I got my random boots on, I kicked logic's butt hard, I got to work, and I got a motivational revamp. So now this can go on. Not too much plot, (When is there ever?) but full of cockamamie goodness. Enjoy the craze.

We're Not Allowed Back There, Are We?

"Boys, we have a real problem on our hands here," Said yet another useless side character, this time a fat cop standing outside the mall. Useless side-y was eating a pink frosted doughnut whilst watching the swirling tower of flame shooting up directly from the center of the mall. He paid absolutely no attention to the drunk who was successfully hot-wiring their police car, however.

Another useless cop scratched his head. "Yeah, I dunno, chief… doesn't that look hot? And I don't mean Kelly Clarkson hot, I mean stove top hot or worse."

"Yeah, isn't this a job for Sonic?" Asked yet another cop. Also useless.

"Nonsense," The chief laughed. "We've got guns, so load up and—"And at the very moment the cop cocked his gun, more towers of flame ever so synchronically followed the first, all seeming to travel somewhere in an erratic line toward something. The chief's gun arm fell.

"Ohh… Whoops, nevermind. Okay, now it's too dangerous. Heh heh… Hey, who's up for tacos?" He asked more cheerily. Then he shot the first cop a look of resentment when said cop narrowed his eyes sternly at the suggestion. "Oh right, my diabetes and diet 'problem'. Geez, insensitive jerk…"

---

"AHHH!!! LET'S TALK THIS OVER SOME TEA AND DRAKE AND JOSH, OKAY?!" Screamed a sweating, scorched, and now running for sweet life Sonic the Hedgehog as he fled the pillars of flame chasing after him at his speed. By some ironic twists they were somehow keeping up. Oh, and destroying the mall as they went, too. The hedgehog was clutching a GameStop bag that held his PS3 and Nintendo DS, but he accidently let it slip out of his sweaty palms (were the sweat went through the gloves) and the bag went into the tower where it combusted into flame and turned to ash instantly, erasing his Pokemon Platinum file. "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING, MAN?!?"

"My powers are absolute," Sephiroth boasted, still with his creepily non-changing calm expression. "Nothing is impossible…" He suddenly lifted his arms and started floating oh so powerfully into the air, his hair flying around witch style. "…for me."

And then came the meteors. "Can you survive this?"

Sonic stopped running since the flames went out. He looked up. Giant, flaming meteors were sailing towards the mall. He could've sworn the One Winged Angel song just jumped to a whole new level of intense… especially since a random guitarist had started playing a heavy metal solo to it. The Hedgehog cried for a moment. "SHADOW!! GET OUT HERE AND FU$&*%G WARP AWAY THE METERORITES! YOU BROUGHT THIS GUY HERE!!!"

While over at a food stand, Shadow finished a slushy he had purchased during his panic, but tossed it away when Sonic called him. "OKAY! There can only be one Ultimate Life form." Sephiroth had warped behind Shadow, unawares to the black hedgehog. Sonic pointed slowly with his mouth gaping when Sephiroth slowly raised his sword; yet Shadow continued, "It's a battle of the ultimates! There ain't no Góngora here, man! You'll be sorry—"

Suddenly there was a 'squisssh', the sound of a body hitting the floor, and Sonic slowly said, "Shadow…?"

So Sonic cried again… but then suddenly remembered the Chaos Emeralds he had won off of G.U.N during a Christmas party last year in a game of Poker. "That's right... HA! Now just like every other boss I fight, time to get pwned, Sephy … SEGA STYLE! I'LL TEACH YOU TO MESS WITH THIS HEDGEHOG, N00B!"

Sephiroth's smile faded. "…I see."The emeralds spun around Sonic as he floated into the air, and then with a loud shout "NOW I'LL SHOW YOU!" he transformed into Super Sonic! The World is saved! "Time to get jiggy with it! This is for Turby the Turtwig on my Pokémon game you—huh?"

Sephiroth had floated higher into the air, chanting something very ominous…. "The sin… of Heartless Nature…."

"What?!" Super Sonic was glowing pink… and then with an explosion of smoke, was reduced back to regular Sonic. The Emeralds, like every time they are used, had ever so conveniently disappeared. "WTF, MAN!!!"

Back in the sky, the meteors were very close now. Sephiroth grinned wider. Which meant death. "I've a gift for you."

More meteors backed up the first. And somehow, a burning building was in their midst… and the sky went dark as random objects around them began exploding. Including the food stand along with the clerk.

"KNUCKLES, SIKES!!!" Sonic called frantically. But where the Victoria's Secret poster had been before Knuckles stole it, was posted a small note,

"Gone to Mexico for health reasons. Sign, Knuckles & Sikes. P.S. Could you bring me a sub when you visit? This is Knux. Oh, and when you go home—" naturally he meant Sonic's house, "could you check if the water in the kitchen sink is still on? I think I left it on. I had to drink ten gallons of water because of your damn peppers. Also, when does wrestling start tonight? I have to prove to Shadow it's fake. (He still won't believe me.) Huh? Oh, Sikes said Sephiroth summoned more meteorites. Well, later! Oh, make sure you do that stuff! Thanks."

Sonic finished reading the letter and smacked it. "Why was all that in the P.S?" Then the ceiling broke and he timidly looked up. The meteorites had breached the building. However, Sonic could see someone from the flaming building Sephiroth had somehow summoned with his meteors. The person was waving.

"GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!" Vector the Crocodile shouted from the window.

Sonic immediately fell into the fettle position, sucking his thumb and forgot completely he had super speed that could easily help him escape, since he was just scared like that.

Sephiroth grinned wider like a maniac. (Which meant super-death!)Then he laughed until he started coughing. "And this is the end… I will now plunge this world into…"

Suddenly there was a loud bang, and Sephiroth collapsed onto the ground like a rag doll. The meteors fell out of Sephy's control and all fell on top of him with loud fiery explosions, one after another… ever so conveniently missing Sonic by a good yardstick-and-a-half.

Standing at the mall entrance was non other than Tails, dressed in sunglasses, white suit and pants, and a red tie and black shirt under the suit. Sonic noticed his dress shoes looked very expensive… Regardless of which, the fox was pointing a smoking shot gun where Sephiroth had been floating before the bang… you can piece what he did together, can't you?

"Come on, Sonic!" suddenly a van screeched up behind Tails. Inside the mall of course. "Let's get our three tails outta here!!"

Sonic stared for a good five seconds, then got up and ran. "Tails…?" he began as he and the fox got into the van. There were a bunch of Italian guys all dressed just like Tails and carrying semi-automatics. Sonic's eyes bugged and he started sweating bricks and wondered if bricks would end up attached to his feet when they chucked him into the ocean to keep him quiet.... "HOLY SH$%!! IT'S THE MAFIA!!" They all stared at him. "….Hi?"

The van screeched off and fled the mall that was imploding on itself. As they left and were a good half a mile away from the mall, a dark explosion covered where it once was and disappeared as quickly as it started, leaving absolutely nothing behind.

"I met these guys in Florida," Tails explained cheerily as if the explosion Sonic was blanching over never existed, "They said I shouldn't run away from my problems and cry at random carnivals like a two-year-old teenager, and drove me back here! Isn't' that great? They also said for just a little bit of cash, they'd do stuff for me like ditch the bodies or something… as long as I don't use this!" He held up a plastic bag with white 'powder' in it. He turned to a short guy polishing a hammer. "This was called… the merchandise, right Mario?"

"That's-a right, Tails!"

As Sonic's eyes bugged out again and he stared at Mario's new bleached white plumber's cap. I knew he looked richer at the Winter Olympics! Sonic thought. Tails nodded enthusiastically. "They're really nice. Tomorrow, they're going to teach me how to handle cops the right way!"

A cop car siren blared behind them. Instantly, the rest of the Mafia leaned out of the windows and through the convertible rooftop and started shooting. The cop car tire broke and Sonic and Tails heard screeching before a loud crash, explosion, and then an "Aw man!"

Tails smiled. "See?"

Sonic grabbed Tails' arm and jumped out the nearest van window. They rolled on the highway for a couple of feet before the van speeded off with a nitro boost.

Sonic got up and brushed himself and Tails off before grabbing the fox's hand again before walking. "We need to have a little talk."

---

"Hey Sikes? " asked Knuckles, as he sat on a stool to an outdoor food stand. The echidna and Sikes were both dressed in sombreros and holding pina coladas. "Did we do the right thing by leaving? I mean, Sonic and Shadow were still in there. I feel bad."

"Look man," Sikes said, kinda drunkenly with a swaggering finger pointed at him. "We did the right thing by not dying. With any luck, they'll survive. Sonic has the Chaos Emeralds, and besides… it's a party here!"

A guy in a sombrero danced by while shaking Maracas. "Viva la Méjico!" Sikes joined him.

Knuckles looked confused. "Meh-he-co? I thought this was Mexico…"

Sikes laughed something about Knuckles being an uncultured fool. "That's it's real name. Now…" He pulled out needles. "We almost forgot these!"

Knuckles grabbed his arm and dragged him off, leaving their needles and sombreros behind. "We could go without the racial attacks, for once."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Damn. What jokes do we have left then?"

Knuckles slapped him. Sikes just blinked. "That joke's weak."

Knuckles pulled out a pistol, cocked it, and aimed it at Sikes.

"…Heh, and that's overkill. Haha, wimp, you wouldn't—"

And then there was a bang.

---

Later on that day, Sonic and Tails had decided to run home, having to go through the Green Hill Zone, in which they ran over many Flickies, saw many smoking hippies before they finally made it home back in California a minute later.

"Wait… how did we…?" Tails began to ask, but then Sonic's door was kicked open, smacked Sonic in the face, and Shadow burst out with a machine gun. "I'M READY FOR YOU THIS TIME, YOU DAMN FAIRY!!"

When he noticed Sephiroth wasn't there, he said. "…Huh?" Then he saw Tails cowering in fear and Sonic laying on the floor in pain. "Oh uh… whoops." Shadow shrugged helplessly before helping Sonic up. Luckily, Sonic was too stunned to be angry about the bump on his head. "What the crap? Shadow, I thought Sephiroth killed you!"

Shadow shook his head. "Nah. That was one of my countless androids I enslaved during Shadow the Hedgehog. It was the only good thing to come from that game."

"Oh. Cool. It was really nice how you left him and me to die, by the way."

"Yeah, you're welcome." Shadow waved as if it wasn't a big deal. "Anyway, come on. I got us a new game."

Sonic suddenly paled. "Wait a minute… MY DS!! MY PS3!! Sephiroth burned them and—"

Shadow Chaos Controlled a PS3 and a red and black Nintendo DSi in front of them. "Happy now?"

"…What about my Pokémon Platinum file? There was 10 minutes of gameplay on—"

Tails smacked Sonic with the PS3. Shadow stared. "I was going to do that. You're getting better at this. Nice."

"Yeah… thanks. Now what's the new game?" Tails asked, pulling Sonic's unconscious body in through the door and sitting him up like he was playing a game so it wouldn't look suspicious...

Shadow had an unreasonable burst of rage and smacked a flower vase through a window, where it promptly hit an old guy. "I love the youngins," he mumbled from the floor.

"Not now," Shadow sat back down and started drinking a soda from the glass table, "we have to wait for—"

Suddenly Sikes and Knuckles burst in the house, and slammed the door shut, following up by leaning against it. A bang came from the other side of the door. Both echidna's looked wild with fear. "WHY THE HELL DID YOU TRY TO SPEAK SPANISH AFTER YOU SHOT ME IN THE FOOT!?!" Sikes roared at Knuckles.

"I just copied that guy who started talking to us!!" Knuckles shouted back defensively.

"HE WAS DRUNK! HE TRIED TO STOP MY BLEEDING WITH A BEER CAN!!"

"Seriously?"

Shadow took the liberty of ending the chase by Chaos Controlling the floor from under the mob outside. He re-warped it back once the screaming began to fade.

Tails was staring out the window. "…Is that legal?"

"The hell? Why would I do anything legal?"

"Oh, all right…" Tails scratched his head and sat back down, pulling out his favorite Rubik's Cube that could be broken apart and put back together with matching colors.

Slowly, after getting over his concussion as he sat on the couch, Sonic realized that after the inane amount of havoc they had reeked in the hour and a half alone, the property damage, cop destruction, Sephiroth destruction, and mental rehabilitation cost those poor, poor innocent bystanders would need to move on, that one thing was perfectly clear…

"We're never going back to the mall again, are we?" He said lowly, staring ahead with a blankly with an unfixed gaze.

The television was blaring a special emergency broadcast about the mall's complete obliteration. Sikes laughed and pointed. "Hahaha! What mall?"

Sonic finished the job of destruction by swiftly delivering a blind-rage kick to the back of Sikes' head, and the Echidna flew head first through the television screen where it broke in a series of sparks. The blue hedgehog did this only to realize that now he needed to go to the mall again for another television.

~~~ End Chapter!! I Win!~~~