All You Got
Chapter 12
Floorplan
S ara's P.O.V.
"Does this mean you're quitting?" Nancy gaped as I leaned back on the counter. Tegan gave a light cough behind me, stashing our guitars in their cases. When Nancy heard what happened with the record producer, she demanded we come and play the song for her. One of the regular audience members of our concerts in the bookstore was helping her, looking on in admiration.
"Well... the tour is two months long. And if they decide to let us go with them for their U.S. tour, then it could be much, much longer."
"I wish you and Tegan luck, but I can guarantee a spot for you when you get back. You said you're playing tonight?"
"Yeah. Actually we're running a bit late for sound check." I glance over at Tegan. I can see she's taking her time, giving Nancy and I a chance to say goodbye. Even though she's my boss, we've become pretty good friends during the two years I've worked at the store.
"I just have one more thing to say."
"What is it?"
"I demand free backstage passes whenever you and Tegan get famous and come into town!" I laugh and hug her tightly. I can see a fidgeting Tegan and the door out of the corner of my eye, so I say one last goodbye and exit the store, hopefully not for the last time. We both slide into the warm idling taxi clutching our guitar cases.
In just a few hours, we'd be onstage in front of hundreds, maybe thousands of people. My shaking hangs grabbed Tegan's beside me. I knew then there was no way I could get through this nerve-racking experience without her by my side to keep me grounded and sane. But, then, I never considered that I'd ever have to.
Tegan's P.O.V.
"I still can't believe they gave us our own dressing room!" Sara exclaimed as she slowly paced the small room. I smiled faintly and studied her anxious movements from the frayed loveseat in our private dressing room in the back of the venue. Déjà vu washed over me as I recalled myself in that exact position just earlier in the day. The dull thumping of music shook the walls slightly, as our room was the closest to the stage. The other opening band was nearing their last song, hopefully whipping the audience into a frenzy that couldn't be undone if we bombed our first show. My hands started to shake slightly as I wonder what would happen if we messed up all of our songs or froze up onstage. When the band heard us play earlier, they urged Sam to draw up a contract for the Canadian tour. But could they back out of it and change their minds? Could we?
"Me neither" I managed, belatedly answering Sara's statement. I caught myself biting my lip and almost smiled- I'd picked up the bad habit from Sara.
"Just think, Tegan… this could be the best opportunity we could hope for. And it fell right in our lap! Isn't it exciting?"
"Actually, it's kind of scary." And I didn't mean that I was scared of not succeeding. I was frightened to death that just plunging into such a stressful, competitive career could strain our relationship. If I learned one thing in the time Sara and I had been together, it was that honesty made everything easier in the long run. I made a split decision. "Sara, I have something to tell you."
"Y-yes?" Sara asked, stopping mid-pace to face me across the room.
"I know I really should've told you this before, so sorry in advance. Well, before the wedding, I started looking for your sister. I wanted surprise you by inviting her to see us get married. I got as far as hunting down the adoption agency, but I just couldn't do it. I got a really bad feeling- like I shouldn't try to find her." Sara moved to sit beside me, and I welcomed her presence, laying my head down on her warm shoulder.
"Are you angry with me?" I asked in a small voice, a lump forming in my throat. I felt terrible for keeping this from her.
"No, no. Of course I'm not. I probably would've done the same thing in that situation." I felt her small hand playing with my hair lightly. "Does my mom know you've been looking for my sister?"
"Yeah. She's the one who helped me get in touch with the agency. You know, we could still do it if you want. I haven't thrown out the number. Just… if finding your twin would make you happy, then I'll help however I can."
"I don't know now. I thought at first that finding her would make me whole- I mean what is a twin without her other half, right? It was like a piece of my identity was missing. But then I realized that you're all I need to make feel happy and whole."
"Aww… Sara you're such a sap." I said, grinning wide so only my gums were visible. I raised my head to face her so our lips were almost touching. Sara's hand gently swept a stray hair behind my ear as she inched in closer.
"Tegan and Sara Quin, you're on!" A loud shout and sharp rap at the door made us both jump away from each other in surprise.
"Don't be nervous. We'll be great." I felt Sara's lips on my check, and her hand grasping mine, leading me out into the hallway. We followed the stage manager to the wings, and waved feebly to the band before us as they filtered backstage. Grabbing our suddenly shabby-looking guitars from a rack holding much more expensive instruments, we were pushed out onto the dusty stage before either of us could even think to hesitate. Gripping my guitar's neck, I scrambled up onto one of the stools behind microphone stands, seeing Sara mirror me out of the corner of my eye. Luckily, the stage lights trained on us were too bright for us to see the crowd clearly. I pretended the room was empty. I cleared my throat and leaned up to speak into the microphone.
"Hi, everyone. We're Tegan and Sara."
Sonia's P.O.V.
"Hello?" Sara rasped, her voice sounding thick and scratchy.
"Oh, I'm sorry, honey. Did I wake you up? I forgot about the time difference."
"No, mom. We just got in, actually. The show was awesome!" Sara's was bursting with excitement though I could tell she was tired.
"I'm glad it turned out so great. I just wish I could've been there."
"Me too. Oh, and Tegan sends her love." I gave an inward flinch. If only Tegan could give me the love of a daughter, instead of as my daughter's wife. Maybe it's wishful thinking that she could be both, and accept it one day. Hell, I don't know if I'd ever be able to accept it.
"T-tell her the same. I'll let you get to bed. I just… wanted to see how the concert went."
"Wait, I have something to tell you."
"What? Is everything ok?" I said, panicking. Had Julie said something?
"Yes, everything's fine. Tegan told me she was looking for my sister."
"Oh, yes! I forgot about that! Well… S-she's not still looking is she?" I asked, trying to keep the alarm out of my voice.
"No. I told her I wasn't sure."
"Trust me, Sara. It's not a good idea."
"But I thought you were helping Tegan." I sputtered, trying to think fast.
"I-I was. But then I… well, I just got a really terrible feeling about it. Just trust me, Sara. Don't go looking for your sister. It's a bad idea."
Sara's P.O.V.
I hurried to get off the phone with my mom, and set it down in the receiver. Tegan had passed out from exhaustion on the couch, and even though she was right there, I felt alone. Why was everyone trying to keep the truth from me? A tear fell down my face, and I felt an insatiable curiosity rise up inside me. It just wasn't in my nature to intentionally leave a truth unrevealed, especially when everyone around me was persuading me to.
Still undecided, but needing a plan, I got up from the kitchen table and searched through Tegan's nearly sock drawer (we'd packed most of our clothes for the upcoming trip the following day) until I found a small scrap of paper.
Castlestone, Calgary Adoption Agency
360-2684
Tegan didn't write down the area code, but I knew I wouldn't need it. Castlestone was only a mile away from the town where I grew up, and I was still in touch with a couple of high school friends from that area. With the number clutched in my hand, I collapsed on the bed and fell asleep after grudgingly setting the alarm for 8:00 AM.