people's houses..especially mine."
Danny shrugged, "Door was unlocked."
"Doesn't mean I don't want my privacy."
"Sorry."
"No..no you're not." Steve shook his head, following Danny out of the room while Kono held back her rales of laughter, "You're never sorry, Danny."
"Well..yes I am...a lot." Danny frowned, "And here I was coming over to say I had a good idea to have a barbeque on the beach..but if you're gonna be an ass..." He shrugged. "Was gonna surf with Gracie too."
Steve quirked a brow, "You..were going to surf. Didn't you have enough of that last year before the fake Tsunami?"
"No, actually, I didn't...Grace still insisted I learn." He shrugged.
"And he *likes* it." Kono grinned, going into the kitchen to grab a drink.
Steve laughed, that deep laugh that was infectious, he threw his head back and both of them didn't think they'd seen him that happy in a long time.
"Don't let it get out." Danny glowered, smiling inspite of himself.
"I won't, come on man, let's get things fired up." He clapped his partner on the back, guiding him outside, "How much did you hear?" He hissed once they were outside.
"Hear? I heard nothing..I *saw* things though..I saw a lot of things, like you holding Kono in a very romantic embrace...I assume I will get demoted now." He teased, his blue eyes sparkling.
"Demoted? What? No..you're my partner..that stays..Always. Steve and Danno..partners...k...doesn't change."
"Good." He smiled, "And I'm telling the truth, I didn't hear a word." His voice was soft, "But I assume we're keeping another secret from the Governor..you know I'm surprised it took you this long. You..the man who steal..I mean *borrows* 10 million dollars can't get his shit together and tell a girl he loves her." He sighes, shaking his head,
"My shit's together, ok?" Steve said, firing up the fire pit grill, "I'd just appreciate if you didn't tell everyone..you have a big mouth."
"You think I need to tell everyone?" Danny scoffed, "Why do you think the Family kept telling you to take care of her?"
"Stop calling them that, it makes them sound like a mob."
"Well..they are..a big Hawaiian related mob who will bruise your ass if you don't do right by her..so yeah..mob fits."
Steve tilted his head. "True." He nodded.
Soon the team plus Gracie was gathered to cook and play on the beach. "I'm sorry you can't do more." Grace said, setting close to Kono on the sand while they watched the boys play some sort of crazy threesome tag football game.
"It's okay, Grace." Kono chuckled, "I like watching." And she did, "I'll get to do more soon..A few more weeks then I'll be as good as new."
Grace smiled, "Is it fun staying with Uncle Steve, or is he boring?"
Kono chuckled, "It's fun..lots of fun." She smiled, tenderly as she turned her gaze back to the man in question.
"Do you like Uncle Steve?" Grace tilted her head,
Kono smiled, "Mmhm I do." She giggled with the little girl.
"I like Tommy..but Daddy doesn't like him..he says he lies."
"Aw." Kono hugged the child, "Daddies always have a hard time with boys we like." She said soothingly.
"Does your daddy like Steve?" She asked innocently.
Kono sighed, "My daddy's not around anymore much...my cousins kinda fill in there."
"oh." Grace breathed, "I'm sorry.." She thought for a long moment, "Well, Uncle Chin likes him."
Kono smiled, "So. What do you say we go get stuff to make smores?" She grinned as Grace jumped up grinning, together they headed to the house.
Chin, the quiet man, didn't miss much. Something had changed between the two of them..they seemed happier, more free. He smiled. He figured it'd take some getting used to, the dynamic would shift a bit more then likely, but it had the potential to work out. He didn't see Steve commiting to something he wasn't fully ready to carry out. He watched as Steve stole a kiss to her cheek, subtly as he stole her marshmellow, he chuckled as she chased him, threatening him, until he caught her and tickled her til she squeeled. He didn't have doubts of their professionalism when it was on the job and not just them. His cousin was happy...not something he often saw her be with a man. They were in the dark shade of a tree now as the sun faded and he looked away...
Steve smiled down at her, licking his lips. "You stole my marshmellow..that's not nice." Kono was saying.
"Well..I got you to chase me." He said, holding her gently, lowering his head he kissed her softly, "It was an excuse for that." He said.
"It's just the boys and Grace, Steve.." She said, her gaze heady after the kiss,
"I don't like public displays of affection." He glowered.
"What am I gonna do with you." She sighed, shaking her head, leading him back to the group, their hands intertwined.
"You know, keep it PG..there's a kid." Danny teased.
"We weren't near her." Steve glared at his partner, then smiled, settling down, Kono setting in the sand at his feet, the five of them watching as the last rays of light disapeared, the fire burning brightly. They talked for awhile, anyone watching thinking they were just any other family unit, finally Grace fell asleep.
"Well, I better get this monkey home." Danny said softly, picking her up, "Goodnight guys, behave."
"Then there were three." Chin said softly, he sighed, "I suppose I ought to get home too. Thanks." he stood, waving.
"Bye.' The couple said idly, stil setting together in the sand.
"I better put that out." Steve said quietly, "You need to rest."
"Hmm..yeah I guess.' She countered, moving to sit in the circle of his arms, leaning against his chest. "This is nice though."
Steve made a pleasant sound, his nose buried in her neck, breathing in her soft scent, his arms wrapped protectively around her. "We're not moving to fast are we?" He said, kissing her cheek.
She shook her head, "I don't think so." She murmered, "We've known each other for over a year...I think you think way too much sometimes." She smiled up at him, rewarded with one of his sweet sincere smiles.
"Good." He said, closing his eyes as he rested his forehead on her shoulder. They sat there for awhile before standing, Steve putting out the fire while Kono took the things to the house as best as she could, putting things away. He watched her like he'd never seen her, drinking her in. She smiled at him, blushing a bit as he watched her unashamedly. She nibbled her lip before advancing to him.
"No regrets..right?"
"None." He took her in his arms, loosely around her waist.
"You're ready to risk it all?"
What Danny said earlier rang in his head, "Yes." He kissed her forehead.
"Make love to me, Steve.' She whispered.
He swallowed, looking down at her, his eyes wide.
"No regrets..remember?" She quirked a brow, smiling, "We almost did once..."
"But..but you're hurt."
"I have every confidence in your gentleness." She said, pulling away. "It's up to you, babe. If you're not ready...then I'll see you in the morning." She kissed his lips, "Goodnight. I love you, McGarrett."
He smiled, his heart warmed, "You too." He murmered, watching her disapear into her room, the door shutting behind her. He stood there for a long time before pushing away from the counter and opening that door without knocking, shutting it firmly behind them.