Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or "Jesus, Take the Wheel".
Note: Plot twist ahead! I really hated to do this one, but Kurt has to go back downhill somehow. I'd noticed a somewhat glaring error in my last chapter, and this is how I chose to resolve it. So here we go. Review, please.
"Has anyone seen Mercedes?" Mr. Schuester asked after the assembly. They all looked around in confusion; they hadn't really noticed her imminent absence until that moment.
"Wait, I'm getting a text," Kurt said, digging around in his pocket for his cell.
Mercedes: (7:04 a.m.) Goin' 2 b late; tell Schue. Luv ya, boo! Stay strong!
"That's weird," Kurt said. "This was sent hours ago. Why am I just getting it now?"
"I wonder why she never showed up," Tina pondered aloud.
Emma came running backstage, breathless. "Will," she said, pulling the curly haired choir teacher aside. They talked in hushed voices. Kurt peered over curiously. He didn't like the pained look on Will's face, and wondered what could be wrong. He had a sinking feeling of what it could be.
Will and Emma hurried back to the kids, who gathered around them in a semi-circle.
"Guys…it appears that Mercedes was in a bad car accident this morning on her way here."
Kurt felt the floor drop out beneath his feet. He was vaguely aware of Rachel and Tina crying, vaguely aware of Santana's arm steadying him as his knees wavered. He ran wordlessly to get his bag and car keys.
"Kurt, where are you going?" Mr. Schue called after him.
"To the hospital," Kurt yelled over his shoulder.
"Hey, man, wait up," Puck yelled back, running after Kurt. "I'll go with you."
Kurt paused and gave Puck a once-over look. "Fine, but I'm driving."
They rushed out to Kurt's car, the rest of the group following and carpooling up in various other cars. Mr. Schue and Emma took Artie. The girls clambered into Quinn's car, and the boys into Finn's.
Kurt's hands shook on the steering wheel. "Hey, man, are you gonna be able to drive?" Puck asked, noticing how chalk-white Kurt's face was.
"Yeah, fine," Kurt murmured.
"This has gotta be hard for you, dude. Mercedes is like, your girl."
"She's not my girl, Puckerman. But she and I are close, yes."
The two were quiet for the next several miles. Then Puck spoke up.
"So, um…Kurt…what the hell was that speech about today?"
"What do you mean?" Kurt asked coolly, eyes fixated on the road before him.
"About knowing what an abusive relationship is like."
Kurt sighed. "Oh, that. I've just seen it, you know? And it's not like you've always been nice to me, Puckerman. You threw me in a dumpster and slammed me against a locker."
"Shit, man, I'm sorry about those things! Besides, this is the new and improved Noah Puckerman. No more dumpster tossings."
"I'll believe that when I see it," Kurt said in that same cool, even tone. He turned off the highway towards the hospital. After he'd parked in the visitor's lot, he cut the engine and sat there in silence."
"You gonna be okay?"
"No. But thanks for your concern."
Puck gave him a strange look, but got out of the Navigator, anyway. Kurt sat for another moment before following suit. They met up with the rest of the gang, who was speeding into the parking lot behind them. They all rushed into the hospital, unsure of where to go.
"ICU," Kurt decided, and lead the way. He knew this path so well by now. It was where his mother had been eight years ago, and where his father had been eight months ago, in the same room in which his mother had died.
"Mercedes Jones," he said breathlessly to the nurse at the desk.
"Room 113," she said, pointing the way. They hurried on into the room. Tina began to cry again at the sight of Mercedes lying in the hospital bed, hooked up to machines, deathly still.
Kurt recognized the signs immediately. "Coma," he said. Tina buried her face into Mike's shoulder. He rubbed her back comfortingly.
Kurt strode up to the bedside, stroking Mercedes' arm. "Mercy? We're here. We all are. Even Mr. Schuester and Emma...um, Miss Pillsbury…are here."
Rachel went to the other side of the bed. "Mercedes? It's Rachel. I'm probably, like, the last person you'd want to see here, but I'm here anyway."
"Remember when Kurt's dad…well, my stepdad, now…was in the hospital? And we all sang to him? Well, maybe we should do that now, with Mercedes," Finn suggested.
"I know just what to sing," Kurt said, still grasping her arm.
She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
The club surrounded Mercedes' bed like a halo of light. They all looked down upon their diva-in-command with tears in their eyes. She was always the strongest one out of all of them, and here she was, broken. The last time she'd looked this damaged was…well, Kurt couldn't think of the last time he'd ever seen her like this. The last time he'd seen anyone like this was his father, who had almost died. Don't die, he thought. We need you. Rachel picked up the next part.
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
Tina sniffled, almost unable to look at her best friend. Mercedes was the only girl who ever really understood her in Glee, the only one she could relate to. Sure, she was really good friends with Artie, and she was dating Mike, but they just weren't Mercedes. They didn't have her sense of style or her sense of humor. They weren't always there; Mercedes was always, always there whenever anyone needed her. Quinn picked up where Rachel left off.
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air
Brittany plopped herself into Artie's lap, and he held her comfortingly. Rachel was sitting on the edge of the bed to Mercedes' left, and Kurt was standing to her right, still holding onto her arm. Mr. Schue had relegated himself to the doorway, where he stood with Emma. God, she's too close to me, he thought, as he smelled her sweet, flowery perfume. He distracted himself by looking in on the action in the room. It was almost like a dream, wasn't it? He watched with a heavy heart as the group came together for the chorus.
Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel
Give me one more chance to save me from this road I'm on, Kurt thought. Just one more chance, just one more chance is all I need to get back on track. Everything had been looking up yesterday. All it took was one day, one fucking day, for everything to come crashing back down again. One day, and he went from confronting his worst enemy to practically mourning his best friend. Funny how life works that way, isn't it? Santana took on the second verse.
It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
Finn kept a close eye on his stepbrother, trying to figure out what he was feeling right now. He couldn't imagine what Kurt could possibly be feeling at that moment. The last time he'd been in the hospital like this, it had been to see his father seemingly dying, his father looking just like Mercedes was right now. Before that, Finn knew, Kurt had seen his mother die, supposedly in the very room his father had almost died. And now, it all came back here, didn't it? It always came back here. Tina picked up where Santana had left off.
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said "I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight…"
Was Kurt sorry for the way he'd been living his life? Did he have to change? Did he know it? He answered "no" to all of these questions as they ran through his head one by one. He wasn't sorry. He didn't have to change. And he did not know that he had to change. As long as nobody told him, he didn't have to change, right? He could just keep on living his life, burning on the inside and out. He took a shaky breath and joined in on the chorus.
Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel
I'm letting go, Kurt thought. I'm letting go of all feelings, of everything. From now on, I won't feel anything. I won't feel the flames. I won't feel them punch me, hurt me, kill me. I won't feel happiness, nor sadness, pain or sorrow or anger. I won't feel anything, anything at all. I'll just be the empty void that I am, that I always have been.
Oh I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel
Oh take it, take it from me
Oh
Tears streamed down all of their faces. All but Kurt, that is. He wasn't feeling anything, nothing at all. Mr. Schue noticed this, and quickly herded the rest of the kids out of the room, giving Kurt a moment alone with Mercedes.
"Mercy," he said after they all left. "I can't believe it's come to this. You, broken and shattered, and I, still here. I thought it would be the other way around by now." He gasped out the sob he'd been holding in. "Why were you never there for me when I needed you most? Why were you never there when I was getting fucking raped and getting the shit beat out of me by Karofsky? Why were you never there, Mercedes?" He choked out another sob. "I needed you, Mercedes, and you betrayed me! God, I hate you for it. It wasn't even your fault! Nobody helped me! Not you, not Tina, not Artie, not even Finn, my own stepbrother!" He squeezed her hand. "Please wake up, Mercy. I hate saying all this to you and knowing that you probably can't hear a word I'm saying. I love you, babygirl, and I wish you were here with us right now."
He slowly left the room, allowing the other kids to have their own moments with her. He sank into one of the hard pleather chair in the waiting room, head in his hands, not daring to look at anyone else. He left the hospital hours later, in silence.
Later that night, he was lying in bed, listening to his iPod on shuffle. All of his and Mercedes' "songs" came on one right after the other. He shivered at the coincidence. His phone rang, the tone sounding as "Don't Rain On My Parade". Rachel, he knew this to be. He tentatively opened his phone. He heard Rachel's sobbing as soon as he picked up.
"You don't have to tell me, Rachel. I know."
He looked out the window, seeing a shooting star crashing down to Earth.
The flames had consumed yet another person in Kurt's life. How many more would they get to before they got to Kurt himself?