Author's note: long plane trips give ample time for typing Snicket! :] I'm headed to be with family for the weekend, so I decided to give a special treat by typing two chapters of this story.
I'll probably be busy for awhile, I need time to refuel the old noggin; but I'll be back don't worry. Also, check out my other story, Bad Blood; and please read the first chapter. I would appreciate the reviews, I always appreciate the ones I have gotten and would really like more!
Special shoutout to member sliz225 who helped me with a continuity error in the second story! Thanks again! Anyways, here's chapter two!
Two
There are a number of places that I would recommend taking a family member or a date or even an enemy to if you were to consider eating at such an establishment in the hopes of catching up with your relatives or wooing a fine young woman you were fond of or going over the newest treaty between your two sides of a splintered organization and none of them reside anywhere near to Lake Lachrymose.
One of them might be the Café Kafka that sits only a few blocks away from a snazzy up rise in the city the Baudelaires once called home and I am particularly fond of this one because they serve root beer which is one of my favorite drinks, and the reason I am thinking of it right now is because I am sitting inside penning these words and also trying to decide whether or not the patron sitting in the booth opposite of me is a villain or a volunteer, but seeing as I have already obtained my root beer I feel that such an inquiry is probably unnecessary.
In any case, the Café Kafka is a wonderful place to spend your time if you ever have the need to eat and it is certainly better than the Anxious Clown, and I can also say this from experience because I have been forced to eat there several times in the past to try and obtain some coded message from a volunteer, only in haste to recall that it was currently controlled by my enemies and so stayed outside and waited for further instructions or went to Hazy Harbor to watch the sunset.
So when Falo announced to the children that they weren't about to leave Lake Lachrymose, perhaps to catch up with their wicked adversary, Mister Dominic; all of the orphans were actually in complete agreement with this decision. This may come to you as quite a shock for as I have already mentioned the food here in this deplorable diner, a word which here means "not good at my all dear brother, and I really wish you had gone to investigate somewhere else instead but sadly you didn't listen to me and now you are dead", is no good at all and shouldn't even be served to be people on death row since even they know you are what you eat.
But the reason that Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice choose to side with their current guardian was because of the mysterious sign on the side of the diner whenever they'd arrived, a placard that Violet believed was connected in someway to the invitation the Baudelaires had received at the Ned H. Rirger Theater.
The sign explained the Anxious Clown diner was being sold by Easy Residential Transactions and the eldest Baudelaire had no way of verifying it, but only suspected; and might I add, incorrectly, that the initials were somehow connected to something known as ERT. Falo went to the front of the restaurant, where the young blonde woman who had served him was trying to wait on incoming customers and he stated, "Is your manager here?"
"I'm afraid Gustav isn't right now sir, but I am the assistant manager," she replied with a smile to show all of her perfectly brilliant teeth. "I wish to inquire about purchasing this diner, whom do I need to talk to?" Falo asked.
Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice kept silent as the evil twin of Count Olaf talked to the hostess, each also dreading the words that their guardian had just spoken. For if Falo intended to buy the Anxious Clown diner, that probably meant that he wanted the Baudelaires to work in it. Still, the children didn't want to pass up the opportunity to learn more about ERT, so they waited as the waitress finished seating the latest customers and then returned to speak to Falo.
"You're interested in buying this establishment?" she asked in surprise. "That's right, I have always been a believer in fast food," Falo answered, which didn't really explain the reason he was interested at all. The girl nodded and said, "Well if you want to you can follow me and we can sign the contract right now! We desperately need new management."
"Baudelaires, I will be right back," their guardian told them and then followed after the blonde haired girl into the back of the diner. Once they were alone, Klaus, Violet, Sunny and Beatrice took the opportunity to discuss amongst themselves everything that had happened to them recently. "I wonder which direction Mister Dominic went whenever he left the theater," Klaus remarked.
"What difference does that make? I don't want that vile man anywhere near us," Violet replied and then added, "I was wondering about the significance of this café being for sale by Easy Residential Transactions, I'm almost positive it has something to do with the invitation we received at the theater."
"I was wondering what Falo told the waiters that made him decide they were not noble individuals," Sunny remarked. "The reason I was wondering where Mister Dominic was is because of the conversation that Beatrice eavesdropped on before Esmé's death.
The troupe member who looked neither like a man nor a woman talked about the need for them to depart to somewhere called 'the mark' and that someone would be waiting for them there," Klaus answered.
"He's caused nothing but trouble for us since we met him," Sunny pointed out. "But he also helped us realize that not all noble people have always been that way," her brother pointed out. "That is something I would've preferred to not learn of," Violet remarked, recalling the discovery of the murder their parents were apparently connected to.
"Either way, we need to know more and we just don't have enough answers," Klaus lamented. Just then, the young blonde woman and Falo returned and their current guardian was holding a piece of paper in his hands and smiling broadly before explaining, "I have good news! We are now the proud owners of the Anxious Clown diner!" Klaus, Violet, Sunny and Beatrice tried to pretend that they were also excited because of this and then he muttered, "Only problem is now we'll have to talk to some realtors to find a place to stay while we're here at Lake Lachrymose."
"Oh, you can stay at my house," the waitress offered and explained, "Its right up the street, I live in Lavender Lighthouse."
"I didn't realize this was a sad occasion," Falo replied, gazing at her once more to which she looked down at the Baudelaires and replied, "Sadness isn't set by the occasion."
The evil twin of Count Olaf seemed to nod as if she had said the right thing and then said, "I suppose while we are here, the children should get to know the restaurant." "Absolutely," she agreed and pointed toward the kitchen before stating, "If I could just have your names I can make some name badges for you."
"Not necessary," Falo stated reaching into his pocket and pulling out the three name badges that Klaus had found some time ago under mysterious circumstances. "These should suffice, am I correct?" their current guardian asked. The young woman looked them over and asked, "Where did you get these?" "It's hard to explain," Klaus admitted. "What matters is these allow these four children to qualify as volunteers of this establishment," Falo answered.
"There are only three name badges here," she noted gazing down at Beatrice and asking, "What is your name?" "Her name is Beatrice and she is our adopted sister," Violet explained picking up the infant who added, "Asya." Which probably meant "you haven't told us your name" or perhaps "I still haven't gotten anything to eat."
The young hostess nodded and said, "Very good, just head in there and Larry will give you some uniforms that you'll be wearing while you work here at the Anxious Clown." Falo winked at the children as they passed him, although none of them were sure why he did. As they entered the small kitchen of the diner, Larry; their former waiter stared at them and remarked, "Isn't this grand? We just got hired by new management and now I have to train a bunch of children to a job I could do with one hand tied behind my back."
The four orphans immediately realized that this waiter wasn't too pleased with the events that had just taken place and so wisely Violet said, "We have plenty of experience working with food. My sister is a fabulous cook." She pointed toward Sunny who nodded in agreement before stating, "I love to make up new recipes."
"Well you won't be doing that in this diner, its going to be the same old thing that we always serve whether its Cheer-Up Cheeseburgers or Fraudulent French Fries," Larry replied and added, "Your uniforms are over there, and I'm too busy helping customers to help you." Even though he had been no help at all, Violet told the waiter thank you as he rushed off to fill orders and then gazed at the diner's kitchen and said, "It doesn't look like there is a lot of space to work in."
"Right now lets get these uniforms on, so we can get to work," Klaus suggested. "I thought we were here to uncover clues," Sunny remarked. "Yes but the only way we can do that is covertly," Violet pointed out and quickly added, "Let's not forget that the authorities are out searching for us as we speak."
The former toddler couldn't argue with this point, so the four of them got the uniforms which were admittedly entirely too big and Klaus briefly thought that considering the size of the outfit him and Violet could disguise themselves as Beverly and Elliot the two-headed freak, which they had done twice before both times without success.
So instead, the children did what they could wearing the oversized uniforms, all except for Beatrice who was still an infant and wouldn't fit in one besides the fact that there only three uniforms to begin with. Just as they finished changing out of their normal clothes, the bell on the counter rung and Sunny stuck her head out to get the customers order.
"One order of Orderly Onion Rings to go," the customer stated. The former toddler wrote that down and then moved over to the grill in the right corner of the diner and began to fix the meal and as she did Klaus said, "How about I go out and get the orders, and Violet you handle the drinks and Sunny the cooking?" "Sadan?" Beatrice asked, which probably meant "While all of you are doing that, what am I supposed to do?" or perhaps "Sunny, could you give me one of those hamburgers?"
Her slightly older sister obliged her with a portion of meat and then proceeded to cook up the onion rings that the customer had ordered. Just then the bell rang again and Klaus turned to the next patron and asked, "What can I get for you, sir?"
"I need an order of Cheer-Up Cheeseburgers and two Clown Cakes, for my twin girls; its their birthdays because they were born on the same day," the older gentleman explained.
Klaus noted, writing down the order and Violet asked him, "What can I get you to drink?" "Lemonade please." Just then Larry rushed back inside the kitchen and remarked, "I'm surprised we're having so much business, usually during bad weather the Anxious Clown is dead." He glared at the Baudelaires as if it were there fault and then remarked, "Well don't just stand there! We have orders to fill!" He paused when he noted that Violet was getting some lemonade and added, "Our ice cube machine hasn't been working for quite some time, so I'd recommend telling our customers the only thing we serve is hot lemonade."
Then the poorly dressed waiter went off to serve other customers and the Baudelaires went back to preparing dishes.
Sunny, Klaus and Violet spent the better part of the afternoon preparing an assortment of fine dishes for their patrons which varied from Orderly Onion Rings to Sentimental Shakes to Callous Chicken Sandwiches to Happy Hamburgers to Fraudulent French fries to Suspicious Soup and Detrimental Desserts and Malevolent Meals and Special Side dishes, and by the time they were done, they felt certain that they had served everything on the menu except for a few dishes which apparently they didn't have the ingredients for.
Exhausted from the days' activity, they were eager to speak to the hostess about the former realtors of the Anxious Clown and entered the main part of the diner to find Larry collecting tips and the young blonde woman counting the till for the day. "Where is Falo?" Klaus asked. "Children! There you are! Did you get the hang of it?" she asked, using a phrase which here means "she was wondering whether or not Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice managed to survive one day of cooking for and ordering and serving customers at the Anxious Clown diner" to which Violet answered, "You certainly have a lot of people here despite the bad weather."
She nodded in agreement and then leaned down and whispered, "I can't tell you everything right now, but we will talk whenever we get to the Lavender Lighthouse." She then turned to Larry and asked, "I trust you can close this down for the night?" The skinny man had already taken off his ridiculous costume and nodded absently before returning to the kitchen. "We have a lot of questions to ask you," Sunny stated. "All of that can wait until we get home, children," she assured them and then led them out the diner to her car and added, "This place is no longer safe."
The Baudelaires looked at each other in concern, wondering what she meant by that as they got into the backseat and drove thru the town of Lake Lachrymose.
"This place used to be bustling, no matter what weather occurred. But that was before the incident messed everything up," she explained as they drove further away from town. Violet and her younger siblings recalled that Falo had also mentioned something similar and the eldest Baudelaire asked, "Are you referring to the one that Ike and Gregor caused?"
"No I was referencing F's deception but there are so many incidents to refer to I can understand the confusion," she answered as she turned to corner toward Hazy Harbor and added, "But now isn't the proper time to discuss these things, we haven't much time to discuss them anyways, Baudelaires."
The orphans looked at each other in shock and when before they had only a few questions to ask the hostess they now had many. However, let me warn you that whenever they arrive at the Lavender Lighthouse; a wonderful tourist attraction and the only one that still remains at Lake Lachrymose since their one and only restaurant burned down; that by asking the hostess the questions they wanted to ask her, the children in affect opened up Pandora's box.
Pandora's box is a legend from quite some time ago before either you or I were born, unless of course you actually never died in which case I'd be eager to meet with you and find out if you know some way to prevent death or reverse it; and it is about a special box that someone named Pandora once owned until she decided to give it away because there were quite a lot of terrible things inside it or perhaps just bats, depending on which version of the story you read.
Apparently Pandora had trained the bats to stay in the box so that they couldn't escape and she could use them in a traveling show that she was well acquainted with and in this talent show there was a man that Pandora was particularly fond of, yet this man; the leader of the troupe, showed no interested in her because his heart belonged to another and whenever she showed to him the bats she had trained he turned her away.
Not able to accept this rejection, Pandora decided to exact her revenge on him and trained the bats to attack whenever they were released on stage and then sent them as a gift to him and his bride on their wedding day.
Figuring that this was an act of good faith and not in fact a cleverly disguised trick to use against him, the man opened the box and was summarily humiliated by the bats and went running off into the Hinterlands never to be seen again except on occasion still being chased by bats and warning others never to open Pandora's box.
The lesson, if you're wondering; couldn't be clearer, for since Klaus and his siblings were eager to learn more about their parents past, they also didn't suspect that by doing so they were also unleashing a horde of bats, as it were.
As their car stopped in front of the Lavender Lighthouse, the hostess from the Anxious Clown diner helped them get their luggage inside. Falo was busy examining the various paintings that hung on the wall and Violet considered asking their current guardian why he wasn't helping with this task, but decided talking to the young blonde woman was much more vital, a word which here means "the eldest Baudelaire wanted to talk to the young hostess before Mister Dominic or anyone else took the opportunity to show up and ruin things."
So once they'd successfully hauled in their bags, the hostess stated, "Children if you'll follow me, I'd like to show you the lighthouse."
Realizing that she wished to speak to them privately, the Baudelaires followed her up the winding staircase to the top of the Lavender Lighthouse and once they were there, the hostess closed the door behind them and stated, "Baudelaires you have no idea how happy I am to see all of you." "I'm sorry, but you have us at a loss; we don't know you," Sunny admitted.
The blonde woman nodded and remarked, "Of course, how rude of me; I knew all of you well before you were born but we've never gotten a chance to meet until now." "So who are you?" Klaus wondered. "My name is Sally Sebald," she explained with another broad smile and then muttered, "Now would you mind telling me why you are journeying with Count Olaf?"