Alternatives Chapter 2: II Never Alone, a stargate: sg-1 fanfic

Alternatives

Chapter II: Never Alone

Based upon Stargate: SG-1

Rating: G

- RMI - Based on the Season 2 episodes: "Line of Duty," and "The Tok'ra" Parts I and II; takes place during and between said episodes -

Just for clarification: words in italics are Sam's thoughts, and those in bold are Jolinar's thoughts, but I'll try to be clear with whose thinking.

- . - - - . -

"Oh, God, Sir! He's telling you the truth!" Sam shouted at Colonel O'Neill as he walked away. She sunk back into the bunk and pulled her knees up to her chest. They're never going to believe me, she thought to herself.

Come now, Samantha, a voice still foreign to her head said. I am not like the Goa'uld. They will realize that our relationship is a symbiotic one.

"To tell you the truth," she said aloud, still unused to conversing with another person inside her own mind. She couldn't identify the voice as loud or soft, masculine or feminine, alien or human . . . "I'm not sure that I believe that."

But you just told Colonel O'Neill that I was not lying.

Sam messaged her temples. "I know . . . It's just that . . . This feels like . . . There are just so many thoughts in my head right now. I'm not sure which ones are mine."

They are all yours. Well, that's not exactly true. They are ours. Jolinar was silent for a moment. And that peculiar feeling you are wondering about is the symbiote version of a smile. You should get used to it, I like to smile.

"Was that a joke? Because it's not making me feel any better. Though, I guess you already know that." Sam paused as the feeling came back, a little stronger, giving her the impression that Jolinar was chuckling. "I'm never going to have my head to myself again, am I?"

With all due respect, Samantha, it's my head now too. I know that doesn't make you feel any better either. But, I will gladly find another host who is willing to blend. I am sorry that I had to force you into this, but . . . you know, the will to survive.

"I don't know. I want to get you out of here and just go back to the way things were . . . But . . ."

You could learn a lot and that is simply too tempting. We have that in common.

Sam laid back. "But everything is just so jumbled right now. I'm not even sure which thoughts are mine. I keep getting reminded of something, but I don't know what or why. It's just overwhelming. I think I need an aspirin."

Things will become less chaotic over time. Our minds will blend, giving us access to each others' memories, but a distinct barrier will form preserving a sense of self for both of us. The Goa'uld do not blend, but simply suppress the identity of the host. However, we believe that much can be learned by both parties from the shared experiences.

"I'll be honest." She laughed a little. "I guess I'm always gonna be honest . . . Anyway, I'm more than a little scared."

Most hosts are. The last two hosts I had were also quite intimidated, but it is a rewarding experience and we learned to depend upon each other. Samantha, things can be the same with us. If you choose to allow me to stay, I will always be right here, supporting you. You will never be alone.

Sam took a deep breath. "That's part of what I'm afraid of."

- . - . -

As Sam slowly regained consciousness, she heard voices around her. It took her a few moments to realize what was going on and what was being said.

"Captain Carter is alive, Sir, as is the symbiote."

"So there's still a snake in her brain?" another voice asked.

"Yes, Sir. It was lucky that you caught that Goa'uld assassin when you did, if he had had a few more minutes I don't know what would have happened. It's very possible that he could have killed both Captain Carter and the symbiote," the first voice said. Fraiser, Doctor Fraiser, that's who it was.

The other voice was Colonel O'Neill, she realized.

"Colonel?" she said, her voice sounding slightly strange to her own ears, but at least she wasn't speaking in her new 'Tok'ra voice.'

She opened her eyes to see the Colonel's skeptical face. "Carter?"

"Yes, Sir. It's me."

"How do I know that?'

She sat up slowly, Jolinar clearing most of the haze in her head. "We just saved the planet from Apophis' attack, which we found out about from Daniel's trip to an alternate reality, which you are still a little skeptical about. The whole reason you're still out here doing what we're doing is to find and save Skaara."

"Hey!" the Colonel stopped her. "Just because you know the things that Carter knows doesn't mean you're her."

"Sir, it's me."

"And that's supposed to convince me?"

"I don't know, Sir. I guess wouldn't want to believe me either."

"You guess?" he repeated.

She took a deep breath. "I don't know what else to say or how to convince you."

"You," he pointed, "Or . . . the snake offered to leave; jump ship and find another host. That would go a long way in convincing me."

"I don't want her to go," Sam said without thinking.

Samantha, Jolinar's voice popped up in her head. Do you think this is such a wise decision? You and I both know that they may never believe that I am not a Goa'uld and in complete control of your body and suppressing your mind if you say that I don't want to leave.

Well, Sam thought to Jolinar, slowly getting the hang of having a conversation in one's head. We'll just have to work together. But I'd like you to stay if you're willing.

That feeling of Jolinar's smile came back. I would very much like to stay, Samantha. I like you.

"You don't want her to go?" Colonel O'Neill asked slowly.

"Yes, Sir," Sam nodded. "Jolinar, my symbiote. I would like her to stay exactly where she is."

"See, that doesn't go in convincing me that I'm not talking to Jolinar now and she's not just trying to find permanent lodgings in the Hotel de la Carter."

Told you.

Quiet, you.

"I don't have any answers for you, Sir. I'm new at this, too. And Jolinar would be happy to leave. I want her to stay. I can already remember a lot of things that didn't happen to me, but to her. From what she's told me, there is more to come. I want to learn what she has to teach me.

"Go ahead and put me in a cell until one of us comes up with some way to convince you."

The Colonel turned to Doctor Fraiser. "You heard her. Lock her up until someone comes up with an idea." He walked out of the Infirmary angrily.

I know he's your commanding officer and you respect him, but I do not like that man.

He's not that bad once you get to know him.

So you say, Jolinar sounded as if she did not believe her. So you say.

Sam watched the doorway that the Colonel has just left through for a moment before turning her attention to Doctor Fraiser. "You don't believe me either, do you?"

She forced a smile. "I . . . Not really. I want to, I do. It's just . . . I remember what Major Kowalski was like when he was infect--when he had a Goa'uld."

Sam nodded. "You're right. It would be more believable that I wasn't me, but the Goa'uld trying to gain your trust. Whenever you're ready, I'll go back to confinement."

If this is what our life is going to be like, I would prefer leave.

"Why don't you just stay right there and not make any sudden moments? Let's just start with that," Fraiser said.

Sam smiled and settled down a little into the bed, folding her hands. Give it some time, Jolinar. Things will get better. We can find a way to convince them.

- . - . -

"You're going to take us to the Tok'ra?" Colonel asked from the other side of a set of bars.

"Yes, Colonel," Jolinar said. "I am willing to take you to my people. An alliance would benefit us both."

"An alliance?"

"Yes, Sir," Sam took over. "They have an extensive movement. The SGC could help the Tok'ra enact some of their bigger plans and the Tok'ra could give us access to some of their technology . . . ships, weapons, medical technology."

"First of all," O'Neill waved his hands around. "Could I speak to one of you at a time? Not to say that I believe that the non-Goa'uld-y voice is Carter. And did you say 'ships and weapons'?"

Sam smiled. "I did, Sir."

"I'll see what I can do," he replied before turning and leaving the room without another word.

Like him now? Sam smirked.

He's starting to grow on me. Jolinar paused for a second. Like a tumor.

Sam smiled. That's what I thought.

- . - . -

"You sure this is the right place?" Colonel O'Neill asked, surveying the surroundings of the gate.

Jolinar raised Sam's eyebrow at him.

"Oh, right . . ." He concealed a small harrumph. "What now?"

"We wait," Jolinar said. "They know we are here."

Sam sat down on the steps in front of the gate and indicated the others do the same. She was not surprised when Daniel was the only one to join her; the Colonel, Teal'c, and SGs -3 and -4 setting up a small perimeter and keeping on the alert.

"I'm glad you're back out here with us," Daniel said quietly, once the others were just out of earshot.

Sam smiled at him. "Does that mean you believe me?"

He took a deep breath. "No, not really. I still have this nagging feeling that you aren't Sam, but Goa'uld just trying to trick us. But . . . It still feels good to have you out here."

"I missed it too, Daniel." Sam smiled at him before turning her attention inward. Jolinar, you seem . . . anxious.

Oh, it's just that I'm excited to be back with my people after so long.

We've been together for - what? - five months? And you think you can try to lie to me? It's that blonde man with the long face that keeps popping into my memory, isn't it?

Sam could tell that Jolinar was slightly embarrassed, meaning that she was correct. So, who is he? Let's have it.

His name is Martouf, and his symbiote is Lantash. Lantash was my mate.

"What!?" Sam blurted out.

Everyone looked at her.

She blushed. "Sorry. Still not quite used to the whole 'talking in my head' thing."

Sam waited patiently while Jolinar stopped rolling with laughter. At least you're as embarrassed as I am now, Jolinar said while she regained her composure. Lantash was my mate, and my previous host, Rosha, was Martouf's mate.

You say 'was.'

I will not coerce you into anything you do not wish. If you choose Martouf, then Lantash and I will be together once again. If you do not, then not.

I don't want to keep you from someone you love.

And I do not want you to be forced into an intimate relationship. It somewhat defeats the purpose, does it not?

Sam agreed silently and continued to wait.

After several more minutes, perhaps even as long as a half an hour, a strange sensation arose within Sam, and before she could do anything, Jolinar had control and stood. "They're here," Jolinar said.

Sure enough, a dozen or so Tok'ra appeared out of seemingly nowhere, surrounding them. She looked around for one man in particular. An infectious smile swept across her face when she saw him.

"Carter!" O'Neill barked.

Jolinar rushed Sam over to him. "Martouf," she said.

He looked over at another Tok'ra. "I do not know this woman."

Sam shook her head. "You don't know me, but you are well acquainted with my symbiote."

Her eyes flashed and Jolinar spoke, "Jolinar of Malkshur."

A smile spread across Martouf's face. "Truly?"

Sam nodded. "Truly," Jolinar said.

He threw his arms around her. "You're safe."

"Martouf," Sam spoke. "We didn't come just for Jolinar to return home. While me becoming her host was a little bit of an accident, she's going to stay. My name is Samantha Carter; I'm from a planet called Earth. We would like your help to fight the Goa'uld."

Martouf leaned back from her, keeping his hands on her upper arms. "It seems there is much to discuss."

- . - . -

Where we go is your choice, Samantha. Know that. I will not be unhappy if we do not stay with the Tok'ra, as long as we visit now and again.

I just don't know, Jolinar. The way things are at the SGC. I mean, we worked so hard for so many months for them to trust me again. I don't want to just walk out on them. But you and I could do great things for the Tok'ra. And my dad is here. We've never been very close. But now we have something in common.

An alien symbiote wrapped around your spines?

You know what I mean.

I do. But do not worry about me. I have lived many human lifetimes and I will live many more. I am not martyring myself here, I am living new experiences.

What about Martouf?

What about Colonel O'Neill?

What about him!?

As long as we're talking about potential lovers.

You and I both know that there is nothing between the Colonel and myself.

You and I both know that isn't true. Jolinar paused in smug self-satisfaction. Speechless, are we, Samantha? Jolinar waited for a few more moments while Sam remained silent. You're speaking with yourself, here. You might as well be honest.

Sam fumed. Fine. You're right. I want him. Bad. I have for some time now. What do you want me to do about it?

Jolinar's tone softened. I know that the only thing keeping you away from him is the Air Force. And I know you love it. To be honest, I like it myself. But the Tok'ra give you a good excuse to not be in the Air Force anymore.

Are you telling me to quit the Air Force, and live with the Tok'ra just so I can maintain a long distance relationship with Colonel O'Neill?

I'm not telling you to do anything. I am just giving you options, because I won't decide for you. When you're happy, I'm happy.

I don't want you to be alone.

Oh, I'll never be alone, Samantha. I have you.

I just don't know, Jolinar.

That's okay. This is you asking you a very important question: what do you want, Samantha? Think about yourself here. Don't think about me; don't think about Martouf, Colonel O'Neill, Doctor Jackson, Teal'c, General Hammond, your father, or anyone else for that matter. What do you want?

Sam thought for a second.

I want to stay on SG-1.

Sam felt the tickle of Jolinar's smile. Then we will stay.

- . - . -

"Well, Colonel, Captain Carter has decided that she would like to stay, if there is still a place for her on SG-1."

Jack smiled at the General. "There's always a spot on SG-1 for Samantha Carter, Sir."

"You sure you're alright with . . ."

"The snake in her skull, Sir?"

Hammond chuckled. "Yes, that."

"She's still Carter, Sir. Maybe the multi-personality edition, but still Carter."

Hammond smiled. "Good. I'm glad you see it that way."

- . - . -

Sam sat in her lab, trying to increase the efficiency of the naquadah reactors. Jolinar knew a lot about naquadah and was a great deal of help.

"You two ever gonna go home?" Colonel O'Neill asked, walking into her lab like he owned the place.

"Excuse me, Sir?" she looked up from her computer.

"You and the hitch hiker."

Did he just call me a 'hitch hiker'?

Sam laughed. "Yes, Sir. We were just finishing up a few simulations."

"Well, tell Jo to pack it up. Daniel and Teal'c are waiting; we're going to grab something to eat."

Did he just call me 'Jo'?

Sam shut down her computer and stood up. "Just give me a few minutes to change into civvies; I'll meet you all topside."

"Alright, Carter, but hurry up. I'd hate to leave without you and make you eat alone."

I never eat alone, she thought, I have Jo. "Yes, Sir," she said aloud, heading to the locker room.

Don't you start calling me that, too, or you will be alone.

Come on, you're stuck with me now. It was you who said that I'm never alone; not anymore."

- . - - - . -

- Didn't like that ending? Well, me neither, not really. So, here's the alternate ending to this alternate reality -

- . - - - . -

Sam thought for a second.

I want Jack O'Neill.

Sam felt the tickle of Jolinar's smile. We' find a way to make it happen.

- . - . -

"Captain Carter is resigning her commission, and taking up a liaison position between the SGC and the Tok'ra."

"Sir, there is always a position for her on SG-1."

Hammond smiled. "I'm glad you feel that way, Colonel, but . . ."

"Sir, I know that she may be the multi-personality, snakehead edition, but she's still Samantha Carter."

"I know, Colonel. But, I cannot justify have the flag team of an Air Force operation only be composed of 25% Air Force personnel. I understand that the Captain has quite a few years under her belt, but the principle still stands.

"Jacob is going to work with the Tok'ra as one of their normal operatives and Captain Carter will divide her time between here and the Tok'ra bases. I know she's part of your team, Jack, but the decision has been made."

"Yes, Sir." Jack didn't wait to be dismissed, but simply walked out. He headed towards Daniel's office. They were all supposed to have dinner tonight, and even though he didn't feel very 'merry,' he knew that he should spend as much time with his team before it completely broke up.

- . - . -

Sam walked up to Colonel O'Neill's door, making sure to lock Carpenter's car behind her. Carpenter was going to be off-world for a few days and graciously lent Sam her vehicle.

She took a deep breath, but didn't knock.

If you're not going to knock, I am.

Just give me a second.

Come on, Samantha. You quit the Air Force so you could do this. You haven't seen him in three months. Knock.

Giving in to herself, Sam knocked on the door and only had to wait a moment for the Colonel to answer it. "Hi, Sir," she said with a smile.

"Carter," he sounded happy to see her. "Come in." He stepped aside, welcoming her into his home. "Want a beer?"

"Sure, thank you." She walked into the living room, while he made a detour to the kitchen. She surveyed the pictures in the room. There was one of his son, one of himself, his son, and his ex-wife, and six of SG-1 -- the SG-1 she was on, not the new one with Captain Aarons.

She took a seat when he handed her a beer and took a seat himself.

"So what have you and the Tok'ra been up to?" he asked.

He must be really happy to see you, Samantha. He's never this talkative about anything but 'The Simpsons' or 'The Wizard of Oz.'

"The usual, slowly undermining the Goa'uld by covert operations and annoyance."

Hey! We have a plan!

"Jolinar keeps telling me that we have a plan, but the more I hear of it: they don't have a real plan. They have a general strategy that they're hoping will pay off in the end."

"How is the Old Girl?" he asked.

Did he just call me 'The Old Girl?'

"Jolinar? She's doing well, settling in and providing a running commentary on my life. Sometimes it's actually quite amusing."

"Carter," his tone softened, "What are you doing here?"

She smiled sheepishly. "Things are a lot different than they were."

He nodded. "Yeah."

Sam paused, rethinking her plan of what to say.

You practiced this a thousand times, and now you're rethinking?

"When Daniel came back through the mirror on 233, he said that the alternate versions of us were engaged."

He took a sip of his beer. "Yeah."

Where are you going with this? Even I'm confused, and I'm the one in your head.

"Your objection to that was that it wasn't allowed because of the regulations."

"Yeah," he agreed again.

"Not because you thought it couldn't work."

"Yeah."

That's it. Sam's eyes flashed. "Samantha wants to know if you want to get dinner tomorrow evening," Jolinar said.

Jolinar!

Oh come on, I just saved fifteen minutes of uncomfortable silence.

The Colonel slowly put down his beer, startled by what just happened.

"I am so sorry, Sir. Sometimes Jolinar doesn't know when to shut up!"

"Just promise me one thing, Carter," he said.

"Anything, Sir."

"Don't call me 'Sir' when we're on our date."

Ha! If I had a tongue I'd stick it out at you.

"Date?"

He smiled. "That's what it is, isn't it?"

Yes, that is what it is.

The infectious smile spread back across her face. "I guess so, Sir . . . Jack? O'Neill?'

He took another sip of his beer. "I'll cut you a deal. You call me 'Jack,' and I'll call you 'Sam' and 'Jo.' Good?"

Only if he doesn't call me 'Jo.'

She nodded and took a drink of her beer, ignoring the voice in her head. "Sounds good . . . Jack." She had a feeling that she wasn't ever going to be alone again.

- . - - - . -