AUTHOR'S NOTES: I felt since there was a fair amount of emotion going on in this chapter that's I'd just leave it as a short one. Next chapter should be longer.

Next chapter, Ellen and Jo Harvelle are back and we find out more about Kelly and Stella's histories as hunters and Dean goes out on a date.

Chapter 4

When Dean and Sam got back to Stella's place an hour later, Dean felt like he was on emotional overload as he got out of the Impala and faced off with Sam. "You son of a bitch," Dean said, trying to avoid having an emotional meltdown but he couldn't stop the way his voice cracked. Sam didn't seem to be as emotional, but Dean knew that the stoicism was his brother's way of dealing with things sometimes and there was a storm of emotion in Sam's eyes. Reaching up, Dean shoved Sam hard in the chest, making him stagger back a few feet. "All this time and you never told me. What happened to you, Sammy? Why didn't you tell me?"

It was taking everything Sam had not to break down in front of Dean. "Dean… I couldn't. I mean I can barely stand to even think about it. I don't sleep because I have nightmares about it."

"Oh, and it was a cakewalk for me? Tell me," Dean ordered, trying to force himself to calm down. "Right now. Everything."

Sam ran a hand through his hair and sighed. The first part of what happened wasn't as painful. It was what had happened later that had been the worst. "Lucifer was fighting me when I ended up in the cage, Dean," he explained, shakily. "And he took over me again. And he… He started to play with my mind."

"What do you mean?" Dean asked, hesitantly. As much as he wanted to know what Sam had been hiding, there was something deep in his gut that told him that he should just leave it alone. Something that was deeply afraid of hearing what his brother had to say.

Sam fought back tears as he looked at Dean. His big brother… The one who always had his back, who would do anything for him… "I thought I was torturing you, Dean. You, Bobby, Mom and Dad… I couldn't stop myself and it felt so real…" Sam could still hear his brother's screams… his parents'… He could remember the way the knife felt sliding into their bodies.

Dean nodded, slowly. He wanted it to stop but he had to hear the rest. "And then?" He prompted as Sam started to look afraid.

Sam shook his head, looking fearful. "Dean, don't… Don't ask. Please." Sam didn't want to remember. He didn't want Dean to know anything. Wouldn't it be better for everyone if Dean thought Sam had escaped from Hell because of strength of spirit rather than weakness?

Taking a deep breath and drawing on all those years of protecting Sam, all the times he'd stuck with his brother, Dean waited until Sam looked him in the eye before he spoke. "Sammy… whatever it is… we'll deal with it. Together. But you've got to talk to me, man. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on, Sam."

Sam nodded, knowing Dean was right. In fact, it was Dean that had first helped him start to deal with what happened in Hell. Just watching Dean from a distance, seeing him alive with Lisa and Ben had helped enforce the fact that Sam was away from all the torment. That he was back. After a few moments, Sam continued with his story. "One day I… I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted Lucifer out of me and I turned the knife on myself." Sam was breathing heavily and he just wanted Dean to leave him alone. "I kept going… cutting, stabbing… and then the next thing I knew I was in that field."

Dean wiped away his own tears and looked at Sam who looked like a complete mess. He knew he should say something to Sam—comfort him, hug him, or something—but Dean couldn't find the words. He felt frozen in place like there was some kind of Devil's Trap beneath his feet. Hearing footsteps and the faintest ruffle of wings, Dean turned to see Stella hurrying up to Sam followed by Castiel who looked fairly rattled.

Sam had fallen to his knees and Stella knelt down, holding onto him as he put his arms around her, crying.

Dean looked down at his brother and a deep stab of shame. He should be the one comforting his brother… But he couldn't even say anything to him. All he could do was stand there.

"Dean," Castiel said as he approached his friend, reaching out a hand and winging himself and Dean to the shore of a lake, deep in the Virginia woods. Watching as Dean wandered around a bit, Castiel could feel his pain as Dean let out an anguished scream before sinking down onto a large boulder near the edge of the grass. "I thought you might need a moment alone to… vent," he said, walking up to Dean.

But Dean felt like he was beyond comfort at that moment as he stared out at the calm water. "I can't do it, Cass. I-I mean I thought I could. I thought I could just go back to hunting and everything, but… I think right now I just want to go back to when I thought Sam was dead, you know? I mean, I was a wreck half the time with the drinking and the nightmares and for the first few months I drove Lisa crazy with putting salt on the windows and doors."

"It was… hard for me to hear about Sam's ordeal as well," Castiel admitted as he looked around the clearing. When Dean looked at him in disbelief, he explained. "Sam confided in Stella Monroe. She's the one who told me what happened to Sam."

Dean buried his head in his hands and didn't reply. He just cried, wishing he was back with Lisa. His life had been something of a mess the past year but he'd started to get it together. The past few months he'd actually been sleeping more, drinking less. He'd even started to like working construction.

Now his brother and grandfather were alive along with a couple of third cousins he'd never even heard of before. And here in DC Dean had been thrown together with three beautiful women and each one of them tried his fidelity to Lisa.

Beside him, Castiel stood quietly by like a sentry as he watched Dean try to deal with the newest upsets in his life.

In her bedroom, Stella sat on the edge of the bed, watching Sam as he changed from the suit he'd been wearing into jeans. "I talked to your friend Castiel earlier," Stella prompted, watching Sam as he went into the connecting bathroom and splashed water on his face. Getting up, she went over to Sam and put a hand on his bare shoulder, turning him so that he faced her. "Why didn't you tell him?"

Sam turned away, not wanting to have to go through everything again but he stopped when Stella held his arm. Turning back to her, he tried not to fall apart again. "I don't know what I'm doing here, Stella," Sam admitted as he grabbed his favorite blue shirt off of Stella's bed. "I don't know why I'm alive, why I'm here…"

Stella sat on the bed again and after a pause, she said, "Castiel has a theory."

Sam hesitated before pulling on his shirt and finally waited. "And?"

"Samuel Campbell, Kelly Gibbs… my brother…" Stella paused for a moment and then looked up at Sam. "Sam, they all… They all sacrificed themselves."

Sam scoffed at that as he grabbed his flannel shirt from the chair in the corner. "So, what? I'm back because I threw myself into Hell and tortured myself?"

Stella slowly stood again and took a step towards Sam. "You chose to die. I think that somehow that action… set off a chain reaction. I don't know how, o-or why, or even what the endgame is, but…"

Sam sat next to Stella but he didn't look at her as he spoke. "I think… some part of me wanted to die. I-I was just so tired of… of everything." Turning to Stella, Sam could feel tears in his eyes again. "I can't keep going like this. I know there's something going on and I know Samuel and the cousins need me…"

"Even 24/7 demon hunters need a break once in a while," Stella replied, taking Sam's hand.

But Sam wasn't comforted. "And did you see Dean? He couldn't even look at me after I told him what happened. Like he was ashamed of me." Getting up he sighed. "I mean was it because I wasn't as strong as Dean was in Hell? Because I started torturing myself?"

"You know why I saw shame, Sam?' Stella asked, eying him shrewdly. "It wasn't because Dean's ashamed of you."

"Then what?" Sam asked, looking confused. "I mean Dean and I have had our moments but my own brother couldn't even look at me while I was falling apart back there."

"Because Dean's ashamed of himself," Stella replied, standing and turning to face Sam. "Because I think Dean believes he failed you. He should have done something to get you out sooner. He should have been doing something to help you instead of having a normal life. And in case you didn't notice, Dean wasn't doing any better than you at keeping it together."

"How do I deal with this?" Sam asked, hoping Stella would have some advice for him. "I mean lately I've really been thinking I should have just come back here and settled down with you."

"Really?" Stella asked, looking surprised.

But before Sam could reply, his cell phone rang. Seeing that the caller was his grandfather, Sam answered it. "Yeah, what's up?"

On the other end of the line, Samuel said, "Two more hunters heading your way."

"Names?" Sam asked, signaling Stella for a pen and paper. When she handed the item to Sam, however, he'd frozen, an astonished look on his face. "A-Are you sure? Harvelle?"

"That's what I said," Samuel replied. "Woman named Ellen and her daughter Jo. I talked to them yesterday and they said they've been looking for you and Dean."

Sam rubbed his face with one hand and gave a nod. "Okay, I'll keep my eyes peeled for them."

When Sam hung up, he looked at Stella who had a sad smile on her face. "I've got to go." He started to turn for the door but stopped and when he turned back to her, he looked hesitant. "Stella, what I said before… about settling down… with you…"

Stella gave Sam a kiss on the cheek before opening the door as she said, "Talk to me later after you find your friends. You know where I'll be."

But after Stella left, closing the door behind her, Sam gave a deep sigh. "I love you, Stella." Rolling his eyes, he gave an exasperated sigh as he stretched. Why couldn't he just say it to her?