Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, "If I Never Knew You", or "For Good".

Note: Yeah, I did it. I killed off a character. So sue me! Kurt had to go backwards SOMEHOW. You didn't expect this story to be happy, did you? Let's do this thing. Read and review, loyal readers! (And go check out my new oneshot, wherein Kurt and Blaine re-enact a classic movie musical moment.)

Kurt didn't go to school the next day. He spent the whole day under the covers of his bed, snacking occasionally and only emerging to go to the bathroom.

Carole came in to sit with him after a few hours. "Kurt, honey, how are you?"

No response.

"I know this is hard on you Kurt, but you can't stay in bed all day."

He slid under the covers, pulling them up over his head. "Oh, yes, I can."

Carole sighed. "Well, if that's how you want to grieve, that's fine by me." When she didn't get a reply, she gently patted Kurt's stomach and got up to go comfort her other son. Kurt waited until he was sure she had gone. He got out of bed, pulling a book of matches out from his dresser drawer. He traced her name in the air with the match that he had just lit. "M-e-r-c-e-d-e-s".

He steadied his wrist and, with one hand, lowered the match to his tender skin. There he burned her initials. "M.E.J." Mercedes Emily Jones.

Her funeral was a few days later. Kurt walked in feeling numb. He and the other kids had arranged to sing two songs, one being a group number and the other being a duet between himself and Rachel. He saw them all dressed in black, looking somber and bleak.

"Kurt," Rachel wrapped him in a warm hug. She pulled away, tears in her eyes. "You ready for this?" She asked carefully.

"Yes," he replied. "We have to do this, for Mercy. It's what she would've wanted."

When the time came, they assembled at the front of the room full of mourners.

"Um, hello," Kurt said, addressing them. "You, uh, may know us as the New Directions. We're the Glee Club at McKinley High. Mercedes was one of us. And um, she was really, really amazing. Probably the best singer we had, actually. We…we arranged a couple of pieces to sing. For her. So, um, I hope you enjoy them." He nodded at Rachel, who began.

If I never knew you
If I never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious life can be

How precious life can be, Kurt thought sadly. Here today, gone tomorrow, right? Is it all that "great circle of life" shit? One day, you can be here, smiling and laughing, and life is carefree. Then the next day, you're in a hospital, dying, because someone was an idiot and ran a red light. Or it was raining, or snowing, and your car spun out of control. You see a flash of light, and then blackness. And then you're dead. Life's funny that way, isn't it? Kurt stepped up to take over the next verse.

And if I never held you
I would never have a clue
How at last I'd find in you
The missing part of me

The missing part of me. Was Mercedes really the missing part of Kurt? No, he decided. She was a missing part, but not the missing part. Still, until he'd met her, he'd felt a huge void within him, the place where a best friend should be but wasn't. But now, that void was opening up again, open for someone to fill. Kurt feared that nobody would be able to fill it again. Quinn and Sam joined up for the next verse of the song.

In this world so full of fear
Full of rage and lies
I can see the truth so clear
In your eyes
So dry your eyes

Kurt looked at Santana. He could just feel the words of this verse, just absolutely feel them. This world was full of fear, and rage, and lies. Sometimes, they all were rolled up into one situation, or even into one person. He could see the truth in Santana's eyes, the way she looked at Brittany with lust and longing, with all the love in the world, with tears in her eyes as she realized Brittany would never be hers. Everyone sang the next part.

And I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

Lost forever, if they'd never known Mercedes. She had been the life of the party, the soul and vibe of the group. She had delivered some of their best solos, assisted with their best performances, and even sewed some of their best costumes. She had been there since day one, was part of the original five members that had signed up on that fateful day. If they'd never known her…well, they didn't know what they would do, exactly. Tina, heart heavy with grief, summoned up the courage to sing the next verse.

I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we made the whole world bright
I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong
All they'd leave us were these whispers in the night
But still my heart is singing
We were right

These whispers in the night. How often had Kurt heard those whispers in the night? How often had he stayed awake, listening to them? They were all he heard sometimes, late at night, the whispers of his past, of his failures. Fear and hate were strong, so very strong, he thought. So strong that people were killed and raped and tormented for it. So strong that people died from it. Brittany and Artie dueted on the penultimate verse.

If I never knew you (There's no moment I regret)
If I never knew this love (Since the moment that we met)
I would have no inkling of (If our time has gone too fast)
How precious life can be (I've lived at last...)

Oh, there were moments that Kurt regretted, all right. He regretted all of the moments where he hadn't stood up to the monster, where he had lost his own voice, stuck in the shadows of his own fear. He regretted all the long-lost words, to Mercedes, to his mother, to everyone. He regretted everything, simply everything. The only thing he never regretted was falling in love with the flames. They all harmonized on the song's ending.

And I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Empty as the sky
Never knowing why
Lost forever
If I never knew you

Tears in their eyes, they faced the thunderous applause from all of the family and friends that sat before them. They bowed, and all but Kurt and Rachel went back to their seats.

"Kurt and I would like to sing a song together now. Um, I wasn't as close to Mercedes as Kurt was, but…"

"We'd like to sing this one together," Kurt finished for her.

"It's what she would've wanted, to see us singing together again," Rachel added. She nodded to the piano player, who had been seated in the corner of the room. Kurt took a step forward and began to sing in a lovely, plaintive voice.

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

He took a shaky breath. This song was so true, so sad, and so utterly poignant that it broke Kurt's heart. He cried whenever he listened to it on the Wicked soundtrack, and he'd cried when he saw the show live. It was such a heartbreaking song of friendship and love, and here he was, singing it in front of an audience, something he'd always wanted to do. He just never knew he'd be singing it at his best friend's funeral at the age of sixteen. He took another shaky breath before singing his chorus.

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

He looked back at the casket, draped in black cloth. He wanted to scream and run. This isn't happening, he told himself. I am not at my best friend's funeral. That's not Mercedes in that box. She's not in there. She's just at home with a cold. This is someone else's life, someone else's goodbye song. It's not Mercedes'. It can't be, it just can't be. He looked at Rachel, who was trying to hold back her tears as she picked up where Kurt left off.

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend

Whatever way their stories ended, huh? Rachel thought to herself. Here I am, alive and well, and there Mercedes is, cold and dead. But have I learned from her? I guess I have. I've learned that other people deserve the solo sometimes. She had such a beautiful voice, she really did. And here I am, singing with Kurt, another song from Wicked. But this time, we're not trying to out-diva each other. This time, we're doing this for one person only, and that is Mercedes. This isn't for us. It's for her.
Like a ship blown from its mooring

By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you...

Mr. Schue hung his head. He couldn't believe that he'd lost one of his members—one of his original members—permanently. This wasn't a Rachel tantrum, where he knew she'd be back in a few days. This wasn't even like when Kurt had left for a few months when the bullying became too much to take. This was death, and death was a permanent state. His eyes filled with tears as he saw the two lifelong—or, should he say, Glee-long—enemies sing together for their fallen friend

Because I knew you, Kurt sang.

I have been changed for good, they both sang together. Rachel put her hand over her heart, tears streaming down her cheeks.

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

She reached her hand out to Kurt, who looked her in the eye and sang,

But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

He grabbed her hand as they both sang in beautiful, painful unison.

And none of it seems to matter anymore

None of seems to matter anymore, they both thought. None of it at all. Kurt decided to end this seemingly never-ending feud with Rachel after they were done with this. Now that their diva-in-command was gone, was Kurt the new DIC? Rachel looked to him. Guess we're the only divas left now, she thought. I'd better make amends with him. They sang in harmony, Kurt taking on the role of Glinda, and Rachel of Elphaba.

Like a comet pulled
From orbit as it
Passes a sun, like
A stream that meets
A boulder, half-way
Through the wood

He looked at Rachel and sniffled. She was so strong, he though, stronger than I may have judged her to be. Sure, she can be really annoying, and sometimes I feel like shoving a sock down her throat, but she has such a good voice. And, I suppose, at the end of the day, I really do care about her. And I never thought I'd be saying—or thinking—those words.

Like a ship blown
Off its mooring
By a wind off the
Sea, like a seed
Dropped by a
Bird in the wood

Kurt's so strong, Rachel thought. So much stronger than me. I don't see how he can be up here singing this with me. He was so close to her, loved her so much. They were practically joined at the hip. I don't see how he's handling this the way he is. Look at him; he's staying so strong and clear-eyed, while I'm crying like a damn fool.

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better

Kurt took Rachel's other hand in his, looking down at it, then looking up at her face. She locked eyes with him before singing her final solo line.

And because I knew you...

Kurt kept his eyes trained on Rachel's. He had to do this, he decided. He had to look someone in the eye for once, instead of always looking away.

Because I knew you...
They turned their heads towards their audience, delivering the last lines in perfect harmony.

Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good.

There wasn't a dry eye in the house. The mourners, friends and family all, got to their feet and clapped. Kurt and Rachel continued to hold hands for several more moments before finally breaking apart and hugging. Kurt finally released all the tears he had been holding in, but then thought of Mercedes' last words to him.

I love you, boo. Stay strong!

Stay strong. Stay strong. I love you, stay strong. He repeated the mantra in his mind until it felt worn. I love you, stay strong. Stay strong. Strong.

But how could Kurt stay strong if the flames were licking his heels?