(252): It must be Christmas-time – I've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby.
"A Padfoot Kinda Christmas"
There were times when Remus wondered about his sanity. Not because he transformed each full moon into a wild beast filled with bloodlust that made horror stories real, but because he willingly spent his time with two students who went by the names James Potter and Sirius Black.
He could, he supposed, argue that they were, both of them, very talented, bright young things who would no doubt do supremely well for themselves in the long run (annoyingly this included all of the following: love, money, fame, success, friends and fun (Remus couldn't help but feel the tiniest twinge of jealousy here because, of the preceding items, he could probably only look forward to one (and despite what Dumbledore implied every Christmas, Easter, Halloween and any other day that required a speech, friends could only do so much when you were Troubled (read, in Remus' particular case: a were-wolf)).
As it was, the only thing Sirius was doing for him right now was making him want to dig a hole and hide in it until the winter season passed into spring. He'd just announced to the Great Hall, "It must be Christmas-time – I've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby," then clapped his hands together with what could only be called a lascivious, lecherous leer at little Diana Dawlish, the angelic looking Hufflepuff in the year above.
"Oh Merlin," Remus said summarily, and let his head fall heavily to the tabletop as Sirius waggled his eyebrows at the pretty witch, drawing a vivid blush and much giggly babble. Lily, seated on Remus' left, patted him sympathetically on the shoulder, all the while glaring at Potter and Black – an act she'd mastered long ago (probably by their second year). The former of the Terrible Two – Slughorn had rather a sideline hobby, along with his celebrity-mongering, in nicknames – was trying to persuade her that he was making efforts to understand her world, hence the Christian Christmas reference Sirius had inadvertently let slip earlier than planned. Remus really thought James would've learned by now that Sirius and secrets went together like beef cheeks and lemon sorbet – that is to say, not at all – but his pondering was cut short.
Sirius stood up, and, with a truly breathtaking lack of tact, propositioned Diana with a lewd gyration in her general direction followed by a saucy wink.
At that moment, Remus would have believed in absolutely anything if it had only promised him he could hibernate until spring, when Sirius had no tales of virgins and gods to induce him further into impregnating witches.
Haha. A bit late, but the inspiration arrived eventually. Please, Read and Review Responsibly.