AN: Oh man, you guys. I had THE hardest time writing this chapter. First off, I had absolutely no time to do it. I just couldn't get life to leave me alone long enough to make this happen. So, for all of you, I'm staying up pretty late to finish it.

Secondly, like Beckett, I'm a closed off person, so while I can pretend to be Castle because he's nothing like me, it's harder for me to channel Beckett b/c it's like putting myself(minus the stilettos,{I'm 6 feet tall, don't need 'em} general gorgeousness and hot funny guy following me around) on the page.

So, I'm a little nervous about this one because it's pretty big. Let me know what you think. You guys are the best, don't forget that!

Don't Own CASTLE. Don't own the last line either.

Castle poked his head through the barely-open door in his upstairs guest room for the fifth time in an hour. He looked in and saw the prone from of Kate Beckett in the middle of the bed. Satisfied that she was all right, he turned to leave.

"You're hovering, Castle," A raspy tired voice broke through the silence.

Castle turned back around and entered the bedroom with a slight smile.

"I thought you were sleeping."

"Can't sleep." She replied. "Doesn't change the fact that you've been in here like six times already. Shouldn't you be writing or something? Maybe sleeping?"

"Five times, actually, and why aren't you sleeping? Do you need anything? Are you uncomfortable?" He asked, concerned.

"No, I'm good." She replied. "Just can't sleep."

"Yes, I heard you." He replied, getting annoyed at her question-dodging. "What I'm asking is: WHY can't you sleep?"

"Can't shut off my brain, I suppose."

A wave of guilt washed over him before he steeled up. He wouldn't be guilty for something like being honest with her.

"I would say I'm sorry for laying all of that on you, but I'm not." He told her. "I meant every word and I'll mean every word tomorrow and the days after that. It's up to you what you do with that knowledge."

"Up to me?" She scoffed. "Castle, why are you doing this?"

"Why am I doing what? Being honest?" He asked incredulously, "Maybe because you almost died in my arms, Kate!"

"Castle," She took a deep breath and paused. "Look at us. We don't work. I mean, you're a multi-million dollar author. I'm a cop."

"You know that doesn't matter to me." He quickly replied.

"Castle, if we go there, there is no coming back, you know that right?"

"Who says we're ever going to want to come back?" he asked with a smirk.

"You know what, Rick?" Beckett asked, "It doesn't matter anyway."

"And why, pray tell, is that?"

Beckett heaved a mighty sigh and sat up against the headboard painfully and slowly. She was going to have to spell it out for him and she was going to make sure she was clear and direct, even if she didn't really believe herself.

"Look, Castle, I'm no good for you."

"Isn't that my decision?" He countered.

"No, it's not." She replied, quickly. "The people that get close to me; the people that I care about; bad things happen to them."

"That's ridiculous."

"Will you let me finish?" She asked angrily. He made a gesture and she continued.

"They leave or are taken from me or wind up in some sort of treatment program." She explained. "You have a family, a career, an established life. I'm not risking it."

"That's bullshit, Kate." He told her, frankly. "You're just afraid that I'll leave you, and I told you I won't.

"You're wrong this time." She sighed. "Listen, let's just get through the week, I'll get cleared from my doctor and everything will be back to normal. Okay?"

Castle sighed heavily and dragged his hand through his hair.

"Is that my only option?" He asked.

"Yes." She nodded, "No exceptions. You're just lucky I'm not kicking you off following me."

Castle sighed heavily once more. He didn't have the words to express the hurt and frustration he was feeling. He knew by the way she kissed him back and let him hold her that she felt something for him. She was just being her stubborn and guarded self. He wondered what it would take for her to allow herself to be happy; to be happy with him.

"I'm not happy about this, Kate."

"You don't have a choice, Rick."

"Fine." He shook his head at her. "I need to think about this." He trailed off. "I won't work with you just to watch you die in my arms again. I won't do it, Beckett."

"It's my job, Castle. It's a hazard of the job."

"It's not your job to get killed." He said; she had no answer.

Castle stood up and looked at her. She had her stone façade in place and he knew he wouldn't get anywhere with her tonight.

"Get some rest." He commanded, turned and walked out of the room. He was done hovering for the night. He had some serious thinking to do.

Beckett sunk down into Castle's soft guest bed. She had a terrible ache in her chest and she couldn't decide if it was from the broken ribs or the pain she just inflicted on someone she deeply cared about. She believed everything she had said to him. However, her heart was willing to make the exception for him; her mind was not. She needed to protect him and his family at all costs; even if that meant keeping him at arm's length.

She rolled gently onto her right side and buried the side of her face in the pillow. She didn't know she was crying until she felt two tears drip off her cheek and nose and land on the pillow. She fell into a restless sleep shortly after, her mind still running a mile a minute, her body just giving up.

Castle sat in his study and sulked. He didn't know what he expected her to do with his confession. He always assumed that he would be able to wear her down and they would wind up together; that was looking less and less likely now. He had been sitting and looking at his empty word document for a while now. He didn't feel like writing. He didn't feel like sleeping. He didn't feel like doing anything. He had a taste of sleeping next to Kate Beckett and now he didn't want anything else.

He listened to the silence in his loft. It was nearing two A.M. and his mother and Alexis were sleeping soundly in their beds. When he had walked in with Beckett leaning on him hours before, his mother and daughter were ecstatic to see the two of them back. Neither made a fuss over the pale, shaky, detective on his arm; they simply welcomed her back and helped him settle her back into the guest room. Later, though, they grilled him for details before retiring for the night. He loved that his family gravitated toward her and understood her personality. Even Gina hadn't fit in like Beckett did. He wished he could make it last.

Castle propped his feet up on his desk and leaned back in his chair. His eyes were tired; maybe if he just closed them for a few seconds he'd feel better. A few seconds turned into him drifting off in his leather desk chair, head back and mouth open.

Beckett sat at her desk at the precinct. It was completely empty around her but she didn't find it odd. She often liked to work late when everyone had gone. She liked the sense of anonymity it gave her. No one asked for files or advice or asked her for the weather, time, or sports scores from the previous night. She could just be and do her job.

She glanced to her left and noticed that Castle's chair was oddly missing. She blinked furiously at the empty spot. Hadn't it just been there? She thought. She shrugged it off as a maintenance problem and continued with her paperwork. They would find him another chair when he arrived in the morning.

An ethereal voice broke her concentration.

"Katie, what have you done?"

Kate jumped out of her chair and looked around. She hadn't heard that voice in twelve years. She scanned the bullpen wildly and her eyes landed on the form of her mother standing in the entrance to the break room.

"MOM!" She questioned, walking briskly toward her. She reached out to hug her mother when Johanna Beckett held up a hand to stop her.

"Katie, what have you done?" She asked again.

"I don't understand…." Beckett whispered and her Mom held out a worn newspaper to her daughter.

Beckett was puzzled as she took it from her. When her eyes landed on the headline her breath hitched and she let out a startled gasp.

RICHARD CASTLE, AUTHOR, FOUND DEAD

"What happened to him?" Beckett strangled out.

"He was doing research for his new books." Her Mother explained. "He got into it with the wrong people and they killed him."

"No, that's impossible." She stuttered. "I just saw him, he's fine."

"No, Katie." Her Mom sighed. "He stopped following you. He couldn't take the rejection. He gave up on Nikki Heat and moved on. He became reckless when Alexis went away to college and Martha moved out. He cut all ties with you, and you let him."

"No." Beckett shook her head in disbelief, tears leaking from her eyes. "No, I just saw him."

"You could have prevented this, Katie." Her mother shook her head at her, disappointedly. "You let him down. You let someone else die."

"No!" She slammed her eyes shut. "NO! This isn't happening! He's not dead; he can't be!"

"I'm sorry, Katie."

Her mother faded with her words and she was left in the precinct alone, clutching the crumpled newspaper. She was all alone now.

She could almost hear his voice calling out for her. She would never see his face again; never hear his voice; never get the chance to tell him the truth… that she had loved him back… that she was pretty sure he was her "one and done."

Castle found himself flat on his back on the floor of his study, blinking furiously at the ceiling trying to figure out how he got there. He was still in his chair and he had tipped it backwards. He wondered what had caused him to move so violently as to tip the sturdy chair when he heard a scream from upstairs.

He jumped to his feet, fighting the dizziness that the sudden movement created, and ran across and up the stairs of his loft. He slid into the hallway and met the bleary-eyed faces of his mother and daughter staring down the hallway towards the guest room.

He looked at them briefly and was about to ask if they had heard the sound too when a shouted "NO!" broke the silence once more. He was moving again, crashing through the slightly open door and moving to Beckett's bedside.

He reached for her as she thrashed wildly between the covers. He had to wake her. She could easily hurt herself with the movement. He planted a knee on the bed and grabbed her upper-arms to keep her from thrashing or lashing out at him.

"Beckett." He croaked, trying to find his voice. "Kate, wake up!"

She didn't calm or register his presence at all, it seemed. He grabbed her completely and stroked the hair from her face and whispered in her ear.

"Kate, you're scaring the hell out of me." He whispered gently. "Please, wake up. Please."

Her movements stopped as she let out a groan and a sob. He looked toward the open door and light streaming in from the hallway and met the concerned faces of his mother and daughter.

"I've got her." He told them. "Go back to bed. She'll be embarrassed if we're all here."

They nodded and left with equally shocked looks upon their faces. He knew he would have to explain tomorrow morning but that was tomorrow; for now, it was all about the woman in his arms.

"Kate, wake up." He whispered again. "Come on, look at me."

Her eyes fluttered and her lip trembled as she looked up at him. She couldn't seem to focus on his face as she looked frantically around the darkened room. She was breathing heavily and she almost clipped his chin as she sat up quickly with disregard of her current physical standing.

He looked at her with surprise and froze as he realized that she was having trouble remembering where she was and who she was with. Her eyes were wild and she was breathing too heavily to get a worthwhile supply of oxygen.

Castle grabbed her upper-arms again and forced her to look at him. He needed to stop her panic attack before it overcame her again.

"Beckett, look at me!" He commanded. "It's me; It's Castle. Look at me"

She snapped her eyes to meet his and visibly deflated. She reached forward and touched his face; a movement that so completely took him by surprise that he placed a hand over hers.

"Castle?" She asked hoarsely, as if unbelieving.

"Yeah." He answered. "Just Castle."

"You're okay?"

"I'm fine, Kate." He replied, confused. "You're the one freaking the hell out of me right now."

"You're not…?" She trailed off. "It was just a dream?"

"Yeah… Just a dream." He told her. "We're both here; we're fine." He figured now wasn't the time to ask about the dream. She wouldn't tell him anyway.

She launched herself into his arms and held on tight until a twinge of pain sent her collapsing in on herself in an attempt to soothe her aching ribs.

Castle leaned back and took in her appearance. All the movement that she did during the nightmare she had, had him concerned. She may have pulled another stitch or opened a scab.

"We need to check it." He motioned to her side. "When I came in here, you were thrashing."

She blinked at him for a second before nodding. He let her go and turned on the lamp beside the bed, leaving them both squinting. She pulled her shirt up to the bandage and he took a look at it. He saw a bit of red making its way to the surface of the white gauze. It didn't look like a lot so he figured she hadn't pulled a stitch.

"Shit." He cursed, shaking his head. "Wait here."

He went to the bag that Lanie gave him and got the supplies to change the offending bandage. When he returned, Beckett was studying her hands rather closely; she didn't speak, just gazed at him.

He made short work of removing the old cloth and replacing it with a fresh one. He was careful not to think about her flat abs or the fact that he was touching her bare skin and she wasn't punching him. Not all the thoughts were filtered, however.

He could feel her staring at him the entire time, and he wondered if it was this unnerving when he studied her. Something about the dream had shaken her, but he would let her tell him about it in her own time. When he finished he smiled at her and pulled her t-shirt back down.

"Good as new." He smiled. He didn't get an answer. She just kept studying him. "Umm… okay… I think you should go back to sleep. I'll just… be going…"

He stood to walk out but a hand on his forearm kept him from going any further. He looked down at the hand that clutched his arm and back up to her face. She was crying.

"Kate…" He asked. "What wrong?"

"Just…" She choked through tears. "Just… stay… please?"

Her voice was small and her face was crumpled in on itself. She looked lost and exhausted. He knew he should keep his distance if he didn't want his heart crushed any further but he couldn't help it. He walked forward and slid into bed beside her, putting an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him, and gently placing his chin on the crown of her hair as she buried her face in his t-shirt.

"Always." He said, as he kissed her head gently.

CLICK ITTTT…Please?

Yes, I stole Andrew W. Marlowe's line. I loved it so much it needed to be in here. :)

Wow, That chapter was long… haha