CHAPTER THREE

SEX BEFORE DEATH

DAN

Dan turned around from the door a scrambled to catch up with Hermione. He was kinda glad she hadn't noticed him trip Ron. He didn't want to get on her bad side especially now that they were dating. Dan thought about this for a moment. He was pretty sure that if a girl invited you to a library it counted as a date no matter the circumstances. Dan smiled at this revelation right as Hermione turned to see if he was following.
"Why are you smiling, this is serious business you know." Hermione said.
"Gerp." Dan said and stopped smiling. After looking down several isles of books they found the right sections. The bookcase towered above them and only so many rows were within their reach.
"I don't see it down here Dan, it must be above us. Let's get a ladder over here." Hermione suggested.
"Grrr..." Dan shook his head no.
"Why can't we use the ladder?"
"Grp. Prrrr. Trepkor!"
"The ladders have traps on them to prevent intruders from searching the books. Any idea how to check higher up." Hermione sighed.
Dan pointed at her and then at his shoulders. She smiled and come closer to him. Dan crouched lower to the ground and let Hermione climb onto his shoulders. Standing up straight they could now reach all but the highest shelve. Hermione frantically checked all the books she could and then would tap Dan on the head to let him know when to move over a bit.
"Found it!" Hermione yelled excitedly and with so much energy that it caused Dan to lose his balance and they both came crashing to the ground along with several rows of books. The noise was loud and they both sat there barely breathing waiting to see if someone had heard them. After a few moments Hermione finally got off of Dan and started rummaging through the books. "I dropped the book when I fell, help me look for it."
Dan not having any idea what the book looked like just read the titles hoping to find the right book. One of them caught his eye. It wasn't the book they he was looking for but it was written by one of the schools teachers. He handed the book to Hermione.
"Ms. Minerva McGonagall's Tips on Magical Merry Making. I didn't know she was an author, I wonder what this is about." Hermione said as she and Dan leaned back against the bookcase next to each other and opened the book. The first page showed a winking Wizard on it. The next page made them go speechless. Two naked wizards were participating in some very adult behavior while floating in the air.
"Grrr." Dan said and leaned closer to Hermione.
"Even if I wanted to do something like that with you we simply couldn't. You're a Dragon and I'm a human it just wouldn't work. I mean do you even have one of those things he's putting inside of her?" Hermione asked.
Dan sighed and started to undo his pants. Hermione's face went bright red but her curiosity stopped her from saying no. Just as Dan was about to drop his trousers there was a loud noise that came from behind him. He turned to see a black wispy thing appearing behind him. He crouched into attack formation.
Deidra appeared before Him and Hermione.
"Did you just apparate? Never mind how you learned to do that but how did you do it inside of school grounds?" Hermione asked shocked.
"I just kinda made it up as I went. I really needed to find Dan so I made a spell that would bring me to him. It took me a few tries cause I kept apparating next to Neville while he was sleeping. He looks so cute when he sleeps, his snore kinda turns me on..."
"Drrr Grap?" Dan asked.
"Oh sorry got side track. There is an emergency! I don't know where Tracie is. She never came back to the tower. I looked all over and even woke Snape up. He hadn't seen her and didn't care. So I needed to find you so you could use your dragon nose to try and smell her out." Deidra said at about ninety miles an hours.
"R trrr hry!" Dan said with a glare.
"I know you're not a bloodhound but Dragons still have better smell then humans right?"
Dan sighed and nodded a reluctant yes.
"So you'll help me find her right?"
"Why didn't you just apparate to her like you did Dan" Hermione asked.
"I tried but I keep hitting a wall and being sent right back where I was. It's as if someone is guarding her. I think she was kidnapped by someone!" Deidra said about to cry.
"GRRRR!" Dan said loudly and hurried over to Deidra.
"Just grab on and I can apparate us both out of here." Deidra said as Dan wrapped his arms around her. Immediately they both disappeared from the library.
"I wanted to go too! And thanks for leaving me to find the book alone." Hermione yelled before starting to rummage through the books again. Finally she found the book for Harry and shoved it into her back. After looking around the room she also picked up the Magical Merrymaking book and took it as well.

Tracie woke up in complete darkness. The last thing she could remember was spasming because of professor Snape. Now she was alone in the dark on a cold stone floor. She sat up trying to gain her bearings.
"Lumos." she said as she pulled out her wand and it lit up the small room she was in. there were no windows and a single door. She walked over to the door and found that it was locked. She knocked on the door and no one answered. Then she started to use all the spells she could think of to open the door but none of them worked. Someone had used magic to keep her in here. What if Snape finally kidnapped me and is holding hostage! Tracie thought and almost fell to the floor in a second round of spasms.
"I'm gonna have to keep my thoughts under control." She said to herself. She placed her ear up to the door to see if she could hear anything. Nothing, everything was silent on the other side. Giving up she went and sat against the door in the dark. After a few hours she was about to fall asleep when the door flew open. The Dark lord entered the room, or at least that's who she thought he must be. She had never really paid attention to Harry Potters stories.
"Good you are still awake." The dark figure said. His voice sounded kinda like Draco's.
"I couldn't sleep cause I was excited that someone finally kidnapped me." Tracie said.
"What... never mind! The Dark lord has a job for you and if you don't do it he will kill your friends."
"Ok what is it."
"If you don't follow his bidding he will tear the flesh off their bones!"
"Oh maybe I shouldn't help the Dark lord."
"What you would let your friends die?' The Draco sounding person said.
"It depends on if what the Dark lord wants is more interesting than seeing all that blood!"
"I thought I was disturbing."
"Listen if you don't tell me what the Dark lord wants I'm going to tear your flesh off." Tracie yelled.
"I'm sorry... I'll tell you what you want to know." The voice said as it backed up to the wall.
"Speak up then worm!"
"He wants you to place a magical device that will destroy the school in the dungeon."
"Oh that sounds fun. Oh but will that kill Snape?" Tracie starting to feel worried.
"I don't know... Look I told you what you wanted to know can I go now?" The Quasi-Draco said.
"Yes be gone before I kill you!"
The man ran from the room. Tracie slowly walked out of the room and down the hall looking for a way out. As she searched she realized she didn't have the item to place in the dungeon. Oh well maybe it would arrive by owl.

TRACIE
Tracie continued down the hall, rather surprised at the lack of security and even more surprised that, the few people she did run in to, never had the upper hand. She shrugged it off, figuring the Dark Lord probably didn't see much need to give high security to a Hogwart's student. His problem, not hers. So she just continued on her way until she was out, at which point she stumbled over someone on the ground and fell face first into the dirt. "There she is! I knew you could find her!" Deidra shouted. Tracie rolled onto her back and glared at the boy sniffing the ground. He straightened up and dusted himself off.
"Grrrrr… gragh, grr, grr…" he remarked.
"Look squirrel!" Deidra interrupted before hopping off. Tracie stood up and watched Deij chase the squirrel.
"She should be careful or she's just going to be a smear of blood," she muttered.
"WAIT!" she heard Deij shout, and then was suddenly grabbed. There was a loud bang and then they appeared in the dungeons of Hogwarts. Tracie blinked, as did the unsuspecting Professor Snape, who instantly glared when he decided questioning things wasn't a good idea.
"I think I'm supposed to kill you," Tracie stated with a small tilt of her head. Snape arched a brow at her before looking to the other two.
"100 points from Gryffindor for finding a way to break the apparition barrier, 50 more for being out of bed late at night," Snape remarked, his attention turning solely to Dan. "And 150 from Ravenclaw."
Dan's eyes narrowed at the Professor. "GrrrrrAGHrrrrr," he responded.

Deidra pouted. "You're so mean…" she remarked before extending her hands out. "You need a hug!" Snape immediately looked horrified and pushed open the door to his office.
"In, now," he remarked, pointing to Tracie who slipped inside, followed closely behind by Snape. She resisted her growing need to spasm as Snape locked the door behind him, not wanting the insane blonde girl to give him a hug. He stopped next to Tracie and studied her a moment. "What's this about killing me?" he asked.
She shrugged nonchalantly. "Just something the Dark Lord said. Put something in the dungeons and sit back and he won't kill Deidra and Dan." Snape paused, knowing that his urge to tell her not to do it so those two could die was the wrong thing. Then again, if he let her do it, at least he wouldn't have to worry about her stalking him from now on. "I was disappointed… I had hoped you kidnapped me finally…" she muttered, shuddering a bit at the thought but managing to not spasm.
Snape studied her, his nose crinkling some in disgust. "I only deal with you as I have to, I'd rather be nowhere near you."
Tracie smirked. "But I refuse to leave now," she stated. He arched a brow at her, an idea suddenly striking him, and then he wondered why he hadn't thought of it before. Slowly, he leaned closer to her, his lips nearly brushing hers. She instantly fell into spasms worse than she'd ever had before, leaving Snape to smirk and toss her into the hallway, locking the door to his office behind him once again as he retreated back inside.

DEIDRA

"That was SOME night, HUH?"

Dan opened his eyes wide and stared.

Deidra was lying in front of him, her mouth agape with sheer glee. He wasn't really sure why she was in his bed and he looked down between the two of them to double check that they were both clothed.

All clear, thank Merlin. "Gragh?" He finally asked inquiringly.

"I dunno." Deige said. "But LISTEN! I think Tracie's supposed to hide something in the dungeons for Lord Moldywart! What a terribly name that is… MOLDY wart. Seriously, that would SUCK! And speaking of sucking, I think I know what the item is! It's one of those boring ass Ravenclaw library books that you and Hermione found!"

Dan's eyebrows shot up. "WWHHH—!" He almost spoke in English. "GRRRGGHGH?"

"Oh I saw Hermione holding it before I interrupted your sexy time. I'm sorry by the way! But anyway, that book has definitely got to be it."

Dan blinked curiously and the girl continued. "I was fidgeting around with my wand last night—" She stopped to let out a quick laugh. "And I infiltrated Tracie's thoughts! I usually don't because I don't like seeing Snape in the nude but I checked it out anyway and instead she was thinking about lord Moldywart! He must be the one who kidnapped her! I'm hungry…. OH! And he wants her to place something in the dungeons. Something that will destroy Hogwarts!"

There was a meaningful pause between them before Deige finally concluded. "If we let Hogwarts get destroyed I won't be able to watch Neville sleep! Or straddle him when he's really out of things… Or actually tap him one day!" She sat up and grabbed Dan by the shoulders, shaking him. "I NEED TO TAP NEVILLE BEFORE WE ALL DIE!"

That was some libido.

Dan merely nodded his head in definitely understanding. He didn't have anything to say but he knew that the blonde was right. She'd only gotten off topic like twice! This was certainly serious for her to be so perceptive and attentive. Besides…. She was right! If Hogwarts was destroyed, he too, would never get laid!

He stood up quickly as that last realization hit him and he and the spastic blonde girl locked arms in a common purpose. "GRAGH!" He roared.

"Hell fucking yes my friend!" Deidra yelled back. The two of attempted to high five clumsily, smacking each other on the shoulder or in the face, before racing from the room with much apparent purpose for Tracie had already left. It was only the morning but they had to make sure that they got to the book first and found a way to stop their friend from going through with her heinous deed.

Just why "Ms. Minerva McGonagall's Tips on Magical Merry Making" was the source of their search was beyond Dan but he chose to trust Deidra having no idea what other objects could possibly destroy Hogwarts.

"Professor?"

Snape's eye was twitching on its own now. He was finally at the point. "Go away!" He cried. "I'm not going to do it again. I knew I was digging myself a hole with that one but I was truly desperate to be rid of you."

"That's actually not why I'm here." Tracie said, completely unbothered by the loathsome display as usual. "I actually have a small favor to ask of you."

"…" Snape squinted his black eyes suspiciously. "And what, pray tell, might that be Miss Brazie?"

"I need you to help me figure out an object that will most effectively destroy Hogwarts."

Snape was a little surprised by this but not terribly so. "Again, pray tell, why?"

"I wouldn't tell this to anyone but you Professor, but the Dark Lord has asked it of me."

Snape stiffened a little. "Why would you tell this only to me?" There was no way he was that obvious!

"You're quite obviously associated with him sir. I'm just say'n…"

Snape rolled his eyes and tried to maintain control over what little patience he had ever had within him. "Miss Brazie, do you honestly expect me to believe this story? It is painfully ridiculous."

"Professor, you know what I say is true."

"Why would I help you? So I'll be out of a job?'

Tracie sighed. "I am going to be placing something here in the dungeons when I find it. I suppose you really won't help me but I will be thinking fondly of you and I look forward to hopefully fumbling into your chamber as I am going about my business."

"This is sexual harassment. I'm quite sure of it now."

Tracie surprised him very much by smiling pleasantly at this. "Yes, but I highly doubt that you don't enjoy the attention. You spend far too much time on your own for a normal human being and I'm sure that sort of angsty depression would carry over quite nicely into the bedroom. All that pent up energy and lust…"

"OUT."

"Yes sir."

Tracie left through the doors, pondering fervently what on earth would most effectively demolish Hogwarts and, if she was successful, how she would go about finally taking Snape's long-awaiting virginity. He had to be in his forties. That was just sad.

Yes, it would certainly have to happen before they all died. Naturally, she could find a way of evacuating the school first; an anonymous tip off to the head master or perhaps an alarm sending everyone outside… But that would surely be no fun.

Dan and Deidra had reached the Great Hall by this time and were looking around frantically for Hermione but alas, there was no sign of her yet. It was still a tad early considering that they were usually a bit late. They would have to go the Gryffindor Common Room and talk to her immediately!