Dear Diary,
Minnie was mad. Quite mad. I just managed to dislodge the toaster with the handle duct-taped down and a strawberry pop tart flaming within it out of my nose. The toaster isn't working anymore...on our wedding day I will have Minnie buy me a new toaster! Brilliant! Well, it was either the toaster or the yapping blue Chihuahua; Minnie actually gave me a choice of what she was going to shove up my left nostril! And, remembering how hard it was to get all the Chihuahua hair out of my teeth last time, I chose the toaster. Which I'm regretting now that I'm trying to get bits of strawberry pop tart out.
The strawberry makes it very hard to sleep at night. Of course, lately its been even harder because Dolores now sneaks up to the Slytherin boy's dormitory and crawls up to the side of my bed and makes that annoying "hem-hem" noise just as I'm getting to sleep.
Really...really tired,
Tom
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Dear diary,
Minnie was mad. She has confiscated my eyeliner until I buy her a new copy. I...I think I may have a nervous breakdown...
Little Dolores is still being mardy, and I am debating whether it was such a good idea to spirit her back away from the orphanage after all. Oh, woe is me.
I wonder...what if I said I wouldn't buy Minnie the book unless she gives me a kiss first? Hmmm...*twirls finger thoughtfully around end of imaginary goatee* Gah, I really need a goatee.
Meh...must...have...eyeliner...I'm getting withdrawal symptoms...maybe I could sneak up and get some from one of the girls dormitories? In fact, why don't I go and get mine back from Minnie's dormitory? I can't let her boss me around! But ...she might get mean... oh, well, it's worth a try. This is a state of emergency.
What is this? Hopefulness? Hopefulness isn't Emo! I need my eyeliner!
Worriedly,
Riddlekins
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Dear diary,
So far no one has detected the confoundus charm I put on my oaf pirate of an uncle, But alas old Dumbles still trails me... I have taken to wearing eyeshadow, white blush all over my face, and bright red lipstick. So now I am being teased and called "mime" everywhere I go. I must lay off the makeup. What is a mime anyway? Is it a sad innocent person like me?
And alas I have a few new lines for my poem:
Why do girls hate mimes,
how will I get past these sad times?
Why do girls punch the emo mimesis?
And will Gryffindor find its demises?
Love
Tom Moldyshorts
Ps: yes yes I was punched (again) My Minnie loves me even more!
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Dear Diary,
Guess what Minnie gave me? New eye liner! Then she shoved it down my throat when I tried to thank her for it. She said I had a tongue like a snake. She is so much better than me at showing affection and handing out compliments. While I was having Rosy fish the eyeliner out of my throat with her tail, Dolores was telling me that she overheard Minnie saying that she preferred me being an emo to being a mime. I following her around using large over exaggerated hand movements to communicate with her was a little much, but secretly I know that she just missed the sound of my voice.
Yours always,
Tom *sexy voice* Riddle
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Dear Diary,
My new eyeliner draws on like a dream! No more itchy, watery eyes for me! Well...apart from when I'm crying. Which is generally all the time.
I told Minnie that I had given up miming, and she said Good, because 'You're enough of a prat already'.
She's so wonderful and to the point! I asked her what the next book would be, and apparently it's 'Memoirs of a Goth', by Gothy McGoth. Pshh! What a load of rubbish! Who wants to read about goths!
But Minnie told me that if I don't read it, she'll shove a pencil in my ear.
Love is cruel at times. One must persevere!
With love from
Tom 'Sexy London voice' Riddle. xXx
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Dear diary,
OH NO! My worst fear has come true! Ok ok maybe not my worst fear but one of my fears! Dolores's Hem-Hemimg noise has become one of her bad habbits. She does it all the time now it is sooo anoying! The eyeliner Minnie gave me has a curse on it... well I guess it could work to my advantage! IT IS PERMANENT! So now I have eye perm.
That potter boy and his friends came again. Fluffy hair (her new nickname) put me in a bubble that I couldn't get out of, so I started crying. Finally fluffy hair did another spell to make me be quiet. Potter twin said that they should question me about it. What is "It"? I motioned to speak. They then rolled the bubble (in which I was imprisoned) to this hallway and that is when I fainted.
Yes me the future lord Voldemort fainted.
When I woke up they surrounded me Weasley boy, red hair, bushy hair, and potter twin.
They all had their wands on me. Like I could do anything in his bubble.
Anyway they asked me where the Horcruxes were.
I fainted again... I fear they might have been reading this...
well they have not released me yet and that is where I am writing right now... in this blasted bubble. well I at least found out their names... potter twin is actually a Potter, Harry Potter, red hair girl is Ginny Weasley (blast she is Gryffindor),Weasley boy is a Weasley named Ron (Ginny and Ron are siblings),and fluffy hair is Hermione Granger...When I grow up and be Lord Voldemort they will be the first to die. This is much punishment... to keep me away from Rosie! I can't call her in parceltoungue I can't make a noise... and I don't think I will be able to read this later I'm crying so hard...
lord sad-shorts
PS: making a new poem... first line.
Potter,Weasley...
Weasley,Granger...
Why am I so measly...?
Why do I have to sleep in this manger?
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Dear Diary,
I am currently reading 'Memoirs of a Goth' to please Minnie. *Sigh* why can't we read 'Memoirs of an Emo'? I hear it's going to be made into a movie. Yay!
Nagini is missing her other snakey friends from Uncle Morfin's house...she's gone into a depression. And that's sending me into a depression. So I'm crying a lot more then normal and normal is a lot. I'M USING ALL OF MY PRECIOUS EYELINER UP! *sob* I'll need to get some more soon. Along with a toaster. Rosy has been complaining that she is missing her morning diet of strawberry pop tarts. I should get a new couch for the Chamber too. Dolores was sitting on it (well she wasn't actually sitting, snakes can't really sit but it was something like that) and she got it all slimy from her slithering over the Chamber floor. AND she made it sag. I keep telling her that she's too big to be doing that anymore but she won't listen. Typical basilisk...
Tom
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Dear Diary,
The new couch in the chamber is incredibly soft! I can lounge on it dramatically, write my memoirs, and be fed grapes by Rosy at the same time!
Nagini says she's bored being the only snake. I told her that Rosy was a snake too, and Nagini said she was scared of Rosy, because she's bigger.
Aw!
Anyway, I've been trying to keep the crying to a minimum lately, because the eyeliner is going scarce. Minnie appears to have noticed, because she said she didn't recognise me at first 'Due to the lack of stupid, snivelling tears.'
She is so kind.
I gave her back memoirs of a goth, telling her it was rubbish, and she gave me a cut lip. While I was envisioning the sort of promiscuous behaviour this must represent, she gave me another book, 'Borgin and Burkes: A brief history of Knockturn Alley retail'.
It's as interesting as the title leads you to believe! What a nice store it is. I should take a look one time.
With love from Riddle-kins xXx