iMake New Penny Tees

Carly had a busy day ahead of her. Aside from getting settled in and the first official day of classes, she and Sam were hosting iCarly tonight – the first show since graduation. This called for something special. She had decided on new penny tees.

"Something old… something new…" she thought.

Like all penny tees, these shirts featured a very basic, somewhat ridiculous phrase. In this case, however, each shirt made a particular statement about the wearer. Carly and Sam had each made shirts for themselves and, at Carly's insistence, Melanie would have one for herself, as a gift. It was the least Carly could do for her, under the circumstances. This was an example of just how badly Carly wanted to maintain the status quo. Penny tees were her and Sam's 'thing'. It sort of defined them – at least who they used to be. To her way of thinking, if you were going to make a statement, why not make that statement boldly, even if only a handful of people were in on the joke? This is why Carly had chosen to emblazon her shirt with the phrase 'Bacon Cupcakes'—it was only meant to be a statement shared between her and Sam.

Sam, in typical fashion, chose to be defiant and confrontational, taking a swipe at both her sister and her now-absent boyfriend. She chose to brand herself with the phrase 'Nubless Twin'. It was a clear jab at both Freddie and Melanie.

"…In Five…Four…Three…Two…"

Freddie had taught her well. You don't say the One.

"This is iCarly!"

"I'm Sam!"

"I'm Carly"

It was at this point that Sam went decidedly off-script.

"We're Gay!"

"Samantha! Is this really the time or the place?…"

"Oh, like they don't already know, Cupcake!"

Behind the camera, Melanie Puckett was conflicted. However grossly inappropriate, Sam was right, but she also agreed with Carly. This wasn't the time or place to out yourself, especially since you'd already done it once, yet she also saw Sam's point. Any self-respecting iCarly fan had certainly seen Carly do the very same thing live on the Web months earlier. She didn't know what, if anything, she should do or say, so she simply kept the camera trained on Carly.

"Well, questions of our love life aside…" Carly recovered, "as you can see, we've made a few changes here at iCarly. We've got a new studio as well as a new tech producer… Sam's sister, Melanie! Come on out here, girl!"

"Switchin' to the "B" Cam…"

It was obvious that she was Freddie's girl.

Sam, still unable to break herself completely of insulting either Freddie or Melanie at any opportunity, made her feelings known even before Melanie was on stage.

"She got the job on account of she's a-datin' the Nub!"

Melanie shot her sister a look, but Carly jumped in before anything came of it. Identical Twin Girl-fights sounded like a completely different webcast altogether, anyhow.

"Anyway… It's really Mel who we should thank for all of this. She made this all possible… Thank you so much…"

Melanie, now center stage, flanked by the show's stars, flushed a deep magenta. She wasn't used to this sort of attention. She had done a little bit of performing when she was away at school, but nothing like this. She was live on the internet, in front of God-knows-how-many people, being gushed over. It was certainly a foreign experience. She smiled and waved, but she definitely was out of her element.

Sam, much to her own personal displeasure, hit the "Cheer" button on her remote, giving her sister an iCarly standing ovation.

Carly continued with her monologue. Sam, ever uncomfortable, gave her sister a nudge.

"Okay, Techno-Barbie… back behind the camera…"

Melanie felt the hairs on the back of her neck bristle. She could take a ribbing as well as anyone, especially having grown up with Sam, but this was getting more than a little cruel. Without another word, she exited the stage, doing her best to do as Freddie had taught her.

All in all, it was a very basic show. The Idiot Farmgirl made a return appearance, but this was a much worldlier, more emboldened Idiot Farmgirl than iCarly viewers remembered. Carly enjoyed playing the Idiot Farmgirl this time around, now that she and Sam could have a bit more fun with the character.

Following that, there was plenty of Random Dancing and an appearance by Spencer, thanks to video chat, to show off the creative process behind his latest sculpture. Carly was pretty sure that he had deconstructed their toaster in the name of art, but she had no idea where he was going otherwise.

"…And…We're clear! Great job, guys!" Melanie was as upbeat and supportive as she could be.

It was clear to all three of them that the lay-off, compounded by the move, had left some kinks to be ironed out, but all three of them knew that it would come, if given time.

Carly was upset. She was upset and Sam knew it.

"Carls, what's the matter, Cupcake?"

"Do you really have to ask? I mean, God, Sam, we're on campus what, a week, and you start off the show that way? I mean, Really?"

"Cupcake, I think the big rainbow ring that migrated from my ring finger to yours kinda tipped them off by now, don't you think?"

Carly chuckled. She hadn't considered that. In retrospect, she guessed it had to be pretty obvious. Any anger she had toward Sam melted away as Sam gave her her best exaggerated pouty face.

"Sam!" Carly snapped, "I can't be mad at you when you give me the pouty lips! Stop it and let me be mad at you!"

Melanie coughed, doing her best to remind the couple that she was still in the room. It wasn't her best idea.

"Yeah? And what exactly are you still doing here? Don't you have a horny little nerd boy to run along and call?"

"Sam, I… I just wanted to tell you… It really hurts me that you put me down all the time… I care for Freddie, just the same way you care for Carly, and I just don't know why the hell you can't just respect me enough to keep your feelings to yourself. You don't hear me putting you down…"

Sam was incredulous.

"Oh, did Sam hurt wittle Melanie's pwecious feelings? That's too bad..."

Carly dropped Sam's hand.

"Stop it… Stop it, both of you…"

Carly was doing her best to broker peace, but the twins seemed intent on tearing each other down.

"Mel, do you have any goddamn idea how irritating you can be? You're so damn perky… I mean…"

Melanie snapped at Sam. She had had enough.

"Sam… Don't you realize what you're doing? You are holding me to an impossible standard. You're comparing me to Carly, and that's just plain not fair…"

She couldn't hold herself together anymore. Melanie Puckett fell to pieces and ran out the room in tears.

It would be Carly Shay's job to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. She turned to her beautiful blonde, clearly hurt.

"You need to fix this, Sam… You can't keep hurting her just to hurt her. She's different than you are…"

"You don't know the half of it, Cupcake…" She thought. She knew it would be a difficult night.