The cat finally comes out of the bag in this chapter. I want to issue a warning: this chapter mentions rape in some degree of detail. If this will make you uncomfortable, please be careful.
Nearly forty minutes later, Alex shut off the water. She'd sufficiently calmed herself and allowed the cool water to dissipate the redness around her eyes. Not that it really mattered—she was planning to go straight to bed—but she didn't want anything getting in the way of her full night of sleep.
She stepped out of the shower and reached for her old fluffy towel, running it up and down her skin as the cool air made her shiver. She chanced a quick glance in the mirror, but looked away quickly. She slipped into a pink bathrobe and walked towards the door and opened it, expecting to see an empty apartment.
What she did not expect to see were two brown eyes staring up at her.
Alex took a deep breath. "You stayed," she said quietly.
"If I left, that would be giving up," Olivia replied in a similar volume.
"Why is this so important to you?"
"I care about you Alex. You…mean a lot to me."
Sighing, Alex turned away from Olivia. As much as she wanted to tell Olivia everything, that would be letting the walls come down. Those walls had been her strategy for keeping people at a distance for over a decade. Nobody respects the person who's an open book, letting the world scan every harsh, insecure word on the pages. But here was this woman, sitting on the floor in her hallway for the better part of an hour, clawing away at those walls, almost begging her to be allowed on the other side. And Alex just couldn't leave her out in the rain. She lo…cared about Olivia too much to do that to her.
"They um…they said I was hurting the cause," Alex started shakily.
"Who's they, Alex?"
"Well I didn't know them but…there were three of them, taller than me and muscular with this look in their eyes…"
Olivia saw that Alex's knees were beginning to shake. "Hey," she said, and patted the floor next to her, inviting Alex to sit. Alex did so quickly. "Go on, sweetheart."
"They said that everything I was doing was making a mockery of everything they'd worked for, that I was just another inconvenience for them, and if I knew what was good for me I'd stop prosecuting their soldiers," Alex continued.
"They were part of the militia?"
"I think they were generals. Anyway, I took my typical lawyer route and started running off the reasons why I couldn't do that…I didn't think," Alex breathed out and stopped.
Olivia took one of Alex's hands in hers and squeezed it. "What happened, Alex?"
"No…"
"Alex, please, you know you can tell me anything." Olivia rubbed Alex's hand and tried to encourage her to go on, but Alex's face had frozen. "Alex, are you with me?"
Without moving her head at all, seemingly in a paralyzed state, Alex began to speak again. "I wasn't backing down, so they told me they knew a way to get me to shut up…so I turned to run."
Olivia didn't like where this was going, and Alex's breathing was starting to become more rapid and ragged, so she moved one of her hands to Alex's back and began rubbing in it circles.
"But I was in heels, how far could I get? About five feet, that's how far, before the biggest one had me pinned to the ground. I didn't scream…there's so much violence in the Congo that they're all unresponsive to screaming…"
By now, Alex's eyes had begun to water again—not because she was remembering what happened, but because someone else was about to know too.
"So I just sort of shut off and pretended I wasn't there. I was in my old office at One Hogan Place," Alex smiled softly, "having lunch…with you, actually…and it was working. But I didn't realize the force with which they…did things," Alex's breath hitched.
And all at once, Olivia knew exactly what had happened. She bit her lip as the anger went pulsing through her body, but forced herself to remain silent and nodded to Alex to continue.
Alex blinked a few tears out. "It was working, until the first one pushed into me. I've never felt pain like that, Olivia! And as hard as I was trying to pretend I was safe here, my mind was fixated on the man above me, the drops of sweat on his forehead, the throbbing vein in his neck, and the horrible agony he was putting me through." Alex's voice had risen to a point just below shouting. "And the second one was even worse! The first one wasn't even finished yet before he…put it in my mouth," Alex hissed, finding it suddenly difficult to pronounce anatomical terms. "The third one, he just stood there laughing," she whispered. "And strangely, that hurt most of all."
By this point Alex's chest was rising about a foot every time she took a breath, and that was every half second. Olivia knew she was in danger of hyperventilating if this didn't stop soon.
"You can cry, Alex."
Those were the words that broke her. Ultimately forgetting to care that she was in front of another person, Alex finally broke into an outright sob.
Olivia bit her lip even harder and started to taste the blood that seeped from where her teeth had broken the skin. She wanted to find these three mystery men and shoot them where their death would be slow, painful, and humiliating. But that was not what Alex needed right now. Instead, she put her hands on Alex's head and brought it into her chest, unbothered by the soaking tears and Alex's wet hair that were drenching her skin.
Alex didn't pick her head up for several minutes, and Olivia didn't dare move a muscle except for the hand that was running through Alex's hair in her best attempt at comfort. Yes, Olivia saw this sort of thing every single day. It was her job. But this…this was Alex! They all thought nobody could faze her, yet here they were, the blonde little more than a puddle in her arms. And Olivia just didn't know what to say.
Alex's breaths finally evened again and she lifted her face from Olivia's body, not daring to look the brunette in the eyes. Olivia opened her mouth to say something, anything, but Alex resumed speaking before Olivia could start.
"They finished and left me lying there. The third one…I guess he was their leader or something…told me he hoped we understood each other and we wouldn't have see each other again."
"But you kept on prosecuting. Alex, you're so brave."
"No, Olivia, please don't use your victim voice with me."
"But I'm not," Olivia said. "You really do amaze me with your courage, you always have."
Alex managed a small smile. "I had to keep prosecuting. It's just what I do. And it was interesting, because suddenly more of the women I worked with became more cooperative. It's like they could tell I knew firsthand what they were feeling."
"Oh Alex," Olivia sighed, brushing her hand over Alex's drying cheek. "How could anyone hurt you? I just want to find those guys and do things no police officer should ever think about doing…"
"Liv, please don't be angry. I'm not."
"I wish you were," Olivia said. "It would be so simple if you were just angry."
Alex's eyes fell to the floor. "You're right. I'm…I'm broken."
"No! Alex, you listen to me. No one will ever break you. You are stronger than any attack on you could ever be. Verbal, physical, or…"
"Sexual," Alex supplied.
"Yeah," Olivia whispered. "You're the strongest woman I know and you have to believe that. And if you don't believe it now, give me chance and I'll make you believe it."
Alex chuckled. "I'm sitting with you on the floor and I'm a complete mess. I don't feel very strong."
"I know. But I'm always here for you, and I'll help you get through this. I just want my old Alex back."
"Yeah, I want her back too."
Alex had timidly asked Olivia to stay the night after they finally got up from the floor, and Olivia was more than willing. Alex tried to insist that Olivia take her bed while she slept on the couch, but Olivia wouldn't hear of it.
"I'm not putting you out."
"It wouldn't be putting me out at all, Liv! I'm the one making you stay."
"You're not making me stay, if I wanted to leave there's very little you could do to stop me."
"Fine, but then you have to sleep in the bed with me."
Olivia's eyes widened slightly at the suggestion, but she quickly blinked so Alex wouldn't see her reaction. "I can't do that, Alex."
"Why not? It's queen sized, plenty big for two people." Alex paused. "And um, that way you'd be close by if I needed you," she added, more softly.
Olivia conceded. "Okay then."
Alex started out pulling out clothes she thought Olivia would be comfortable in, settling on a baggy Columbia hoodie and flannel sweatpants. She handed them to Olivia who took them and smiled, heading into the bathroom.
She slipped out of her bathrobe and pulled on a satin nightgown, cute but conservative, and pulled her blonde hair into a ponytail. Then she pulled up the covers on the right side of the bed and climbed in, burying her head into the pillow and closing her eyes until she felt the mattress dipping on the other side of the bed.
Alex opened her eyes and smiled at Olivia, who returned it graciously. "Good night, Alex. Sleep well," Olivia said.
"Good night, Liv."
Alex rolled onto her back as Olivia stretched to get herself comfortable. A minute or two passed in silence, with Alex's eyes fixed on the ceiling.
"Liv?"
"Hmm?" Olivia answered with the beginnings of sleep in her voice.
"Thank you," Alex said in the smallest of voices.
"Always, Alex."
By the way, this was not what I meant when I said "hopping into bed together" in the last chapter. Just to be clear. :P