Renesmee's P.O.V
Wellokay so I accidently lied. I said I was going to explain the Patty situation, but I didnt. Because thats coming next chapter. Hope you enjoy the update. It's longer and was posted up faster..all because I love you guys! Thanks to those of you have been faithful to the story so far! I love the reviews you send and am thankful for all your support. Thanks.
The drive felt long. I started to think about what really was going on. I thought about my life...and the picture it was drawing out for me. I could see that I was no longer a little girl. I was turning into those girls in romance novels, who slowly start to fall head over heels over some guy who has always been under there nose and never noticed it, and then suddenly nothing is the same. Nothing makes any more sense.
And that's exactly what was happening.
Nothing was making sense.
For as long as I can remember, Jacob has always been in my life. I knew that in more then one way Jacob was tied to our family. Not just because we were both some form of mythical creatures. It was something else, something I always could feel, but never cared enough to pay attention to.
I lowered the hood of the car and let the breeze dance with my hair.
Jacob has always been there to take care of me. He did things that my family wasn't exactly fond of doing. I guess it was because he was more human than them and was bound to act more human as well.
My parents did try to inflict human things on me. But they weren't always successful. At least not like Jacob was.
He taught me how to ride my first bike even though he only had to demonstrate it once. There was no falling. No scrapes. No blood. And no training wheels.
He took me to my first and only trip to the state fair. There I discovered the miracle of cotton candy. He himself bought me a bag and begged me to try it. Saying that I would definitely never be the same once I tried it. I was around 11 then and I still remember how the grin he had on his face was actually the one thing that amused me most out of every thing that whole day.
I know I was driving pretty slow compared to what I was normally use to but I actually didn't feel like going home. I didn't feel like having to deal with dad in my head. Or my mom constantly asking me what was wrong.
I wanted to be with the person who made me smile the most.
I sighed remembering that he on the other hand preferred to spend time with someone else.
--
After a while of pondering I started making pointless turns and heading in unknown directions. For some reason I felt like just driving on instincts.
In the end I found myself right back on La' Push in front of First Beach. I parked my car and just sat for a few minutes. The sun was shining on the sparkling. There were birds flying the distance.
I found my small hat and flip flops in the back of the car. I put them on and started walking towards the sand. My short dress started to swerve in the direction the wind blew. It was blowing against me, as If I was on the wrong side of La'Push.
I realized that my instincts actually did want me to go find Jake again. That's why I probably ended back on La' Push. It was as if something was pulling me back to him. As if they wanted me to find him. I suddenly felt really sad. My own insides were leading me to the wrong path. I brought my head down and slowed my walk. I really wanted to see him, But that wouldn't make anything better. Jake was my best friend. And we have never had this....awkward silence between us before. For now...we needed time.
I knew it was probably my fault for scaring him away. I know that I am just Nessie. But that doesn't stop me from wondering why he cant see me the way i see him. I love him. But there was more.
Why can't Jake see me that way?
My feet reached the dark sand quickly. It went between my toes and sandals instantly. I decided to take them off, walking on the bare sand I noticed that it was oddly hot. Like Jacob hot.
And there he was...coming right back into my mind. I was acting like a child...
I ran my fingers through my curls in frustration.
I made my way straight up to the water ledge, anxious to feel the water. I left my flip flops in the sand.
The waves came in and the water finally reached my feet. It was rich and oddly warm, something I didn't expect. I smiled softly at the comfort and looked out into the ocean where the sun was setting. The water was like Jacobs skin. During his lingering hugs. Instantly I started to remember the sensation that those hugs gave me. I closed my eyes.
They were just like the ocean I was in. Sending warm waves in through out me. His embrace would wrap around me, drowning me in pure comfort and content feelings. The heat that would radiate from him would grab me and sway me back in forth. His smell was the one that nauseated me. It flowed into my nose and would awake my insides with his essence, whipping my insides this way and that. It felt like I was floating.
And then suddenly I felt a huge wave crash upon the shore that had made even my knees wet this time. The noise and the water pulled me right out of my day dream.
I laughed to myself softly. Feeling kind of stupid for letting myself doze off so fast. But my laugh quickly died as i remembered that Jacob could not be thought of that way. He was dating Patty.
My forehead wrinkled in a frown.
Fake Patty.
I sighed and looked down.
Suddenly I heard loud laughter coming from far down the beach. Human eyes would not have been able to see that far down very well or heard that either but my vampire senses were definitely an advantage.
I could see a guy holding a girl in his arms bridal style. Her legs hung over his arms around her. He was running from the sand straight for the water, with his fully clothed girlfriend. She yelled and laughed in protest a couple more times but then clung on to him awaiting for the impact. Her laughter died as they both fell into the water. I took the time to notice that there was also not another soul around.
Finally the couple resurfaced and I could once again hear the girls laughter. I looked at her carefully as she pulled her hair back and looked around for her partner.
She was anxious to see him.
When there eye met her laughter died. She then started swimming a couple feet to where her boyfriend was. He held his hand out to her willingly, in which she grasped onto as soon as she was near. Quickly he brought her body in a jerk right up to his. She automatically wrapped her arms around him and placed her forehead to his. As they just floated looking at each others eyes adoringly, they started to lean in for a kiss. I smiled faintly, my heart hurting for some reason. I chose to look away and give them there privacy.
But I could feel the urge to want to see them. The urge to imagine that that could happen to me to. But if I did I knew that I could probably only imagine it being Jake and me. I couldn't imagine it being with anybody else.
I cringed realizing this. Being a hybrid vampire....I couldn't just fall in love with anybody. I couldn't just walk into a mall or a party and make a pick of any cute guy. I had to many secrets, which were sometimes like baggage.
There were also disadvantages to being a part vampire.
The only people I really had was my family and Jacobs pack, which was also like family too.
But my heart sunk. Because for some reason it really felt like I was in love with Jacob and I wanted him to love me too.
I looked towards the direction where the couple was and saw that they were now leaving. They were walking out the water, their clothes clinging on to their skin, their legs splashing water with movement. I also noticed that there hands were intertwined. Just like Patty and Jakes had been when I had seen them earlier. And then I was imagining that couple being Jakes and Patty. The dark couples faces started to transform into Jake bright features and Patty's light skin. My heart started to ache even more in yearning and with rejection.
Why was it hurting so much???
My heart was beating faster then normal. And that was actually pretty fast too.
I quickly looked away and focused back to the horizon. The clouds were burning in rich oranges and pinks as the sun set. Everything was a rainbow of different shades of blues above me. I started to wish that the world would just flip right upside down. I wanted to just fall up. To float right up into the sky. To be able to watch the sun hide and disappear right along with its friendly rays. To catch stars within my hands.
I sighed, wrapping my arms around myself. Trying to grasp onto something that was real.
" Nessie...." A beautiful voice called out to me softly.
My heart seemed to completely stop. My breath was gone.
I think I had froze.
The voice was almost pulling me towards it.
" Ness...?.." The voice called from behind.
It seemed to be ringing in my ears.
Slowly, I found a way to exhale and did so. I unwrapped my arms from my chest and took another deep breath. It felt like I was drowning.
...Drowning within air??
Breathe....
I found the will to move my feet and forced my muscles to turn around.
Exhale...
There he was.
Like food for my eyes and soul.
His face was full of concern but a small smile was on his full lips.
I took another deep breath. Taking him in. His chest was bare. The muscles tense. He had no shoes on either. Just a pair of cut of shorts. I didn't want to look away, But soon enough I looked towards the ground again. It was to menacing.
"What are you doing here?" We both asked in sync.
Normally I would have laughed a little at this, but It didn't feel like it was something that brought joy.
But Jake did. It was a low and short laugh. But still warm enough to sink comfort into my chest.
Inhale
"Well you are on my turf, Ness. It's me who should be asking you." He said. His voice was still soft, but it could be heard over the constant waves that were reaching out towards us.
"Well....I just ended up on here. I guess..." I replied.
I looked up at him, trying to lose the lost and sad look off of my face. I forced a smile. He was still a couple of feet away from me. But I felt his gaze as if it were physically pushing down on me. The intensity was pushing the smile off my face.
And just like that, he was walking towards me. It all but took 2 seconds and he was suddenly in my face.
Exhale
"I came to see you earlier you know." He said. His breath was nurturing my face.
"I saw. I came to see you earlier too." I said softly. In the same tone.
"I saw that too he said." He responded.
Really...? Because he sure hadn't acted like it.
Did he not want to acknowledge me?
My face must have fell; because now his big hand was now lifting my face up. The warmth emancipating from him were like kisses to my cheek.
"I'm sorry Ness. I'm sorry that I have been...rude to you. I'm sure Edward probably told you to stay away from me." There was a distraught expression on his face.
Away from him??? Why would he do that? Wasn't I the bad one here?
"No....he didn't. You weren't just haven't been around...I thought you didn't want to see me.."
I said. Looking in his eyes so he could see that I mean those words. It suddenly didn't matter if he knew how I felt. Even if it was embarrassing.
His face turned into pure shock.
"Ness. That cant be true. I've been dying to see you."
My heart fluttered.
And I wanted to smack myself for it.
Inhale..
"Then why didn't you?" I asked, my curiosity getting in the way again.
I started moving my cheek around in his hand. I almost forgot how good he felt. Okay...no I hadn't...But I really missed it.....I wanted that warmth to fill me inside, out.
I stiffened when no answer came. Jacob was just looking at me. He was still as well. We both just looked at each other. Blinking only when we had to. I felt frozen and captivated. Hypnotized and mesmerized.
These sudden emotions were taking its toll on me....
I couldn't help but see that Jacob was giving me that look again. It was warm and...longing...and different. I felt sweat start to form on my back. His hand felt like it was brining fire into my body. I wondered of I was giving Jake a look to. A look as if I wanted to.....
And then his face was leaning into mine.
My frozen state of mind suddenly started to over flow with panic and mumbles and jumbles of things. The intensity between us was rocking from my body to his, and back to me again.
His forehead was now on mine.
Was Jacob.....trying to.....KISS me....? My first Kiss.....
No............No way. We have always been close. We have always had some intense gestures between. We did love each other. Always have. It was just me who was loving Jake in another bigger, deeper, and more mysterious type of way.
My heart was sinking again.
Oh Jacob...
My heart cried out in yearn. His eyes were still holding mine captive. They were still had that different look but they were still hypnotizing me.
His forehead pressed harder against mine.
Kiss me, Jacob.....I wanted to scream..
I could hear the waves going in and out from behind me. I could see the rainbow of colors behind his face.
What if I could fall upside down with Jacob...
Exhale
My hands were now being enveloped now by a pair of bigger warmer hands. They were grasping mine hard one moment and releasing them another. Grasping them hard again...and then releasing them softly once again.
It was like a pulse. Like the pulse and current of what was going on between Jacob and I.
It felt......wild.
His hands started to start traveling up my arms. Softly. Goosebumps crawled up my arms and legs. I wanted him to grasp them too.
I noticed him running his tongue over his lips. I suddenly bit down on my own.
Eagerness....hunger.......want.....
Want......? Oh my...
Inhale...
Then, my phone rang.
And the pulse was gone. The intensity was gone. The colors dulled. What was wild, disappeared. He was standing 3 feet away from me.
My shaky hands held on to the phone in almost denile. I looked at words on the screen on my phone and read that it was Nahuel.
He never called me and so I debated weather I should pick up or not. I decided to without thinking and pressed the green button. After all, the moment was already ruined.
In a daze I spoke.
"--Hello.."
"Ness your mom and dad are worried about you, Where have you been all day? You should come home soon so--."
Before I could hear more I took the phone in my hands and pressed the green button. I felt rude for doing that..But I didn't dwell on the emotion.
Hesitantly I looked up at Jake. Dying to know what was going on in his head.
He just had a blank regretful look on his face. My chest clutched itself again.
He regretted me..........what was I even still doing here...He needed to get back to Patty.
I felt so hurt...It felt as if there had been no bliss in the first place. Just my illusions.
"I have to go." I said bluntly. Moving farther into the sand, closer to him. I put my flip flops back on and stood up to look at Jacob. You should call Patty or something....." I added. It was almost harsh.
He just looked up at me, with a weird look. And then suddenly he turned to walk away.
What the hell.......!
"Arent you going to say goodbye?!" I yelled at him.
He turned around and smirked for the first time today. That was something that I did recognize on his face.
He was amused...!
He walked back towards me pulled me in a too quick hug and then made his way back up to the parking lot. I could see his big bare feet leaving tracks on the sand.
"Bye Ness" He said still looking forward. Completly far away from me. But, I could still hear the smirk.
"Oh and...I dont like Patty like you think" he added in quickly. I almost missed it. It was random and fast.
But I didn't. And my heart seemed to flutter again.
Exhale....
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