Love, it means a lot to a person. If your mother says it to you it means that she cares dearly about you because you are her child, it means that she will protect you from all that is bad and will check under your bed for monsters that do not exist. In the dictionary it means a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. To humans it means that you care about someone so much that you will do anything in the world to keep them safe and happy. From what I know it's the feeling you get with a first kiss, the magical moment where your insides feel like there are giant butterflies in them and everything on the out feels like jell-o. But what does it mean to something like an angel? Something that should not have any emotions at all?
I thought for the longest time over this world, something that would always confuse me and make me wonder all about the human mind. When Castiel said the worlds, it made me feel like something new, like I was something worth protecting. Love. Castiel had told me that he loves me and I could not tell him back that I loved him, because I really did not know what the word meant. I had asked Dean and he just gave me a little laugh and walked away. I asked Sam and he told me it was caring for someone so much that sometimes it even hurts, which confused me to a new level. Then I asked Bobby what it meant, I didn't know if he was the guy to go to or not but still, I needed to know.
" Bobby, what is love?" I asked when he was in his kitchen, alone. Cas was with the boys on some mission and I decided to stay back. Cas was fine with it and when he left he gave me a kiss and said he loved me again. Love, there was that little word again.
" What?" He said with a tone that said he really didn't know what I was trying to say.
" What is love." I asked again, meaning every word of it. I needed to know and from his thoughts he would be the one to really know what love is, I mean he has had a wife and he must know what love really is, or at least thats what I hope.
" Why do you want to know?" He asked, not in a very harsh way, just in a questioning way, wanting to know why an angel would care about love.
" Castiel said it to me." I said as I looked at my shoes, they needed to be replaced badly. I did not want to look Bobby in the eyes because I did not want to see what he was thinking. " And I could not respond with I love you too because I do not know what the word really means. I mean I know that love is an emotion that you show with someone when you really care about someone, and I know that I really do care about him, it's just that I know that is now all that love is, it's something that someone cannot just go up to a stranger and say. I just really need to know, what is it really?" I ask as he sits in his chair where all of his books about creatures and about cursed things, his books were all opened and on one another.
" Love." He said under his breath, as he took off his hat and put it back on. " Sit." He said as he pointed to a chair and I did and he looked at me. His eyes were remembering the past, remembering all that used to be and what would never be again." Love is something that is almost funny, not in the laughing kind of way either, in a odd way. Most humans think that it's easy to fun fall into love, like it really is in the movies, which it ain't. It's unexpected, it's something that you cannot plan out and you just can't say that you're in love with someone. To really be in love with someone, it has to come from the heart you have to really and truly mean that you are in love with them. It's painful at times and it can suck like hell. It's crazy and it's something that no human can go without because without love then life can be meaningless. It's hard and you have to put your heart and soul into it for it to be real love, but you have to remember you are not the only one involved. You have to look out for the person that you are saying you are in love with, you have to make sure that nothing will happen to them because if it does then you will hurt also. Sometimes it feels like you are putting your heart into someones hands and just saying here, take this and do whatever you want to it because you are the only one that I want to have this. I sure know that it was the way that it felt with me at least." He said as he looked a a picture of a beautiful woman, someone that he never really told me about, I did not know who she was until now.
" Is that your wife?" I asked as I moved in closer to him.
" She was." He said as he looked down. " And she was really something too." He mumbled, I did not think that he wanted me to hear that last part. He walked to the fridge and grabbed another beer. These hunters really liked here alcohol around here. " So that's love for ya, happy now?" He said as he looked me in the eyes and waited for a response.
" Yes, thank you." I said as I walked out the door. From what I got, love was good and bad, it sucks like hell and it's something from the heart. You give your heart to someone and you just let them do whatever to it. . . I should have asked if Bobby really meant that or not. . . I do not think that humans really can take their hearts out without dying though. . .
I started to walk through all the different cars and not really caring where I was going, I was just kind of going through all of them. Love was the only thing that was on my mind, it was the only thing that I could really think about because of when Castiel had said to me.
" Victoria." I knew that snotty, I'm higher up in the chain then you will ever be tone. I knew who it was and I did not want to speak to him, ever. He was the type of guy that if you were hurt in the middle of the road and a tractor trailer was coming, he would just keep on walking and get a better spot to watch the show from." We must speak." He said as he turned me around to face him, rather jerking me to face him.
" Listen Zachariah I really don't have a lot of time to talk and I really don't want to talk to you so if we could speed this up a little it would be good." He sighed and rolled his eyes, I always knew that being a tad bit rude with the dude would get you so far in this world. It was just the way that it worked I guess, but I knew the trick to the trade and I would use it for the rest of my life.
" It is time, you know that Lilith must be killed. That she is the seal that must be broken, Micheal and Lucifer will face off and for that to happen Lucifer has to be set free from his cage." He said in his tone. " So why would you take Sam off of the demon blood?"
" Because maybe this whole thing is not a good idea Zachariah! Maybe this is not smart to do, I mean if we keep Lucifer in his cage then then no humans will die from this!" I said, yes I do know that Lucifer will be set free and that Lilith is a seal, we all do. Some of us Angels just try to deny it though, because we don't want any of this to happen, but God has commanded it.
" It has to be this way, not go do it, or are you rebelling too?" He said, a rebelled angel would never be allowed in heaven again, would never have their powers again. I would never let that happen to me.
" I am not rebelling, I will make sure that it will happen." I said as I left him where he was standing and just left. I did not know really where I was going but after I left Zachariah I just walked around in a town that I did not know where I was.
I found myself miles away from Bobby's tone, miles away from anywhere really, I mean I knew that I was not in a desert type of place, but it was like nice wet lands either. It was a place that I could not explain for the best of me, full of trees and wild life though. I just let all of the wild life come around me, I knew that I should be doing other things, but this was what I was doing for now. I closed my eyes and rested my head on one of the many trees that had surrounded me. I stayed there for hours at least before I knew that someone would come looking for me, so I took off and went into a small town that was around the corner of the little forest. I knew that if something were to happen that Cas would come and find me, which he did.
" Vicky!" He said as he wrapped his arms around me tightly. There was something wrong, there was tone in his voice that sounded of fear and almost a worried tone at once." There you are." He whispered as he moved in closer to me and kissed me on the lips. It was one of the most romantic kisses we have ever shared before, one that I could not explain for the best of me, something that cannot ever happen again because it was that perfect.
" Is there something wrong Cas?" He just looked down at the ground and stayed there like that, not moving and looking like he was ashamed at something. He pulled me in closer and held me there, my head on his chest and his head on top of mine, his vessels heart was pounding very hard. I knew right then and there that it was something that was worse then I thought.
" Yes Vicky, there is something terribly wrong." He did not pull me away from him or anything, we were going to stay like this and do nothing about moving." Sam Winchester has left Dean and is setting off to kill Lilith, all of the other seals have been broken and now it's time for the final one to be done. We have Dean in a safe place and I will stay with him to make sure that he does not get out while all of this is going on, and you have to stay with Sam and Ruby." He said as he pulled me in closer, he knew that I would not like what he had just said. I was as close to Castiel as I ever could be, as much as it was possible.
" You mean I have to be there when Lucifer rises again? I have to be there and watch as Sam pretty much turned into a demon to kill Lilith? I have to do this?" I said as I tired to pull away but Cas kept me in his arms. I never really knew he was this strong before, because I was trying with all my might to break away from him and he was just keeping me in his safe arms.
" I do not want you to, but you have to Vicky. Please do not get yourself hurt through all of this and when Lucifer does rise, make sure that you get out of there and make sure that Sam does too." He said as he kissed me on the forehead, trying to make sure that I stayed calm and that I knew that everything was going to be alright with his kiss.
" I'm almost scared for you Castiel." I smiled as I tried to make all of this a little better.
" Why is that?" He said as he tilted his head a little to the side. He looked so cute like that it made me want to smile my head off and just stay like that forever.
" Because I think that Lucifer had the biggest crush in the world on me and when he finds out were together like this. Oh, it's game over for my little Cas." I smiled as he started to laugh, all he didn't know was that maybe true. " So how long do we have to be together for?" I asked as I looked up at him and saw the sadness in his eyes.
" Less then an hour." He said as he looked down at me and pulled at one of my curls lightly and made it bounce back into its place in my hair. " I'm going to be spending very minute that we have left together until the time where we have to go our own ways. When all hell breaks lose I'm going to make sure that you are safe Vicky, I'm going to make sure that you are safe, always." He gave me a little half smile before he took me by the shoulders and walked me down the street.
We both could not bring ourselves to talk about very, but we never spoke about what we were going to be doing today, that we may never be seeing each other again. That's silly thinking, of course we are going to be seeing each other again, we had to. The tension was in the air between us, I would never say it but I was scared and I think that Cas was feeling the same way, but he could hide his a little better. Soon enough my breathing was becoming uneasy and choppy, Cas just took my hand, kissed it and told me that everything was going to be just fine.
Cas and I had found out was into a little café that was beautiful, Castiel and I did not know what to order, so we told the person who was working to order for us and he did. For me he ordered this latte thing, I do not know but it tasted really good, and for Cas he ordered a regular coffee. Cas didn't seem to really like his coffee but he drank it anyways, I loved my little latte thing. . . We were the only ones in the café that was not working there. I had pulled Cas from his seat over into the seat closest to mine so that we were as close as could be.
Cas and I were still silent, so I just started to play with his beautiful brown hair. It was always the same, I mean it was always up just a little in the front and I could not help but to love it so much, it made me was to play with it every time that I saw it. Cas just let me play with his hair for at least ten minutes before he lightly pushed my hands away. He smiled and he leaned in closely to me and kissed me gently on the lips.
" I do not know what it is about your lips, but I am very addicted to them Vicky, really I cannot get enough of them." He smiled as he pulled me in for another kiss. I wish that this could go on forever to be honest, me and Cas sitting in a little shop kissing like there was nothing going on, no war that was about to start and nothing to worry about. I knew that it was getting close to time, I knew that I was going to have to leave my Cas soon. He knew it too, that's why he put his arms around me and pulled me into a hug.
" Remember." He whispered into my ear. " When Lucifer rises from perdition, make sure that Sam Winchester gets out of there safely. But even if you cannot get him out of there, make sure you get out of there safely, please Vicky make sure that you get out of there. I do not think that I could go on knowing that you are not alive anymore. Please make sure that you will be safe, promise me?" He asked me this question and meant it too. He really wanted me to tell him that I would rebel from my orders if I could not do them without getting myself hurt? Did he really care about me this much? But then I thought for a second and realized that I would be asking him the safe if he was in my place.
" Cas, I promise that I will keep myself safe. I just wish that you will keep yourself safe too and wont do anything stupid." I smiled as he smiled even wider then I was.
" I will keep myself safe, I promise Vicky." His words made me feel so much better. I could feel a little of the pressure falling off of my chest. He kissed me on the lips, one of the ones that can never be re-made or even could be done better by any other person. I really adored these kissed more then anything else, they were the most amazing feeling in the world. " I love you more then anything in the world Victoria. You are the light of my life." He smiled as I got another amazing kiss.
" Castiel I love you too." He just smiled as looked down as his cup of coffee. His smiled was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen before.
" You do not know how great that is to hear Vicky." He said as he took my by the hand and we left the café.
This may be the last time that I see Castiel, but I doubt that it will be, I mean if father really believe that we were meant to be and all of the worlds that he had once said to us, long ago before he left heaven all together, then we should be fine. Castiel looked like he could have a panic attack when he left me, I let him leave first and let the sound of wings wash over me, I felt like I was going to cry but I knew that I would not. I felt like there was something missing from me, this must be the painful side of love that Bobby was talking about. . .