One
There is an odd expression used commonly by many people thus making it common that relates to the fact that whatever it is you consume, that will affect your body. The expression can easily be misapplied as many others often are considering on how literally you take it seeing as some people can become offended easily even when you're trying to help them.
The phrase I'm referring to is, "You are what you eat" and as ridiculous as that sounds, it is the idiom that many people use when determining what their meal will be, even prisoners sentenced to life in a dismal dark cell will think about this phrase and consider choosing their dinners carefully, because after all, you are what you eat. It may seem that this phrase holds little or no interest to a story relating to the Baudelaires, but I assure you that it does and I am about to make that clear.
The phrase "you are what you eat" fit the Baudelaire orphans situation perfectly because it had been quite some time since the children had obtained a meal due to the fact that they were always moving, a phrase which here means, "the orphans and their current guardian Falo were busy trying to avoid the authorities because of the wicked plans of Mister Dominic."
And since it had been a very long time since Beatrice, Klaus, Violet and Sunny had obtained a decent dinner, you would wise to presume that the children were miserable in this aspect. Which is another reason why this phrase suits the Baudelaires so perfectly, for ever since they had left the island which they'd called their home some time ago, the children had been moving from one miserable experience to the next; mostly due to the wicked and enigmatic villain Mister Dominic, who's current whereabouts were currently unknown.
The last the four Baudelaires had heard about their arch nemesis he had burned down the Ned H. Rirger Theater, where the children had attempted to uncover more secrets about their past; because they had learned that Count Olaf's parents had been murdered in this very establishment. However all that Klaus, Violet, Sunny and Beatrice had managed to discover was that at least one of their parents was connected to this crime, along with a man known as Lemony whom the children had never met but would someday, and also that Mister Dominic's scheme to implicate V.F.D. and Falo as criminals had gone without a hitch, a phrase here which means "the four orphans had inadvertently assisted the wicked villain in making it seem like V.F.D. was an evil organization, which so far Klaus, Violet, Sunny and Beatrice had been unable to determine for themselves if this was the case."
So in every sense of the word, the children were quite miserable and it seemed that a pleasant meal would do them all good. So when their current guardian, the evil twin of Count Olaf; informed Sunny, Beatrice, Klaus and Violet that they were headed toward a restaurant, the Baudelaires wondered just what kind of eating establishment it would be.
It had been several days and quite a few nights since they had fled from the ruins of the Ned H. Rirger Theater before the authorities managed to arrive to salvage the wreckage and question the survivors along with passersby who had witnessed the destruction and others who were thinking about going to witness the infamous play of Al Funcoot but somehow managed to avoid being caught in the fire, and one man who was just sneezing a lot; so the children were ready to settle down and find a place that they could sleep in rather than the back of Falo's car, which might I add considering the heat was utterly unbearable.
Currently, the children were gazing out the barnacle-covered windows of a boat at the lake they were traversing and each of them, save for Beatrice; had the odd sensation that they had been there previously. The reason that the lake they were crossing aboard the Fickle Ferry felt faintly familiar to them, and don't even think about saying that five times fast; became abundantly clear whenever they spotted the dock they were approaching and if you have read any prior story of the Baudelaires' unfortunate lives then this reason should be abundantly clear to you as well.
The dock was aged and shaky and made of the weakest wood possible, and above it was a large sign which read: "Damocles Dock" and Klaus, Violet and Sunny noted that the large wooden sword which had once hung in the middle of the sign had fallen off into the lake some time ago. But that, along with the bustling seaside town they were approaching, was enough for the orphans to realize that things hadn't changed much since their last visit to Lake Lachrymose.
As their boat came closer to the all too familiar dock, the orphans thought about the last time they had been here under the guardianship of the grammar obsessed Josephine Anwhistle, who apparently was their aunt; even though as far as Violet, Klaus and Sunny could figure out they had never known of her prior to that.
They thought about how she had built her home precariously above the lake which was filled with hungry leeches and how she had a strange fear of things such as doorknobs and realtors and how she somehow managed to hide a message for them with Verbally Fabricated Design, and how they had discovered that Captain Sham, or rather Count Olaf had wanted to marry her so that he could amass the Baudelaire fortune.
Yet they also remembered the sad fate of their relative, for even though she had managed to escape from Count Olaf, or rather Captain Sham; and had also somehow found a way to make it thru Hurricane Herman and all the way to Curdled Cave she had foolishly ate a banana shortly before the Baudelaires had come to rescue her and if that hadn't been bad enough things came to a front that caused her demise shortly afterward, a phrase which here means "Count Olaf saw to it that Aunt Josephine drowned in Lake Lachrymose."
Most of all the children realized that if they were here again that maybe they would have a chance to uncover clues about their parents, because so far the menagerie they had obtained hadn't helped them at all. Menagerie is a word that refers to a wide variety of animals, meaning more than one; and usually refers to whenever you see animals altogether in a zoo, such as crocodiles, zebras, parrots, rhinoceros, hippos, chimpanzees, bats, tigers, lions, bears, and so on.
But here I am using this word in a different sense, in particular to describe the variety of clues that the Baudelaires had found. It was as if they had obtained pieces of a puzzle, yet they didn't have the display box so they had no idea how they fit together or what the picture was that they were trying to create, and if you have ever attempted this activity then you know that it can be frustrating even when you do have the picture.
Klaus, Sunny, Beatrice and Violet had found an aged photograph in the Very Fine Dwelling that depicted their parents along with two other individuals whom they had identified as Count Olaf and their current adversary, Mister Dominic.
Yet they had no idea what this picture meant or why it had been in a nearly burnt photo album in their former home, and the message which had been written in a language unknown to the children was now gone forever due to a particularly terrible event involving water that I don't care to recount.
They had also discovered many shocking truths, such as the fact that Mister Dominic might not always have been evil, or that their parents might not have always been noble; and this was sadly confirmed whenever they found a document in the Ned H. Rirger Theater revealing that at least one of their parents had been involved in murder. But perhaps the most unsettling clue that Klaus, Sunny and Violet had found was the most recent one given to them by the last living member of Count Olaf's troupe, right before their untimely death. The powder-faced woman had given Violet a small slip of paper where she had hastily scrawled a message for the Baudelaires; two words which now perplexed the children more than anything they'd dealt with before. The words were:
Find Lemony
Klaus, Violet, Sunny and Beatrice had heard this name several times before, mostly by Mister Dominic himself; and also because of a program they had obtained from a play that Lemony apparently wrote. But so far, they had presumed that he was dead, especially when all evidence suggested this was the case. Mostly because the Baudelaires' mother had considered naming Violet Lemony had she turned out to be a boy because of a tradition that members of V.F.D. had performed since the schism, that of naming their child after someone important who died.
So since the Baudelaires' mother was going to do this, it seemed only logical that Lemony had died at some point in the past, but now according to the powder-faced woman this wasn't the case at all. All of these thoughts and many were rushed thru the children's minds as their ferry landed at Domiciles Dock and Falo gathered their bags before commenting, "If I'm not mistaken, you three have been here before; but for you Beatrice it would be the first time."
"That's right, on the trip over we were just thinking about-" Violet began but was quickly interrupted whenever their current guardian remarked, "It seems like only yesterday that volunteers were on these shores fishing merrily in Varnished Floatation Dinghies before the incident occurred." "The schism?" Klaus guessed, wondering what event in V.F.D.'s past hadn't been touched by this event. "Oh no Klaus, the schism wasn't until later. It was Ike and Gregor who made the fatal mistake of experimenting on the leeches," Falo answered and then placed the bags down and said, "Children please get the rest of our luggage while I call for a taxi."
The four siblings looked at each other in confusion, curious to know more about the story that their current guardian was about to tell and also eager to find out where they were going to eat. If you have ever visited the seaside port of Lake Lachrymose than I'm sure you know as well as I do that there is only one restaurant in the town that ever makes any business and that is mostly because it is the only one restaurant in town.
So as Klaus, Violet, Sunny and Beatrice took the last of their luggage off of the Fickle Ferry; which by the way had still not fixed the problem with their engines and thus still spewed black smoke into the sky above, they thought of fabulous dishes that they wanted.
Sunny thought about eating fresh chicken noodle soup with a side of olives and carrots and Klaus thought about drinking some orange juice with a steak and some mash potatoes with brown gravy, then Violet considered eating macaroni and cheese and pickles and relish, whereas Beatrice considered apple sauce and oats; seeing as she was still an infant and couldn't consume the same size portions as her siblings. And just the thought of this food made the children realize how famished they were, so they hastily gathered their things and put them in the trunk of the cab before joining Falo who had already given their destination to the driver.
"It's a pity that we had to leave my car back at our last stop, but I think that the authorities had figured out what kind of vehicle I was driving," their guardian explained as he scrunched up in the backseat alongside the orphans. "Falo are you sure its wise to be talking about such matters?" Klaus wondered and then pointed at the article he'd been reading during their crossing of Lake Lachrymose. It was the front page of The Daily Punctilio and below the words "All the News In Fits of Print" read the headliner, a word which here means "the article that was on the front page of The Daily Punctilio below the words "All the News In Fits of Print" which said in bold large letters,
Veronica, Klyde, Susie and unknown Fourth Baudelaire at Large Again!
"People might recognize us out in the open," Klaus explained. Falo scoffed at this and remarked, "For one thing that pretentious newspaper can never keep you children's names straight; and not everyone believes what they read, Klaus." "Still, didn't we have to abandon your vehicle because the authorities believed Mister Dominic?" Sunny pointed out.
"Mister Dominic is a wicked individual who is aspiring to spread his wickedness, it comes as no surprise that he would use the authorities and trick them," Falo replied and then everyone noted that the taxi had come to a halt, so their current guardian said, "Let's not worry about any villains or volunteers right now, Baudelaires. I am quite famished, aren't you?"
For once the four siblings agreed with the evil twin of Count Olaf and they got out of the taxi and Sunny was told to pay the driver, who looked vaguely familiar to her. "Don't I know you from somewhere?" the former toddler wondered. "I'm sure you do," he said with a nod and then took the toll and winked at Sunny before driving off.
Sunny scratched her head, wondering what that was all about; as I'm sure you are as well, but seeing as neither you nor the former infant will obtain an answer anytime soon I would suggest you stop scratching your head and move on in the story seeing as not doing so could result in you losing all your hair. Sunny turned to follow her siblings toward the restaurant that Falo had chosen to dine in, and then along with Klaus and Violet groaned whenever she realized that their current guardian had taken them to the one restaurant they were not eager to return to, seeing as it was the only restaurant in town, the Anxious Clown Restaurant.
Following Falo inside the diner, Klaus kept Beatrice in his arms whilst his sisters immediately smelled the grease from the back in the kitchen and they wondered if Falo was really considering eating here even if it was the only restaurant in town.
"Hello there, one and all; I'll be your waiter today, my name is Larry," Larry, the Baudelaire orphans' waiter told them and then gazed at Falo and nodded again before commenting, "I can see you have the whole family lunching together today, so allow me to recommend the Extra Fun Special Family appetizer. It's a bunch of things fried up together and served with sauce."
"What a wonderful idea," Falo said, smiling and turning to the Baudelaires before adding, "Lets get to our booth." "Did you notice that this place was for sale?" Violet commented to her brother.
"It doesn't surprise me, they have nothing good to eat here," Klaus replied. "But did you see who the realtor was?" she asked and then pointed toward the sign which was now backwards to the Baudelaires. The middle orphan turned to glance at it and said, "It says Easy Residential Transactions, why do you ask?" Violet rolled her eyes to show that she was disappointed in Klaus and said, "The initials! ERT!"
Klaus' eyes widened as he recalled the mysterious invitation the Baudelaires had obtained while at the Ned H. Rirger Theater and then mumbled, "Do you suppose it's a coincidence?" Before his sister got a chance to respond, Falo called out, "Children are you coming?" They all hurried to the booth that their guardian had chosen to sit in and waited for Larry, their waiter; to return.
Once he had, Falo mumbled something to him that the Baudelaires weren't able to hear, to which the skinny man in the clown costume answered, "I'm afraid that's not on the menu." "I don't suppose I could ask for another waiter?" Falo wondered. Larry nodded mildly and rushed off to the kitchen, and soon in his place came a short blonde woman who had tied her hair back into a ponytail.
Falo asked her something as well, and whenever he didn't get the answer he wanted; turned her away and then gazed at the Baudelaires in concern. "Is something the matter?" Violet asked. "Absolutely," Falo answered.
"Isthada!" Beatrice cried out which probably meant, "Our current guardian is acting stranger than usual!" or perhaps, "I agree! Nothing on this menu is worth eating!" "What is wrong Falo?" Klaus asked. "This diner is supposed to be owned by volunteers loyal to V.F.D. yet both of those waiters weren't able to properly answer my code that I spoke to them using Vocal Fluctuation Dialect," Falo said with a frown. "Maybe they're new to the Anxious Clown Restaurant?" Sunny suggested.
"No every employee here is supposed to be a noble volunteer, it's the reason I chose to dine here, you see," their current guardian explained and then added, "I fear that something foul is a foot here at the Anxious Clown diner." "So what do we do?" Violet asked in concern. "The only thing that we can do, Baudelaires," Falo answered as if it were obvious, "It looks like we'll have to stay and sort this out."
More is on the menu for the Baudelaires! Stay tuned! Hopefully every seven days I'll have a chapter up. read, review and share, please!