Nina arrived back at her apartment later that evening, more tired and sore than she wanted to admit, but she'd be damned if she was going to spend the rest of the day sleeping. She was still riding the high of signing the mortgage on the Chelsea apartment. Escrow was closing in two weeks; two more weeks of living under her mother's god-forsaken roof. Nina still hadn't the slightest idea as to what she was going to tell her. It had been perfectly clear to Nina from the time she was a small child that Erica considered her to be the reason for her own ballet career's premature end, and in recent months she'd become increasingly aware of the fact that her mother seemed determined to keep her in a state of eternal childhood as a way of justifying that sacrifice in her own mind. She was sure that the news that she was moving out would be welcomed with all the enthusiasm of going for a root canal. Add the news that she would be dancing in Swan Lake again, another piece of news with which she had been less than forthcoming, and she had all the makings of a very volatile evening on her hands. Nina inwardly groaned; the thought was almost unbearable. Perhaps she just…..wouldn't tell, at least not for a while. It might make the intervening two weeks bearable. But then, Thomas' voice broke into her mind.
"You could be brilliant, but you're a coward."
Keeping this from Erica was the coward's way out, and Nina new that.
Not to mention the fact that it was simply delaying the inevitable.
Nina expelled a resigned sigh. She'd have to grit her teeth and brace herself for the storm that was almost sure to come. "Mom?" She called out. "Mom, are you home?"
"Nina?" came a voice from behind her. Nina spun around, startled at her mother's voice. "Where have you been?"
"I went out for a few hours. I was sick of being cooped up in the apartment, and I wanted to get some fresh air." Nina said softly, and not altogether untruthfully. She had been feeling stronger in the last few days, and had become increasingly bored with Erica's insistence that she remain in bed.
Erica's features hardened for a moment, but then softened again. "I know." She said softly. "It's dull being bedridden after an injury. God knows I understand. But honey, you need-"
"Rest, I know. " Nina interjected. "I promise I'll get some after dinner."
Great, just great. She was back to her shrinking-violet meekness.
Erica smiled and stroked her face. "Sweet girl," she murmured. Nina bristled slightly under the hated moniker, but said nothing. She hung her pink woolen overcoat on the hook by the door and followed Erica into the kitchen.
"Up, Erica commanded, patting one of the barstools.
"I'm fine," Nina protested. "Mom, why don't you let me make dinner?" Erica shot her a surprised look, but Nina began throwing together a salad; carrots, snap peas, tomatoes, no dressing. She had to maintain weight, after all. Erica, in contrast, smothered hers in Thousand Island.
"This is good." she complimented.
"Thanks," Nina replied. The note of trepidation in her voice wasn't lost on her mother.
"Something wrong?" She asked.
"No, nothing."
"Well, you're acting strangely."
Nina sighed. If she was going to do it, now was the time. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably, and for a moment, she felt as though she was going to be sick.
"Thomas came to see me in the hospital." Nina began softly.
"Really? What did he say?" Erica inquired. Nina inwardly began to panic, her heart beginning to skip and skitter like a jackrabbit, her throat going desert dry. And in a moment of brutal clarity, she knew she couldn't do this. Nina Sayers, the innocent, fragile, white swan couldn't do this.
But perhaps there was another who could.
"I'm dancing Swan Queen again," she declared with uncharacteristic boldness. The panic vanished as quickly as it had come.
Erica's features instantly hardened. "What?" She asked, her voice lowering dangerously.
"You heard me, Mom." Nina said firmly. Where was this coming from? This wasn't like her at all.
"No." Erica uttered in a whisper that left Nina with no doubt that her mother's mood was rapidly going from dangerous to deadly. "That role destroyed you. You can't-"
"I can, and I am." Nina countered. "Thomas told me that if I dance it again, I'll never be stuck at the back of a corps again. I'll be the new principle."
"And then what, Nina? You spend your life slaving, self-destructing, only to be thrown out on your ass in a few years like Beth MacIntire?"
Erica had as good as spat the words at her, and they stung more deeply than she'd even admit to herself, let alone to her mother, if only because ever since Thomas had announced Beth's retirement, Nina had harbored the fear at the back of her mind that one day, maybe, he would do the same to her.
"But that's all you ever wanted for me, isn't it, Mom? To see your sweet girl at the top? For me to succeed where you failed?" Had she really just said that?
Erica's eyes widened in shock, and her mouth tightened in anger. "What's gotten into you?" She hissed.
Nina knew exactly what had gotten into her.
Suddenly, all the fight seemed to leave her mother. "Nina, you can't handle this. You know you can't. You can't take the pressure." She dropped her head into her hands, raking her fingers through her hair.
"I know," Nina softly acknowledged, breathing deeply to prepare herself to say what she had to say next. "That's why I went to Chelsea today. I bought an apartment."
Erica's head snapped up. "What?" she gasped.
"I bought an apartment," Nina repeated. "Escrow closes in two weeks. I'm moving out."
"Nina-"
"I can't take the pressure of living here anymore, Mom!" Nina almost shouted. "All the insane demands, the lack of privacy, you treat me like I'm twelve! I mean, for god's sake, you take my earrings off before I go to bed at night!"
Erica's voice once again lowered dangerously. "Do you have any idea what I've given up for you? I gave my life for you!"
"Of course I do, Mom. You remind me every day." Suddenly, the anger, the aggression, the strength left her as quickly as it had come, and she was left once again feeling panicked and vulnerable. "I need to rest. I'm going to get some sleep." She said tiredly, and then, picking up a piece of paper, scribbled the address in Chelsea onto it. "This is my new address: come by anytime as long as you call me first," Nina whispered, handing the piece of paper to her mother. Erica suddenly, and quite unexpectedly, broke down into harsh, racking sobs. Nina couldn't bear it anymore. She ran into her room, closing the door behind her.
Once inside, she leaned against the door, breathing heavily. What in the world had she done? She had sworn to herself that she wouldn't alienate her mother, and yet here she was, doing an admirable job of just that. She threw herself on her bed and cried herself to sleep.