Expectations of Approval

Chapter Fourteen: Unexpected Inner thoughts

I watch them as they sneak glances at one another during the sorting ceremony. Oliver ignores me and the other doesn't notice. He never does . . . but I don't know today everything is so hard to think about, to understand.

Because as time passes he just keeps on getting more and more beautiful. No longer lanky, but a nice ton figure he gets from Oliver forcing him to exercises. His pretty tall now, missing Oliver's height by only a few inches. Maybe it's all the times he has spent out in the sun but his hair has these golden highlight against his normal crimson hair. Lately it has gotten longer, Oliver tells me he only cuts it when people remind him, he forgets, just letting it grow out because he is too busy to stop and have it cut. It covers his eyes now.

Those gorgeous blue eyes that have captivated both Oliver and myself for almost two years now. I think I've seen them display just about every mix of emotion there is.

He doesn't know but I have watched him. I watch as he looks at Oliver when he thinks no one it looking at him. I watched him as he spaced out during class and when he poured over his notes. I watched him scold his brothers. I watched as he was teased, mistreated and ignored by them. I watched him care for Ginny, the only sibling to notices her brother's true nature.

I don't just watch him, I watch over him.

Oliver had been dead set on working summers to pay for the fees Percy couldn't pay, and wouldn't pay to get his license. I had my parent's sponsor Percy, they pay for every thing he might need. My family is pretty well of and sponsoring a promising young wizard isn't uncommon for them, either way I'm their only child and Percy a close friend. So I know everything about his progress. I know how much he has worked, how much he has learned and how close he is to making it. I know how nervous he must be now waiting for the results and that this year's course depends on those scores. I know it all.

Though Percy doesn't know any of this, he thinks the funding was something Dumbledore was able to arrange and that he is the only one besides Oliver that knows he is done with Hogwarts. I asked Dumbledore not to tell him and to tell about his progress in class so my father wouldn't question our 'friendship' I asked him to do that for me because I can't let him know. I just can't.

He confuses me.

He infuriates me.

And I just don't know why.

I'm so jealous of all he has but I can't stop helping him. And I just don't know why I keep Oliver beside me anymore. I had made him promise me that he would not act on his feeling for Percy. I told him to be with and I would help Percy with everything he might need, and he could leave my side if Percy told him he had feeling for him. So I could protect Oliver from Percy. Because I was sure that He would only say something if he was sure . . . if he had finally decided, not Oliver deciding for him . . . Knowing he did that would only hurt Oliver and . . .

at first I was only looking out for Oliver. I only cared about Oliver . . . and now I don't know.

Maybe I'm not protecting Oliver from Percy's damn indecisiveness anymore.

Maybe it's that I would be jealous of Oliver if he was with Percy.

Merlin, I'm so messed up.