Dan Vs. The Demon Sisters

-Chapter Seven-

Dan had left Chris's house in a hurry. Learning that he was part of some prophetic tale was a bit much for him to process. He was driving around to clear his head, but all that entered his mind was further questions. Had his whole life followed some script laid out thousands of years ago? Was his feud with Scanty and Kneesocks the final act in the play of his exsistance? What would happen afterward? Would there even be an afterward for him? These and many other questions went unanswered as he passed by his apartment. He parked his car in its appropriate place, and looked up at the building. It was hard for him to imagine that it was his destiny to live here, to unknowingly protect the world from a savage monster lurking just below. He recalled that there had been a couple of people that were in the process of moving out as he moved in. One of them could have been some distant relative, simply passing the responsibility of guarding the Ghost underground onto him without ever realizing it.

His train of thought was interrupted as he noticed a figure moving around near the doors of the apartments through the dark of the night. Ducking down behind his steering wheel, he watched the figure put something on the door of each apartment, including his own, and then walk down the steps away from the building. After a minute, he exited the vehicle and ran up to his door. A note had been posted about halfway down, sitting just at eye level with Dan. He snatched it off, and read it carefully in what little light the moon provided through the overcast sky.

Dear Tenant,

Due to a scheduling conflict, the demolition of this building will take place one week earlier than originally scheduled. We apologize for any inconvinience this may cause.

Sincerely,

The Démon Sisters

Dan's eyes widened as he read the note. "One week?" He did a bit of math in his head. "But that would make it the day after tomorrow!" He quickly pulled out his phone and dialed Chris's number. "Chris, we've got a major problem on our ha-"

Suddenly, he was roughly pushed forward, causing him to smash into his door and drop his phone. He whipped around to locate his assailant, and he saw two flashes of shiny black, followed by the sound of two blades embedding themselves into wood. Looking down, he saw a pair of wicked looking scythes around his midsection, restraining him against the door. He saw his phone lying on the ground a few feet away, but before he could get to it, a red hand picked it up, and brought it up to a familiar face.

"My apologies," the owner of the hand said into the phone. "But Dan is currently unable to come to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep." At this, she tossed the phone up into the air, and pulled out a black handgun. As the phone reached the apex of its flight, she fired the gun, and shot a hole clean through the center. The destoryed device hitthe ground, and broke in two. Dan looked up, and saw the Demon Sisters, Scanty and Kneesocks, standing before him. "Good evening, Mr. Dan," Scanty said. "How can we help you this fine evening?"

"Let me go you vile hellions!" Dan shouted, arms swinging wildly in an attempt to connect with one of the sisters. "I know what you two are planning, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let you get away with it!"

"Now now, Dan, we musn't let our temper get the better of us," Kneesocks said, waving a disapproving finger. "Those blades holding you to the door are rather sharp, and I would feel awful if you were to hurt yourself on them."

"I see you've had your car repaired," Scanty noted, seeing the vehicle parked near the building. "So glad Miss Kneesocks and I could help you foot the bill."

"Oh, drop the pleasantries already," Dan said. "It's pretty obvious that we hate each other, there's no reason to pretend otherwise."

"Very well," Scanty said. She aimed her pistol over to Dan's car, and shot out three of the tires, as well as the headlights. As the air hissed out of the tires and glass tinkled against the ground, she continued. "Now, I suppose you're well aware of what's underneath our feet at this very moment."

"Yeah, some giant monster feuled by rage," Dan said. "I still don't believe how stupid you two must be to want to free something like that."

"You'd better watch what you say around your superiors, Dan," Kneesocks said. "Might I remind you that you're in no place to be tossing insults at us. Now, as for why we want to free the beast. It's quite simple really. Miss Scanty and I will be able to use the Ghost to hold the world ransom, and demand that we be crowned the rightful rulers of this sorry planet. If not, we free the beast and let it destroy humanity."

"Seriously?" Dan snorted. "That's your big plan? Man, how cliché can you get? I suppose you'll be contacting the UN from your secret volcano lair located on a remote island, huh?"

"I will admit that the plan does seem somewhat 'saturday morning cartoon villain'-esque," Scanty said, crossing her arms. "But then again, we could always just go with Plan B."

"And what would that be?" Dan said.

"Let the Ghost destroy humanity and enjoy the all of the chaos." Scanty said. "Again, simple, but it seems like much more fun, wouldn't you agree?"

"Can't honestly say that I do," Dan said. "So I suppose you two are just going to kill me now, huh?"

"Kill you?" Scanty laughed. "Where would you get a ludicrous idea like that?"

"Well, I'm sure you know by now that I'm in cahoots with Panty and Stocking," Dan explained. "And from what they've told me, they kick you two to the curb on a fairly regular basis."

"He does raise a good point, dear sister," Kneesocks said. "And besides," she continued, gripping the handle of one of the scythes. "It would be so easy for me to slice him in two right this instant."

"Now now, dear sister, we're civilized people, we don't just go around killing people when it's convinient," Scanty said. "Besides, all that blood would be a hard thing to explain to the demolition crew when they discovered it. No, I think we would be better to simply let him go." She turned to Dan. "You can run along and make whatever foolish plans you want to with those half-wit angels, as well as that oaf you call Chris. You still won't be able to stop the two of us. You're merely a mortal, what chance do you have against a pair of High Class Commander Demons?" With that, Kneesocks roughly removed the scythes from around him, intentionally grazing his side with one of them. Dan staggered forward and dropped to his knees, clutching the sizable gash in his side and feeling blood trickling from under his hand.

The Demon Sisters laughed at his anguish. "Would you look at that, dear sister!" Scanty said. "He already knows his place!"

"I know my place... alright..." Dan growled through his teeth.

"What was that?" Kneesocks said mockingly. "I didn't quite here you."

"I said I know my place alright!" Dan shouted, shakily rising to his feet. "My place is right here, in this apartment, and if you think you two can change that, then you've got another thing coming!"

For a moment, Scanty and Kneesocks looked somewhat intimidated by Dan's boldness. But Dan couldn't stay standing, and he fell back to his knees once again. The Demon Sisters merely laughed once again. Scanty patted Dan on the head, and Dan could only seeth as she humiliated him. "Now now, you just focus on getting better. You're in no shape to be fighting anyone, little boy."

Dan stayed down clutching his side as the two sisters walked away, laughing. Dan stayed silent for a minute, feeling his jeans absorb some of the blood as it started to pool underneath him. He finally decided to try to reach Chris again, this time through the walkie talkie he had given Chris on his birthday. He pulled up the collar of his shirt, where a tiny device was clipped onto his collar. "Chris? Come in Chris, are you there?" Dan said.

After a moment of static, Dan heard Chris's voice. "Dan, is that you? What happened?"

"Demon Sisters jumped me," Dan explained. "Left me with a pretty nasty cut."

"We figured as much, Panty took off as soon as she heard Scanty's voice on the phone." Chris said.

"She's too late if she wants to fight them, they left," Dan said. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a pink hummer screech to a halt outside of the apartment. "But I could use some medical attention."

"Alright, just hang on, I'm sure Panty'll be over there to pick you up shortly."

"Don't worry, I'm already here," Panty said, kneeling down beside Dan and taking the walkie talkie. "I'll take care of Shorty."

"Okay, good." There was a slight pause, and some murmuring could be heard. "Brief says to be careful, those two could be lurking anywhere."

"Tell him I'll be just fine," Panty said. "They're not gonna be able to lay a finger on me as long as I have good ol' Backlace."

"Could we hurry this along, please?" Dan said. "I'm starting to get light headed."

"Shit, alright, talk to you guys later," Panty said, letting go of the device. She looked at the cut on Dan's side. "Shit, they really fucked you up, huh?"

"Keen observation doctor," Dan said. "Now, are you just gonna stand there and let me bleed out or are you gonna do something?"

"Alright, fuck, keep your pants on," Panty said. She hurried back to See Through and began rummaging around within it. After a moment of searching, she found what she was looking for, and hurried back to Dan. She was holding a small vial of clear liquid. "Lift up your shirt, let's see that cut again."

Dan lifted his shirt as instructed, and Panty uncorked the vial. She poured its contents over the wound. For a moment, nothing happened, aside from some of the blood being washed away.

"Nothing's happening," Dan said. "Stop wasting time, would you?"

"Hold on a second, damnit, let it do its thing!" Panty said. Dan sighed and looked back to the cut. As he watched, the wound seemed to be healing before his eyes, as if time was being reversed. He watched as the skin reseal itself as if it was a zipper. There was a slightly pink line where the cut used to be, but it eventually faded.

"Whoa, what sort of wonderdrug was that, and where can I get some?" Dan said, as Panty helped him to his feet.

"It's just holy water," Panty explained. "That cut was made by an unholy weapon, so the holy water pretty much negated it."

"Holy water?" Dan said incredulously. "I just figured that priests just filled those dishes at the church with tap water and called it a day. I didn't know it was actually a thing."

"Well, this is ACTUAL holy water," Panty said. "Direct from heaven itself. Afro-priest made us carry it around ever since that Geek Boy started tagging along with us."

"Huh," Dan remarked. He then looked at his torn shirt and his bloodstained pants. "Hey, before we head back to Chris's, can I change? I don't really feel like wearing clothes that are all bloody and torn, it brings back bad memories."

"Sure, whatever," Panty agreed. "I'll just go wait in See Through, I don't really feel like going into your apartment ever again."

"Suit yourself," Dan said, as he walked into the apartment.

Later, Panty and Dan were headed back to Chris's. Dan had just finished explaining what he had called them about in the first place.

"Fuck, seriously?" Panty said. "Fuckin' shit, leave it to those two to make a bad situation worse!"

"My sentiments exactly," Dan said. "If we don't act soon, we're gonna be in serious trouble."

"Whatever, we'll figure out what to do once we're back at the house," Panty said. "Stockers and I have kicked those bitches in the ass before, we'll do it again." Dan opened his mouth to speak, but Panty guessed what he was going to say. "And you'll be there to get your own kick in too! Fuck, just settle down, alright?" There was a moment of silence between the two, so Panty decided to turn on See Through's stereo. She pressed the power button, and a CD already inside began playing.

My name is Panty the crazy, sexy blondie, and I'm not dumb.

"Isn't it a little egotistical to listen to your own music?" Dan snorted.

"Oh, shut up," Panty said, just as a cencoring beep could be heard from the speakers. "It's a whole lot fuckin' better than listening to the radio. All I ever hear these days is some bitch singing about Friday and some kid with a higher fuckin' voice than me singing about fuckin' babies."

"Oh, don't get me started on that little Canadian twerp," Dan said. "I'm glad I wrecked that country, now the world will be spared from those puckslappers and their inherently awful music." Dan paused for a moment, listening to the music.

Anarchy! Everyone wants to be me! Anarchy, yeah! Get it up so I can see!

"So that bit in your video with the talk show host," Dan said. "That was obviously staged, right?"

"That's what we tell anyone that asks that question, to avoid lawsuits," Panty said. "But actually, no, I really fucked that guy."

"Seriously?" Dan said. "They didn't actually air that on the show, right?"

"Nah, Garter siezed all the tapes with that footage on it," Panty explained, smirking. "But I slipped that little bit in during post production, for laughs." She chuckled at the memory. "Fuck, you should've seen the fuckin' afro-priest's face when he saw that during the premier!"

Panty laughed and laughed, but Dan look somewhat disgusted. "Seriously? It was bad enough when I thought it wasn't real, but you actually put footage of yourself having intercourse in a music video that was broadcast pretty much globally! That's just indecent!"

Panty glared at Dan. "Shit, you sound just like Garterbelt," Panty said. "I never would've imagined you'd be a fuckin' prude. Chris maybe, but-"

"I'm no prude!" Dan said, crossing his arms over his chest. "I just hate the way the media portrays sex, is all. It should be something that should be kept intimate and private!"

"So that's how you feel, huh?" Panty said. She looked around and pulled off onto a side road. She came to a stop in a heavily wooded area, turned to Dan. "Well, this looks like a pretty private place, don't you think?"

Dan looked at Panty, not quite understanding what she was implying. The music continued playing in the background.

I know you know... Those wings inside of you...

"What exactly are you getting at?" Dan asked.

I know you know... They do get naughty too...

"Oh come on, Dan, use your fuckin' head," Panty said. "Just you and me, alone in a car in the middle of the woods, nobody around for miles..."

Before I go... There's something I wanna say...

Dan added things up in his mind. "Oh," was all that he could say before Panty threw her arms around him and kissed him heavily on the lips.

Your sleepy Anarchy... wake it up, wake it up!

Atuhor's Footnose: Oh come on, you didn't expect me to put Panty in the story without having her do anyone, did you?

-Ever So Nitro