Okay, so I had some more time to get another chapter ready. I might be able to get quite a bit up today. Hope everyone is enjoying so far. Also, since everyone should have seen the first four disclaimers by now, lets just consider those as a blanket for the rest of the story.

Failed Explanations

The ride home was completely silent. I didn't know what to say or how to act so I ended up sitting there like a statue, afraid to make any sudden movements and unleash whatever he was storing up. When we got back to the house I hopped out of the truck before it was completely stopped and walked as quickly as I could to get inside. He was on his way back to the shop, and I had successfully dodged that bullet for the time being.

Or not.

Just as the door to the house was about to close he caught it and walked in behind me. I looked at him, wondering why he was doing this. He just smiled quickly and headed straight for the kitchen. I sat down on the sofa and turned the TV on again. I heard him digging through the refrigerator and I found myself wondering just how comfortable he felt in this house. Comfortable enough to rummage through our food. Comfortable enough to come in when he thought no one was home...

I leaned my head back on the sofa and closed my eyes and began rubbing my temples. I wasn't trying to sleep, just to wake up. This had to be a dream. Or a nightmare. I heard something being sat on the coffee table and peeked open my one good eye. There was a plate with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, some barbecue potato chips, and a Sprite sitting directly in front of me. I couldn't believe he had remembered, let alone taken the time to make it. I immediately started wondering what he may have put in it. I know he must still hate me. That must be it, this is his angle. He's going to make me miserable by being nice to me. I deserve it.

He was looking at me like he was waiting for me to say something. I picked up the sandwich instead of meeting his gaze, and took a bite of that instead.

"Easy on the PB, heavy on the J, right?"

I could feel my face contorting in strange ways, trying to find the proper display of thanks, but I just couldn't figure out what that should be. Should I smile, frown, or just keep staring straight ahead? I finally gave in, I had to get this over with. "What are you doing?" My voice was almost inaudible.

"I'm watching you eat lunch."

"But why?" I was too confused to disguise the curiosity in my voice.

"Because I don't watch soap operas." He was trying to make jokes again and I realized that the TV had been tuned to one.

"You know what I mean." I still couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"Look, I feel really bad about everything that happened this morning. I'm just trying to be nice."

"Don't worry about it. I'll be fine. You should go check on your girlfriend, I'm sure she's wondering where you are. Tell her I'm sorry for the interruption." I tried to grin, making jokes again, but it came out mangled.

"Oh, she was on her way out right after you stopped by."

"Work?"

"School."

This threw me for a second. I tried to clear my throat before I spoke again. "How old is she?"

He laughed. "She's 21."

"Oh?" I was desperate to find any subject other than the one that I knew was coming. It may have been four years since we had spoken, but I still knew him and what he would want from me.

He eyed me carefully like he was waiting for me to pass out again, but I felt fine. Maybe he was just wondering if I was coherent enough to be having this conversation with him.

"Yeah, so are you seeing anybody?"

This was the last thing that I wanted to get in to. This was headed nowhere good, but I wasn't sure where he was going with this line of questioning.

"Oh no, I don't date." The quickness of my answer must have surprised him because he didn't respond. He only looked at me curiously.

I pretended not to notice and shoved some chips in my mouth. I had to admit that the subject matter was decidedly awkward, but it was weird how easy it was to actually be in the same room with him. Especially given the mornings events. Apparently it wasn't too awkward for him.

"Huh. I figured you would still be dating that guy."

"What guy?" I finally turned to look at him as I tried to read his face and wondered what he was referring to.

"The one that you left me for."

And there it was. The big fat elephant in the room that I had worked so hard to avoid for years. The fact that I knew it was coming didn't make it any easier. It caught me off guard that he had come to it in such a circuitous route. He used to be so much more direct than that.

I nearly choked on the food in my mouth and started sputtering coughs. I grabbed the soda and started to drink, but the burn from the carbonation just made it worse. After a minute of nearly choking to death I finally caught my breath. When I looked up he was still staring at me waiting for an answer.

"This is why I never talked to you about it. I knew you would jump to the wrong conclusion." The assumption he had made, though understandable, had me on the defensive.

"You're telling me there wasn't someone else?" He eyed me with obvious disbelief.

"There wasn't anyone else. " I suddenly wished that he would believe me, and just let it go. I didn't want to do this to him again. Regardless of his motives, he was helping me right now and I was going to hurt him all over again.

"Then why?" He had turned his gaze to the floor and his voice was gruff.

"Does it matter? You won't believe me anyway. An explanation won't change the outcome." If my voice was quiet before, it was all but a whisper now.

"Humor me." It was odd that he would choose those words, because there was no humor for either of us in this moment.

I didn't want to do this now but, seeing as I didn't have a way out, I couldn't not answer him. I closed my eyes and pressed my fingers to the bridge of my nose. After a minute I sighed and looked up, but not at him. I focused on the TV.

"I don't know exactly why." I hurried to finish when I saw him start to say something. "Look, when I found out that my dad had cancer I just freaked out. I suddenly realized that I was 20, I was engaged to the only boyfriend I had ever had, and I didn't know what I wanted. I hadn't had time to make mistakes that young adults make. I wanted to experience college and everything that went with it. I knew I wasn't ready to get married so I broke up with you. End of story."

"You have got to be kidding me. You think I'm going to believe that? You expect me to believe that you walked out on what we had just because you thought you might not want to get married right then? We were going to wait until you graduated so don't give me that bullshit."

"No, I don't expect you to believe it. I didn't then and I don't now. That's why I never wanted to have this conversation. I'm sure you already hated me enough, I didn't want you to think I was a liar too."

If I hadn't been focusing so hard on where I was looking I could have tried a little harder to hide other things like my shaky hands, or those damn tears that kept showing up when I wasn't crying. I wiped at my face muttering to myself before I realized that he had gotten up and left the room.

I heard the faucet turn on in the kitchen. He came back with a glass of water and sat back down on the other end of the couch without looking at me.

"So then what was the point of completely cutting me out of your life?" The hurt and anger in his voice was unbearably disarming. I never wanted to do this to him. Why wouldn't he just let it go?

I turned and faced him. "Can you honestly tell me that if you knew why I broke up with you, that you wouldn't have tried to convince me to stay? That you wouldn't have chased me until I gave in and we got married?"

"I would have waited. I would have done that, for you."

"That's exactly why I had to do it. I didn't want you waiting for me! I had no clue where I was going with my life. I was depressed and scared and dead on the inside. I started questioning everything about myself. I didn't know what I wanted to be, what I wanted to do, and I didn't trust myself. Had I made the right decision by agreeing to marry you? Would I regret never experiencing what it was like to be with someone else? Would you be happy with me later on or would you start questioning the same things? I just couldn't trust myself to not do something stupid. I didn't want to find myself depressed and drunk at a frat party doing something stupid just to make myself feel something again.

"You stayed here, Edward. You stayed home. You don't know what it was like for me to see everyone living the kind of life that most people our age do. I had to explain myself every single time I turned down an invitation to a party or to go out to a club. I had to listen to people ridicule me for being in a relationship that they all new was going to fail because we were too young and too inexperienced. All I heard were stories about peoples parents that had gotten married to their high school sweethearts just to end up divorced with kids caught in the middle.

"I loved you enough that I didn't want that for you, for us. I couldn't stand the thought of doing something like that to you. If I had cheated on you then I never would have been able to deal with the hurt that would have cause you."

"So that's it then? The real reason is that you wanted to feel free to whore yourself out all over campus? I wasn't enough to satisfy you, so you needed other men to do the job, is that it? How many were there Bella? How many guys did you have to fuck before you "found yourself"?

I couldn't believe that he had just hit me with that verbal slap. It brought me up short and my breathing caught for a moment. I knew I couldn't explain that it wasn't like that so I left him to his own devices. He was obviously only listening to the parts he wanted to hear anyway.

I was ready for this to end. I took a deep breath, and with no emotion what so ever, I gave what I hoped he would realize was my last statement on the subject.

"I did what I thought was best at the time. I know I was wrong. But it's done and I can't take it back."

He seemed to think about that for a minute. I didn't say anything else, because there wasn't anything else to say. I started flipping through the TV channels again. Neither one of us said anything for the rest of the afternoon. My mom came home around seven o'clock and brought dinner with her. Edward declined her invitation to stay, saying he had some catching up to do since he had spent the afternoon there. She thanked him as he walked out the door.

I knew what was about to happen, so before she could ask any questions I headed for the shower. I couldn't recount every syllable for her right now. I couldn't even think about it all. I locked the door and decided to take a bath instead. I filled the tub with the hottest water I could get and stayed there until I knew she had gone to bed. It wasn't long after that I realized I never did apologize to him.