This chapter was supposed to be longer, but I wanted to stop it where I did to give the next chapter a proper amount of time to write. I know the delays are getting longer, but I'm sticking with this story! Enjoy!
This was not what Alex wanted. Yes, they were still here together, sharing the famous garbage pie, and yes, they were talking and laughing, but if Alex tried to look into Olivia's eyes for more than a quick second, the detective would dart her gaze away towards anything else. It was getting very frustrating very quickly, but Alex couldn't do a damn thing or Olivia would run again. Unconsciously, Alex was beginning to accept that she wanted Olivia in her life for good and was skating on thin ice trying to keep her around.
Suddenly Olivia's phone began to ring, startling Alex and making Olivia roll her eyes.
"Gimme a sec, okay?" she apologized, standing and heading for the bathroom. Alex nodded, and once Olivia was out of earshot, she sighed. Watching her friend saunter away, she didn't notice the waitress come up next to her.
"Wow, your girlfriend really looks like a hell of a force to deal with," the waitress, Maria according to her nametag, chuckled.
"Oh, she's…yeah, she definitely is," Alex replied, stopping in the middle of her intended correction. The use of the word girlfriend caught her off guard, and it wasn't even true, but she secretly enjoyed the way it sounded and didn't want to deny it—what kind of idiot would she be if she couldn't at least pretend to be involved with someone like Olivia?
"Must be a handful. Can I get you ladies anything else?" Maria asked.
"Um…actually, yes, do you think you could bring us one of the big cannolis, with the chocolate chips? Then the check."
"Of course. I'll go get that now."
Olivia came back to her seat frowning as Maria left and gave her a compassionate smile. Alex tilted her head and looked at Olivia inquisitively. "What's going on, Liv?"
She threw her hands up and shook her head. "Apparently, Hardwicke gave her two weeks notice thirteen days ago and nobody bothered to tell us. Now in two days we're getting in yet another piece of fresh meat, and this one just passed the bar exam! I mean, can't we get a break with these god damned ADAs?"
Alex nodded sympathetically. For all she knew, had the Velez case never happened, she'd still be there, the ADA of ten years, with no intention of leaving. But she also knew that it hadn't gone that way, and after Casey, the spot had been a virtual revolving door, far from the way it should be for SVU, a unit where trust really matters.
"New doesn't mean bad, Liv," Alex reassured her, even though she wasn't so sure of the fact herself. "Myself, I was a force to be reckoned with the second I graduated," she winked.
"And now you're a force that no one dares to reckon with. Except Trevor Langan, of course," Olivia teased.
"One date! And it was horrible," Alex shuddered.
"Well at least you got to wear that dress. It looked amazing on you."
"Thanks. I still have it. I'd love to wear it again sometime…"
"Well, I'm sure you'll find something for which it's appropriate," Olivia carried on obliviously.
Alex frowned. "Yeah, I'm sure I will." The waitress then walked over and ceremoniously put the delicious looking cannoli on the table with a sweet smile.
"What's this?" Olivia asked. "We didn't order this."
"I did," Alex smiled softly, cutting the pastry in half. "Consider it a peace offering, okay?"
"I'll never turn down dessert," Olivia laughed.
"I thought you might like it," Alex grinned as she stuffed the cannoli in her mouth. Soon there was filling all over her lips, and Olivia was trying desperately not to stare.
Alex was trying desperately not to notice Olivia staring.
"You were right Serena. And I hate when you're right."
"That's funny, I love when I'm right." Alex had invited Serena back to her apartment, and they'd made themselves comfortable on the couch with some strong Long Island iced tea. For some reason, hard liquor and getting plastered had seemed like the right thing to do tonight and Serena tended to be a more than willing partner. "But what was I right about this time?"
Alex turned her head away and mumbled something incomprehensible.
"Run that by me again?"
"Olivia," Alex admitted shyly in a tone that Serena hadn't heard more than twice.
"Lex, of course I was right about that! When have I ever been wrong about that kind of thing?"
"Uh, let's try Bryan Krantz in freshman year, completely not interested, Miranda Baker in sophomore year, wasn't even into women yet, and we can't forget Kevin Stevens, who was thirty-seven years old!"
"Alex, you'll be thirty-seven in three months, you know."
"But I wasn't then! And thank you for reminding me of my age," Alex whined, taking another gulp of her drink.
"This time though, I know it's real. And I know it's mutual," Serena smiled.
"You sure about that?"
"Certain, why?"
"She kissed me…"
"I'm failing to follow your logic. How does that disprove she likes you?"
"Will you ever let me finish a sentence?"
"I try not to. Sorry."
"She kissed me while we were in the middle of arguing. I'd imagined it a million times, but it actually happened. But she was crying, Serena, and then she ran away! I spent the whole next day trying to convince myself that I didn't want it, or ask for it, but I was…unsuccessful. So I tried to go see her and find out if this meant anything and she told me to forget about it. But Serena," Alex was out of breath at this point, "I don't want to forget about it! Liv's been the only constant in my life for the longest time and the only person I've been able to trust unconditionally. I don't just have feelings for her, it's more!"
"Alex, honey, you know what happens when you start like this, please breathe," Serena told her while scooching over and rubbing Alex's back. "Man, you've got it worse than I thought."
"And I hate that! I've never been attracted to a woman in my life. Why her? This is just too complicated. I shouldn't feel like this."
"You can't tell your heart what to feel," Serena said comfortingly. "If you love her, Alex, you love her and you can't turn that off. And you know what? She kissed you, so there's a damn good chance she loves you too."
"She doesn't love me," Alex said shaking her head. "If she loved me, she wouldn't run away."
"Au contraire, my dear! Someone like Benson doesn't know how to deal with her own feelings because she spends so much time dealing with other people's problems. If suddenly she's been hit with a tornado of emotions, she might shut down. But Alex, if you want to find out, you'll have to make some effort because she doesn't know how to come to you."
Alex buried her head in Serena's shoulder, trying to absorb what her friend was saying but simultaneously finding it hard to believe her.
"I know this is hard, Lex, but Olivia knows you. She knows your past, she knows your drive, she knows your demons and most importantly she knows how to make you happy. What would you do if you lost her, sweetie?" Serena said, drawing Alex's face up to look at her.
"I don't want to think about that," Alex replied honestly.
"Then you need to hurry up and make sure it doesn't happen."
There had to be a crack in this case. Somewhere. Anywhere. Three hours into Olivia's perusal of every document associated with the attack on Katerina Parker, she still had nothing but a battered victim that reminded her in every way of Alex. Her hair was the same sandy yellow color and her eyes were just a little darker than Alex's. But the worst part was when she first talked to her, the helplessness in her voice was just like Alex's when she recounted her experience in the Congo. Her heart ached for Alex, and so her heart ached for Katerina. So much that when Cragen demanded that she leave the precinct and go home, she snuck the case files out with her. She'd get flak for it in the morning, but she'd heard worse.
This plan wasn't working. First she'd tried putting physical distance between herself and Alex, but the attorney had no problem breaking back into her personal space. Then she tried putting emotional distance between them, but Alex continued to invade her thoughts.
And it wasn't getting any easier. No matter what she told herself—that she'd babysat kids when she was thirteen that had the same age difference that they had, that she was going to ruin the most stable friendship she had other than Elliot, that Alex didn't want her anyway—the desire to be with Alex just got stronger and stronger.
Olivia rubbed her temples and tried to focus on the file in front of her. It was already one in the morning—now officially only two days until Alex went back—so there was nothing better for her to do that would still allow her to show up alert to work the next day. There was sleeping, of course, but Olivia was used to three hours maximum by this point.
Maybe if I just take a quick walk up and down the block, I can clear my head, she thought. The air outside was cool and crisp and a slight drizzle was falling. If anything could refresh her head, maybe that could.
She grabbed a black leather jacket and tied up her hair to make sure she didn't get sick. She reached the door and opened it and a figure jumped out in front of her. Olivia's heart leapt and she instinctively reached for the gun at her side, pointing it at the unidentified person, slowly lowering it when she saw who it was.
It was Alex. The look in her eyes was determined, her gaze tearing into Olivia's skin and she bit her lip.
"I'm sorry Liv, I can't forget it."
The next chapter depends on you guys-one way I might write it, the rating would go up, if you know what I mean. The other, it would not. Opinions?