A/N: SURPRISE!

Honestly- the suspense was killing me too :)

All You Got

Chapter 8- Not Tonight

"Oh, wow. I forgot about that."

"What is it Tegan? Please tell me this isn't what I think it is!" Sara screamed, tears streaming down her face. I tried to hug her, but she pushed me away, still clutching the envelope.

"It-It wasn't supposed to come here! It must be a mistake."

"You didn't tell me about this!"

"No-I... I mean it was sort of between your mother and me."

"Oh, and did you get her to do this before or after you fucking proposed to me!"

"After." I said after a long pause. She looked at me, the pain in her eyes stabbing me sharply in the gut. She just shook her head and sat on the couch, her hands burying in her hands as she let the envelope fall to her feet.

I paced back and forth across the small living room, the pent up energy inside me almost too much to bear. If I didn't keep moving, I knew I'd explode- with angry words or tears I wasn't sure. I needed to bail- I needed to get out.

"I'm going out." I muttered, closing the door lightly behind me and tearing down the stairs and out of our building.

Yet again, I had fucked up my life when I was just on the verge of feeling perfectly happy. Honestly, I knew I should've told Sara about asking her mom to do the tests, but I needed that trust from her. I desperately needed to feel like a part of her family, and at that time, it seemed like the best way to prove myself...

"Would you... umm, like to order something ma'am?" came a nasally voice awakening me from my stupor. I looked around, realizing I'd ended up in Sara's favorite coffee place down the street from our house. I remember making coffee runs here most mornings for months when we started seeing each other, even though I hated the stuff.

"Co-offee please... lots of sugar... and milk." I muttered, barely choking out the words. The waitress scurried off and I shifted out of my winter coat and took deep breaths, trying to soothe myself. The last thing I wanted was to make a public scene and completely embarrass myself.

I pulled out the small crumpled of paper from my pocket, clenching it tightly in my fist. On it, I had scribbled the number of the adoption agency I had been referred to- the one that I had hoped would finally lead me to Sara's twin sister. I was sure this was the one, and suddenly, I felt anxiety clench in my gut. I couldn't find anymore faith in family anymore, and I couldn't imagine starting one with Sara when I completely messed up our relationship trying to fix things with hers. For the millionth time since I was 15, I started to feel the clenching fear, the desperate need to be alone, before I caused any more damage to anyone's lives. No one could help me now...

"Tegan! Come down here please!"

"C-coming!" I sputtered, my heart beating fast just like it did every time one of my parents called me down from my room. I knew it was only a matter of time before they discovered the truth about me. But... not tonight... any night but tonight.

"Tegan, your music teacher and principal just had a conference call with me" my mom said, her lips pursing tight like they did whenever she was mad enough to yell- and sometimes to hit.

"Oh... um, what did she want?" I asked, breathing a small sigh of relief- music was my best subject, though the teacher and I didn't exactly get along. But even she had to admit, I excelled at every assignment she gave us, especially the piano. Whatever the call was about, I figured it must be good.

"She told me what you've been doing at school, Tegan. She said she was worried about your home situation."

"W-what?" I croaked, almost in a whisper, my eyes widening involuntarily in shock. Cold fear clenched in my chest as the horror took hold deep down inside. I could feel it- she knew.

"Your music teacher told me about you and Susan Wilson. Care to explain?" She stepped slowly towards me, and I tried not to stumble as I backed against the wall, wincing, waiting for the blow that was sure to come-

"Here's your coffee, miss." I felt the warm, billowing steam hit me in the face as the woman set the coffee mug before me. Tears I didn't know I'd been crying had pooled on the table in a sorry little puddle. Feeling pathetic, I sipped the bitter drink, fighting my memories and trying to slip back into reality so I could deal with the situation at hand. I hated remembering more than anything...

"Tee-Tee, w-where are you going?"

"It's time for me to leave."

"Will you be back to walk me to school tomorrow?"

"No, Jason. I won't be back. Ever." I kissed my little brother's forehead, a few tears falling onto his thankfully unblemished face. I wasn't so lucky- I felt my face starting to swell, and I knew I'd have at least a black eye the next day. With my backpack full of clothes and a little money I had saved slung over my shoulder, and my guitar case in my hand, I slipped out of the first story window. I knew I couldn't bear to to leave through the front door, but I knew it didn't matter- They'd told I'd never really been a part of the familt- told me to get out, and I couldn't dare disobey. As I ran down the suburban street to catch the last bus that night, I vowed I would never be that weak again. I knew I only have myself to rely on from then on...

"South Calgary Adoption Agency, how may I help you?"

"Oh... umm. Wrong number, sorry." I slammed the pay phone receiver down, breathing hard. The taste of coffee still laid bitter on my tongue as I stood shivering in an old fashioned phone booth. I gathered my coat tightly around me and quickly headed for home. I felt determination coursing through me with each footfall- I wasn't going to let this ruin my engagement, I wasn't going to let my own memories hurt Sara anymore...I knew what I had to do.

Sara's P.O.V.

"Sara! Sara where are you?" I heard the door slam for the second time that afternoon, making the walls tremble. Tegan's loud footsteps pounded on the hardwood floors as she searched the house for me. I didn't call out to her or tell her where I was- curled up on our bed because I knew in my gut what she was going to tell me. She'd leave me for being so harsh to her when I should have heard her out, letting my own insecurities I wouldn't dare tell anyone show their ugly influence.

The bedroom door flung open and Tegan immediately sat next to me on the bed, clutching me tightly, her sudden sobs slamming through my small frame.

Well this is a weird way to break up.

I thought in confusion as I rubbed circles in her back through her thick winter coat.

"Sara. I love you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you... I just-"

"Wait. You're not leaving me?"

"Leaving you? Why would I do that? I love you... so fucking much."

"You too, Tegan."

"Do you promise? No matter what?"

"Yes! Oh, Teegs I was so worried you'd leave and not come back."

"I'll never leave you again, Sasa. I promise."

"I-I'm so sorry about what I said before."

"Don't be." she said, and enveloped me in her arms, her lips passionately crashing onto mine. My fingers tangled in her long-uncut hair, pulling her down onto the bed with me, feeling her closer to me than ever before...