Chapter 5 – It Just Takes Time
Mana woke up, but didn't open her eyes.
She tried to figure out her surroundings. Under her neck was a pillow, propping her head up. She could hear a constant beeping – a heart rate monitor, most likely hers. She heard someone adjust themselves on a chair to her left and yawn. They sounded masculine. Probably Kaji. They began flipping through papers, the distinctive shuffle as pages ran across one another and curved. Every once in a while there was the sound of a pen being dragged across a page.
The room she was in smelled clean. Mana was relieved at that. She could remember the stinging sensation in her nostrils she had felt when she had first woken up after jumping on the grenade, the harsh cleaning chemicals used in the makeshift hospital burning away at her. But here, she could smell the vague cleanliness of fresh laundry, with a faint hint of aftershave or cologne from the man. Yep, definitely Kaji.
Mana then tried to stir, and realized she couldn't move her limbs. In horror, her eyes shot open. She didn't even notice Kaji realize she was awake. He threw the papers out of his hand and went to her. "Hey there, kid-" Mana's words cut him off.
"Kaji. Why can't I move." Kaji's face turned to concern as he tried to explain to Mana. "Mana, it's ok, you just need to calm down." Mana was beginning to hyperventilate as she stared at him. "I am calm. Now why can't I fucking move, Kaji." "Mana, your limbs were burned out." He pulled back the covers, and showed Mana a complete set of limbs.
"You've been fitted with these, but we didn't want to sync you with them while you were unconscious." His words sank in, and Mana closed her eyes. She tried to slow down and even out her breathing. "If you want, I can get Dr. Böhm in here in 5 minutes, and we can get you moving in 20."
Mana kept her eyes closed, and took deep breaths, in through her nose, out through her mouth. She could feel Kaji's hand on the curve of her neck and shoulder. His grip was solid, but not painful. "Right," she said without opening her eyes, trying to salvage as much as she could of her pride, "sorry about that."
He paused for a moment. Mana supposed he was smiling. "Don't worry about it, Mana." He pulled the sheets back over her. She opened her eyes, he was standing over the bed. She looked over the hospital bed she was in, could see the outline of her useless body under the sheet. She looked at Kaji. "Could you get him?" Mana finally noticed the hoarseness of her voice, how it rasped against her throat. How long had she been out? Kaji nodded, and jogged out the door.
Mana let out a heavy sigh from her sore chest. 'Fuck, that was embarrassing.'
Mana tried to remember what had happened. She remembered... she remembered a young girl – Lilith, the name sprung unbidden from her mind – she remembered the Evas battling, she remembered a scream, and then, a... a white pain? She wondered why she thought of it that way. Colors didn't hurt, did they? An echo of feeling resounded through her mind, and that's what it was.
Mana decided to look around the room. A clock on the wall gave the time – 2:58 PM – but not the date. 'How long was I out?' she wondered. There wasn't much around her. She could see an IV drip stand, with the clear tube winding downwards until it went under the sheets near her left armpit. Mana shuffled back and forth, and felt the sting as she found the needle moving right above her collarbone. She frowned at that. The doctors couldn't find an easier vein than in her neck? Once again, they had had to resort to a central line to keep her alive. Mana always hated them, as she would pick up feelings within her chest, and imagine it to be the tube now connected to her heart. The doctors had told her that wasn't true before, but she still felt it.
The wall to Mana's left was lined with open windows. She could see bright day outside, with only a few clouds, and realized she was outside the Geofront. Every few moments she could hear the omnipresent cicadas. Mana groaned. She always hated how they sounded. She really hoped the Israfim would never find a way to breed with them.
Mana wasn't sure she could handle chirping laser insects.
After a minute or so more, Mana could hear quick footsteps coming towards her door. Kaji opened the door, and smiled at Mana. Behind him followed the tall, broad-shouldered, and graying German Dr. Böhm. He smiled at Mana as well, and she saw he was carrying a briefcase-sized diagnostic tool.
"Hey doc," Mana said.
"Good morning, Miss Kirishima. How are you feeling?" He put the tool on the bedside table. Kaji helped Mana lift her head off the pillow. Böhm pulled out a small wire, and reached behind Mana's neck, inserting it into a small port.
"Tired. That's how I feel," Mana responded, feeling a small charge pass through her body.
"To be expected, from being out like you were," Böhm said, as he began fiddling with some knobs and readouts on his tool. "Now, let's just go through this right quick, and we'll have you up and running about in no time. If you could try to move your left hand, please."
Mana was about to ask how long she'd been unconscious, but quickly forgot it in the routine of synching up to new limbs. She'd move one, Böhm would frown over the readings, deepening the lines on his face, and then would press a few buttons, and ask her to move it again. She would, and he'd smile, and then move on to another. Through this Kaji picked up his papers and started to go through them again.
After 20 minutes, Böhm smiled at Mana. "Ok, we're done. Your limbs are good to go for at least another year and a half." He pulled out the wire from the back of Mana's neck. "Thanks doc. Now when can I get this pulled out of me?" She pointed to the central line. Her arm had a strange heft to it, but she chalked that up to not being used to it yet.
Böhm picked up the diagnostic tool. "Ah yes." He put his finger up, as if to explain something. "I don't know." Mana's mouth drew into a thin line. "I just do your artificial limbs, Miss Kirishima. What I can do, though, is get Dr. Yoshitada. She'll know the answer." Mana nodded. "If you could?" Böhm gave a thumbs up. "Of course I can, Miss. Have a good day!" He left.
"Feeling better now?" Kaji asked once the door was closed. Mana looked at him and nodded her head. "Yeah." Kaji grinned and put his pen in his pocket. "Good to hear." "Still sore though." "Well, we can live through that, can't we?" They both smiled at that, and were quiet for a few minutes.
"Kaji," she said. "Hrm?" he replied. "How long was I unconscious?"
His grin dropped, and he looked at his watch. He rubbed the back of his head. "Well, about 3 weeks. It's November 8th today." Mana dropped her head on the pillow, and grimaced as the needle in her neck pinched at the movement. "Woah, hey, you alright?" Kaji asked. Mana was quiet for a moment.
"Yeah, yeah I'm ok. I just- I just don't really remember what happened." Kaji took her left hand in his own. "Don't worry about it," he said, "the doctor'll be here in a few minutes, and we'll deal with that then. Just, take it easy."
Mana looked him in the eye, then at the tube. "I really don't think I can do much else until then, Kaji."
Kaji laughed. "I realized that as I was talking."
Kaji sat on the edge of her bed, and Mana got a good look at his profile. She noticed the lack of stubble on his cheeks. "You go out on a date while I was under? How devious and underhanded of you." She expected a smile, but instead his brow furrowed. "What's up?" she asked. Kaji opened his mouth when there was a knock on the door.
It opened to reveal a middle-aged Japanese woman in a coat, with short black hair and dark tanned skin, holding a small PDA. "Ah, Mana, it's good to see you awake," she said, "I'm Dr. Yoshitada. I've been in charge of your case since you got in." She offered her hand to Mana. Mana looked at the hand as if it had started singing, shook it, and then looked back at Yoshitada. The doctor smiled at the courtesy.
"So, Dr. Böhm said you were wondering about the IV drip."
Mana nodded. "Yeah, when can I get this thing out of me. I was never a huge fan of having tubes connected to my heart that reach outside my body."
Yoshitada checked her PDA for a few seconds. "Well, I can understand that, but we were limited in options with the IV drip. And as much as I would love to see you up and running, I need to make sure you're alright for it." She tapped at the screen as she talked. "You gave us all a bit of a fright. And for what happened when you were unconscious, I just want to make sure you're fine."
"What happened while I was unconscious? I mean, beside being in a coma."
Yoshitada continued speaking to her PDA, and twisted her mouth a little. "That, I'm not too sure about. You had some weird brain patterns, inconsistent with most coma patients."
"Is that bad?" Mana asked. She wondered if the doctor would ever speak to her.
"I really have no idea. Well, at least you're awake now, so that's a good sign!" Yoshitada finally looked over the PDA to Mana and grinned. Mana did not feel very reassured about her condition. She decided not to tell her about the memory issue.
"Don't worry about the drip. We'll take the line out tomorrow, and then I'd like to keep you in observation for the next day or two, just to keep an eye on you. Does that sound alright?"
Mana thought about it for a moment. She could see out the corner of her eye Kaji looking at her in that 'you really ought to do what she asks' way he would do every now and again to make Mana listen to authority. She let out a defeated sigh. Misato was right, he did look like a stern & sexy school principal when he did it. She'd have to tell her over a beer when she got out.
"Yeah, I suppose I can wait a little while longer."
"You can move around with it, just be careful, and try not to fall." Yoshitada finished pressing some keys in her device. "Alright, the nurse will be by in about 20 minutes to do a small check up. If you have any questions, just let me know." She smiled, then walked out of the room.
Mana slowly turned her head to Kaji. "She's... not the most personable doctor I've ever met," Kaji shrugged. "She works for Nerv for a reason?" he ventured. Mana snorted. "It's because any hospital she was in folded. I bet the Japanese government offered her to Nerv so that there could still be some general practices left."
Kaji chuckled. He was idly flipping through his work, checking his notes. Mana tried to get a look at them. "Been busy while I was sleeping, huh?"
"Yeah, you could say that."
The conversation died. After a while a nurse came in, and did a few simple tests on Mana – blood pressure, reactions, and the like. They wrote down the information, and then walked out. Kaji continued going through the seemingly endless stack of paper in his chair.
"So Kaji," Mana said. He looked up at her. "What happened?" He let out a breath between his teeth.
"What do you remember, Mana?"
"I... I remember fighting in the Ree-tron. I was with Uri and Shinji. There was a... there was a young girl. I killed her. I killed her." She trailed off. And she thought she was done with killing kids. Kaji was by her side again, and Mana finally wondered just how long he had been sitting there by her bed, waiting for her to wake up.
"That was Lilith. Or at least, an aspect, or some kind of avatar. It killed a lot of people in the base. You stopped it from killing more." He had his hand on her arm, but it felt different from when it was on her neck. Mana wondered how long these limbs would take to feel natural.
"How many?" she asked. She didn't want to hear the answer. She didn't want to hear the answer. She didn't want to hear the answer.
"About 300 personnel. Including Asuka, Rei, and her sisters." He looked at Mana, but Mana stared ahead of her.
"How are Shinji an-"
"Uriel woke up two days ago, and Shinji's still out. I wouldn't worry about them, they've got people looking out for them."
"Oh," she said.
Kaji waited for more. But then his phone went off. He cursed when he saw the message. "I'm sorry, Mana, but the Commander needs me for something. I'll let people know you're awake - I know Mari'll be thrilled to see you." He leaned in and kissed the top of her head. "It's good to have you back," he whispered into her hair. As he went for the door, Mana spoke.
"Could you not let anyone know about... about what happened when I woke up?" He looked back at her and gave his trademark smirk. "What would I tell them? Nothing happened." He opened the door and left.
Mana was left in the empty room. She didn't know what to think about what Kaji had said. She'd lost comrades before, but...
Rei – dead?
Asuka – dead?
Mana stared at the ceiling. And for a long time, she didn't think of anything at all.
"Hello, Mana? Mana, are you there? Earth to Mana? Lights are on, but nobody's home?" Misato asked. When Mana didn't respond, she struck a pose of despair. "I knew it! I knew that legal paperwork would kill someone eventually! But why did it have to be Mana!"
Mana shook her head vigorously, trying to remember where she was. She was in a conference room, that's right! She looked up, and saw the smiling face of Misato leaning in just a little too close. Mana blinked a few times as she stared into Misato's eyes.
"Sorry about that. Forgot where I was for a moment. I'm awake," Mana said, shuffling a few random papers on the table around, "I swear."
"Not a problem if you weren't. But what do you think?" Misato gestured to the comparatively short draft of the contract on the table. For the past 45 minutes the two had gone through each clause, making sure the language was broad enough so that Nerv could actually help, but limited enough so that there would be no questions about who was in charge once the techs arrived in the States. Misato had constantly stolen surreptitious glances at the clock.
Mana rubbed her eyes. "It looks fine to me. Like I said before, just send this off to General Beck's personal office, and we should all be fine."
"Perfect then," Misato said while stretching, "we'll get this sent off, and we can call your mission a great success!" Mana smiled at that, "Was there really any doubt?" Misato threaded her arms through her jacket. "No not really, but are you going to turn down the accolades?" Mana twiddled her pen against her temple and thought for a moment as Misato got ready to leave. "No, probably not." Misato laughed at that.
Mana leaned back in her chair, throwing papers together into small piles every now and again. "So what's with the rush?" Mana asked. Misato let out a slight sigh at the question. "Well, you remember Shiro, correct?" Mana raised an eyebrow, "You mean your little lech of a son, who spent most of the time I was at your house staring at my chest?" She raised her voice an octave, "Why, how ever could I forget such a charming young boy?"
Misato frowned. "I swear he gets that from his father, not me. Well, he's got student-teacher conferences tonight, where we get to talk to his teachers from his classes, and they get to tell us how bad we all are as parents."
"I've got a hunch that isn't going to happen, Misato. Your kids looked like they're going to turn out all right. Even Shiro."
Misato stopped frowning at that, "Thanks Mana." She got to the door. Mana was desultorily packing her things away. "Mana." Mana's head whipped up to look at her.
"We'll see you again, before you leave?" Misato asked.
"Yeah. Yeah." She paused for a moment. "I'll be at the memorial." Misato beamed at the answer.
"Great! We'll see you then!" She waved to Mana as she left the room, yelling out "Later!"
Mana slumped in her chair. She felt drained. And she had no idea what she should do tonight.
Picking up her phone, she idly went down her list of contacts. 'American. American. German expat in DC-2. American. Canadian. Brazilian. American. Senegalese expat in Minneapolis.' Looking at some of the names, she wondered why she even had their number. They had never called her, nor she them. And it wasn't as if any of the people she did like would be in Tokyo-3.
She scrolled down until she hit P...
Mana let out a sigh. 'Beggars can't be choosers?'
A few minutes later, Athene came through the door, cheerful as ever. Mana took the small briefcase with her papers, and handed it to her. She took it almost reverently, even though the papers inside were about how much a Nerv tech might get paid for picking around the inside of a giant robot.
"Athene," Mana said, "where might it be Ladies' Night tonight?"
The pair arrived at an "Irish Pub" dubbed Callanan's, complete with un-ironic shamrocks on the sign, located on the outskirts of Tokyo-3. The sun was beginning to set behind the mountains ringing the city. Clear enough, the establishment had a small A-frame chalkboard set up on the sidewalk, proclaiming in multi-colored letters that that evening was, in fact, just for the ladies, starting at 7 PM! And not just the Japanese ones, either – all the signs were also in English, German, and Spanish. Mana knew an expat bar when she saw one.
They entered inside, and got a small booth. Mana was glad when she saw that there was a dinner menu. She hadn't had anything substantial since the meal at Shinji's place.
Around them off-duty Nerv employees loitered, got their own dinners, tried to pick up dates, and all the other wonderful and traditional activities of good pubs. And restaurants. Mana supposed this was some weird chimera until later in the evening, when the diners would be kicked out for the pure drinkers. As Mana read through the menu, trying to decide on something, she heard at least 5 different languages. After a little time, Athene closed her menu. "So, Colonel, what do you think you'll get? I highly recommend the flank rib steak."
Mana was flipping between the pages. She looked at Athene, "I think I'll get the... wait, they have fried chicken here?" Athene nodded her head, "Oh yes, and not the Japanese kind, either. It's quite delicious." Mana closed her menu, and as their waitress came by they made their orders. As Mana was about to talk, a small group of Nerv techs walked by. One of them noticed Athene, and they called out to her and came by, saying their hellos.
"So, it seems like you've come here a lot?" Mana asked after they had left.
Athene nodded. "Yes, I suppose you might call this place my haunt. My apartment is nearby, and it's nice to spend time with other foreigners." Mana raised an eyebrow. Athene shook her hands in front of her. "No no! Not like that. It's just... I miss the sound of French sometimes. And when I come here I can speak my native tongue, or at least English." Mana nodded her head.
"You like working at Nerv?"
Athene nodded her head speedily. "I only started a few years ago, but I am quite happy here."
"How'd you start?" Mana asked as they received their drinks. Rum & coke for Athene, and Yebisu for Mana.
Athene looked towards the table. "Oh, you don't want to know about me. I'm pretty boring."
"Come on, Athene." Mana reached across the table and pushed her in the shoulder. "I've been here for what? 3 days? And I know barely anything about you. So out with it." Mana smiled with her question, trying not to interrogate her. At least, not too much.
"Well, uh. How much do you want to know?"
Mana grabbed her drink. "Wherever you want to start. However, before that – cheers!" They knocked their drinks together. Athene took a deep drink through the thin green straw in her glass.
"Well, let's see. My family is from Brittany. I was born in 2010, the fourth of five children. I got a B.A. in Philosophy at the Sorbonne, though when I went to the University of Lyon in 2030, I did my Master's thesis on the relevancy of Emmanuel Levinas' thought to Metaphysical Biology. From there my director recommended I apply for a position at Nerv, and 4 years ago I got here!" Athene took another drink, keeping her eyes on Mana. Their food arrived, Athene crossed herself, and they began eating.
Mana nodded her head. "Interesting. Now why would Misato have you escorting someone like me around?"
"Oh oh oh, I don't usually do this kind of adjutant work. Only for the most important visitors." She leaned in conspiratorially, "Most of the time I'm actually working on my research. I figure two more years of writing, and I'll have a doctorate in Metaphysical Biology waiting for me in Kyoto."
Mana laughed. "And Misato knows?"
"Oh yes! Commander Katsuragi was the one who got me in touch with the Doctors Ikari. They find my approach to the field very interesting."
"How so?" Mana was genuinely interested now.
"Well, considering the... creation of the souls inside some of the Evangelions, they find that my approach, using Levinas' theory of identity to be a new way of looking at the event. I remember the first time I told them about it, and err," she tried to differentiate between the two, "-Gendo, said that as long as I stayed away from Deleuze & Guattari, I would bring a new perspective to the field." She smiled awkwardly. "They're really nice to me. And they don't hold anything against me, either, which is so nice."
Mana swallowed a piece of chicken. "Now why would they hold anything against you? I'm not going to lie, you're probably one of the sweetest people I've met since I got here."
Athene's smile wavered, then failed. She put her knife and fork down on her plate.
"I, well, uhhh, I was in a relationship with their son, not too long ago."
Mana was in the middle of taking a swig from her bottle. When she heard that she stopped for a moment, then forcefully put the bottle on the table and began coughing beer out of her lungs.
"Oh no! Are you alright, Colonel?" Mana put her hand out as she coughed, then hit her chest a few times. "I'm fine," she croaked, "just went down the wrong tube."
After a few more moments of trying to cover up her reaction, Mana asked Athene, "So uhh, Shinji Ikari?"
Athene let out a long sigh, and her eyes were pointed somewhere behind Mana's shoulder's. "Yeah. Shinji."
Mana was at a loss. "Um, how'd you two meet?"
Athene let out a light laugh. "You know, that's kind of a funny story. My second year at Nerv, we had a celebration party for the retirement of Dr. Hikaru of Section Three. And I guess Commander Katsuragi had invited Shinji to it. Some of the older hands said that he would occasionally drop by to visit his sisters, and that every once in a while Commander Katsuragi would try and pair him off with someone at Nerv, but I thought that was just a silly rumor." She laughed at that. "But I guess they were more right than I realized. During the party I was introduced to him, and we started talking. He asked if I wanted to get coffee at some point, I said yes, and it kind of went from there."
Mana finished off her beer and meal. "Aaaand, I take it it didn't work out?"
Athene was twiddling her thumbs. Mana tried to backstep, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't ask you-"
"No!" Athene said, "It's ok. I just... It's been about a year since we broke up, and I've been thinking about him a lot lately." Mana was silent. "It's sad, I remember the last fight we had, but I don't even remember what it was about. Isn't that stupid?"
Mana had a second beer in her hand, and slid across the wooden table another rum & coke to Athene.
Both were quiet.
"If it makes you feel better," Mana began, "I've been in relationships like that. At the time you get so mad, so wrapped up in this one issue, that it rips apart what you have with the other person. And then what?" Athene was looking at her intently. "You look back at it later, and you can't even remember why you did it. Sure, you might remember some post hoc reason, but you don't remember the moment, and you wonder why it happened like it did. Why you acted so stupid."
Mana looked up at Athene, who was looking straight in her eyes. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be giving out advice," Mana said. "No no!" Athene protested, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be in a funk like this. And I swear I'm usually much better at not being so dumb and depressed!"
"Athene, you're not dumb and depressed. Trust me."
Athene smiled warmly. "Thank you Colonel." Mana chuckled. "You know, you can call me Mana."
"Ah, but I am your adjutant here, and that means I must always be ready to-" "Fine," Mana cut her off, pointing across the table to Athene's nose, "then I order you to RELAX around me."
Athene stared at the finger. "I think I can do that."
For the rest of the evening they kept to fairly light topics, getting more and more inebriated as the evening wore on. When Ladies Night began, a group of women formed around Athene, friends of hers. She introduced Mana to them all, and they spent the night shooting the shit. Mana found it more enjoyable than she had expected.
Three weeks since the funeral.
It had been held at a small Lutheran church, a surprise to the irreligious Mana, but she supposed that was Pieter's idea, not Kyoko's.
It had been tough. The Ayanami sisters had had a brief non-religious memorial session just a few days before, and not many people had yet recovered from that.
Mana had sat in the back pews, watching Hikari as she quietly sobbed at Shinji's side. Shinji hadn't said much since he had woken up, two days after Mana had. There hadn't really been much for him to say. Or maybe too much.
In the very back of her mind, Mana felt a little jealous of the dead. 'This won't happen when I die.'
But now that the memorials were over, people were trying to get on with their lives. Any which way they could.
Mana stood in front of the apartment door – 708. Misato and Kaji were out that evening, and earlier that day Misato had asked Mana to keep an eye on Shinji. It was about 8:30 in the evening, and Mana was bored with flipping through the TV stations.
She knocked on the door, and waited for a response. Quiet. She knocked again. Still nothing. Mana frowned. She hit the buzzer. Finally she heard uneven footsteps behind the door.
The door opened, showing a bedraggled Shinji. Mana looked at him. "So when did you hit Misato's stash?" she asked. He studied her for a moment. "Since Misato left with Kaji," he replied. Mana could smell the combination of Yebisu and Kirin on his breath. "And you didn't think to invite me? For shame, Shinji." She walked into the apartment, past Shinji.
Keeping an eye on him didn't mean she couldn't get drunk with him.
Walking into the kitchen, she opened the lock on the private stash. Pen-pen warked at her. "Oh fine, here's your usual fee," she remarked, throwing him a can of Apostel Weisse. He warked happily, then waddled back to his refrigerator. She pulled out three cans of it for herself, along with a roll of paper towels. She went to the living room, and sat on the couch next to Shinji, who was nursing his fifth can.
Mana opened her first can, and took a deep draught of the pint. Ah, German wheat beer. Delicious. The 14% ABV didn't hurt, either.
For some time they just sat there, drinking.
"You know," Shinji began, on his 7th beer, "I keep expecting them to show up."
Mana looked over her can at him. "Hrm?" He continued to stare at the coffee table in front of him.
"It's like- I can't imagine that they're actually... gone. I keep expecting to see Rei's head pop out of a wall grate, or Zyuu grope me, or Nana to blow something up, and, and..." he stopped. Mana put her can down, finished, next to the paper towels.
"I look around the city, and when I see red, my heart leaps inside my chest, because, because, it might just fucking be her."
Mana kept her eyes on Shinji's. He looked worn. Her head felt light.
"And then, I rush over, only it's just a sign, or someone's clothes, or something completely different, and how could I be so stupid as to think that she might come back because she's DEAD now goddamnit!" He threw the half-empty can at the wall with a yell. It left a light brown spray against the wall. His hands were balled into fists. Mana got ready to stop him from tearing the apartment apart.
But that wasn't necessary. He fell back onto the couch, held his head in his hands, and began weeping. Huge, wracking sobs rocked his body. Mana took the paper roll, and ripped off a few sheets. She shifted over right next to Shinji, and handed him the towels. He took a handful and began blowing his nose, and trying to stop the flow of tears. Mana put her arm around his shoulders, and he leaned into her. Every once in a while Asuka's name would come up, or one of his sisters.
They stayed like that for a while.
After he had calmed down a little, Mana asked him "You want some water?" Shinji kept his eyes closed, but he nodded. "Okay, I need to get up, then." He got himself sitting straight, letting Mana off the couch. She walked back to the kitchen, and got a glass of water. As she turned around, she saw Pen-pen stick his head out of his fridge. "I think he'll be ok," she whispered, "he needed to get that out of him." The bird squawked as it nodded its beak.
Mana placed the glass down in front of Shinji, and sat back down next to him.
"Sorry about that," he said.
"What are you sorry for?"
Shinji took in a breath. "This."
Mana put her arm around his shoulders again. "Don't be," she said, "it just means you cared for them."
He let out a clipped laugh, "I probably got snot all over you, sorry about that."
She chuckled. "That's why I got those towels. It's what Kaji did for me."
They were quiet, but it felt comfortable. "What time is it?" Shinji asked. Mana checked her watch. "About 10."
He closed his eyes. "I think I'm done for tonight."
"Then let's get you to bed, come on." Mana helped Shinji to his feet. They hobbled over to Shinji's room.
Whn they got inside, Shinji fumbled at taking his pants off. Mana sighed, then helped him undo his belt and shirt buttons.
"Sorry," he said.
"Not like I haven't undressed a drunk man before," Mana replied. When she undid his top button, she realized he was staring at her. She raised her face, and looked him in the eye. They weren't that different in height, he was maybe a quarter of an inch taller.
His hands moved to her shoulders, and he drew her in and kissed her. Her mind stopped for a moment as it tried to figure out what was happening. After a few seconds, he drew back. Mana stood still, blinking in confusion.
"You're drunk," she said, "we shouldn't do this."
"Please don't go."
She thought back to when she had kissed that other Shinji, how she had envied the idea of a normal relationship with him.
"You're drunk."
"Not anymore." He leaned in and kissed her again, harder this time. She had to make a decision, she had to pull back-
Shinji's hands pulled her close to him. They broke the kiss. Mana was breathing hard. "Ok," she said.
After a few minutes of fumbling in the dark, their clothes were on the floor and they were in Shinji's bed.
"Sh-Shinji," Mana said, nervous as all hell, her voice dropping to a whisper, "this is my first time."
He kissed her. "Alright."
Mana thought she heard Asuka's name, but it could have just been his heavy breathing.
The next morning, Mana left before Shinji woke up. And although they didn't talk about what had happened, they began to spend more time together after that. A few months later, they were dating.