Scenario 18- ''You Saved My Life.''
First off, Happy Mother's Day! I hope you all are enjoying it. I wasn't going to write a part 2 to ''I've Been Thinking About...'' but under heavy request, this is it. I would like to thank all of my reviewers who reviewed that and please review this one, too. It's not as long as the others, and a bit forced at the end but here it is:
Neal couldn't think when he heard what she said. It finally sunk in why she had reacted the way that she had, why she had acted the way that he did. He didn't see it. He was so stupid that he didn't see it.
''I'm sorry, Neal,'' she said. Tears flooded her hazel eyes and her shoulders slumped even further down. Her face showed what she now allowed him to see- a woman broken and destroyed, a wisp of the stronger one that he knew.
He didn't know what to say. She shouldn't be sorry for reaching out for help; he should be for not realizing she needed it.
''Oh Kel,'' he breathed, ''no. Oh Mithros, no.''
Kel, to his horror, broke out in sobs. Heavy, shuddering, broken sobs that wracked her whole being and broke his heart.
She looked so fragile right now; it looked that if he gave her the slightest touch then she would shatter completely. Nevertheless, he wrapped his arms around her.
Her sobs increased; she was sobbing so godsdamned hard that he thought her lungs might burst out of her. She latched onto him and buried her head into his chest.
''I'm not sure how much longer I can keep doing this,'' she whispered, so low she could barely hear her.
It immediately struck her that she was talking about living. She wasn't sure how long she could continue living, how much longer she could continue living in pain. The thought struck him with a desperate agony. She was hurting, bleeding, in pain. Only the wounds were inside of her, the type of wounds that he could not heal.
He tightened his grip around her in urgency, not wanting to let her go and fall into her sea of black.
''Oh Kel,'' he said, his own voice breaking, ''Oh Kel no, please. Hold on. Please, please, please hold on.''
Kel didn't say anything to this but nodded against him. She continued to sob against him. He felt her tears acutely on his chest; they were a spreading storm that was drenching his tunic.
''I'm going to help you, Kel,'' he said, his voice firm and determined, ''You're going to be all right.''
His comment was accompanied by silence. ''You're going to be all right,'' he repeated, ''You're going to be all right.'' He tried to make his voice firm instead of desperate, although he did so unsuccessfully.
There was something in his voice that made Kel look up, to Neal's surprise.
She stopped crying and she just... looked at him. The look in her eye, the utter agony but also the flicker of hope they contained, made Neal even more determined.
''There's help for you,'' he said, ''We're just going to have to find it. And... There are people, including me, who would do anything to help you find it. You're going to have to try for it, though. Really try for it. ''
Neal's words made Kel start to cry again, though it was in a completely different way.
She continued to hold her gaze; she bit her lips to silence her tears, and she nodded.
Neal was the first person she told; her mother was the second.
''You need as much support as you can,'' Neal said.
''Why do I have to tell her, Neal?'' she asked him. ''Why? How will this help me?''
''Because she should know, Kel, and she should know it from you,'' he said, ''and maybe she could help you find someone.''
So Kel told her mother, albeit hesitantly. Kel thought that it would be easier the second time, but it was even harder. Her mother had had so much faith in her and her strength; she felt as if she was letting Ilane down.
''Hello, Kel,'' Ilane greeted when she first saw her, ''How is everything?''
At least then her mother opened the perfect opportunity to talk about it. It was then that Kel admitted her suicidal thoughts to her.
It was the second time Kel saw Ilane cry.
''I'm sorry, Mama,'' Kel said, ''I'm so sorry.''
''No, baby,'' her mother said.
Kel looked away and tried to hide some of her tears. She failed, and ended up bursting in to tears again.
Ilane went to her, and put her arms around her. ''There's help for you,'' Ilane said, echoing Neal's words, ''There's help for you and there's more people like you. We're going to get help for you.''
Kel then figured that if both Neal and her mother said this, then it must be true. Her heart lifted slightly with hope.
And they did find Kel help. Apparently there were more knights who were considering the same thing, or who were severely traumatized by the war. Apparently, there was therapy for them, only it wasn't publicized.
Kel's heart was beating erratically as she entered therapy, and Neal squeezed her hand.
''It's going to be all right,'' Neal said.
Kel nodded and forced a smile.
''It is,'' he said, squeezing her hand.
She nodded again this time, this time more sincerely. Neal let go, and she entered the doors to help.
It was there that she found refuge, and understanding. Slowly, she healed and rearranged her life.
The darkness would always be at the fringes of her life; there were still some nights where she woke up to her own screams and found herself drenched with sweat. She was better though, and she had reasons to live.
Years later, she once again talked to Neal about it.
''You're the reason I'm here today, you know,'' she said. ''You saved my life. I would have done it eventually if it wasn't for you.
''You saved yourself,'' Neal said, forcing a smile, ''I only helped you.''
''I'm glad I could tell you.''
''I am, too, Kel. I am too.''