Karigan wriggled with delight in her wonderful dream. She was wrapped in King Zachary's arms. Not King Zachary. My Zachary. She corrected herself. In her dreams he was always hers.

"Mine," she said with quiet authority. Karigan sighed and snuggled closer to him, wanting to be be a part of him. She rested her cheek on his bare chest, not minding the light prickle of the soft curls against her face. Where her arms were crossed in front of her chest, she released one to sneak it around his waist and pulled tight. She was rewarded with hearing him moan in his sleep as his hand stroked her back.

Almost as good as the dream at the Golden Rudder, she admitted to herself. Wanting to get this dream to end up like that one from ages ago, she turned her face up to kiss Zachary's neck. She found his pulse quickly just below the edge of his short beard. Karigan kissed her way slowly down to the hollow at the base of his throat enjoying the salt taste of his skin. Just like in her previous dream, Zachary breathed deeply and held her closer as his eyes opened to look into hers. She smiled into the eyes of her love and cherished the clarity of this amazing dream. "Mine," she whispered smugly.

"Always," Zachary's voice was husky with sleep and deep emotions, "and I'm glad to finally hear that you want me to be yours."

Karigan's eyes, half lidded in her semiconscious state, snapped open. "Oh Gods, I'm not dreaming!" The horror in her voice contrasted with King Zachary's relaxed stretch, which some how made him even more appealing to her. Watching the play of his muscles, she felt her stomach do a funny flop low in her belly.

"No, not dreaming. But I'm glad to find that at least in your dreams we're together. In mine, we are never apart." His words were accented by the soothing feeling of his hands as he ran his thumbs up and down the sides of her spine. The intimacy of his touch made her visibly shiver; the look in his eyes told Karigan that, in such close proximity to her body, he was fully aware of his effect on her.

Mentally berating herself, Karigan tried to develop a clear train of thought. All the times she tried to hide her attraction. All the times she denied her feelings of love. All undone in a few moments of grogginess.

Trying to gain the upper hand, she propped herself up on her elbow to look around the cabin. Unfortunately, the gave his lips perfect access to her bare neck. He began kisses the likes of which she'd just given him. Well, that would give anyone the wrong idea, she thought wryly as she tried to think of a reason to make him stop.

"Um, Zachary?" She tried to sound authoritative, but ended up saying his name in a rush of breath. The sound seemed to entice him even more.

"You've never called me that before. You don't know how long I've wanted to hear you just say my name." His hushed words, released against the skin behind her ear, made her quiver and involuntarily lean towards him.

"I say your name all the time," she tried to argue, but her point lost it argumentative tone when she laid her cheek against his shoulder.

Karigan's movement allowed him access to the juncture of her neck and shoulder. With a flick of his fingers, the large riding shirt was pushed off her shoulder. Zachary bent his head to give her a light nip in between soft kisses.

She jumped and automatically clutched him closer while conversely, her head suddenly cleared.

"We can't do this," she shoved herself away from him. "I can't do this," she stated more firmly this time, jumping out of the bed. She paced in front of the fire, all her desire for love and intimacy with Zachary pouring out of her in a torrent of angry words. "I love you! Don't look so shocked; you must have known. How could you not have?" She exclaimed the last with such intensity that she nearly stumbled in her frantic pacing.

"I had hoped. I prayed, but, no... I didn't know." The sadness is his quiet reply made her stop. In a strange way, this odd setting and the physical closeness they'd just experienced gave her courage.

"Did you know that Estora was my friend before... before the engagement. Did you know that?" She saw the shake of his head, his almond eyes never leaving her face. "I sometimes thought that I was the one person she could really talk to about... things." Karigan stopped herself before she gave away what Estora kept closest to her heart.

"Because Fryan was a Green Rider?" he asked, startling her.

"Yes," she nodded. "To be so often surrounded, she's really very lonely. But she had me. And now that's gone. It hurts too much to be her friend. I can't breathe around her. My chest hurts so much just thinking that she is the one to be with you." Karigan emphasized her words, clutching her shirt to her chest, her knuckles white.

"Karigan," he began.

"No, don't say anything. It just makes it worse. It hurts so much more when you tell me how you feel. I just want to love you and think it can never be, between us. I don't want to be with you as your, your mistress." She whispered the last word, as if by saying it out loud would conjure such a future. Estora as his queen - the queen of a kingdom. If Karigan took the title "mistress" the only kingdom she would be given was one of gossip and hurtful words. She would reign over smug looks, and her only treasures would be children. And those children would bear an awful title, too. She couldn't do that to herself, much less to these potential children so clearly seen in her mind's eye.

"And there's more," she said finally slowing her frenetic movements. Karigan came to kneel beside the bed where Zachary lay. She visibly braced herself, looked him sadly in the eyes, and said, "I'm going to marry Alton."