WARNING: The following story is a femmeslash.
Scenario 8- ''…I Like Girl Like You Do.''
When Kel first opted to become a page, she thought she was normal( or at least she felt like that). But when she got older... Things changed. As in things changed, it wasn't just her body that changed. She grew up to like... girls. Not boys, like she expected to, but girls.
It took her longer to realize that, being around all boys. She never really thought that it meant anything that she liked none of them, or that by fourteen she had yet to develop her crush, she just thought that she was developing more slowly than most girls.
But when she developed her first crush... Well that's when she had to face the fact that she just didn't love like most girls did.
She bottled it up inside. She had no choice but to. She felt the dread as it grew and the relief as it faded.
The Yamanis were perfectly okay with that. Girls liking girls, and boys liking boys wasn't a big deal to them. She was taught that it was perfectly okay, too. But still being a girl who liked girls was incredibly strange...
Being one of them would be another thing against her in Tortall, too. Being a girl and a knight was a hard enough thing but being that. No one would support her then( except her mother, maybe), not even her friends. She thought Neal might once but after the way he accused Joren of liking boys( and he was only just accusing)...
So she held it and kept it a secret. That was until her first sexual encounter.
She was sick of having to pretend she was somebody that she wasn't. Sick of pretending that she didn't love Elisin of Wildmare, a Rider who was helping aid the refugee town she worked for. That day was almost unbearable, going past her and pretending she felt nothing for her.
Rumors soared that she was really having affairs with the men Riders and commoners, but if they knew the truth she knew they would think otherwise...
So she did what she usually never did- she went into a bar. She drank all of her recent troubled love life away until she couldn't think rationally anymore. And that was when her troubles began.
After that everything was a blur of bright colors and pleasure. A black-haired woman( whose name she didn't even know), breathless confusion, a sensation of lips on various parts of her body, clothes on the floor and... shameful things.
She couldn't keep it in. The shame was too much to bear. It was not so much that she was a girl who liked girls ....but the fact that she was as much of a slut as they said. She couldn't even put the shame into words.
She wanted to hide who she was for convenience, and... if she was to be honest with herself, fear of being judged. But she couldn't hide who she was anymore, not if she didn't want that to happen again. She knew all of her repressed needs and identity was finally catching up with her.
So she went to the closest somebody that she would trust with her life.
''Neal, I have to tell you something,'' she said, biting her lip. She felt her stomach doing flip-flops.
''What?'' he asked, concerned at her obvious nervousness.
She wanted so badly to answer, ''Nothing'', or ''Never mind.'' No, she told herself, you have to tell him this. He's your best friend. You've been keeping it long enough.
''You may not want to know,'' I said.
The concern grew on his face. ''Kel you did you...kill somebody or something?'' he asked.
''No,'' she answered, taken aback by his immediate assumption.
''Well, you're acting really... I don't know. But it's freaking me out,'' he said, and then his look changed to dawning horror, ''you aren't pregnant, are you?''
Kel flinched. Being who she was, she couldn't become pregnant unless she pretended she was...
''No,'' she said, and she watched his face show slight relief.
''What is it then?'' he asked.
Kel felt a lump in her throat, and her butterflies flapped in her stomach harder than ever.
''Last night, I lost my...um... virginity,'' she said, her cheeks flaming, her eyes on the ground, ''I think.''
His cheeks flamed red. ''And I need to know this... why?'' he asked, ''wait... what do you mean- you think? Losing your virginity's a pretty obvious thing.''
She felt her cheeks flame even more. ''I was drunk,'' she said, ''and now I'm feeling like the slut everyone's whispering me to be.''
She looked up, biting her lips to keep the tears out of her eyes.
''Oh, Kel...'' Neal began.
''I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything,'' she said, feeling immense regret already and putting on her Yamani mask.
''No, when I told you I could tell you anything, I meant it,'' he said. He then sighed.
She lifted her head up.
''Kel, unless this is the type of thing you do repeatedly, you're not a slut,'' he said, ''you just made a mistake. It was with one of the refugee men, wasn't it? Oh shit, that could get you in trouble...''
''One of the refugee girls,'' Kel admitted.
His eyes grew wide, and once again Kel was filled with regret.
''No wonder you're so ashamed,'' Neal said.
''I didn't even know her name,'' Kel said.
''Well you were drunk so maybe that... Too bad you couldn't have saved that for a guy.''
Kel felt even more regret and shame at that. Neal had no idea( or he was in denial, he didn't want an idea...).
''That would be just as bad,'' Kel said, and suddenly Neal looked up at her incredulously.
''What do you mean?'' he asked, his eyes panicked. He was coming to the conclusion who she really was.
The lump in her throat grew bigger, at the fear that her worst fear was about to come true. At that moment- she wanted to say it was nothing, or never mind, that's not what she meant. He knew he would have accepted it, too, even if there was a part of him that knew it wasn't true.
But there was a fundamental part of her that couldn't( later she would wonder why that fundamental part didn't bust and confess earlier). She had to be brave.
''I guess there was a part of me succumbing when I gave up my virginity to her,'' she said, taking a deep breath before continuing( as she watched her friend's face turning to a look of horror and disgust), ''Neal... I like girls like you do.''
The look of horror and disgust remained, and she felt her insides drop. Part of her thought that Neal really was her best friend, and that being the way she was wouldn't change that. She was wrong.
''Oh Goddess,'' he breathed, when he regained speech again, ''I should have known. You're...'' She saw something like tears fill in his eyes.
She felt a wave of anger fill her. How could he betray her like that?
''I'm still the same person I was a couple minutes ago,'' she snapped, ''when you thought otherwise.''
His expression still remained, and she wanted to slap it off of his face.
''How could you?'' she asked him, noting no change, ''I guess I really couldn't tell you anything.''
She kept her Yamani face on, filling the urge to sob. She stared at him, her disappointment, anger, and hurt increasing as she did. When it rise so much that her Yamani mask was failing, she ran away.
You knew this would happen, she thought as she did.
She ran to a place where no one could see her, and sobbed.
The next day Neal avoided Kel. He needed time to think, and get used to what he just told her. He needed to wait and see if he could see Kel now without being repulsed.
Kel noticed this, and it stung. She couldn't even look at him, or think about even possibly telling anybody else. The fact that he betrayed her still rung through her mind, a deep, throbbing hurt.
Elisin didn't make matters easier. She made matters worse, and reminded Kel of who she was and how she was wasn't accepted. Kel avoided Elisin that day as much as she could.
It was on the third day that Neal really began to miss Kel. He tried to get as close to her as he could, see her as often as she could, but found that she wouldn't look at him if she could help it.
It was then that Neal realized how wrong his reaction had been. Maybe Kel was a girl who liked girls but she was still the same girl she had been all of his life. She had tried to tell him that but he didn't listen.
It was a silent, unspoken disgust that the majority of Tortallans felt over those who liked their own sex romantically. He had been around it all of his life, and so he had felt the same way. But had he actually met one of them?
There was a rumor that if he met a girl who liked a girl, he would simply know it. But he had known Kel and he didn't know that she was one of those girls.
Another rumor said that those who liked their own sex like that were immoral. But Kel immoral? You couldn't find a more incongruous word for her. She was one of the most chivalrous, moral people he had ever met.
It was then Neal came upon the conclusion that maybe he, and all those who were like him, was wrong. If that was so, that would mean that he just did something very stupid and regrettable. And if it were so that he never made up for it, he would be losing the best friend he could ever have just because he was being stupid, ignorant Meathead.
On the fourth day, he went up to Kel.
''Can we talk?'' he asked.
She didn't want to talk to him, but she was curious of what he was going to say( though part of her didn't want to know). That he would apologize for his actions she had completely given up on, Neal's reaction was so shocking.
But he did.
''Kel, I've been thinking...'' he began, ''I shouldn't have acted like that.''
''No, you shouldn't have,'' she said, her voice heartbreakingly distant.
He flinched. ''I really shouldn't have done that,'' he said, ''I'm sorry.''
She looked away.
''Kel, it was a shock, I didn't know what to do,'' he said, ''It's the last thing I expected you to tell me….''
After no response, he said. ''It was still wrong, though. And I'm so sorry. I can't believe I risked losing a friend just because I was being stupid and conservative.''
Kel turned and looked at Neal. Her Yamani mask was replaced by a look of hurt and Neal's guilt heightened.
''You said I could tell you anything,'' she said.
''I know,'' he said, ''and I meant it. I still do. But when you tell me big secrets like that... you couldn't expect me to be completely understanding and normal about it at first. Kel, you're my best friend now and the best friend I ever had. Being... a girl who likes girls won't change that.''
She then did the last thing she expected him to do. She hugged him.
''Really?'' she asked.
''Really,'' he answered.
In the months to come, she came to find the strength to tell her family members and other friends. In the years to come, she even found the strength to announce it publicly. She even had two lovers before....
Elisin of Wildmare entered her life once more. Years before, her Rider group had been reassigned, causing for Kel to never see her again. Kel almost forgot the full effect of Elisin on herself.
But when Elisin came back into her life, so did all the old feelings she had for her. They became good friends, since Kel no longer forced herself to keep her distance from her.
One day, when they were alone Elisin admitted the two secrets she had been keeping for years, too.
''Kel,'' she said, ''I'm like you. I'm a girl who likes a girl, too, and I like you.''
Okay, one of my longer scenarios... I had a couple of issues with it, and if you did too I would like to know! One of my reviewers asked if I hated Neal/ Kel. I don't, but from the scenarios I had so far I understood how that conclusion was made. I appreciate it very much, Elvensmith, so thank you for giving it. You, along with all of my reviewers are totally awesome so totally keep it up guys! I'll update this, and In Her Darkest Hour ASAP!