Stan was overwhelmed. Everything was spinning out of control, and he couldn't keep up. His new friends were starting to become more divided, torn apart by a school-wide political issue that had started to spread to the rest of South Park. His father had betrayed Stan by jumping headfirst into the fad, suddenly trying to act the part of a cool musician. His girlfriend was slowly starting to become annoyed at him, especially after his fist fight with Kyle….

Kyle.

He was the cause of all of his problems. If he hadn't gone to that camp, and hadn't turned his back on everyone, then they wouldn't have gotten into their fight, and the bullying at school wouldn't have started, and Wendy wouldn't be mad at him, and his dad wouldn't be acting like someone he clearly wasn't….

Stop.

Stan knew the truth. He knew that although Kyle had started the ball rolling, it wasn't really Kyle's fault. He knew that. He also knew that a lot of his problems stemmed from his own homophobia and failure to understand his former best friend's motivations. It had been HIM who had pushed Kyle away, not the other way around.

It had taken him a while to come to terms with this. However, he didn't want it to be true. He wanted to blame Kyle, because it was easier. He didn't want it to be completely his fault.

He knew what he had to do. He had to apologize. Things were getting way out of hand, and he couldn't seem to stop it. Stan knew that he had to suck it up and take responsibility for his falling out with his friends, and soon, before it was too late.

He was terrified, though, that he had waited too long.

Stan wasn't really listening to his friends as they chatted. They were talking about one of their former friends who had turned toward "the dark side," as they called it. Instead, he was imagining what it would be like when he apologized to Kyle, and frowned to himself when the imaginary Stan threw up all over Kyle's brown graphic tee.

"Hey Stan!"

He blinked, looking up. Kenny was approaching him, waving at him from up the hall. Stan caught a flash of red hair disappear from further down the hall, and instantly recognized it as Kyle.

"Oh, fuck. Stan, don't let that poser near us," one of his new friends whined quietly as Kenny came up.

"Hey Stan," Kenny repeated, a grin on his face. "What's new?"

"Why don't you go hang out with a different crowd, maybe one that's more like you?" sneered one girl.

Kenny blinked, obviously taken aback. "Excuse me?"

"Uh, come on Kenny, let's go this way. I'll see you guys later," Stan quickly said, taking Kenny's arm and steering him away.

"What the fuck was that about?" Kenny asked, pulling his arm away.

"I don't know. I'm sorry."

"You better be. You should have stood up for me! Shit dude, since when did you turn into such a pussy?"

"I'm sorry!"

Kenny sighed, obviously frustrated. "Ok, it's… it's fine. Look. We need to talk."

Stan swallowed. "Yeah, we do. I need to apologize to Kyle."

"Um, yeah. I thought you were going to get on that sooner than this."

"I know, I just… I'm … I don't know."

"Stan, I know that you're terrified about what's going to happen, but you really need to do this. Shit is going down at this school, and you really need to decide what team you're playing for."

"I know. I'll… talk to him tomorrow after school."

"Good. We miss you Stan."

Stan nodded, feeling like the lowest scum on earth. "I miss you guys too."

-.-.-.-.-.

"I'm going to apologize to Kyle tomorrow."

"Really? I'm so happy Stan!"

"It's… overdue. And I've been acting like a complete asshole." Stan flopped back on his bed, holding his cell to his ear.

"I can't really argue with you."

"Gee, thanks Wendy. You're supposed to be on my side."

"I am, Stan. I am. But… you have to admit, this situation really has gotten out of control. I understand your feelings, but I'm still convinced that Kyle didn't do this to spite you. He really loves you, Stan."

"I know. Look, I'll see you tomorrow. I have to figure out what I'm going to say to him."

"Ok. I love you Stan."

"Love you too."

He flipped his phone shut, and stared up at the ceiling. Enough was enough. He was going to own up to his mistakes.

"I overreacted," he said softly to the empty room. "I got upset when I thought that he changed because he wasn't happy with our friendship… but I got scared that I was attracted to him. I'm… I'm attracted to him."

He breathed in a shaky breath. This was going to be a long night.

-.-.-.-.-.

Stan stayed near Wendy all day. Neither of them talked much, to others or to each other. As the day passed, Stan grew more and more nervous. It didn't help that Cartman kept shooting him dirty looks whenever he saw him.

When the final bell rang, Stan was practically in a state of panic. He hated confrontation, especially when it involved Kyle. He got up from his seat, ignoring all of the other students around him as he made his way to his locker. Wendy was there waiting for him.

"Are you ready?"

"No," he answered miserably, but truthfully.

"It will be fine, Stan. Let's go. He agreed to meet you outside."

He followed her obediently, his heart racing and his palms sweating. He didn't want to do this, but he knew he had to. He HAD to. His stomach twisted uncomfortably.

When they walked outside, he spotted Kyle almost instantly. He was standing by Kenny and Cartman.

"Wendy…" he said, his voice sounding faint. "Do you think that you can take Kenny and Cartman, and let me talk to Kyle alone?"

"Sure… I think it's better that way," she said, her voice strong and supportive. "Come on. Let's walk there together, and then I'll take the boys away."

He felt a bit more confident. Wendy was amazing, and he knew that no matter what, she would always be there for him. After all, she had put up with him for this long. He walked boldly up to his former group, his heart still pounding but his nerves calmed somewhat.

The three of them watched Stan and Wendy as they came up. Out of all of them, Kenny's face was the friendliest. Kyle had a sour look on his face that didn't come across as welcome and Cartman…. Well, Cartman looked like he would kill him if he had the chance.

"H-Hey guys," Stan greeted awkwardly.

"Hey," Kenny replied. The others stayed silent.

"Look," Wendy took over. "Kenny? Cartman? I think Stan and Kyle should talk alone, so why don't we go over there and wait for them? Come on."

"I don't want to go anywhe-"

"Shut up, Cartman," Kenny warned, shooting him a look. "Let's go."

Cartman looked from between Kyle and Stan, and scowled. He shot Stan one last dirty look before reluctantly following Wendy and Kenny back toward the school.

Kyle crossed his arms over his chest, looking directly at Stan. Stan swallowed.

"S-so, I… I wanted to apologize."

Kyle pursed his lips, not offering a reply. Stan took a deep breath.

"I'm… sorry. I acted like a complete asshole. I should have apologized a long time ago. I'm so sorry Kyle."

Kyle was silent for a moment, Stan's apology hanging in the air. He studied his friend's face, trying to read the expression there.

"Stan," Kyle began. "Do you know why I'm upset with you?"

Stan blinked.

"I came out to you, Stan. You were the first person I came out to, and you fucking tore me down. Out of everyone, I thought that you would have understood. I thought that you would be there for more. But you weren't. Instead, you pretty much said you were disgusted by me. Hell, you even called me a fag! Then, to make matters worse, you go and tell other people. I thought that you were my best friend… I would have never thought you capable of doing any of that!"

"I… I know, Kyle… I…. I'm so sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me… I… I seriously fucked up, Kyle, and I'm so sorry…"

"You know what probably hurts even above all else? That you didn't trust me. You thought that I had changed, but in reality, Stan, I haven't. I'm the same Kyle I've always been. Look… before camp, I felt lost. I felt like every day, I had expectations that I had to uphold. For example, I had to be a good student, because otherwise my parents would be upset when I didn't get into a good school and become a lawyer like my dad. I used to want that! I used to want to study, get good grades, and go to law school. But I changed my mind. But instead of admitting it, I continued to follow that path that had been set out for me. I played the part because it was expected of me. I was miserable. But going to that camp made me realize that I couldn't just live up to my parents' expectations and ignore my own wants and needs. So I changed my clothes. I mean, shit, Stan, it wasn't so much about making a statement to South Park as it was to myself – I felt like changing my clothes was a liberation, not a statement of defiance. I did it for myself, not for this school and not for this town."

Stan listened closely to Kyle's explanation, feeling stupid and humiliated. Kyle continued.

"Stan, our fight had a lot to do with miscommunication, and I'm sorry I didn't explain myself better. Had I been completely upfront about this whole ordeal, then maybe you wouldn't have felt like I had turned my back on you. You're my best friend, and I didn't realize that my actions would make you feel like I had betrayed you. So I'm sorry as well, Stan."

"Kyle…. Fuck, don't apologize to me," Stan sighed, shaking his head and looking away. "Kyle, this whole thing is my fault. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Well, maybe punching you wasn't really the right way to go."

Stan chuckled a bit, glancing at Kyle. Kyle smiled at him.

"Kyle, I'm sorry. I blew everything out of proportion. I wasn't thinking about you, or anyone else… I was just being selfish."

"I can forgive you." Kyle put a hand on Stan's shoulder. "We've been through a lot, and we can make it through this, too." He squeezed his shoulder gently. It felt warm and…

Oh, shit. Suddenly Stan blanched. Kyle looked shocked.

"Stan? Stan? Are you ok? Holy shit dude, you look sick."

Stan shook his head, moving away from Kyle's hand. "I'm fine, Kyle…" he croaked.

Kyle paused. "Do I… gross you out?"

He shook his head even harder, but his stomach lurched so he had to look away.

"I fucking gross you out!"

"No, it's not like that, Kyle…" This wasn't happening.

"Then why the hell do you look like you're going to be sick?"

"Kyle, I… That's not what this is."

"Then what is it?"

"I…" He couldn't say it. There was no way. It would jeopardize any hope that he had of becoming friends with Kyle again. It would also put his relationship with Wendy in danger, and Stan wouldn't let that happen.

Kyle pursed his lips. "What?" he demanded angrily. "Is this why you freaked out when I told you? And why you called me a fag, and told your friends? Because you're bothered that I'm gay?"

"No! Kyle, please believe me. It doesn't bother me that you're gay!"

"Then tell me why you freaked out, when I first told you and just now."

"I… I can't."

"Why not?"

"I just can't."

Kyle frowned, and then reached forward again to touch Stan's arm. Stan instinctively jerked away before he could stop himself. They both froze, Stan staring at Kyle with wide eyes, and Kyle looking as if he had just been slapped in the face.

"Y… You asshole," Kyle muttered, looking at him disbelievingly.

"K-Kyle, no, it's not what it looks like."

"Then explain it to me."

He had nothing to say.

"You know, I can't fucking believe you. How can someone who claims to be my friend be sickened by me?"

Stan was overwhelmed. He didn't know what to say, and he didn't know what to do. Everything was falling apart. "Kyle!" he begged. "Please!"

"Fuck off, Stan!"

"Trust me, please!"

"How can I?"

Stan could feel his defenses come up, and he couldn't stop it. "You're just as bad as me!" he accused, his anger starting to build. "You accused me of not trusting you when you came back from camp, but you're just as unwilling to trust me now!"

"Because you're about to fucking puke just because I touched you!"

"I'm telling you that it isn't what it looks like!"

Stan could vaguely hear running footsteps approaching, but he ignored them.

"Well then explain to me exactly what's going on!"

"I already told you I can't!"

"Why the fuck not?"

"Just because!"

"Oh, just because? Why didn't you just say so?"

"You know, go fuck yourself, Kyle. This isn't all about you."

"Excuse me?"

"Whoa, whoa, guys!" Kenny cried out, quickly putting his body in between each of them, successfully preventing Kyle's angry lunge forward.

It was at that point that things got a little crazy. It happened so fast that it was like a blur. Kyle was shouting at him, and he was shouting back. Kenny was trying to shout above them that they both needed to calm the fuck down. Stan could hear someone else shouting, but he wasn't sure where it was coming from.

Kyle and Stan struggled to get around Kenny, and the lithe blonde was only able to hold them back for so long. Finally, Stan broke through, and jumped at Kyle. The three of them fell, rolling on the ground.

"Fuck, Stan!" Kenny cursed, scrambling up to try to separate them again.

Stan and Kyle weren't throwing punches this time, probably because they had both learned their lesson. Also, Stan didn't really want to hurt Kyle. He pinned him down, straddling him and shouting in his face. They both shouted, neither hearing each other's words. Kenny grabbed at Stan, yelling at him to get off of Kyle, but Stan didn't listen, and shoved his blond friend roughly.

Stan didn't really notice right away what was going on, but the loud honk and sickening thump made him look up and freeze. A car screeched to a halt, and he could see the blood splattered all over the hood of the car and the road.

He heard a sound that sounded like an enraged animal, but he wasn't really sure where it was coming from. All he could understand in that moment of shock was the fact that his friend was smeared all along the pavement.

And it had been his fault.

"Oh my god," he whispered, his hands clutching tightly at Kyle's shirt. "I-I killed Kenny…"