Four

Confrontations are usually things that you want to avoid at all costs.

This is because the person or people you are confronting are usually angry with you for one reason or another, whether it be because you owe them money or because you have failed to send a letter off in time like you promised you would or because you have written at least thirteen depressing books about a particular group of orphans due to your connection to one of their dead parents.

But no matter what the reason is, the fact still remains that all of these situations are ones that you would prefer to avoid at all costs whether that be to claim you have filed for bankruptcy or that you forgot how to write or that your editor was forcing you not because you wished to relate to the public a sorrowful tale which connected in many ways to your own dreadful past.

The reason this is the case is because confrontations usually lead to larger battles which you may be prepared for or in some cases, having to write another thirteen volumes detailing further miserable because you lost a bet some time ago relating in some way to how many different ways you could use a particular acronym to explain various activities somehow connected to one another.

So when Klaus, Sunny and Violet all saw two villains they had assuredly hoped to never confront again in any shape or form, the Baudelaires were also perplexed as to how the two dangerous and deceptive individuals had managed to make it here to Lake Lachrymose and had chosen to eat at the Anxious Clown diner, even if it was the only restaurant in town.

This is because the two dastardly fiends who were now standing in front of the hostess, Sally Sebald; were perhaps the most dangerous two people that the Baudelaires had ever met. In fact to this day the children didn't know what there names were, even though I am well aware and others are also aware but you will not be made aware rather you will beware of the man with the beard but no hair and the woman with hair but no beard.

The children had first encountered them in the Mortmain Mountains after Olaf had successfully burned down the Caligari Carnival and escaped there to meet up with these fiends, and Sunny had had the misfortune of meeting these wicked people first whenever she was serving food for Olaf, Esmé and the acting troupe of their old nemesis; all of whom might I add are now dead. They had arrived after spotting the Vertical Flame Diversion that Olaf had used and had spoken at length about an important document and then chose to dispose of it so they wouldn't be implicated in the many crimes that they'd been a part of.

Another reason that the children were particularly afraid of these villains is one that should frighten you as well and it pertains to the second and last encounter the Baudelaires had with these fiends at the Hotel Denouement, right before that establishment burned to the ground. There had been a mock trial against the Baudelaires, a phrase which here means "various friends and fiends presented evidence to three judges, while everyone remained blindfolded so they didn't realize that in fact besides Justice Strauss, the two other judges turned out to be the very same dastardly evil people now obtaining menus from Sally Sebald in the Anxious Clown diner" and whenever the orphans had discovered this fact, they had been forced to leave the hotel alongside Count Olaf and hadn't seen these villains since

. However, their recent encounter with the former girlfriend of Olaf, Esmé Squalor; at the Ned H. Rirger Theater had convinced them that others had survived the fire at the Hotel Denouement. Yet so far the Baudelaires hadn't encountered any of their old acquaintances, but rather wicked people; such as these very ones that I am not even tempted to name.

So as the man with the beard but no hair and the woman with hair but no beard sat down at one of the tables and Sally Sebald nodded toward the former toddler, I'm sure you would agree that the last thing on Sunny's mind was to confront these wicked people, especially since there was a chance that they would recognize her.

But sadly, the chance to avoid such a confrontation wasn't available to Sunny, for Larry; her co-worker pushed her toward the evil couple and remarked, "You handle them, I don't like the regulars." Sunny nodded weakly and then wisely took a tray on her way toward the table that the man with the beard but no hair and the woman with the hair but no beard were sitting at and held it above her head so that the two villains wouldn't see her face.

Standing there in front of them, Sunny Baudelaire did her very best not to let her legs shake or her knees wobble or her arms give way or her teeth chatter or her hair stand on edge as the man with a beard but no hair remarked, "My, the service here at the Anxious Clown has become rather lax, hasn't it?"

His partner nodded in agreement, gazing down at the short waitress and stating, "It is so hard to find good help these days."

The two seemed to have shared an inside joke, a phrase which here means "funny to everyone who understood it but not to those who didn't, in this case only the two wicked judges were laughing and anybody else who shared such wicked deeds." "So what is good to eat today, squirt?" the woman with hair but no beard commented.

"We have the Happy Hamburgers, Splendid Shakes-" Sunny began but her partner snapped, "Idiot! We own this establishment! Do you think we don't know what's on the menu?"

Sunny Baudelaire nervously kept her head down as the two dastardly villains laughed again and then the man with the beard but no hair remarked, "Bring us some Suspicious Soup and some Clown Cake. And make it snappy, shortie!" The former infant was more than happy to get away from the two mysterious and malevolent miscreants and went to the kitchen where Violet and Klaus comforted her.

Sunny began to sob and her older sister asked, "What's the matter, Sunny?"

"I just never have forgotten all of the wicked deeds those two may be responsible for, just the ones we're aware of makes me fearful," she explained. "I know," Violet agreed with a shiver and then turned to Klaus and said, "Do you suppose one of us could take care of this assignment?"

"I don't think it would be wise, Violet. Sunny is still young enough that those two don't recognize her. It's the best shot that we have to find out why they are here at the Anxious Clown," the middle Baudelaire declared.

"Frankina," Beatrice asked, noting Sunny's pale expression, which probably meant "Sunny, what is troubling you now besides those two evil people?" or perhaps, "Sunny has something to share you two!"

Violet and Klaus grew silent as they turned to their younger sister who explained, "I was just thinking about what Sally said this morning at the Lavender Lighthouse. She said that she was expecting important guests today and also said they would be sometime in the morning around lunchtime in the afternoon."

"Yeah, I recall; and when she said it that made no sense whatsoever," Klaus commented. "Maybe these two wicked judges are the very ones that Sally was expecting?" Sunny suggested. Her siblings grew very quiet at hearing this suggestion, and Violet finally stated, "Klaus, you said that she was talking to someone on the phone last night, didn't you?"

"Yes, but I thought it was about whether or not we were noble individuals. But I suppose it might've been those two, or one of them. I just don't know," the middle Baudelaire admitted and then added, "I should've stuck around to hear more of what she had to say."

"No time for that right now. You should get out there and get their drink order," Violet told the former toddler and added, "I know this is very hard, Sunny; but please be brave. This could be crucial information that you are obtaining!"

Their adopted sister Beatrice gave Sunny a soft hug, and told her something that only a former infant would understand and after this, the tiny waitress returned to the table where apparently the two dastardly denizens of the Anxious Clown had been discussing something. "…gone. I rather despised those powder-faced women, frankly," the woman with the hair but no beard commented.

"I think you were jealous," the man with the beard but no hair stated as he wagged his finger knowingly at his companion. "Please! What matters most of all is that soon it will be ours!" his companion stated and then noted Sunny's presence and remarked, "What do you want, idiot? Can't you see that we are busy?"

"Begging your pardon, mister and misses; but you failed to tell me what you wanted to drink," Sunny Baudelaire remarked. "I want iced lemonade!" the woman with the hair but no beard stated with a sneer.

"I'm sorry, but our ice machine is not working right now," Sunny replied. The wicked judge glared down at the former toddler and yelled, "I didn't ask you what you don't have! This establishment is falling to pieces! Get me my iced lemonade or I will be forced to burn this place to the ground!"

"Careful, you're getting ahead of yourself," the other dangerous deviant remarked and the two snickered again as Sunny rushed back to the kitchen, where her siblings were hurriedly attempting to prepare the meal for the villains.

"Have you found out anything yet Sunny?" Violet asked. "They are even more ruthless than before!" the former infant said with a shudder. "So you haven't managed to catch any snippets of information?" Klaus lamented as he finished making the Clown Cake and then Sunny said, "They are now demanding iced lemonade, but I explained that our ice machine is currently broken!"

"Isn't there some other way we can make ice cubes?" Klaus asked. Violet proceeded to tie her hair up in a ribbon, a practice she tended to do whenever she was coming up with an ingenious scheme to get her and her siblings out a dire predicament such as what they were in now and said, "I think I saw Falo looking near to a freezer for something, maybe we can take the water in there and freeze it?"

"All right, I'll start that. Here Sunny, take their order to them," the middle Baudelaire told his younger sister. Sunny nodded and took the soup and cake to the vile vicious villains and noted that the man who had a beard but no hair was staring at the clock and muttering, "What time is it?"

"Does it look like I wear a watch?" the woman with the hair but no beard remarked bitterly and then turned to Sunny who was approaching with their food and asked, "You there! Short stuff! What time is it?" The former toddler placed their cake and soup down on the table and glanced at the clock and answered, "Its two forty-five, why do you ask?"

The wicked judge snarled and it looked like he was about to slap Sunny across the face but muttered, "You must new. Don't you know the clock here at the Anxious Clown is always backwards? If its afternoon then we are actually here in the morning and if we're here in the morning, visa versa."

"That doesn't make any sense at all," Sunny Baudelaire remarked. "Who cares if it does or not?" the woman with the hair but no beard remarked with a laugh and then turned to her companion and stated in a hushed tone, "But where do you suppose our comrade is?"

"I'm not sure," the other judge noted and then turned to Sunny and muttered, "Why are you still here?" For a moment, the former toddler was flabbergasted, a word which here means "didn't know what to do or say in front of these fiendish foes" but the young Baudelaire quickly recovered by answering, "I was wondering if either of you needed anything else?"

"Just bring us that iced lemonade, fool! And make it quick, slick!" the man with the beard but no hair remarked angrily. Sunny ran back to the kitchen, where Violet had found a very small freezer next to some pots and pans that desperately needed cleaning and remarked, "I've managed to freeze a cup of water, now we just need something to break it with."

"I wish Falo were here right now, he might know what to do at a crucial moment like this," Klaus remarked. "Where is he anyway?" the former toddler asked.

"I don't know, he was asking me if I had found something earlier; and then disappeared," Violet remarked as she got one of the kitchen utensils and began to break up the block of ice she had made and then passed it to Sunny and remarked, "Try to take your time so you can find out why they are here!"

"There's something that just occurred to me!" Sunny declared, to which her siblings paused in what they were doing and Beatrice asked, "Daringo?" which probably meant, "What is it, my adopted sister?" or perhaps, "Does it have to do with where Falo went?"

"When I told them what was on the menu! Those two villains claimed to own this establishment!" she explained. "That's impossible, Falo just bought it yesterday; its under the possession of V.F.D.," Klaus pointed out.

"But I'm sure those former comrades of Justice Strauss don't realize that," Sunny pointed out.

"Oh dear," Violet said with a gasp and I'm sure by now you've come to the same dreadful revelation that the Baudelaire orphans did, and it the eldest orphan who stated, "They could be working for the group known as ERT!"

Now before we go any further that as shocking as this revelation was for the children to understand it, there was an even more dangerous shocking truth that would be revealed shortly whenever Sunny returned to their table and brought them the iced lemonade that they had requested and the reason I am telling you this now is so that you may quickly dispose of this book or hide it somehow or perhaps use it as a coffee table so that no one else may make the same mistake that you made, pick it up; read it and learn of these shocking things that happened to the Baudelaire orphans had learned whenever they were working at the Anxious Clown.

There is nothing good that will result in you reading any further in this manuscript, for upon discovering this awful truth; that these two wicked villains the man with a beard but no hair and the woman with hair but no beard; could be working with the same organization that had sent them an invitation during their stay at the Ned H. Rirger Theater sent the children's head into a state of confusion.

But it was nothing compared to the next thing that happened in the diner, for after they had come to this realization; Violet and Klaus sent their sister out into the fray again a phrase which here means "the elder Baudelaires sent Sunny to discover more about the two villains and why they had come to the Anxious Clown."

But as she carried the lemonade toward the table, it became abundantly clear to her as it will to you; precisely why these sinister sentinels had come to the diner near to Lake Lachrymose.

The woman with the hair but no beard and the man with the beard but no hair were now greeting a third person who had apparently arrived late, and now all three of them were laughing and chortling as Sunny Baudelaire froze where she stood, unable to put into words what she was seeing.

My dear reader it is my sad duty to report that the individual sitting alongside these wicked workers was yet another inimical individual that the Baudelaires knew all too well, and were now being forced to confront again here at the Anxious Clown diner, and it is an even worse task for me to tell you that it was none other than the Baudelaires' arch-enemy, Mister Dominic.

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