Author's Apologies:
Tasogare is placed on hold indefinitely as author struggles through lack of inspiration and time. There's also a current feeling of disgust when rereading through old draft. The author is not exactly satisfied with her current writing abilities and wishes to polish that further before continuing to write for her dear readers. University is much busier than first expected. But thank goodness for long holidays. So until the next break, all fanfictions will be on hiatus.
I thank all readers who had followed me till now. Thank you for your patience and support. I'm terribly sorry about my lack of organisational skills and general lack of will to write. I've let you, dear readers, down. So I can only hope to redeem myself when l update properly next time.
This is not a goodbye. I promise to return to writing as soon as I can. Hopefully, the product of my long hiatus would be improved substantially and worth reading. And I wish to bring you two fanfictions by my next return. One, of course, would be the continuation of Tasogare. The other would be a Final Fantasy XIII fic: Fight or Flight.
So, please look forward to my return. Thank you all so much for your support and kindness. Apologies for the disappointment and bad news.
Until next time and anticipating your renewed patronage,
~PhantomBlaze
PS: As a small compensation, I have included a teaser for Chapter 4.
Tasogare
Disclaimer: Sunrise and Stephanie Meyer own Mai-Hime/Otome and the Twilight series respectively
Chapter 4: Fujino Shizuru
"You shouldn't do that," a soft voice called out from behind Natsuki.
Natsuki's body tensed up when she recognised the voice. She gave a loud frustrated sigh. Instead of going limp as the figure behind her expected, there was a sudden, furious rush of energy as Natsuki attempted to jerk her arm away.
It barely budged.
The steadfast grip on her arm was surprisingly gentle. This contradiction must had confused Natsuki as she tugged again, refusing to believe that the hold was strong enough not to yield to her.
"You'll hurt yourself if you keep doing that," the soothing, quiet Kyoto-ben chided. Her tone was laced with startlingly genuine concern.
"Leave me alone, Fujino," Natsuki growled. Too angry to use honorifics. "It's not your place to tell me what to do."
"I am on the Student Council, it is my duty to-"
"Mind your own frigging business. This has nothing to do with you!" the snarl ripped through the air like a crack of a rifle, freezing both Shizuru and Natsuki herself. Natsuki was unsettled by her own tone, still resounding through the garden loudly. It reminded her of the days before therapy, before she had learnt to coexist with her demons. Natsuki squeezed her eyes shut. Great, I just took another three steps back.
The slackening of the tension in her grip brought Shizuru out of her shock. Glancing down, she noticed a slight purple shadow starting to bloom across the fair skin of the wrist she was gripping. She bit her lips angrily, realising she'd actually hurt the girl.
"Kannin na," the whisper fluttered past Natsuki's hair like summer's breeze. She relinquished her hold of Natsuki's arm, watching it as it fell back to her sides, limp.
"Why're you being so nice to me?" Natsuki brows furrowed. She flicked her phone lightly away, a defiant gesture. Neither spoke as they watched it roll a short distance away.
There was a soft chuckle, "It's not healthy you know…" there was a rustle of movement which Natsuki deduced as Shizuru adjusting her position. "…to release your anger like that."
Natsuki noticed the voice sounded further off. Turning, she watched as Shizuru settled into the shade, leaning casually against the tree. Crimson eyes twinkled in the darkness, thrown by the canopy of leaves above.
"You got a better idea?" emerald met ruby in a challenging stand off.
"You could always talk to the school's counsellors. They're qualified psychiatrists." Shizuru gave a nonchalant shrug, "There are plenty of alternatives, you know."
Natsuki's eyes never left her face, a defensive display of anger and frustration trying to tell her to back off. Though Shizuru found the raw emotions painful to look at, she continued the eye contact, seemingly unfazed. Both realised that in this game, it was about pushing the boundaries of comfort. But then again, Shizuru thought, amused, this may simply be a battle of stubbornness.
"Well, you think I would?"
The smile that always adorned Shizuru's face widened a fraction before shaking her head. "Ah, that's why I'm so worried about your health. I guess you'll just bottle it up until it explodes, no?"
By this time Natsuki had stood up, arms crossed and leaning her weight on her right foot. Eyebrows still raised in that defiant expression. "I told you, this is none of your concern. And don't start that 'it's my duty' crap."
Holding back no longer, Shizuru let out a laugh. Her ringing mirth warmed the atmosphere quickly. Natsuki, too, could help but feel amused by their conversation, letting a smirk settle on her face. "Kaichou, you said there are many alternatives. You have yet to give me a convincing one."
Shizuru gave a sigh before pushing herself lithely off the tree. Natsuki, you are quite an interesting person, you know that? And impossibly stubborn. As she neared the girl, she let her smile take on a more mischievous edge. She stopped inches before Natsuki's face, watching her tense up but not backing away. Let's add competitive to the list. Shizuru smirked as she bent down to Natsuki's level. She could see a delicate eyebrow twitching, most likely in annoyance. They locked eyes once more: one questioning and one playful. Shizuru raised a finger and gently traced down Natsuki's cheek. Her smirk grew wider as she felt the red heat bursting across those fair cheeks. Oh my, was that a slight tremor?
"Wh-? Argh!" Natsuki shook away her hands and swiftly turned around, her back facing Shizuru to show her displeasure. Natsuki turned to glaring daggers at the grass beneath her feet. Mentally cursing as she realised that it wasn't just the blood vessels in her cheek rebelling against her, her heart was thumping an erratic staccato.
The infuriating chuckle ran out behind her. "Kannin na. I just cannot resist someone as adorable as you, Natsuki."
"St-stop teasing me! I thought we're having a serious discussion about my mental wellbeing!" Right now, Natsuki hated the sluggish stuttering of her speech. What the hell is wrong with you?
"Oh, the atmosphere had become too tense for my liking so I lightened it up a bit." Another nonchalant gesture, unseen by Natsuki. She was still facing the other way, fighting her blush.
"Too tense? You're the one who made it awkward!"
"I apologise. Let's get back on topic, shall we? Pray remind me, where did we left off?"
Natsuki rolled her eyes at the flower bush in front of her. She raised her hand tentatively to her cheeks first, just to check. Damn, still warm. She was not going to give that woman the satisfaction of seeing how affected she was. She collected herself and answered, "You were supposed to convince me there's other ways than throwing a tantrum."
"Ara, then the answer's quite simple. You…" A sudden rustle and Natsuki found herself wrapped in a cool embrace. The abrupt feeling of Shizuru's arms slithering around her waist set her face ablaze, again. "…simply need a hug."
Natsuki let out a surprised gasp, body frozen. Shizuru's chestnut coloured locks cascading over her shoulders and brushing teasingly against Natsuki's cheeks. Her body flamed up. Every sensation seemed to be magnified. She could feel the rise and fall of both their chests as they breathed, Shizuru's cool, sweet breath tickling her neck. The scent of green tea and something floral assaulted her nostrils. The stillness of her own body allowed her to detect a small quivering of the body in contact with hers.
But with her back to Shizuru, Natsuki didn't realise the disturbing cause of the quivering. If she had turned around, then she would have witness an extraordinarily rare sight. Shizuru's usual pleasant mask was distorted by a feral expression of such self loathing and hunger. She could feel herself slipping, mind succumbing to her own darkness.
Shizuru realised in a panic that she made the wrong move. Yet the pleasant warmth of their combined body heat, Natsuki's soft, pale neck was deliriously tempting. It took Shizuru all her energy to restraint herself from letting her predatory instincts take over. She could feel the opposite forces tensing and straining her muscles, sending her body quivering. But otherwise, she remained stationary. Her vision blurred. The soft light bouncing off Natsuki's neck gave it a welcoming glow, beckoning her. Shizuru's tongue slowly glided across her dry lips and she took a shuddering breath.
Another mistake. She was almost knocked unconscious by the force of desire that erupted within. Natsuki's sweet scent numbed her brain like a drug. The throbbing of Natsuki's lively pulse was so tangible- the rhythm resonated throughout Shizuru. Several times, her quivering lips had come hovering dangerously close to Natsuki's neck, with mouth parting open and canines extending into fangs.
Each time, with her beautiful face contorting up in pain and disgust, she managed to pull herself away. The difficulty increased steadily. She attempted to hold her breath in, determined not to let Natsuki's scent tempt her. Exhaustion gnawed away at her self control. She squeezed her eyes tight shut, determined not to let the sight entice her, hoping her irrational desires will pass soon.
"K…Kaichou! I don't need a hug!" Natsuki pushed her away, finally regaining control of her own body. Though not entirely. Her face appeared to be set permanently in that ripe shade of red.
Shizuru let out a sigh of relief as she willingly allowed herself to be shoved. Shizuru, Shizuru. She chided herself. Don't get overconfident about your self-control. It was suppose to be just an experiment; to prove a point to herself. But she had no idea that she had almost bitten off more than she could chew. Funny metaphor, that. Composure resettled itself as the wild look rippled away. Her smile reappeared in time as Natsuki whirled around with a glare.
"If you feel you have to maintain that tough image in front of everyone, including me, then I can just instruct Hikaru to give you a daily dose of hugs. Affectionate, understanding, motherly gestures are said to be comforting after all." Shizuru gave her a playful wink, mentally sighing in relief when she felt in control of herself again.
"Tch, nice try. Hikaru won't hug me. She, for one, actually knows what personal space means," that was bluffing but Natsuki would rather not reveal to her that Hikaru had a tendency to glomp her like a teddy bear. She gave a small sneer at the recollection of her cousin before asking again, "Anything else? If you don't, then you should stop minding my business."
Shizuru's playful expression dropped into something more serious. "You can always talk to me. I'm quite willing to listen."
Her serious proposal seemed to have stunned Natsuki. A long silence followed as Natsuki looked like she was debating over the suggestion. A small flame of hope flared up with Shizuru as she smiled at Natsuki's look of intense concentration. Her face underwent several changes, brows furrowing or relaxing depending on the thoughts that flew across. The girl was so vulnerable and so open once the ice had melted through.
Don't forget. Shizuru stiffened. A familiar, yet faceless, voice echoed through her mind again. Who was it? Why can't she remember? Don't forget your promise. Shizuru gritted her teeth as she searched through her memories for the owner of that voice. Images from long lost past flashed by. Smiles, tears, births, deaths, nameless people, friends… A sudden pain throbbed at her temple, coinciding with the flash of darkness that engulfed her. Nothing. A black emptiness stretched out before her. Only the pain remained, pulsing with a regular beat. Shizuru bit down on her lips to stop a gasp from escaping. Then voice came again, feebly this time. Protect her with your life. My summer princess… The words faded, the pain subsided. Shizuru's brows furrowed slightly in confusion. What was that?
"Kaichou…" a tentative, uncertain voice brought Shizuru back.
She smiled reassuringly to cover her little slip, "I'm sorry, you were saying?"
Natsuki rolled her eyes, "Don't make me repeat myself."
"I'm sorry, I… You see, there's a lot on my mind too," Shizuru was surprised at her own frankness but continued despite that, "It might do me good if I practise what I preach." Hoping that would be enough to cast away Natsuki's discomfort. Trust is a two-way street after all.
Natsuki stared at her, a little surprised at the implications of her words. Why would that kaichou want to confide in her? She shrugged, not knowing if it was directed at Shizuru's words or herself. She's weird but at least she's actually concerned. It felt nice, Natsuki had to admit, to have someone, other than her family, watching out for her.
Fidgeting slightly, she repeated, "I said I'd… like that. To talk to someone, I mean you, about my…troubles," This time, she got through without stuttering. Thank god she didn't hear me the first time. Natsuki mentally slapped herself.
Natsuki watched as Shizuru's smile widened into genuine, contagious happiness. Her own lips curved up in reflection. It was a hard decision to come to though, since she had never even thought about consulting someone outside her family circle. But she had rather enjoyed talking to the kaichou. It was different, at least entertaining, for them both. It didn't feel like some social obligation. Sometimes, it was easier to speak to a stranger than someone close. A stranger would probably not be as judgemental or biased.
Natsuki looked at Shizuru, "There's a condition to that though. I'll talk if you're willing to follow through your part of the deal."
Fair eyebrows rose, extremely curious, "You wouldn't mind me harping on about my complaints?"
"I tell you my problems. You tell me what's troubling you in exchange. Fair deal to me."
Shizuru chuckled, happy to see that they'd made some progress, "All right. So, who's first?"
A smirk tugged at Natsuki's lips. "You. Starting from why you ran off this afternoon." Seeing the quizzical look, Natsuki clarified, "Why you ran off during biology."
"Oh that," Shizuru actually looked uncomfortable. She swallowed. It'll be hard to explain but getting Natsuki to open up to me is worth it. "Fine, it's a deal."
They reached forward to seal the deal with a hand shake. When it ended, Shizuru was still holding onto her hand. Natsuki was about to protest but a gentle pull cut her off. Shizuru gave her an assuring smile before nodding her head back towards the big oak tree. "We should get comfortable. Might be a long story."
Natsuki laughed as she allowed herself to be led to the base of the tree, "Anything to get away from festival preparations." She sat down, cross-legged, besides the kaichou. Shizuru tugged her long legs beneath her body. Natsuki couldn't help but wonder if she would get pins and needles. Natsuki's old teachers used to punish her by making her kneel in that posture, with a straight back, for hours on end.
Shizuru's scarlet eyes lidded, clearly relaxed in her position, "But first," Her melodic Kyoto-ben danced out her lips, "You should start calling me Shizuru. It's only fair since I had already started calling you Natsuki."
Natsuki's lips curved into an amused smile. She adopted her relaxed air before replying, "Fine with me, Shizuru. So tell me, are you that scared of blood?"
Subject to revisions and changes in the future.