Just to give you all a little heads up, ALL of this chapter will be a flashback of Edward's first deployment, return and all that stuff. There will be a few tiny snippet flashbacks in a flashback in here.
Sorry that I don't have a beta. Don't mind my mistakes!
Disclaimer: I am very neutral about God and religions. Being brought up in a Catholic household during a time of war and cancer and well shit tainted my personal views. Please do not take anything mentioned from here on out in this story about religion personally or seriously. This story is FICTION and should be taken as such.
And…
WARNING WARNING: there will be a lemon deep down in here, so skip it if you wanna skip it because you're a prude (hehe) or just because I suck at writing them. I'm a virgin with a crazy imagination who reads a lot of smut.
Don't judge me.
Other than that, see you at the bottom!
Edward stared down at the worn photograph in his hands, the slightly tattered edges familiar as he smiled at his wife and daughters' expressions. He remembered the day this picture was taken. How happy and relaxed they all were. How perfect their lives seemed to be.
Until all hell broke loose.
That damn call that woke up up from a sound sleep. The heavy pain that rested in his heart as he stole one last glance at Bella's sleeping form before escaping into the night.
And into the war.
"They're beautiful." Edward smiled at the words of his CO, never taking his eyes off the picture. "You'll be home soon son, I promise."
Edward nodded, knowing the promise was empty. There was no telling if he would make it home with his heart beating in his chest. He knew that he could die in the line of fire when he signed on to be a marine. It was a risk he willingly took. At the time he had nothing to live for besides his parents and siblings.
That all changed the day of his graduation.
S.F
Edward stared straight ahead during the graduation. He was honestly trying his fucking hardest not to grin like an idiot during the presenting of the Eagle, Globe, and Anchor badge. When his name was called he marched to the stage, turned to face the crowd and locked eyes with her.
For a split second he stopped moving and just stared. Like in all those stupid romantic movies everything else around him faded away until she was all he could see. He couldn't suppress his shit-eating grin as she flashed him a small shy smile.
Edward quickly reserved himself, forcing his expression back into the hard mask that came with his dress blues. Show no emotion, display no weakness. His heart swelled with pride as the badge was pinned to the lapel of his jacket,
Edward bypassed his parents once the ceremony ended, heading straight towards the head of mahogany hair he had his eyes set on since the beginning. He excused himself to those who he bumped into or almost knocked over in his haste to get to her. She was talking to some man, smiling and touching his upper arm. His feet instantly ceased their movements.
Her boyfriend.
Of course she wasn't single. Why else would she be here? Edward's jaw clenched along with both his hands. Like there was a possibility she was smiling at him. He rolled his shoulders as he started to walk back towards his family, trying to dispel his disappointment.
Edward continued to march towards his family, breaking his hard mask into a grin at the proud tears rolling down Esme's cheeks.
"We're so proud of you Edward." She whispered into his neck as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "So so proud."
After Esme finally released him he was passed along down the line of his father, brother and sister. Alice squealed around her tears in traditional Alice fashion. She pulled his cap off, gasping at his trimmed hair. She frowned, running her fingers over his scalp.
"Now you can dazzle the pants off any chick that floats your way." Emmett said, winking at Edward, elbowing his ribs.
Edward rolled his eyes, righting the hat on his head. Too bad I missed one boat completely, he thought to himself cynically.
Esme opened her mouth to say something, but her focus shifted onto something behind Edward. "We'll meet you in the car sweetie."
Edward cocked his head to the side, confused at their abrupt departure. He turned around and instantly froze in place. The beautiful mahogany haired goddess was standing in front of him, a light blush tainting her cheeks. Instead of introducing himself like he would have Edward just stood there gaping at her, taking in every detail of her face, letting himself get lost in her beautiful brown eyes.
"Congratulations, on" she cleared her throat elegantly. Elegantly. Edward snorted to himself at how fucking stupid he sounded.
Hurt marred the woman's features. Shit, he laughed out loud.
"No, I- I wasn't laughing at you, I just- you…" Edward hastily took off his hat before taking her hand and kissed the back of it. Without a conscious thought he said, "You're perfect."
She blushed even deeper as she shook her head and smiled, a tiny dimple appearing on her right cheek. "I'm Bella."
Bella, beautiful. Beautiful Bella. The words kept rolling around his head as he smiled stupidly at her.
"Do you have a name?" Edward nodded, grinning as her smile grew. "Care to share what it is?"
"Oh!" Edward shook himself, trying to play off how flustered he was. He extended his hand before saying, "Edward- Edward Cullen."
She smiled as she took his hand. "Nice to meet you Edward, Edward Cullen."
S.F
Edward smiled at the memory. Only after a slight hissy fit, no, a manly jealous rage; did he learn that the man she went up to and embraced at the ceremony was her childhood friend. Her very gay childhood friend. That information comforted him only for a while, and then it had the opposite effect.
Edward tucked the picture away back into his jacket before stalking over to the makeshift hanger housing their sleeping quarters. He ran his dirt stained palm over his shortly cropped hair as he collapsed onto his cot, moving around on his back, trying to get comfortable. He had to get a goodnight's sleep before he went on rotation. A leader without any morale was never good for his men.
~s.f~
Gunshots ringing throughout the camp jolted Edward out of his sleep. He instantly grabbed the AK-47 from under his cot. His breathing was labored, his heart racing. He twisted his wedding ring around his finger twice for good luck before strapping his helmet in place under his chin. He dashed out of the hanger, telling his men to get in formation. There was no time for a pep talk, no time to prepare them for what could happen.
All Edward could say was, "Stay alert, stay alive, let's move out."
Edward kept his stance slightly crouched, all his gear secured on his body. As his men split up, Edward kept his gun high, his attitude strong and impenetrable. He circled around an abandoned car keeping his eyes straight ahead. He fired shot after shot towards the abandoned building looming in front of him. Little flickers of movement registered in his peripheral vision and before he could reload to fire another shot he heart a bang and listened to a body near him fall. He looked over his shoulder, feeling his heart constrict at the sight of his buddy on the ground.
Edward hysterically called the medic over, forcing him to do CPR on his friend, ignoring his protests. He couldn't lose Tyler. He couldn't lose his buddy on the battle field. Leave the dead behind, clear in front of you. Edward steeled his reserve, forcing himself to block the mental image of the puddle of blood underneath Tyler and carried on. He and his men did just that, brutally maiming and killing any enemy that crossed his path.
When Edward returned to Tyler, angry at himself, at the world for allowing this to happen, he checked Tyler's pulse before feeling his heart fall.
Lieutenant Tyler Crowley was pronounced dead at ten forty-two P.M. by the medic who tried to save him.
Killed in action.
SEMPER FI
The wind chilled Edward to the bone as he stood in line with his men. His formal dress blues seemed too constricting. The white belt around his waist was digging into his stomach, his pressed navy pants tight around his waist. The pristine white hat sitting on his head seemed as if it weighed thirty pounds, fighting gravity. His white gloved hands stayed straight at his sides throughout the ceremony. Everything seemed wrong.
As the priest ended the prayer a sense of calm settled over the crowd. Edward took one measured step forward, spinning on his right heel to face his men. He didn't let his eyes wander over towards the American flag draped over his buddy's casket.
Lieutenant Tyler Crowley was one if not his only best friend. They enlisted together on Edward's eighteenth birthday. Tyler was the first person Edward told about his promotion to Major General.
And now Edward was leading his men in saluting his death.
He took a deep breath before saying, "Ready. Aim, fire," over and over again until twenty-one shots went off. Edward's stance didn't waver at the pop of the shots, but as each went off his heart broke slightly.
Edward accepted the fact that it wasn't his fault his buddy died. But Edward couldn't, wouldn't let himself accept the fact that this was a normal occurrence; that losing a friend or a brother was just a part of this life.
He wouldn't lose his soul; he wouldn't sacrifice that part of his humanity.
Edward turned again to face the small crowd mourners, avoiding eye-contact with Tyler's family seated in the front row. He bit the inside of his cheek as the heartbroken sobs of Tyler's wife rang in his ears.
He cleared his throat before saying, "Pre-sent arms."
As every man with military blood both retired and new stood, their right hands forming a proper salute towards Tyler's coffin, as Taps began. All the people who were present bowed their heads, some closing their eyes to the tune. Each haunting note resonated deeply in Edward's heart, acting as even more solidifying proof he would never see Tyler again.
When the final note of Taps slowly faded out, Edward called his men to attention, each grabbing onto the edges of the American flag draped over the polished wood of Tyler's coffin. With excellent precision the flag was folded and presented to Edward. He saluted the soldier giving it to him before grasping it in his hands, his left resting on top.
Edward spun on his heel and slowly stalked towards Lauren. He got down on one knee, holding the flag out to her as he said, "I present you this flag, on behalf of a grateful nation, for the honorable and faithful service of your loved one."
Lauren held the flag close to her heart, whispering a quiet "thank you," to Edward before
The line of men broke apart once Edward saluted them, each giving their own personal good-bye to Lt. Crowley before retreating back to the group of mourners. Edward embraced Bella tightly, kissing the top of her head as she started to sob quietly into his chest. After a long moment he released her, kissing her lightly on the lips before walking over to Tyler's widow, Lauren.
Her eyes were red rimmed and puffy from crying, the trembling in her arms spread throughout her entire body as Edward pulled her into his arms. He gently rubbed circles against Lauren's back while she sobbed into his shoulder. He blinked furiously as one traitor tear slipped down his cheek.
"What am I going to do, Edward?"
Edward carefully untangled himself from Lauren's grasp and gently wiped her tears away with the back of his hand. "Bella and I will be there for you. Jordan and Abby are always together. You're not alone Lauren."
She nodded slowly, her eyes unfocused as she gripped the folded flag in her arms.
Bella grabbed Edward's hand, tangling their fingers together. "Stay with us tonight. You shouldn't go back to an empty house right now."
Lauren looked over her shoulder at Tyler's family, asking "Are you sure?" in a quiet voice.
Bella looked up at Edward who nodded his head with conviction. "Of course we're sure. Abby is staying the night with Edward's parents. I bet Ty– your in-laws wouldn't mind watching Jordan tonight, would they?"
Edward took off his hat as Tyler's parents approached them. "My condolences Mr. and Mrs. Crowley." He quickly embraced both adults before kissing Bella's cheek and excusing himself.
He kept his white dress hat in his hands as he walked over to Tyler's casket. He slowly picked up a rose from the table as he stared down into the grave where his buddy, his best friend, would be from here on out.
"I'm so sorry Tyler," Edward said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry it was you instead of me; that you had to leave Lauren and Jordan. I'I promise, like we did when we first signed up, I'll take care of your family as if it was my own." Edward sighed heavily before dropping the rose. "Rest in peace Ty, you deserve it."
Edward took a deep breath to center himself before he turned back around to face Bella. She flashed him a watery eyed smile as she threw her arms around his neck. She whispered "I love you," into his shoulder. He nodded into her hair in agreement.
"Ready to go home?"
Bella smiled and grabbed his hand, twining their fingers together. They slowly walked back towards Lauren. She looked at the couples' joined hands with a desperate expression before visibly shaking herself and following them to the car. Like the gentleman he was brought up to be, Edward opened Bella's door and helped her into the car before closing it behind her. When he walked over to do the same for Lauren, she politely refused
The car ride home was filled with silent tension; Edward gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were white. He didn't know what to do or what to say to either woman. He did know that Lauren and Bella were close, that Bella would be her shoulder to cry on. Bella wouldn't complain about it, no matter how tired she was, Bella would be there. She was that type of person.
Edward helped both women out of the Volvo before gracefully charging to the front door and wrenching it open. He stripped out of his dress blues as he sped through the house. He tossed his clothes onto the bed as if they were riddled with disease. Each thread burned his skin, his chest irritated by the steel of his dog tags clanging against his chest. He gripped the chain in his hand, ready to yank them away from his neck. He paused and stared down at his name imprinted on the metal.
CULLEN,
EDWARD A
US MARINE CORPS
648-91-5273
O POS
NO PREF
Edward's fingers traced over the "no pref", on the last line of his dog tags. His family wasn't obnoxiously religious, forcing their "god" onto others. It was understood that under his parent's roof there was god. Whatever created the earth and everything that inhabits it can only be explained by one fucking word.
God.
Edward always had some doubt growing up about god and everything he does and all the good he does, he scoffed to himself at the word. Thankfully, Bella was indifferent about the idea, never brought up in a religious atmosphere.
He refused to believe in the higher power. He was a marine, protecting America and killing enemies. The presence that war was enough proof that god didn't exist. He shouldn't allow his people to be killed off like flies, to have disease, to die painful deaths. Why hasn't he put a stop to it yet?
Edward wanted to put a stop to it. This life wasn't at all was he expected the unreal reality of constant death was too much. There was no way in time he'd grow immune to it.
Edward shook himself out of his thoughts and stalked into his closet. He pulled on a pair of black exercise shorts and his running shoes, forgoing a shirt. Without another thought he tossed his dog tags carelessly onto the bed and took off jogging through the house, waving to Bella and Lauren in the kitchen.
He sped up his pace once he got outside into the crisp fall air. Running always helped clear his thoughts. An empty mind was exactly what he needed right now.
Edward let his feet lead him, the rest of his body on autopilot. He instantly stopped his movement as he stood at the entrance to the cemetery. He cursed himself for ending up here. His fingers roughly gripped the ends of his hair a she started to pace.
He didn't consider whatever fucked up twist of fate that put him here, just punched the nearest thing with all his strength before springing home.
Edward was drenched in sweat by the time he came up to the front door of his house. He leaned against it, resting his forehead on the cool fireproof surface. His right hand was throbbing, his knuckles on fire. The possibility of his hand being broken was very very high. He took a deep breath before grabbing the doorknob with his uninjured hand, and slowly turned it. Bella was frantically yelling into the phone in the kitchen.
"I don't know where the fuck he is Alice! He went for a run and, hell he left his dog tags. He never does that!" Bella calmed down slightly. "That makes sense, he always runs to clear his head." "Yeah but he's never out this late. What if something happened Ali?"
"Bella." Edward said quietly, standing in the entry way of the kitchen. She jumped slightly before slamming the phone into the receiver. She slowly walked towards him, her face devoid of any emotion. Before he could realize she raised her hand, Bella slapped him across the face. Hard. As if to make up for it, she flung her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.
"Don't you dare do that to me again."
Edward tightened his arms around her torso, nuzzling her hair with his nose. "I'm sorry."
Bella nodded and pulled away, his dog tags dangling from her fingertips. "You left these on the bed." She gently ran her palm down his cheek, capturing his chin in her hand. "Are you okay?"
Edward gazed over Bella's shoulder at Lauren who picked up the phone the instant it started to ring.
"Abby would like to talk to you both." Lauren said quietly, conveniently switching the focus off his dog tags.
Bella grabbed the phone first, quickly wishing her sweet dreams and that she loved her. Edward smiled slightly as he received the phone.
"Hey baby girl. Be good for grandma and grandpa, capiche?"
Abby giggled lightly on the other line. "Got it daddy. I love you!" Edward chuckled at her enthusiasm. "You're my special hero daddy."
Edward closed his eyes tightly as tears threatened to appear. "I love you too sweetheart. Sweet dreams." He cleared his throat before ending the call. Bella grasped his face in her hands, studying his expression.
"What's wrong? What did Abby say?"
She said exactly what I needed to hear. "It wasn't anything bad love, I promise."
Edward leaned forward and gently brushed his lips lightly against her forehead before flashing a smile at Lauren and stalking down the hall into their bedroom. He kicked off his sneakers and tossed his shorts into the hamper before slipping into the shower. The hot water was a relief on his sore muscles. Edward raked his fingers through his hair a few times, rinsing some of the sweat and dirt off his head. He felt Bella's presence before he saw her, standing in the doorway to the bathroom.
Edward pushed the water soaked hair out of his eyes before sliding the shower door open, ignoring the cool breeze that hit his damp body. "What's the matter love?"
"Promise me," she started, walking under the spray of the showerhead fully clothed. She looked Edward in the eyes before continuing. "Promise me you'll never die, that you'll never leave me."
Tears slowly slid down her cheeks, mingling with the shower's water drops. Edward swallowed hard before nodding. He pulled her into his arms, gently running his palms up and down her back. Bella looked up at him, her teeth gnawing away at her bottom lip as she contemplated something. He freed her lip from her teeth with his thumb, smirking to himself at the view of her waterlogged clothes.
Knocking him against the shower wall, Bella threw her arms around Edward's neck, crushing her lips against his. Her kisses were desperate, her tongue forcing its way through Edward's lips. She tangled her fingers into his hair, tilting her head to the side to deepen their kiss. Edward quickly recovered his footing and switched their positions, resting her back against the shower wall. His fingers clawed at her shirt, ripping it open, growling as buttons bounced off the tile floor. Edward popped the button on her damp jeans open, viciously yanking her pants down her shapely legs. As he gripped the backs of her thighs, lifting to wrap her legs around his waist.
Edward cradled the back of her head in his hands, resting his forehead against hers. "Nothing will keep me away from you Bella. I promise I won't leave your side." He kissed her chastely. "I love you."
"So much." Bella agreed before sucking his lower lip in her mouth, she gently bit down, nibbling against his skin. "I want." she whispered.
His arms trembled from restraint as he slowly settled inside of her. She felt like a vise, gripping him, milking him. Edward was no stranger to Bella's body. He knew where to run his tongue and where to circle his thumb. A considerate lover, he's paid attention through the years, and he turned everything he has to making her quake.
For his side, Bella's body is heaven on earth. Like their mouths, everything else fits just right. He thrusts and she arches. He retreats and she chases. It's almost some kind of divine torture to hold himself back. Their movements became wilder, fiercer. Their mingled breaths coming out in short bursts. Their fingers, tightly entwined, pressing against each other rhythmically. Until with one thrust, nerve endings were stroked and both beings shattered as one.
Afterward, a long, rich moment of blissed-out blackness cloaked them, neither of them wanted to move.
Edward gathered Bella into his arms, turning off the shower before stepping out. She sighed contentedly against his chest as he walked them into their room. He carefully stood her up against the bed post, making sure she was steady before grabbing two towels. He ran his fingers through his hair as he threw one towel around his waist. He carefully dried Bella off before tucking her under the covers. He tossed the towels into the hamper, grabbing something off his nightstand before joining her under the covers, Bella instantly curling up against his side.
Edward slid his arm around her as he stared down at his palm. His dog tags gleamed off the moonlight steaming in through the window. He internally shook his head at his doubts from earlier. Being a marine was in his blood, in his soul. Abby renewed his pride. You're my special hero daddy. He smiled at the memory of her words.
Edward sat up and slipped the chain back over his head. He kissed his tags religiously before letting them rest against his chest, where they belonged and would stay.
Forever.
Hello there!
Wow this chapter turned out to be a lot longer than I thought it would be. Is that a good thing…?
And please go easy on me with the lemon; it was my first time…
All information in this chapter is from both Wikipedia and based on clips from Lifetime's: Army wives.
Reviews are better than dog tags.