It's all really better this way.
That's what had been decided. She was sure that once she took that finally step that everything would seem to be better, nothing would change, no one would miss her and she would be somewhere where she would never be able to hut anyone again.
The rain fell in heavy sheets, making it nearly impossible for one to see even a few feet in front of themselves and with the rain came a wind with a horrible jagged bit that cut through you as if you were nothing. It was the perfect scene for the events that were about to transpire, almost to perfect. In this heavy downpour no one would be out with this heavy rain so there would be no one to interfere. Not that she expected anyone to interrupt her plans let alone care. What would it matter if she died?
She had asked herself this question time and time again and had yet to come up with a suitable answer, not a single reason for her to continue with this life. It wouldn't matter if she died because nothing would change; no one would care let alone notice. She was just a body which took up space in this existence; her absence would not affect anything or anyone. There would be no record of a missing girl, no one who she would leave to mourn over a grave side. In a way she was doing the world a favor. In a way this was for the sake of bettering the world and those who lived in it. She was ridding them of a hindrance, a useless soul with no where to go in the world and right now, that didn't seem so bad. It wouldn't be hard, and it would be over quickly. In one swoop all of her pain and anger, all of her heart ache and loneliness would disappear and never plague her again. In just one motion it would all end forever, and she felt no sorrow. She would leave no one to mourn over her grave and no one to notice her presence had vanished. There would be no one to ask where she had gone or why and no one that would think twice about the matter. No one would care.
That fact stung her, but she didn't know why. It was only something that was true, a fact of life that was unavoidable and unchangeable. And, with the people she had hurt and the things that she had done there was truly nothing that gave her reason to think that anyone would give a damn. The family of those people, would forever curse her name whether or not they truly knew it were her. They would never forgive. Their scorn would live forever and the look that they had held in their eyes would be a haunting memory of what she had taken from them. She could remember the man who had given the order telling her that it would get easier with time, that soon it would be no different then killing a bug.
She could feel tears breaking free from behind her crimson colored eyes, eyes that would forever see only the blood that her hands had drawn. Her eyes hidden behind her silver colored hair, wet with rain and clinging to every piece of skin they came into contact with. Like her hair her plain white dress was soaked with water and added to the wind it felt as if the elements themselves were doing all in their power to tear her apart from where she stood, though she would not deny that she felt all to deserving. She was what they had said she was, a monster, a being created without a purpose other than to serve her master blindly with respect and reverence, how could they tell her such a thing? There was nothing that would make her think herself the least bit human but she would not be a monster for them, that was a path that she could not bear any longer. To serve a master whom was the devil in human skin as a monster was something she would never consent to, and that was the part that made her feel as if there were some hope that she could be human. A single ray of hope that would let her believe that she could be a person with thoughts and feelings not controlled by the man that had made her; anything that would make her feel as if she could be connected to the world.
However, who in this world would want a person like her? Who would want one with blood staining their hands and a past following them around every corner? No one deserved that, no one on this earth deserved to have her fate on their shoulders as well. No, if anyone were to carry the burden of what she had done it would be her, but still, there was a part of her, a single shred of herself that longed for someone…anyone to think that she could be human. All she wanted was for someone to see that she was sorry for what she had done and accept her, just one person.
This person would never come though; she could spend a life time waiting and never see the person who could see her. Looking down at her hands she felt her stomach twist in disgust. Even in this rain, even though she had washed these hands more times than she could count all she could see was the red that would stain them forever. All she could see was the blood of the men that she had slaughtered in cold blood at the whim of a wicked man. He had called her a good child and had said many kind things to her but he didn't mean a single word of it, all he wanted her to do was to continue killing for him and then one day after her purpose was gone be thrown away like a useless tool. That wasn't the existence that she wanted.
Allowing her hands to dropped limply back to her sides she stepped forward and peered over the rail into the swirling black abyss that waited below. A dark and powerful river lay below her and twisted and spat like some deranged animal as it rushed by below her, feed and nourished by the relentless rain and not caring anything for the world that surrounded it. She looked again at the bridge on which she stood. It was a good bridge. It had survived much and still stood as a passage over the demon the lay far below and it had allowed her to spend her time standing to do nothing more than gaze into the depths beneath and think everything over. It had allowed her to come to her final conclusion. She wanted all of it to end but before it did she wanted to make sure that she would remember this bridge and everything about it. Though it were not alive, it did not breath or have life it was still the only place that had not rejected her and she owed it much for simply that and now it would be the instrument that would help her to do the world a great service. It was going to take her out of this world
Her eyes were fixed on nothing but the twisting oblivion that lay stretched beneath her. No longer could she feel the painful sting of the cold rain nor the vicious bite of the wind, all of her senses had seemed to fail her as she knew that the end was near. In a way, it was comforting. Knowing that she would not see tomorrow didn't bother her, in fact it comforted her more than any other thought that she had ever had. The thought of it all ending made her feel that she would finally be doing something right, that dying was her way of aiding the world. In this way she was helping and perhaps in some way her death would some how help her to repent for those she had killed and let their families rest knowing that the one who had murdered their loved ones had sent herself to death. It would all be alright.
Death seemed like a logical way out of the hell that the world had become, the demon she'd become. What was the point in living anymore, you either grew up to fight or die, there was no medium and no in between, only what was there. There wasn't anything else for her in the world, not like it would have made the slightest difference. Death was the quickest escape she could muster. There wouldn't be even one person who would remember her so she would merely cease to exist and all that she was would amount to nothing and now, that was fine with her. She deserved everything and wanted nothing more than to have it all end.
Slowly she climbed atop the rail that separated her from the beast that called to her from below, the beast that would swallow her up like she were nothing. She had prepared herself for this moment for a long time, she had prepared herself for the death that awaited her so far below and she felt happy. There was nothing that saddened her about what she was going to do, nothing that made her feel as if that this was the wrong choice. She was nothing more than an invention after all, a creation that had been made in human form by a man who wanted nothing other then death and destruction. This was the best way…the only way out of this hell that she had been brought into.
With one last breath she stepped forward, already prepared for what she knew would follow, for just a moment feeling the rush of hovering still in air like she was suspended above everything and free from the pain. But, what she had expected did not happen. As if out of no where a hand had grabbed the back of her dress and pulled her back over the rail of the bridge, away from everything she had prepared for, away from her only escape. Looking back she wanted to see the one who had stopped her, she wanted to see who had just pulled her away from her premeditated suicide, who had stopped her just now before she could end it all? Her eyes met the concerned gaze that of a man with light blue eyes along with long silver hair and a pair of square framed glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. From the looks of it he had been out in the storm just as long as she had, his clothing completely soaked through and his hair sticking to anything it could reach.
"What in the world are you think?"
She heard what he said, but she couldn't answer. Not only had this man seemingly come out of now where and pulled her from a death that she rightly deserved but now he seemed almost concerned about her. Who was this man?
"Are you alright?"
Slowly she nodded as she pushed herself to her feet, not taking her eyes off of this new man. Where on earth had he come from? He had not been here when she had decided to jump and there was no way that he would have been able to see her through the rain, he was shouting just to be able to be heard above it. There was something to him that the other people that she had encountered did not posses, a certain air of concern and kindness that was not often showed towards her, but none the less she could feel her rage beginning to build. She had had everything planned and she had been all too well prepared for death and he had come and stopped her. He had had no place to keep her from doing what she had intended, he had just gotten in the way.
"What the hell were you thinking?!" she yelled angrily. "I was about to end it all, I was about to finally find release from this hell. Why did you stop me?!"
He looked taken aback by this, apparently not expecting her outburst. Normally when you saved ones life they are more happy then angry, but not the girl that stood before him, she was just angry. Or was she? She seemed confused, unsure and all of that was just hidden under her shouts. The only question was what was wrong with her?
"Everything could have been over…I could have finally been free. Why couldn't you have just let me die?"
"Life is something that is precious, why would you be so quick to take yours away?"
"Maybe to you, but it isn't to me. No one cares whether I live or die and I don't want to keep on living this life so why shouldn't I die? It isn't like there is anyone who cares about me?"
"What about your family? I'm sure that they care about you…"
"Are you deaf?! I don't have a family. I don't have anyone. I'm just here without a purpose and everyone's given up on me."
"God never gives up on his children."
She said nothing, what does someone say to a statement like that? It was stupid, there was no god, not if the world had become like this, not if she had been brought into the world the way she had. She was no child of god, she was a test subject created and raised in a laboratory in a place she did not know nor wish to return to. All she was was a tool to be used and then thrown away once the fighting was done and that's always how it would be, that's how tools were used.
"I'm not any child of your god."
"That's not true," he replied with a smile. Why did he look like he cared about what happened after they left this bridge? Who was this man? "God watches over all of us, we're all his children."
"Just go away," she said as she jerked away from him.
"Why don't you come back with me…?"
"I'm not some charity case, now just go away and let me die!"
"Then I guess I'll just head back by myself, however you can follow if you want. I would be oblivious if you were too. I have a wonderfully beautiful hymn stuck in my head and I will most likely be concentrating on that for the entire way," he sighed with a smile and a shrug as he turned and walked back in the direction which she guessed he had come from.
What had that been? Not once, for as long as she could remember, could she recall anyone talking to her as if she were…human. She assumed that anyone who had seen her would merely let her jump, not caring for the troubles of a homeless girl; she had not thought that anyone would have bothered to stop her. But that man, he had gone as far as to do what she thought what was beyond possibility. Looking back down at the angry river below it suddenly scared her. The thought of giving herself to such an entity was now chillingly frightening. She knew now what it was like to be treated like she had feelings, and now that she had had that something about ending her life was no longer an appealing option.
With one last fleeting look at the river she took off after the man, hoping he would not be too far off. Maybe she had just suddenly lost her urge to die, her premeditated attempts having been interrupted convincing her otherwise…or maybe, just maybe, she was drawn by the single fact that despite everything she had said to him he had still treated her with kindness that she was unaccustomed to. Maybe she just wanted to believe in the smallest bit of hope she would ever have to be accepted by someone.
The prospect of it was like a candle, light flickering far in the distance. For so long the candles light seemed far beyond her reach by now, now it seemed all too possible to reach out for it. It seemed possible for her to pursue the flame with some hope of someday reaching its light and warmth. This man, this complete and total stranger whom had pulled her from her death, seemed to be the holder of that single candle, that single ray of hope. Death was no longer her only chance at freedom, he could hold her freedom along with her hope. This man whom she had met just now under a little better than inopportune conditions suddenly seemed to be the one who could hold her entire future, along of course with being the one who had ensure that she had a future.
In one simple act, this man had saved her. Not only from the fingers of death which had wrapped themselves so tightly around her, but from herself, the one person who had given up on her.
YAY! New story! I've been procrastinating like hell on this for the longest time, but excess free time has caused me to force myself to sit down and have a good writing period. I decided to go prequel first; it makes more sense that way and is a bit easier to write. Now all of this will seem amazingly confusing later on if you have not read Not All Things Are What They Seem which can be found on my account. Please review!!!