Author's Note: I don't know how I feel about this outtake, but it's been a long time coming and I feel like I want everyone who alerted this series to know that this really is always on my mind. This is an outtake from Alice's POV about what "ahem- excitement" took place while she and the wives were out and the boys were playing poker.

Big thanks to CharliDenae for rec'ing and reviewing this series over at thewriterscoffeeshop(dot)com/news(dot)php?readmore=565 (and yes, that question mark is supposed to be there).

~Tay

DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and everything encompassed by it. No infringement is intended.

APOV

:

:

It's got to be that I'm in shock, or something. No, I must be like, ridiculously drunk. Like, super beyond shitfaced wasted. I have to be Sheen-faced to be witnessing what I am right now. Bella -little, quiet, blushing Bella- is up near the center of the room acting like a goddamn fool.

"Oh, hells yeah! Break me off a piece of that!" Bella hoots as a dancer gyrates in front of her. She is so friggin' embarrassing right now! I shouldn't have let her drink so much. Dang it!

I look over just as she smacks the stripper's ass and stuffs a five in his g-string, all the while rubbing over his thigh with her free hand. Groaning, I shake my head. I should have known a girls' night would get hella crazy.

"Bella!" I try to whisper-yell to her over the pulsating dance music. "You know you're not supposed to be touching!"

There are strobe light and lasers everywhere. It's hard to really see what's going on in here.

That's the excuse I'm giving myself anyway because there's no way I just saw what I saw. Like, my eyes have to be deceiving me because it looks like Bella gave me the finger. It's got to be a play of the lighting and the effects of the alcohol I've consumed because there is no way that she did that. That she just gave me the finger without even breaking her trance from the stripper's rolling hips.

That little bitch gave me the finger!

I must look like I'm about to snatch her hair out because the next thing I know Esme's passing me another margarita, effectively trapping me into the booth. I shoot Bella a glare and give the back of her bobbing head a double handed, single finger salute as I sip. I deserve a pat on the back for not going Jerry Springer on her ass.

"You young girls are so wild!" Esme huffs as if she's out of breath. She even fans herself like a southern belle. She's a beautiful woman -all dark caramel hair, hazel eyes, and flawless skin- although somewhat older than the rest of us. I'm not sure why the boys became friends with her husband, with the age gap and all. All I know is that a few years back the boys came home from spring break in Mexico and Carlisle was their new best friend. Oh, and I know that Jasper developed a sudden fear of goats. But he's just a weirdo.

I just smirk at Esme. She's trying to act all innocent on us, but I've seen Carlisle and I've heard some horror stories from Jasper. There's no way she and that husband of hers don't get into some freaky stuff.

I know I would. That doctor is tasty!

Instead of calling her out, I cut eyes to an utterly bored looking Rosalie. She's sitting across from me at the booth, which means she's not even facing the man-meat stage. She's such a conceited little bitch with her long, Amazonian looks, vibrant blue eyes, luxuriously voluminous hair, and killer attitude. She's probably brooding because everyone's looking at all the sausage dangling around instead of at her. I'm not saying that because I'm an envious harpy that believes people should keep their friends close and their enemies closer either. I would never dream of keeping her close just for the sake of saying that I have hot friends and it ultimately makes me look more awesome and gets me invited to more parties because people want me to invite my beautiful friends along as well...

No. Not at all, actually. It's because she's funny...

Well, she is most of the time, when she's not being a stuck up bitch or checking herself out in the mirror, or sizing up your friends, or scooping out your man or...or... Actually, sometimes I really wonder why we are friends. It kind of makes me feel bad.

"We can leave whenever you want Rose. We've-" I'm cut off by the sound of Bella whooping and throwing more cash on stage. It takes super human strength not to roll my eyes. Too bad I'm simply a mere mortal. "That is, if we ever get Rain Woman out of here."

Rose scoffs with me, flicking her hair over her shoulder to watch Bella attempt to climb the stage as a bouncer asks her to quiet down. Gosh! She's so goddamn crazy!

Esme taps my hand to get my attention. "Rain Woman?"

"Yeah," I answer as I sip more delicious margarita. "That bitch has been making it rain on that same dancer since we got here." I look down at my watch. Yep, just as I suspected. "We left Sax at four and left the restaurant three hours ago! She's got to be dipping into her and Edward's mortgage payment by now." Rose nods somberly to confirm.

I mean, don't get me wrong; I love -like, super fucking love- to spend money, especially if it isn't mine. But we've been shopping all day. We've hit up Macy's, Marc Jacobs, Sax Fifth, the BurBerry store -Mister Pigbottom needed a new cardigan- all before going to a four star restaurant for a light liquid heavy dinner.

Light on the dinner, heavy on the liquid.

I know I've spent well over what Jazzy would find acceptable, but Bella said we just had to come to the male strip club. I mean, I know her gay friend owns it and all, but it's not like he's supplying us the money to throw at his dancers. We just received free entry and free drinks, that's all.

Speaking of free drinks...

I remember that I'm doing a lot of nursing on my margarita and start guzzling that down. One of us needs to think of a plan to get Ol' Drunky McMoneybags home. The boys should be done with their poker party soon and I know Jasper will want something to eat. If he's not passed out by now, that is. I hope he remembered to take Mister Pigbottom out for a walk.

Most nights after the boys play poker he's exhausted and forgets about my widdle schweet'ems of a cutie-patutie pie. I guess it's all the shit talking and beer drinking that drains him. Jasper can be so cute, all passed out in a little ball in the middle of the bed with Mister Pigbottom sleeping along his back. Jasper hates when the dog's on the bed, but I never move him. I know Jasper thinks I'm always trying his patience on purpose, but in reality he just looks so goddamn cute when he's pissed. His brow gets all scrunchy over his blue eyes and his face pinks just a little bit. Then, when Jasper's really pissed, his teeth clench and his jaw gets to working and...hmmm fucking tasty.

I'm brought out of my impromptu fantasy by the worst fucking sound known to mankind.

"Shake that ass! But watchya-self! Shake that ass! Show me whatcha workin' wit!"

Bella.

I close my eyes and try to find my center and realign my chi. I cannot - CAN. NOT!- believe this bitch is rapping. We need to get the fuck out of here. She needs to leave, like now. Nothing good will come of this, I can just sense it.

Taking a deep breath, I look up at my reinforcements. They look horror struck. I know girls, I know. Makes me want to shake my head in shame. I need to rally my troops.

Clapping my hands to get their attention, I start with the orders. "Alright, bitches. Operation: Extract Tiger's Blood is underway. Rose, you get her around the shoulders. Esme, the waist. I'm going for the purse, then the legs. We'll have to carry her out kicking and screaming -I don't give a damn!" My plan's simple, direct, and foolproof. It makes me want to give myself a pat on the back.

I glance over at Bella again. She's rummaging through her purse; looking for her credit card, no doubt. "Come on, we need to make this quick," I say as I start to stand.

Esme stops me by clearing her throat. "Um, Operation: Extract Tiger's Blood?"

Rosalie answers for me, standing and jerking her thumb over her shoulder towards Bella. "Yeah, 'cause we need to get her crazy, Charlie Sheen ass out of here, a-sap."

Esme still looks lost, but we don't have time for YouTube video explanations.

We've got a Swan to catch.

We all get up and break fast, splitting up so that we can circle Bella on all sides. With her solely focused on the hypnotic moves of the greased down, muscled up hottie on stage, we easily flank her. Esme's surprisingly strong and is able to yank Bella back by the waist just before the drunkard can hand off a hundred dollar bill to the stripper...with her teeth. Rose only takes one purse whip to the head before she's got Bella's arms locked down. I snatch her purse from her clutches and lace my entire little body around her legs.

"No! Please no! Lemme go!" Bella starts screeching and wriggling as if we're about to kidnap her. Gah! Melodramatic much? Jeez, we're just trying to save her from bankruptcy.

"Listen, pipsqueak," Oh shit! Rosalie is not happy; must have been the hit to the head. Even though the bitch probably deserved it for something she's done or will do in the near future.

I swear I'm not a frienemy! Honest!

"We're taking you out of here. Right. The fuck. Now." Yeah, fuck that shit. I don't think I've ever seen Rose this pissed. So glad we're on the same team.

Needless to say arguing ensues. We're all talking over ourselves and Esme's just chuckling and commenting about how vibrant young folks are. No one loosens their grip though.

"You alright there, big spender?"

All four of us whip our heads to the sexy voice interrupting our mission. I think I got whiplash, but I'm not sure. All I know is that I heard sexy. I can smell it too, and it smells damn good. There's a tall, blond, tanned, scruffy-haired, eight-packed, blue eyes hottie talking to us. He sounds Australian. My sexy senses have never stirred me wrong and hell yeah, am I right!

"You ladies can't leave before getting your special treat."

We whip our heads to the other direction. More sexy. This one's a mocha skinned hottie with short, dark curly hair and even darker eyes. They scream sexy mystery. He's only got a sex-er...um, six pack, but he has those well defined muscles on his hips that make the bottom of his stomach look like a 'V'. You know, so it looks like a delicious arrow pointing to the promised land.

Shit! We're surrounded. I knew this couldn't be good, I just knew!

I'm almost hypnotized by all the sexy around us. I mean, even as the guys are just standing there silently, their hips are rolling and twisting to the beat around the club. It's like their bodies are synched with the music. It makes me want to throw money at them. My hands twitch towards Bella's purse. Mine's too far and I can't tear my eyes away to look for it.

Rose's voice snaps me to reality. "Listen here, Thor. We've got things to do. So step aside please." It's definitely not a polite request and I think Rose's teeth are grinding. Maybe she's still pissed. Maybe she's trying to fight the stripper hypnotism. I know I am.

"Aw, come on beauties," Australian Sexy whines. "You can't go now."

"Yeah," agrees Dark Delicious Sexy. "We've got a group lap dance to give in the private room." I think my eyebrows rise into my hairline. Wha...? Who? How? I'm sure the private rooms cost an arm and a leg! Maybe even a left tit too.

"Compliments of the boss-man," Australian Sexy interjects my rambling. Oh, maybe I said that shit out loud. I wonder if I'm drooling too.

DDS saunters up and wipes my chin with a wink. Shit! "No worries, lovely. Come back with us."

And we do. Why? I don't really remember, exactly. I don't even really remember what happened back there. The only thing I seem to remember is stunned silence. And no touching; No. Touching! That fucking rule is excruciating. I hate it.

Oh! And I remember Bella maxing out Edward's credit card. It's okay though, because Esme let her borrow some money. Well, until Carlisle's card was maxed out too. Silly girls. I don't know how they plan to explain that one.

I snicker at the thought as me and the girls make our way back home. It's late and we're in my car, giggling and reminiscing about our crazy encounters. The car swerves a bit as I laugh at Esme's excitement over our wild night. It's not that I'm too drunk to drive, I think it's more because I'm too buzzed. Stripper buzzed. Sexy buzzed.

Broke buzzed.

That thought sobers me.

"We can't say a word," I state evenly as I stare straight through the windshield, trying to find answers out in the night.

They quiet immediately. I don't need to look at them to know that they agree. We'd be so fucked.

"I'll call you guys in a few days, after I think of a reason why all that money's gone." I rub a hand down my face, careful not to muss my make-up.

"I'll think of something," I promise again as I pull up to the front drive of my home. We pull our numerous bags from the trunk and all groan and grimace as we realize we're totally fucked. There's no way to hide all this money we spent. Jazz is going to kill me, fucking strangle me.

Looking at the faces of my friends as we pause on the front porch, I start to feel all misty eyed. I'm really afraid to go in there. Jasper always knows when I'm up to something. He'll sense it, and we'll all going to get killed by our husbands. This is a terrible day!

"You know I love you guys, right?" I choke out. "And no matter what happens, you'll always be my best friends. Forever." I take a deep breath, trying to contain my emotions. "Even you, Rosalie." I feel like I should have a lawyer present for my last will and testament.

Rose rolls her eyes and pushes towards the door. "Oh, fuck off, bitch. We all know you guys only like me 'cause I'm pretty." The bitch even fluffs her hair and plumps her boobs.

I don't even know what to say. The bitch called me out. And here I was thinking I was all sly, and shit.

Esme chuckles. "Touché."

I can't help it, I burst into laughter. We all do. Rosalie even begrudgingly joins after grumbling, "Goddamn frienemies," under her breath. She's got that right!

We try to compose ourselves as I open the front door.

The first thing I see is that my dinning room table is covered in beer bottles, playing cards, and porn.

Not surprising, so I move on.

Next I see a red faced Edward in Emmett's meaty arms.

Still not surprising.

A chuckle from Carlisle catches my attention and I look him over really quickly. He looks good, as usual. He doesn't seem to have anything wrong with him so I look towards my husband. I exhale out of my nose and try my damnedest not to shake my head in shame. He has one hand clutching some pictures -I assume they're porn-and has his dick in his other hand.

Rose stomps into action and gets Emmett to let Edward go as Bella tries to sooth her husband and find out if he's alright. I just raise an eyebrow at Jasper. I want to know what the fuck's up.

"Whatcha got there, Jasper?" I use my best 'I swear I'm not mad, but you better not fuck with me if you know what's good for you' voice. Works every time.

Edward says Jazzy stole his pictures, but after Jasper spouts off some poker lingo, it looks like it's all settled. I don't really understand anything except that I hear that cunt's name. Kim: as in Kim Kardashian. I could kill Jasper for his obsession with that bimbo. I don't look anything like her for Christ's sake.

It hits me like a bolt. I could use this. I could blackmail the fuck out of Jasper, guilt his ass into not caring about the money we spent. Hell, with all the porn that's still left on the poker table, I'm sure I'd have enough ammo to share with the rest of the ladies too. Damn, I'm a genius. I have the overwhelming urge to pat myself on the back.

Instead, I get everyone to leave, sharing discreet winks and smiles with my girls so that they know I'll have it all taken care of. Oh, yes. We will live to see another day!

"What you playing at?" Jasper asks suspiciously from behind me. I reign in my smile before turning to him.

I use my best puppy face -pout and all. "It's nothing, Jazzy. Promise." I make sure my eyes look extra innocent. He doesn't look like he's going to buy it, and then pinches me! It doesn't even hurt, but I complain anyway. "Owe! Why, baby?"

Ha! That gets him! He feels bad enough to kiss me before dashing off. I even hear him call a lame-assed 'I love you' before he shuts the bathroom door. And for a split second, it kind of makes me feel bad knowing that I'm manipulating him. I love my sweet Jazzy. He's my everything, the love of my life.

Then I think of the gross-out, nasty, pervy boy stuff he's doing in that bathroom and I think better of myself.

I even give myself that pat on the back I've earned all night.

:

:

AN: So, I hope I didn't disappoint the original readers, as well as the new ones. Like I said before, it was weird writing this. I don't do female POV often because I think like a boy. Lol! Leave a reivew to let me know you stopped by. All love and flames are totally acceptable.

~Tay