A/N: A lot can happen when you're waiting for people to arrive. In a matter of seconds things can take a disturbing turn. I apologise in advance for this but I couldn't resist :D

Joker sat on the window ledge contemplating what Shepard had said.

Steal back the Normandy? The whole idea was madness, they would never be able to pull it off. Joker instantly felt the need to face-palm himself over the terrible cliche he had just put himself in.

Hell, Shepard was the woman you went to in galaxy to get the impossible done for crying out loud. Joker also had to remind himself that they were likely to have the incredibly talented master thief Kasumi on their side as well.

This could actually work he found him self thinking as he stroked the brown facial hair on his chin dramatically.

Tokyo's streets were less packed than they were an hour ago. Joker never had a thing for people or crowds. He enjoyed the peace and quiet back when it was just him and the Normandy.

Scratching his beard again absentmindedly he was admittedly nervous about how Kasumi and Jacob were going to react when they saw Shepard. The phone call he had with Kasumi asking them to come down to the bar did not exactly provide the pair with the knowledge that Shepard had shown up out of blue.

"And now we play the waiting game," Joker sneered to himself catching Shepard's attention.

"Hmm?" Shepard murmured looking up from a crinkled issue of 'Fornax'.

Joker jumped up from where he sat slightly startled that she'd heard him. He quickly shot her a reassuring smile.

"Nothing," he replied.

Shepards lips moved but Joker didn't hear a sound. All his attention instantly focused on the magazine his old commander was reading, his magazine!

He pretended he heard her every word but was still unable to take his eyes off the item within her grasp. It wasn't long before Shepard realised that she wasn't getting through to him and was finally able to acknowledge what he was staring at.

"Oh…" Shepard mouthed awkwardly. "Joker, I am fully aware that this is a alien porn magazine i'm not going to judge you for it," she reassured him with her signature smile.

Reassurance or no, it didn't stop him from remaining on the ledge in a stiff disposition. Shepard chose to ignore his display and continued flicking through the various pages of asari genitalia. Shepard came across an article 'Asari/Human pairings, how to improve your sex life'. Interesting.

The text was blunt and to the point teaching Shepard quite a few things that she never really understood about mind-melding.

Minutes later after finishing the article some bold text read 'Turn the page to discover the secret to female human and asari relationships.' Shepard wasn't really into asari but she had to admit it didn't stop her from being curious.

In an attempt to turn the page Shepard came across a conundrum. The pages with the withheld information refused to open, they were practically stuck together. No matter how much Shepard tried the pages just wouldn't let go of one another, conjoined as if someone decided to glue them together.

Frustrated about the mishap Shepard continued to try and tear the pages apart.

"Joker what the fuck? Have you spilt coffee on this of something?" she voiced still trying to free the pages.

Joker kept his face turned to the window throughout the entire struggle. He took yet another cautious sip of his beer.

Shepard paused her actions, holding the magazine in mid air. "Earth to Joker?"

Joker inwardly groaned, she wasn't going to leave this alone was she?

"Shepard it's a porn magazine!" he exhaled bluntly still staring at the neon lights outside.

"I'm fully aware of that Joker, but why are the damn pages stuck together? There's an article I wanted to read." She spoke in a innocent tone which sounded so unlike her.

Joker directed his gaze to Shepard with a very uncomfortable expression spread on his face. He tried to think of how he could word his explanation knowing that a simple "Can't we just forget about this?" wouldn't cut it.

Joker began his explanation as if he was about to give the sex talk, which amused him slightly.

He moved his hands as he spoke for more emphasis. "Shepard...when a man is in need of a woman…but…has trouble getting one, he is reduced to buying a magazine, the likes of which you are holding right now."

Shepard continued to stare at him blankly, she still wasn't getting it.

"Maybe i'm not being clear enough," he muttered with a sigh. Joker tried his luck again and continued to speak slowly. "That magazine provides a guy with enough material to…release some tension…" Joker squirmed at his words. This was getting ridiculous.

Shepard shot back a reply instantly. "Your point?"

"I've jerked off to it!" The words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself. Silence fuelled the awkward atmosphere as he felt her disgusted eyes on him.

"That doesn't explain why the pages are sticky…" she mumbled barely containing her confusion.

How Joker managed to keep a straight face he had no idea. He flung his head to meet Shepard, arching one eyebrow in the process that said it all.

Shepard was about to speak before it finally dawned on her.

"Oh my Spirits, ew!"she freaked, flinging the dirty magazine across the room.

Joker barely contained his laugh as he leaned back against the ledge. A shocking confession, a crumpled up, sticky copy of 'Fornax' and a scarred for life Shepard on his couch in a foetal position.

What the hell was taking Kasumi and Jacob so long?