A/N: Well... this is the last chapter. I hope everyone likes it, and thanks to everyone who has stuck with the story (novel) through its entirety. Also, thanks to everyone who reviewed and gave really great suggestions and feedback!
All You Got- Chapter 16
Northshore
Sara's P.O.V.
I drive down a deserted, two lane road in the rented jeep, shivering slightly at the cold Ontario air seeping into the car. Tall trees rise on either side of me, what's left of their leaves dark browns and reds, ready to shed for the winter. What possessed me to rent a Jeep instead of a nice, cozy four door, I will never know. The thin plastic windows are virtually no protection against the unrelenting mountain wind.
Snow starts to fall, as if mocking me, and I curse the weather under my breath. I look down at the scrawled directions in my lap, and hope to god they're right. The last thing I need is to be stuck out in the snow and approaching darkness.
Just as I start to think I've missed a turn after all, I catch sight of the sign I've been looking for, and wheel around just in time to catch the turn. As I drive by slowly, I read the words carved onto it.
Northshore National Preserve
Head Resident Park Ranger:
Tegan R. Quin
I almost chuckle out loud. Tegan? A park ranger? It definitely seems like an unconventional career choice. I've always known she loved nature, but to this extreme? Shame pangs through my body, forming a sickening knot in my nervous stomach. During the rushed, brief encounters Tegan and I have shared over the past five years, I've never bothered asking Tegan what she's chosen to do with her life. Of course, being the selfish person that I am, it was hard for me to even picture her own life separate from mine.
Following the tree-covered dirt trail for what seems like forever, the winding road grows narrower, and the vegetation around me grows even thicker. I lean forward to look up at the sky through the trees. From what I can see through the branches, It appears to have stopped snowing, at least for now. My gloved hand starts shaking as I grip the steering wheel, twinkling lights ahead coming into view. I pull up, the Jeep jumping to a stop as I struggle to change the gear. It's been years since Tegan taught me to drive a stick shift, and I've been struggling with it since I arrived on the plane hours ago. I jump out of the car, and onto the cold, hard soil beneath me. I approach the lights, seeing an opening in the foliage; a narrow trail leading into the forest. A small sign is placed to the side.
Sara follow
Well... Tegan has always been short with her words. 'Brevity is the soul of wit', I think to myselfreassuringly as I enter the trail cautiously. Either side of my way is lit up with what appears to be white christmas strung on the tree branches. As I walk down the smooth path, I see Tegan has spray-painted any roots sticking up our of the ground so I don't trip.
Just as I start wondering how long the path is, how much electricity is being pumped into this usually lightless trail, and what will be revealed at the end, the path opens up into a wide clearing. I look around in amazement. The clearing's perimeter is strung with the same white lights as the trail. A roaring fire crackles, tree trunks surrounding it, and a picnic table sits a few feet away from it, an immaculate table cloth laid over it.
"You came." Tegan's voice startles me. I hadn't noticed her kneeling by the fire, tending it. I approach her awkwardly as she unfolds from her crouch, brushing her knees off and smiling.
"I just followed." I say, referring to her ridiculous sign beside the trail. Tegan chuckles nervously, and stops a foot away from me. We hover there for a few moments, as if magnets repelling, unable to breach the boundary of touch. Unable to stand it anymore, I step forward into her arms, flinging my arms around her neck, and grasping onto her tightly. Inhaling her familiar, comforting smell deeply, and smiling into the scarf covering her neck, I feel Tegan holding onto me just as tightly. And now I finally know... as much as we hurt each other, and as many obstacles as we're faced with, we'll always come back, unable to stay away for long.
I finally pull away, and Tegan looks down at me. She may be smiling, but I see that she's still anxious. Though we've overcome the touch barrier, as least she realizes everything is not forgiven or resolved by any means.
"Are you hungry?" She asks.
"Hell yeah! All they gave me on the plane was a bag of peanuts and some ginger ale." Tegan laughs, and gestures for me to sit down at the table. She disappears out of the clearing, and reappears minutes later with a plate in each hand and some silverware. Setting one in front of me, she moves to a place opposite me, and sits down. I look down at the dish. Salad.
"Don't worry, there's more. This is just the first course."
"Since when do you cook multiple courses?" I ask, looking down at the neat, perfect salad in alarm.
"I have a lot of time on my hands now that the park is closed to the public for the winter."
"You live here…in the park?"
"Of course. The ranger house came with the job."
"Can I see it?" I ask, gesturing to the clearing that obviously leads to her house.
"I'll show you after we eat. Right now, could we just relax… and talk?"
"Those two words never seem to go together." I say, not ready to get into a deep discussion just a few minutes after arriving.
"We don't have to." Tegan says, and focuses on her untouched salad. As I fork the last lettuce leaf into my mouth, I let my utensil rest in my bowl and look around again. It's now completely dark. The moon and stars force shafts of pale light through the branches above the clearing. The darkness is kept at bay by the Christmas lights strung so carefully. They seem so much brighter not that the light has completely drained from the clear sky. The imperceptibly thinner air is clear and sharp, a sure warning of winter. I feel myself reminded of my own love for nature, surely the same love that's brought Tegan here.
"Isn't it lonely up here?" I ask, just as she's reaching to retrieve my empty bowl. Her hand freezes in motion, and she brings it up instead to touch my face. Her cold skin against mine feels so gentle- almost like it's not really there at all. I close my eyes, willing myself not to move away from her touch.
"It doesn't matter where I am or who I'm with. I'm always lonely without you." Before I can reply to her small whisper, her hand is removed from my face and carrying our dirty dishes away.
I'm still in a daze as a heap of what appears to be badly shaped lasagna and a hunk of bread is placed gingerly in front of me. Tegan sits down across from me and digs in. I poke the jiggling mass with my fork.
"Julie told me you're a vegetarian now, so I added tofu chunks instead of meat."
"Oh… thanks." I nearly choke on the terrible combination of ricotta cheese and partially cooked tofu crumbles. Despite my mouth's discomfort, I smile through it and give Tegan a hearty thumbs up. Some things never change.
"So… my new album is being released soon." I say, awkwardly trying to start conversation.
"I know. I pre-ordered it a month ago. I hope it's as great as your last one." Tegan says casually around a bite of her mystery pasta. I gape. Could it be possible she's been following my career this whole time? I'm more thankful than ever that Superclose kept my embarrassing breakdown at the recording studio such tightly guarded secret. I don't know what I would do if Tegan knew about it. how could I explain such a thing to her? I can't even begin to explain it to myself.
"Aren't you going to finish?" Tegan asks, looking from her empty plate to my half-filled one. Her large, chocolate, baleful eyes closely resemble those of a wounded puppy dog.
"I'm sort of... full. It was so delicious, though, babe." I flinch and look away as the last, affectionate nickname I used to call her slipped from my lips. Tegan gives a weak, sympathetic smile, and retrieves the soiled dishes for the second time. I shift in my seat, feeling slightly uncomfortable being waited on by Tegan, the thick silence growing larger between us every moment we make feeble attempts at small talk.
"I hope you have room for dessert. Why don't we eat it by the fire? It's getting chilly out here." I watch Tegan walk away, and gather my jacket closer around me, realizing she's right. Almost tripping as I awkwardly remove myself from the picnic bench masquerading as a table fit for fine dining, I make my way over to the inviting looking fire. The air is cool against my back, but the fire is blazingly warm. I remove my gloves and reach them out to take out the stiffness from the cold. I look up at the embers flying up from the fire. They try so hard to reach the sky, only to be squished into nothingness by the oxygen around them.
Suddenly, Tegan's beside me, startling me from my thoughts. I'm drowsy from my long journey, so I don't protest as she wraps an arm around me and let's me lean against her. She feels so solid and real and comforting. I see a box resting on her lap, which she opens, a delicious smell wafting out.
"I tried to make chocolate mousse... but it didn't turn out so well. So drove down and got your favorite." Two perfect, glistening rows of glazed donuts stare at me tantalizingly from the cardboard box. I take Tegan's free hand and squeeze it.
"Jesus, Tee- the nearest Dunkin' Donut's must be miles away." I breath into the silence.
"Don't worry about it. The drive was worth it. Here, try one." Tegan hands me a warm donut. I straighten myself from her shoulder, and she retracts her arm from mine nervously. I smile and grab her arm, returning it to its original position.
When we're stuffed to breaking point with the sweet, sticky stuff, Tegan sets the box down at our feet, and withdraws her arm to face me.
"I don't want you to stay for three days."
"Ok... Are you saying you want me gone sooner? I'll see if I can get different tickets, I guess."
"No, no. That's not what I meant. I want you to stay longer. I want to do this every night for the rest of our lives. If you were just gone again, and didn't come back... I-I don't know how I would bear it. I couldn't." Tegan's voice cracks, and a tear is silhouetted down her perfect face. I look away, not bearing to see my own pain reflected back at me. Denial is so much easier. I feel a hand on my face turning it back to face her. "No look at me. Please."
"I can't stay, and you know that. If I stayed... I don't know if I could stop myself from... you know."
"I don't know. I need you to tell me."
"I couldn't stop myself from breaking the law! Don't you see we can't take that risk again? Don't you see it's wrong?"
"I don't care. They don't know what we feel. We're both consenting adults, so why can't we make our own decisions? I love you... as a sister and as more at the same time, and that's all I care about."
"Tegan, no-" I start to protest, but it's too late. Her lips are on mine, and the sleeping giant in me that's been ignoring my body's aching need for Tegan is angrily awakened. I try to weakly push her away, but her strong arms are wrapped around me, and my own willpower is fading like the embers rising in futility into the sky above. Suddenly, pull my lips away as she's going in for another passionate kiss.
"Sara please, just-"
"Are you going to show me your house, or what?" I say, cutting off her plea. She instantly cracks a grin and rises from the tree stump, throwing ashes on the fire, and making sure it's completely smothered before offering me her hand. Her fingers are warm as I interlock mine in between their spaces.
The ranger house is more than I had imagined. It sits on the very edge of a cliff with floor to ceiling windows that show a fantastic view that's barely visible in the dark. But I don't linger too long, letting Tegan lead my to her bedroom through the dark house. As Tegan presses me down on the bed, I'm suddenly giggling around uneasily, and feeling a bit light headed.
"Really, Tegan? A waterbed?" I asked, laughing hysterically.
"I've always wanted one, I thought- why not now? I have a guest bed, if you're uncomfortable..."
"No, no. It's perfect. You're perfect."
Tegan's P.O.V.
I open my eyes, and I feel a wave of euphoria and happiness wash over me. At first I can't remember what the hell I've got to be so happy about, but then I remember Sara, sleeping beside me. Except she's not... The sheets are rumpled beyond belief, and what's left of the comforter is on the floor.
I expect to be accosted with frigid air, but as I leave the bed, it's uncharacteristically warm. Even the hardwood floors barely chill my feel as I touch down. I slip on some sweatpants and an old t-shirt and amble out into the kitchen. I see Sara curled up in front of the T.V. , plowing through a bowl of oatmeal.
"Morning. I made you some- it's in the micro blaster." I smile, and sit next to her with my own bowl. She's finished hers, setting the flimsy green plastic dish on the coffee table. I curl up against her, just feeling her breathe as we watch some ridiculous cartoon I've never seen before. Her breath is a gift- her life is a gift. I treasure every moment, memorizing it for when we're inevitable apart.
"I suppose it would be inappropriate to ask you to marry my again."
"Yes, it would."
"Damn, and I already bought the ring with a GPS tracking device."
"Tegan." Sara starts seriously whens he's done laughing, rubbing circles onto my back. "I'm not going to leave you. And you're not going to leave me, either. I don't need a ring on my finger to prove that."
"So... I don't get to wear my tux?"
"Are commitment ceremonies that dressy?" My grin has never been this gummy.
Julie's P.O.V.
"Hello?" I ask excitedly, the caller ID tipping me off about who I was about to speak to.
"Hi Aunt Julie!"
"Hey Sara... or Tegan?" I ask, even though I know perfectly well who I'm talking to.
"It's Sara, silly." she laughs.
"I take it your arrival was well received."
"Yes... we've decided to have a commitment ceremony! We want you and mom to come."
"Of course. We wouldn't miss it for the world."
"I just have one question..."
"Yes."
"Why have you and mom been so accepting of our relationship and everything? I mean... without you two, we wouldn't have gotten back together."
"Oh, you would've, trust me."
"But, how do you know? How can you understand so completely.?"
"Don't tell Sonia this, but-"
"Don't tell me what?" Sonia's voice was sharp and angry as it joined ours on the phone.
"You little snoop! I thought you were feasting on the thanksgiving leftovers in my fridge like you do every year."
"Hey- it's not my fault I don't see a problem in reaping the benefits from your stubbornness."
"Stubborn! I'm stubborn?"
"Yes! Are you even aware that thanksgiving isn't a Canadian holiday?"
"It doesn't stop you from eating me out of house and home-"
"Oh please, Julie! If that's not the biggest exaggeration I've ever heard!"
"Um... excuse me guys! Could you stop bickering for five minutes and tell me?"
"Tell you what?" asked Sonia. I rolled my eyes at her act.
"Come on. It's about time she knew." I say reproachfully.
"I don't know..."
"Too bad. She needs to know. Sara, when your mother and I were a lot younger we...well, we were together. Like you and Tegan. Then... after Rick- your uncle left, Sonia was there for me as more than just a sister could be. We've been together ever since. That's why we understood your position so well."
"You didn't tell me!"
"I told you that's what she would say." Sonia mutters. I hear her words mumbled through what could either be turkey or mashed potatoes. Light on my feet, I take full advantage of Sara's sputtering on the phone to sneak up on Sonia in my kitchen. She drops her plastic plat on the counter, caught red-handed.
"AHA! Caught you red handed!"
"Well... I can see you two are having a moment. I'll call you later with details about the ceremony." I set the phone back on the cradle, and kiss Sonia lightly.
"I can't believe we told her." Sonia smiled mischievously.
"I think it's for the best."
"Of course you do. You couldn't keep a secret to save your life."
"Oh, shut up, Turkey breath. You know you love me."
THE END :)
P.S.- There may or may not be a flashback oneshot (or series) about Julie and Sonia's relationship starting in their past. (sort of like a companion fic?) Anyways, I'll try to set up a poll seeing if people would want to read it, or just send me a PM with your thoughts on the idea :)