All You Got
Chapter 14-Arrow Part One
Tegan's P.O.V.
"Now, as I understand, both parties didn't know about the... uhh-"
"No, no. Of course not." Sonia's voice was strong and sure, one of her arms on my shoulder and one resting on Sara's. We both sat as far away from each other as possible, unable to accept the ramifications of what we had unwittingly done.
"I don't know if you're aware of this, but under Canadian law, practicers of... incest can serve up to 14 years in jail. Each." Sonia gasped, withdrawing her hand from my shoulder to cover her mouth. Sara let out a strangled sob, violently tearing a tissue from the box beside her to cover her tear-stained eyes.
"Well... given the circumstances, I don't think it will be necessary to notify the police. You did the right thing by calling me, Sonia. We can handle this quickly and quietly." The lawyer Sara's mom... my mom had hired looked at us sympathetically from across the table. We'd flown in from Toronto the day after we discovered the truth, taking seats on the opposite side of the plane. Unfortunately, Sara and I'd had to share a long and frigid ride to her... our mother's house. Neither of us had said a word, and Sara still refused to look at me. I couldn't even bear to sleep under the same roof as her, and I couldn't afford a hotel. So I decided to stay at aunt Julie's house on her pull out sofa to her persistent pleas. It was almost as if she felt guilty and was trying to make up for it by treating my like her niece (as if she hadn't done the same when she had no idea we were even related).
"Just tell us what we need to do so we can get on with our lives." Sara croaked through her tears.
"O-of course. Yes. Well, you'll need to sign this annulment agreement."
"And then what?" I asked. Sara didn't even turn her head when I spoke, as if refusing to even acknowledge my existence. The Lawyer placed a single sheet of paper directly in between Sara and I, along with two, heavy-looking pens.
"That's it. Even if you don't sign it, the marriage is still legally void. This is just a formality. Signing this will also absolve both of you from any legal consequences."
"Alright. Let's do this." With one hand still covering her mouth with a tissue, Sara extends another to hastily sign the line. I sign the identical line next to it.
"Well... I'll just take this and send it to the courts to be validated." She slipped the paper gently off of the table and into her leather breifcase. She gives a curt nod and tight smile to Sonia, and leaves the house graciously.
The moment the front door clicks gently closed, Sara starts sobbing again, harder than ever. Our mother wraps her in her own arms, stroking her soft hair as Sara's body shakes uncontrollably. I can't stand to see her like this. I can't stand seeing Sonia give Sara the motherly comfort that I never got from my own adoptive mother. And I couldn't stand the fact that I was still deeply in love with Sara, and if I could go back in time, I would marry her all over again, and savor every single moment with her for the second time.
I get up from the table and start for the kitchen door. I need to get out before I break down.
"Wait, Tegan. Are you going back to Julie's? Let me drive you." Sonia's voice stops me in my tracks with my hand on the door.
"It's only a few blocks. I know the way."
"But-"
"Sara needs you right now. Sonia... mom; goodbye" I say bitterly. As if to confirm my first statement, Sara's cries intensify, and before Sonia can say anything, I've fled from the house. Practically running the three blocks to Julie's house, I wrap my thin jacket around me in a weak defense against the chilly autumn air.
I slide the spare key from beneath the mat, and stick it in the door, surprised to find that it's already unlocked. Julie must've forgotten to lock it behind her on her way to work. I walk into the empty house, making sure to lock the door behind me. Collapsing on the couch where I'd be sleeping that night, a thousand thoughts race through my throbbing head. I'd probably be sleeping here every night until I found a place to stay. There's no way I'm going to fight Sara for the apartment like a bitter victim of divorce. Though my name is still on the lease, there's no way I can continue to keep up my half of the rent with no job. we'd had to cancel two shows to fly home to Calgary, and I know I'm not going back on the road.
"Shh, shh. Tegan, it's alright. I'm here." Julie's hand rests on my shoulder, and, surprised, I flinch away from her touch.
"I-I thought you were at work." I stammer, my voice thick and barely intelligible. I feel wetness on my face and realize I'd been crying.
"I took the day off to be here with you." I look up in astonishment- why is this woman I haven't even known for a year treating me like her own daughter? "Do you... need a hug?" Julie asks kindly, extending her arms wide with pity in her eyes. Before I can even think about restraint, I'm tightly wrapped around my aunt's arms, shaking and sobbing like a little child. For the first time since I learned that crying too much would earn me a slap on the face, I let my pent up sadness completely out. It pours out of my mouth in the form of heaving sobs and quivering wails that would've deeply embarrassed me if I wasn't so consumed with this misery. Julie calmly rubs my back and let me cry without saying a word.
When I calm down, Julie gets up and goes into her small kitchen to conjure up some soup and sandwiches. The mild food is definitely appropriate, because I feel physically sick all over my aching body. I feel small, lost, and alone except for Julie, mothering me like a sickly kid.
We sit at the table and sip our soup and crunch our sandwiches in silence. I feel dried up, like I couldn't cry if I wanted too. But I know that I'm fragile- any reminder of Sara could set me off again into heaving sobs. So I keep my eyes on my dwindling soup, spooning mouthful after watery mouthful into my tight, swollen mouth.
"I have something to tell you." I look up at my aunt's face, contorted with emotion. I don't answer, just look at her expectantly, so she starts talking. "I knew that Sara and you were twins, and so did Sonia. We... acquired the lab results you threw away. Please don't get any more upset. We only wanted you two to stay happy and blissfully unaware. Looking back now, I should've known it was only a matter of time before the truth came out"
"I'm not mad. I just wish we'd never found out. In a way, I wish Sara and I'd never met in the first place."
"It seems like that now, Tegan. Your sister-"
"Don't call her that!" I yell, surprising both myself and Julie across the table.
"Well, that's what she is. You're going to have to accept it eventually."
"I can't!"
"Why not? You don't have a choice!"
"I can't accept it because I'm still fucking in love with her!" I scream, leaping from the table. The wooden chair clatters on the ground behind me. I immediately feel remorseful for shouting at my aunt, the person who's treated me so kindly throughout this whole nightmare.
"Well of course you're still in love with her! Love like that doesn't just go away!"
"Sara didn't seem to have any problem just chucking it in the trash." Tears were streaming down my face again. Angry tears, desperate tears.
"You think she doesn't still love you!" Julie said passionately. "Give her time, Tegan. Give yourself time."