15 The Words Unsaid
Words are troublesome prisoners. They knocked loudly and resolutely against the doors of one's mind, heart and soul.
"Ara, there's no need to be shy young lady. Shi-chan rarely brings a friend over our house. You must be really special," Shizuru's mother commented while giggling. A tint of pink graced Shizuru's cheeks yet it was nothing compared to the red flush on Natsuki's neck and face.
"Uhm, I'm Kuga Natsuki. Nice to meet you all," Natsuki hesitantly said while doing a quick bow.
"Kuga? Did she say Kuga? Ara ara, she does look like Saeko! What a surprise." Sayako thought. Memories of her best friend came back to her at once despite her calm façade which she perfected as a Fujino. She eyed the young blunette wearing a body-fit leather jacket, black skinny jeans, and matching leather boots. She doesn't dress like her mother but her facial features especially the forest green eyes were definitely Saeko's genes. She blushes easily too just like Saeko! The midnight tresses and the countenance must have come from Hayato.
Natsuki felt uneasy under the curious gaze of the older brunette with warm brown eyes. The woman was wearing a kimono and Shizuru was wearing a white sundress with lavender prints at the hem. The two little girls standing in front of the young man were also wearing kimono. The young man, about her age, was wearing a gray cardigan and slacks. They all seem…conservative. Natsuki felt a bit out of place with her getup. "I'm so stupid for not thinking about what to wear. Natsuki baka!"
"Ara, okaa-san. My friend would melt if you continue looking at her like that," Shizuru playfully said while holding Natsuki's left hand. She felt the Natsuki was almost gripping her hand but she realized that it was probably the blunette's way of releasing tension. "Natsuki, she's my mother, Sayako Viola." Sayako once again smiled at Natsuki.
"These are my little cousins, Miya-chan and Mako-chan," Shizuru continued while patting the heads of her little cousins. Natsuki smiled at the two girls and her grip on Shizuru's hand loosened a bit. Shizuru took this as a sign that Natsuki is slowly adjusting to the presence of the new people.
"Good day Kuga-san," Mako said. She was obviously the outgoing type while Miya seemed to be the silent one.
"Uhm yeah, hello beautiful," Natsuki casually replied with a beaming face. Shizuru was amazed seeing how Natsuki easily warmed up to her little cousins. "Ara, Natsuki likes kids," Shizuru thought. Shizuru was about to introduce the young man to Natsuki when Natsuki's expression changed. The smile that she had for the little girls was replaced with a serious face.
"And this is Arima Kenji. He's the private tutor of my cousins-"
"—and Shizuru's boyfriend," Arima interjected with a smile while the little girls giggled.
Natsuki was dumbfounded for a moment. As far as she knows, hadn't Shizuru declared that she's never been in a romantic relationship? She looked at Shizuru in the hope that Arima's claim would be declined but Shizuru just continued to smile at her giggling cousins. Natsuki's train of thoughts was interrupted by the sound of a motorcycle which seemed to have parked in their vicinity.
"Ara, that must be the food delivery. I'm so lucky to have so many people today. Shi-chan, ookini for bringing Nat-chan over," Sayako happily said. Natsuki blushed and fidgeted not knowing how to properly act. She wanted to remain polite and agreeable to Sayako but the muscles on her chest are contracting painfully upon the sight of a man claiming to be Shizuru's boyfriend. Her eyes began to water uncontrollably and she lifted the back of her hand to wipe them while turning her head away from the little group in front of her.
Sayako led the group inside their small house. Shizuru tried to hold Natsuki's hand but Natsuki pulled away. Natsuki wasn't even looking at her anymore. Shizuru yanked Natsuki's hand despite the latter's resistance to put her to a stop. Shizuru was surprised when Natsuki angrily glared at her like she was going to burst.
"Okaa-san, would you mind if we follow a bit later. I just want to show the back of the greenhouse to Natsuki," Shizuru pretended.
"Okay, don't take too long. Your cousins might eat everything," Sayako said and then they walked out of the greenhouse leaving Natsuki and Shizuru. Once they were out of sight. Natsuki pulled her hand forcefully from Shizuru's grasp.
"Ara, why are you suddenly mad at me?" Shizuru was jogging her memory on what could have caused the sudden change in Natsuki's behavior. She was beginning to worry but she couldn't think of anything that she has done which could possibly irritate Natsuki. She felt like melting in the accusing glare of the emerald eyes in front of her.
Natsuki was never good with words especially when she's angry. She has been accustomed to take out her anger on objects and people. She stared at Shizuru and then she realized that she doesn't really have the right to get mad. It took a few moments before she relaxed in front of the concerned crimson orbs waiting for a response from her.
"Don't mind me. It's just…It's just a mild headache. Anyway, you have something to show me?" Natsuki said trying to sound normal. She hid her fist from Shizuru's sight. "Now I know my place. I'm her boss. I'm a friend. That's who I am to her." Natsuki thought.
Shizuru led the way to the backdoor of the long greenhouse. She was excited to show to Natsuki her favorite place, a place which holds a lot of wonderful childhood memories. She was giddy as a child when something came up in her mind. "Ara, I'm so insensitive! Could she be thinking that I lied to her?" Shizuru stopped on her tracks before she reached the backdoor. She turned to look at Natsuki only to find that the latter was not mad anymore. Natsuki looked sad and she kept on wiping her eyes. "Ara, how could I…"
A beautiful pond can be seen a few yards away from the back of the greenhouse. It was near a grove that leads to a hilly land that showcases a variety of flora and fauna.
"Wow, this is awesome Shizuru!"
"I'm glad you like it. During the winter, the pond freezes. I used to skate on it when I was younger."
"Oh, but you're still young. You're…thirty?" Natsuki joked.
"Hey!" Shizuru humorously slapped Natsuki's upper arm. "I'm only 25 silly. What I'm saying is, playing isn't appropriate anymore."
"That's nonsense! I'm 24 and I still play a lot," Natsuki proudly said. Shizuru giggled and Natsuki felt embarrassed. Only Shizuru knew that most of the time, Natsuki is actually playing computer games in the office. "Uhm, why don't we come back here in the winter to skate?"
Shizuru was caught off-guard by the idea. Natsuki said "we" and she was talking about the future. Natsuki said it with a beaming face, the defenseless expression that disturbs Shizuru's feelings.
"Did I make you feel uncomfortable?" Natsuki asked to break the silence. She was hurt but she didn't want to push Shizuru to do things which she may deem as beyond the limits of friendship.
"No, of course not Natsuki. I was just surprised. And if your mind doesn't change in the future, I'll be glad to bring you here during winter," Shizuru carefully replied. Her tone is uncertain and her words were certainly puzzling to Natsuki. Shizuru walked near the pond and Natsuki closely followed. Shizuru sat on a protruding rock on the base of a tree and Natsuki sat cross-legged on the grass beside Shizuru to enjoy the view of the large pond. Shizuru closed her eyes, held her breath for a moment before exhaling. Natsuki watched her all the while. Shizuru felt that Natsuki was staring at her so she turned to her direction.
"Let's go back to the house. I'm sure you're bored already," Shizuru said with a soft smile.
"No, I don't get bored when I'm with you," Natsuki replied with a straight face. It was an honest reply that came out of her lips without the permission of her over-analyzing brain. Shizuru's heart skipped a beat and her eyes widened a bit. "Fuck, that's not how I want to break it to her! Now, I'm overwhelming her. But I'm sure she's getting the idea now."
Shizuru stood up and straightened her dress and then she smiled. "So I look like a clown to Natsuki then."
"No! I-uh…There's something…You see…I think I should be honest even if you'll hate me for it," Natsuki stammered. "And even if it doesn't turn out as I wanted, at least I was honest." Shizuru's heart was pounding loudly against her chest. Natsuki shouldn't do this now. Tears threatened to escape from Shizuru's eyes. It was all her fault. She couldn't let Natsuki get hurt because of her charade. Shizuru gathered her courage to put things in order before she totally messes up someone else's life.
"Natsuki, listen to me," Shizuru said. Natsuki is now standing a foot away from her with a full blush. She joined their hands in the space between them to get Natsuki's full attention. "Whatever it is that you wanted to tell, could you keep it for a few more days?"
"I don't understand. Why?"
"Let's go. Okaa-san is waiting for us," Shizuru said evading Natsuki's question. She pulled Natsuki by the hand back to the house where they were welcomed to eat while Shizuru's cousins where playing identification of foliage with Arima. Natsuki's mind was in a haze, still stunned at how her confession turned out. "I wasn't allowed to say anything! Does Shizuru even know what I'm trying to say? Is she probably dismayed that I'm even trying? Could it be because of this Arima?"
Natsuki lifted a slice of tuna to her mouth with her chopsticks. Shizuru sensed the latter's anxiety so she pressed Natsuki's free palm with her thumb. She moved close to her, an action that instantly frozed Natsuki, and then she whispered on Natsuki's ear.
"Natsuki, don't think too much."
"I-I was just appreciating the sushi," Natsuki lied in a huff. Sayako heard Natsuki and she felt the urge to ask her all of the questions which quickly formed in her mind the moment Natsuki was introduced to her.
"Shi-chan, why don't you go entertain your cousins for a while? They rarely see you, ne?" Sayako said as she approached the two ladies on the dining table. Shizuru gave her a questioning look. "Don't worry. I'll make sure Nat-chan eats properly."
Shizuru knew that whenever her mother looks at her with her commanding stare, she could only follow her demands. She gracefully stood up and smiled softly to Natsuki signaling that she'll be leaving her for a while under her mother's care. Natsuki was nervous and her ears were red. She doesn't know how to behave around Shizuru's mother and her mind juxtaposed pictures of her ragged appearance and the elder Viola's conservative kimono. What impression did she probably make to Shizuru's mom?
"Nat-chan, I want to have a little chit-chat with you. Is that okay?" Sayako began with her bewitching smile similar to Shizuru's. Natsuki noticed that the woman was calmly sipping tea across her on the table.
"Of course Viola-san, it's my pleasure," Natsuki coolly said. She was done eating her share of the delivered food and she focused on Sayako. She tried to appear as decent as possible despite her clothes while internally reprimanding herself. "What kind of boss am I wearing this at a very inappropriate time?"
"How long have you been friends with Shi-chan?" Sayako smoothly asked while smiling. It was difficult to read her emotions because of the sweet smile gracing her calm face. Natsuki thought for a while. She rolled her eyes while unconsciously pouting. Sayako watched her in amusement. She couldn't believe that she would be seeing a younger version of Saeko. She missed her bestfriend in Fuuka High and maybe it's fate that brought Natsuki to her doorstep to solve problems which were left and forgotten in time.
"I think I've known her for almost two months," Natsuki replied. "She's my secretary."
"Ara," Sayako responded, obviously surprised. Natsuki then realized that she said something unexpected. "Ara, she obviously doesn't know anything. What could Shi-chan be planning now? Two months and she hasn't pulled out yet? That's definitely new."
"But we're friends. I don't know why she applied as a secretary though. She seems to be overqualified and she doesn't seem like a clerk at all. I mean, clerks don't own a new model of Porsche and your daughter does. My other clerks require a lot of supervision while Shizuru knows what to do all the time. She's a pro and she could even replace me in my position," Natsuki explained. She was surprised at her own actions. She was confiding to Shizuru's mom as if she knew the elder Viola for a long time. Sayako was amused at how Natsuki kept her voice low, clearly trying to kept things secret from Shizuru who was in the room adjacent to the kitchen. Natsuki knew that Arima was with Shizuru at the moment but she tried to push away the thought since she decided that she would take the opportunity of learning more about Shizuru through her mother.
"I'm glad you think highly of my daughter," Sayako said while chuckling lightly. "What an arrogant child! She showed her boss that she's driving a Porsche." Natsuki smiled at Sayako although she knows that Shizuru never intended to show off. "Did you ask her why she's temporarily doing a secretarial job?"
Once again, Natsuki thought deeply. Sayako said "temporarily" and the word echoed inside Natsuki's head. Her eyes widened at Sayako showing that she realized something that she should have known all this time.
"I-I haven't thought about that because I thought it was none of my business but I do want to know now because we are…we are friends now," Natsuki stammered.
"I see. It will be okay. Don't think too much about it Nat-chan and don't get mad at Shi-chan. I'm glad she's close to you. I really am," Sayako softly smiled.
"Uhm, thank you Viola-san. I actually want to ask something but if you feel uncomfortable about it just tell me and I wouldn't bother you anymore," Natsuki hesitantly said. She pressed her hands against each other on her lap while thinking about the best way to bring up the issue to Sayako.
"Okay, what could it be?" Sayako calmly said.
Natsuki recounted what happened at the plantation and she saw the mild changes in Sayako's face. However, she's not sure about the emotions of the elder Viola. All she knows was that the elder Viola was thinking while listening at her recollection.
"If I'm not mistaken, it's a symptom of trauma?" Natsuki carefully asked.
"Yes. She gets easily startled and she doesn't like dark places. Being alone also triggers the attack but all these years she did her best to face those problems. As you can see, she's not living with me anymore. She also doesn't form relationships that last long. I hope you wouldn't get angry at her over these things. She doesn't mean any harm," Sayako explained. Natsuki couldn't form words so she just kept nodding.
"But Shi-chan is okay now. Her father died when she was in middle school so it's been a long time really. She's a grown woman now and she's strong. I couldn't describe everything to you but I assure you that Shi-chan is emotionally stable, if that's what you're worried about." "Saeko, you're daughter does not know anything but I don't know how to tell her. Should I interfere or should Hayato do it? But I'm happy that your daughter seems to care so much for my Shi-chan. I'm sure Martin is happy that our daughters met. I honestly didn't think that this would happen. I hope they could become best friends like us but if not, please understand Shizuru."
"Nat-chan, has Shi-chan met your parents?" Sayako said as she steered the conversation. Natsuki took this as a sign that Sayako didn't want to talk about the past anymore. She put back the smile on her face anticipating a response from the young blunette.
"Yes," Natsuki replied enthusiastically. "Dad liked Shizuru a lot! He said she's smart and she could be my executive assistant but she declined it."
"Ara, I'm glad Shi-chan found good people. Nat-chan, can I get your phone number? Just in case I need to know what's going on with my daughter. You see, she always says she's okay. She doesn't want her mother to worry," Sayako sweetly said.
"Of course." Natsuki and Sayako exchanged phone numbers and then their conversation drifted to the Sayako's small flower shop business. Shizuru came back to the kitchen unannounced and she felt warm when she saw Natsuki happily conversing with her mother. She didn't want to interrupt but she knew that it's time for them to leave or else they would be too tired to go to work the following day.