iHomecoming

Sam Puckett plodded into the kitchen half naked, her bare feet slapping against the hardwood floor. She stood at the fridge, drinking orange juice directly from the carton. She loved her Cupcake, but she saw no reason for juice glasses, especially when her little brunette was snug as a bug under their covers. Carly was adorable that way. She was a grown woman, but still prone, on occasion, to absentmindedly sucking her thumb in her sleep.

Sam could feel a pair of eyes on her. She knew instinctively that they did not belong to her love. Carly's eyes were a warm bath on her skin. This was more of a thunderstorm. She knew it was Freddie – and she wasn't wearing pants. Without thinking, she ducked, semi-nude, behind the refrigerator door.

"Fuck, Benson! How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to know that you and Mel aren't completely identical…"

Sam was fuming. She didn't care right now that Benson had likely seen parts of her that were reserved For Cupcake's Eyes Only. She wanted to kill him – take him apart piece by piece – break him into two hundred and six little individual pieces, one by one – except she knew she couldn't. Regardless of how 'Boy' he was – and how much she wasn't into them, Melanie was – this one in particular. Hurting the Nub meant hurting Melanie, which was just something she could never bring herself to do.

"GAH! AND WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN WE'RE NOT…. OH HELL NO! YOU HAVEN'T SEEN…?"

"Yep." Freddie said with a smile. He knew that Sam knew that he knew.

Sam was cornered, like an injured zoo animal. She was cornered and she felt manic. She did the only thing she could think of, even at seven o'clock in the morning.

"CARLY!"

A sleepy, tousled brunette wandered into the living room, looking heavy-eyed. Sam half expected her to be carrying a teddy bear trailing behind her, like she was a little girl again.

"What's with all the yelling, Mama? It's early…"

Carly Shay, like her lover, was also half dressed, also pants-less. Unlike Sam Puckett, however, she wore a t-shirt oversized enough as to cover anything that would otherwise be of interest. She was polite, but a little bit slow on the uptake, as all the cobwebs had not yet been shaken from her brain.

"Morning, Freddie." She immediately walked over to him and wrapped him into a loose hug, unconcerned that her nether regions were scantily covered by an oversized t-shirt.

She looked to Sam, cowering in the kitchen.

"Uhh….Honey…. where are your pants?"

Sam turned a shade of raspberry, all the while motioning behind Carly.

"They're in the bedroom?"

Sam nodded like a scared little girl. Naked as she was, she couldn't help but stare as Carly's precious little backside swayed in time with her hips as she ran back down the hall and into the bedroom. She returned a moment later with Sam's flannel PJ pants lazily folded over her arm. She sauntered into the kitchen, handing them to Sam, still hiding her nakedness behind the refrigerator door.

Carly turned to Freddie, as gently and politely as she could.

"Freddie, could you…"

"Yeah, yeah, I got you…"

Freddie turned without another word, ascending the stairs. It became obvious to Sam where he was headed. She was yelling again, this time at her love.

"What the Hell? You mean he slept in her bed?"

Carly took it in stride.

"Well, baby… I wasn't about to have him sleep on the couch… and he certainly wasn't going to bunk with us. We may live what some people call an 'Alternative Lifestyle', but that's just too much for me, don't ya think?"

She took Sam by the hand, pulling her out from behind the fridge. She wrapped her into her arms, kissing her sweetly on the lips.

"Good Morning, my little bacon bit. I love you…"

Instinctively, Sam wrapped her leg around Carly's waist, allowing herself to fall slightly forward into her brunette.

"Hey hey now, none of that. We have company."

"He's not company, Carls. Company is people you want to have over. He's like a nubby little cockroach you just can't get to leave…"

Carly gave Sam a stern look.

"Mama…."

Sam instantly melted.

"Sorry, Cupcake… I know he's our friend and Mel's….thing…."

She still couldn't bring herself to say it.

"Sam…."

"Okay, okay, okay…. He's Mel's…. you know… like you, except not curvy enough and less pretty…"

Carly chuckled. This was the best Sam could do. Straight boys made her uncomfortable.

THAT AFTERNOON…

Carly, Sam, and Freddie sat around the table finishing plans for Melanie's homecoming. Carly and Sam had strung a banner across the living room, complete with balloons, while Freddie had a bouquet of roses tucked away in the fridge, awaiting their trip to the airport that evening. Freddie missed her more than he could ever tell Carly and certainly more than he would ever tell Sam. Ever since they had started dating, Melanie Puckett had invaded his dreams. She was all he thought about. He loved the infectious way she laughed. He loved how she lit up a room just by walking into it. Her smile was enough to sustain him for hours on end. It no longer even bothered him that she and Sam – the blonde headed demon of his youth – were nearly identical. That was only on the outside. They were different enough too. He realized now that they were fairly similar on the inside too. The blonde headed demon of his childhood was only a mythical construct – the real Sam was a lot more like Melanie than she would ever let on. Freddie simply smiled.

"What the deuce are you grinnin' at, ya damn cheeseball? I swear, if you're having the nubby little dream about my sister in those leather pants, I'll…"

"Samantha!"

Freddie chuckled.

"It's cool, Carly… and no, Sam, I wasn't…"

"Good then!"

Sam really couldn't have cared less. This was all about being Sam Puckett, the public persona. Sam Puckett, sister of the pop star could care less. She knew Melanie was a big girl and could do as she pleased. Moreover, she knew that Freddie was the best thing in Melanie's life and that he would never in a million years hurt her. It wasn't in his nubby little DNA. She flew off the handle at him, sure, but that was because she had always spent her life protecting sweet, innocent, beautiful Melanie out of necessity. She would do anything in the world for her. Mel was her only sister. She wouldn't acknowledge it publicly – not yet anyway – but she knew, in her heart of hearts, that she would one day be calling Freddie Benson her brother-in-law. Melanie was just that way. She'd given her trust and her heart over to this little tech boy, so wholly and completely – all on her and Carly's word. This was their doing. As much as it made her stomach churn at night, she knew they had chosen wisely.

SEA-TAC AIRPORT, EIGHT-THIRTY THAT EVENING…

"…Good Evening and Welcome to Seattle-Tacoma International Airport…"

Carly and Sam checked the Arrivals board. Virgin America flight 797 would be arriving at Gate A6 at 9:40. Stepping back from the board, they took seats as close to the stairs as they could. This was the closest they could get without dealing with security. Freddie glanced to his right. There were TV crews from every station in town here. They were here, undoubtedly, to get video of Mel upon her arrival. This was iCarly gone global and without any regard for the rules. He only hoped his beautiful blonde remembered the cardinal rule of media, which he drilled into her head before she left. 'No Comment'.

Freddie settled into the uncomfortable airport chair. There were a dozen red roses resting in his lap. He rested his head on Carly's shoulder. She was, in turn, resting hers against Sam. His head on Carly's shoulder, Freddie Benson felt his eyes shut. He'd been running on pure adrenaline all day.

AN HOUR LATER…

"…Attention in the A Concourse… Virgin America flight 797 from Los Angeles arriving at Gate A6…"

Sam, Carly, and Freddie all jumped, instantly awake.

The next ten minutes, all three were on pins and needles. Sam was beyond restless. She was, simply put, pissed off. How dare these media vultures crowd in on the stairs? She decided she had to do something. Unfortunately, Carly could read her Amazon princess like a book. Carly took Sam's hand.

"Honey… Please… please don't…"

Too late.

Sam pushed her way past the rookie reporter, in his bad second-hand suit.

"Out of the way, Jackass!"

"I'm just doing my job, Sweetheart…"

"Oh God…" Carly thought. "He didn't…"

He had.

Sam Puckett was nobody's 'Sweetheart' but Carly's.

"Sweetheart? Sweetheart? I'll show you Sweetheart, Douchebag! Get between me and my sister and you'll eat that microphone, Smartass!"

"Well… That went well…" Carly thought.

Judging by the noise level at the top of the stairs, Flight 797 had just deplaned, with a swarm of Los Angelenos descending on the Emerald City. People were speaking in a rush. Undoubtedly, a number of her fellow passengers had recognized their pretty blonde travel companion from television. All three remaining members of iCarly rushed to the foot of the stairs – Freddie Benson clutching his red roses.

They heard Melanie before they saw her – or rather they heard her boots – Melanie Puckett, a well-worn backpack slung over her shoulder, gracefully descended the stairs. This was no small feat, considering she was wearing both an oversized pair of sunglasses and stiletto heels. She looked every bit the diva.

Then she saw Freddie. She took the last five stairs at a bit of a run.

"BABY!"

She ran to him, overcome with joy. Without thinking, she leapt into his arms, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist and upper torso. Freddie was thankful that the florist had de-thorned the roses. He wanted to talk – tell her just how much he'd missed her – but Melanie was keeping his tongue quite preoccupied. He held her close. He loved every second. She smelled wonderful – a mix of roses and coconut. He wanted to hold her forever. Just then he was brought down to Earth.

Sam had cracked him upside the head.

"Gah! God dammit! Get a room, you two! The good people of Seattle, along with Channels 2, 5, and 7 don't need to see your amateur tonsil hockey!"

Ah, yes. This is what it meant to be Sam Puckett's sister. She was home.

BACK AT HOME…

Melanie, as one would expect, was exhausted. Carly reasoned that the celebration could hold off another day. They deposited Melanie's bags in the living room. Freddie led Melanie upstairs to her bedroom by the hand, as though she were still a little girl. Under the circumstances, Sam didn't protest. She knew that, as repugnant as her stomach found the pairing of Freddie and Melanie to be, her heart knew better.

"The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants" she thought.

Deep down inside, she knew that Freddie and Mel were in this for the long haul and that no one on the planet would make Melanie Elizabeth Puckett happier than Freddie Benson, her nubby little Tech Boy.

As soon as Melanie's bedroom door was shut, Sam made her move. Carly found it odd – and somewhat off-putting – that Sam would pull away from her like this. Sam kissed her cheek quickly and sprinted toward the bathroom.

"Bear with me, Cupcake… I promise."

Carly knew better than to second-guess Mama Puckett. She made her way to the sofa in the still dimly lit living room.

Five minutes later, she heard the bathroom door creak open. It was dark, so she couldn't see Sam, but she certainly knew that she'd changed clothes. Something was wrong. Something was very, very, very wrong.

Sam made her way to the sofa, her hair freshly brushed back, reminiscent of Carly's own. Carly could tell that the shirt was actually one of her own – the navy blue blouse Sam had stolen months ago. It was the only piece of girly-wear she would tolerate. The pants – Oh My God, the pants. Sam had somehow found a pair of black leather pants, identical to the ones Melanie had worn on the show weeks ago.

She spoke to Carly in a tone that was dark and seductive. Sam had never done this before. Carly loved it.

"Sam… What the… Oh my God.. What is this?"

Sam shushed her with one finger to her lips.

"Shhhh Cupcake…. We don't want to wake the children, do we?"

Carly smirked.

"Certainly not…"

Sam drew Carly close before forcing her backwards onto the sofa. This would be a fun evening. There was no more stress. The Shay-Puckett family was whole again.

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