"Bella I do not care! You are so ungrateful sometimes." Mother pulled my wrist squeezing the life right out of me, taking my soul; sometimes I was sure she was the devil.
"Those dresses are the only thing pretty about you, now I know why you wear them." She spat pushing me into the car roughly, my elbow scraped against the door and a tear trickled down my cheek but my mouth stayed sealed shut. I wouldn't not allow her one word of mine; I would not allow her any words of mine. She did not deserve it and even if my words are so very little she did not even deserve the littlest. She slammed the car door and finished smoking her cigarette by the trunk. I couldn't wait for her beauty to fade; she would have nothing to hide behind then.
I rubbed my elbow soothingly and let my heart sink as I watched Mr. Cullen's home. The disappointment was sickening, my stomach turned. Tears fogged my vision and I gave up even trying to look, I bowed my head and let my dress soak in the tears. My mother was the reason I would not be doing any gardening today, my mother is the reason I have nothing to be happy about… ever.
I stared at the lines on my palm, tracing them lightly trying to distract myself from the tears that threaten to leak. I didn't dare lift my head when I heard the car door open and my mother enter. The bitter sweet smell of cigarette smoke assaulted me, leaving me almost gasping for fresh air, I twisted in my seat uncomfortably.
"Bonding with the neighbors?" She breathed under her breath as she backed out of her parking space outside out very dull house.
"You think they like you?" She laughed. "No one around here understands you but me."
I bit my lip and squeezed my own hand, it was safe to look out the window now, Mr. Cullen's house was out of view.
"Where are we going?" I whispered listening to the hum of the car instead of her stupid voice. She never answered and I didn't really care.
"Drop me off at the park." I demanded, tears unable to hold themselves back, I bit my lip and tasting the blood on my tongue. My hands held tighter onto each other and I squeezed my eyes closed for a second and my heart stopped. She whispered something too low for me to hear and I swallowed.
"Drop me off at the park!" I yelled over the hum of the car and it silenced her completely, the car is filled with tense air making it difficult to breath and after a sharp turn and a slam on the breaks… we're at the park.
"Get out." She growled and I pushed myself out of the car, slamming the door behind me. She left without another word and I stumbled all the way to an empty bench, where I put my head down and cried. I couldn't hear anything but the sweet song of the birds and the soft laughter of children further away, I heard nothing but sweet sounds and felt nothing but the sun warming my back. I breathed heavy with sobs that shook me and tears that soaked my arm. I thought about how much Mr. Cullen would hate me for not showing up, and how silly I was to think I could ever show up in the first place. I thought of all the things I hate and how they all hate me in return.
I hate my own mother. I wish it was just my adolescent mind playing tricks on me but the hate I have felt for her had grown from just the silliest envy that filled me as a child. Maybe I'm evil like she says, maybe I 'm crazy and need medication, maybe I don't belong in this world at all. I'm so unsure about most things but I know one thing for sure… I hated her, and she hated me because of the same silly thing… envy.
I don't remember father but she does, and I don't remember him loving me but she does.
"Bella, what are you doing here?" Rosalie's eyes were filled with shock and happiness when she swung open her door, I smiled a small smile and took in her beauty as she stood before me with her deep blue eyes and long silk blonde hair. She embraced me in a tight hug and pulled me into her apartment.
"Hi Rose." I giggled as she released me from her hug but held on tightly to my hand, her excitement reminded me of Alice, someone I missed as well.
"Oh my god you have gotten so beautiful!" She kissed my cheek and squeezed my hand. "Your hair is down to your waist now!"
"Oh I look the same." I blushed and she pulled me further into the tiny apartment with eagerness. She stopped suddenly and spun around pulling me into another tight hug, a hug that filled my heart with warmth, warmth that I realized I had been missing, I didn't linger on that thought for long.
"I'm so happy to see you!" She beamed at me, wrapping me in her arms once more.
"Me too." I smiled a true smile. Rosalie pulled away from me, leaving her hands on my shoulders as she stared me directly in the eyes. Rosalie's beauty would never fade, because she was as decent on the inside as she was on the outside. Something I admired about her since the day I met her. I remembered her tattoo of a red rose on the side of her neck, I remembered the nose piercing and the Betty Page bangs and her Rockabilly style. I remembered it all crystal clear, she hadn't changed a bit.
I hadn't realized I missed her so much till now as she stood right in front of me, her blue eyes gazing ever so happily into mine. I leaned in to kiss her on the cheek, emotion suddenly flooded me and my chest tightened with more tears, tears I hadn't released myself of at the park today.
"I missed you." My voice shook.
"Bella don't cry. You're still so silly." She held me again rubbing my back soothingly only making the tears much worse. The pain throbbed in my chest. I couldn't decide what I was crying about: Seeing Rosalie, My mother… Not being able to garden… Not being able to see Mr. Cullen.
"I know." I choked out.
"Sit." She frowned and led me to her kitchen. Her kitchen looked something like what a mother would have decorated soft colors like baby pink and baby yellow but the empty beer bottles and thousands of plastic cups only reminded me that Rosalie did live here. There was a collection of tall glass bottles with fancy designs displayed by the sink. Rosalie sat at the chair across from me, her eyes were sad and I could feel it was for me. Though I wished no one to ever be sad for me ever.
"What's wrong?" She reached out to place my hand in her palm, I stared at our hands for a while before replying.
"It's just my mom." I shrugged.
"Like always." Rosalie shook her head disappointedly. "I told you, you can move in with me anytime."
"I know, she won't let me go… anywhere… ever." I stared at the pretty table cloth instead of Rosalie.
"She has to, she can't keep you there forever!" Rosalie raised her voice and I flinched.
"If she wants she can." I lifted my head to stare at her again.
"Nope!" Rosalie yelled shrugging. "Won't let it happen!"
"I swear Bella, I'll put that bitch in her place she won't like fucking with me, I'll get you out of there." Rosalie's eyes were hard and serious; I stared into them almost amazed. Rosalie had always been the toughest girl I've ever met yet always the sweetest to me, I could never understand how we even became such good friends.
"I hate her." I sighed sounding so much like a teenager. Silence came upon us and I twirled a piece of table cloth between my fingers.
"You're sixteen now? Huh?" Rosalie smiled winking at me.
"Yeah." I giggled rolling my eyes.
"Any cute boys… or girls?" She raised her eyebrows and a burst of laughter shook my entire body, her laughter was loud with mine.
"No." I breathed coming down from my laughter.
"No? You mean a girl with tits like that doesn't have a boyfriend?"
"Rosalie!" I blushed covering my breast with my hands, she just laughed in response.
"What about you?" I raised an eyebrow knowing, like always, there was more than one guy seeing or sleeping with Rosalie.
She sighed and leaned back into her seat stretching.
"Well there has been a few but no one too special. Roy makes a good fuck buddy but that's about it."
"Hmm." I nodded watching her.
"How'd you get here anyways?" She questioned.
"I walked about 2 miles."
"From where?"
"The park." I shrugged.
"Why were you at the park?" She raised an eyebrow suspiciously.
"My mom remember." I sighed again frowning down at my lap.
"Oh Belly don't be all sad, I haven't seen you in like a month!" Rosalie leaned forward flipping her hair behind her shoulder.
"I know I'm sorry." I frowned again and Rosalie's eyes lightened up with realization, her chair squeaked against the tile as she rose from it and began searching her kitchen cabinets. I watched her curiously wondering what she could possibly be looking for. She came back to the table holding a tall glass bottle of Absolute Vodka, her eyes were bright with excitement, and her grin was smug with mischief.
"Darling, have you ever heard of drinking your troubles away?"
"Bye Rose!" I practically screamed into the cold damp night, while Rosalie was attacked with a giggle fit as she sat in the driver's seat, drunk… very drunk.
"Bye Bye Belly!" She attempted to blow me a kiss but failed and I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. I stumbled onto the side walk tripping a number of times and getting back up, my breath reeked of vodka and my throat still felt the burn. My vision was blurred and the cool air caressed my skin like magic, I felt so alive so brilliantly alive and living. I touched my hair and mumbled something to myself about insanity and continued my walk to the door.
"Mother's going to kill me." I giggled under my breath as I made it to the door, knocking 3 times gently. The porch light flickered on and I squinted to see, but it didn't help much everything was cool and blurry. It seemed like forever until my mom answered the door.
"Bella?" The silky smooth voice that haunted me called out my name, the soft deep voice belonging to not my mother but my handsome neighbor .
"Mr. Edward" I slurred out. "This isn't my house." I began to giggle uncontrollably.
"Are you drunk?" His voice was shocked; I wished I could see the look on that pretty face.
"The lights too bright." I touched at my eyes and suddenly felt myself falling.
"Whoa. I'll take that as a yes." His voice was in my ear and his arms were tight around my waste, I pulled closer to him.
"Uh huh." I mumbled and held on to something, his shirt I guessed.
I was unaware of what was happening and if I was walking or being carried. I didn't know where I was or why I was so happy, I couldn't make sense of the cool air hitting my body when I remembered being inside and then suddenly warm again. I didn't understand why I could hear my voice mixed with his and not be aware of what I or he was saying.
"Good night." The angel said to me.
My head throbbed with pain; my mouth dry and stale was in desperate need of water and I knew I was going to be vomiting soon. I rolled around in sheets that were not mine, I assumed that Rosalie had let me sleep in her bed. The night was a blur, and I remembered close to nothing. All I could remember was laughing and laughing and never stopping.
I heard footsteps approaching but they were much too heavy to belong to Rosalie. I began to panic in the sheets hurriedly realizing I might not be at Rosalie's house. After fighting with the sheets and trying to escape I finally found a way out and the rooms brightness made me flinch in horror, I squinted but the burn remained in my eyes.
"Good god!" I used my hands to shield my eyes from the sun, it didn't work as well as planned. I could see the different shades in the room now, and it was nothing I had ever seen before, this was obviously not a room I knew. There was a big mirror hanging on the wall, beneath it was a beautiful mahogany dresser flowing with pink roses and white roses, it was beautiful but it was long before I realized I wasn't the only one in the room.
"Morning." Mr. Cullen stood in the door way dressed sharply as always, smile handsome as always. I clang on to the sheets for dear life and my mouth opened slightly, my eyes bugged out of my head and I could feel the vomit coming. The night flooded my memory and I don't remember how but I remember standing at his door thinking it was my door. I sat up in the bed immediately, and he watched me almost with amusement.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. This… I-I… I don't know what I was thinking!"
"Hey hey hey, calm down. It's okay." He leaned against the door frame casually.
"It most certainly is not." I groaned, and I was shocked to hear his mesmerizing chuckle.
"I did show up at my house at 1 in the morning and take over my bedroom… but I think we can move past that." He smiled at the end and I simply groaned into my hands. I could feel the blood rushing to my face and my heart beat quicken. This could not be happening.
"Don't worry, it's not that bad. It's not like I'm going to tell your mom. Well only if you plan on not telling me what exactly happened last night." I could hear the smug smile in his voice, and I was sure at any moment I would drop dead or at least I wished I would.
A/N: Sorry it took so long! Please keep reviewing! What do you think? ;]