DISCLAIMER: I don't own nor do I claim any rights to Twilight & it's characters.

A/N: Thanks for the feedback so far. I love hearing what people think of my work! As always, reviews make me smile. Also, I don't yet have a beta. I think I can manage without one, but beta'd work is always so much cleaner! If anyone really wants to beta, let me know.

Enjoy :)

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Chapter 4: Seeing

Edward:

I couldn't feel regret for what I'd done. I was still wearing her blood like a perverse necktie; it stained my collar and seeped down, dying the white cotton. I felt ashamed and embarrassed, even disappointed in myself.

But I didn't feel regret.

I was so glad to be done with it.

It didn't help that I could still feel her blood pushing through me. It was still warm and so much stronger than any blood I could remember tasting before. While I had been draining her, I had felt her pulse beat inside of me.

It was the closest thing I had ever felt to being alive.

I fisted my hands as the girl screamed upstairs in Carlisle and Esme's bedroom. Carlisle had brought her here about twenty minutes ago. He didn't even stop when he saw me in the threshold of the living room.

I may not have felt regret, but I still wanted to help my victim. She didn't deserve what she was going to awaken to.

Carlisle's thoughts devastated me. He raced through words and images, leaving no time for a coherent expression to form. Then he walked up the stairs, and as he disappeared I heard him think,

I never thought it would be you.

I sat on the ground, completely stunned.

Wow.

I knew it was coming; I just didn't expect Carlisle's disappointment to hurt me so much. I had rebelled against Carlisle's way of life before, and I had never felt so alone and abandoned as I did now. Air dragged through my lungs, and it felt thick. Each breath was shaky and took monumental effort. I stopped breathing altogether, preferring the sensory deprivation to the too-human struggle for air.

Soon after, I heard Jasper running through the underbrush, snapping branches with abandon. The sounds of his footfalls were quickly drowned out by his single screaming thought:

ALICE!

I quickly mentally searched through the house, and I heard Alice's thoughts from her position next to the changing human. Alice's thoughts hadn't changed since Carlisle had brought the girl in.

…sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry…

Alice had always sympathized with the humans, seen them as little pets—cute playthings that didn't last very long. It hadn't surprised me that she mourned this girl's pain; to her it was like finding a baby bird, struggling for breath, and holding it until it can no longer draw breath.

I met Jasper at the door.

"Alice is fine," I said, "she is with the human and—"

He shoved past me and ran upstairs, following the girl's cries. I often wondered what it was like to have Jasper's talent. I didn't hear him think about it; it was so intrinsic to who he was that he thought about it as often as humans thought about breathing. Every so often, I would catch him analyzing the emotions around him, but usually he just absorbed and processed them on some deeper, more subconscious level, and his thoughts continued on elsewhere.

I listened as Jasper opened the door, and Alice looked up as he entered the bedroom. I heard her thought as she took in the look on his face. I dashed upstairs, her words echoing in my head:

He knows.

Jasper:

I had been terrified. Alice would have seen something, anything. For her to have been so completely absent… I didn't know what to think. Was she hurt? I had driven to school with her in the morning. What could have happened in ten minutes? Isabella's screams reached my ears, impossibly far from the house even by vampire standards.

A lot, I remembered. A lot could happen in ten minutes.

Edward was waiting for me when I reached the front door.

"Alice is fine." I heard nothing else. I had latched on to her emotions and was following them up the stairs, into Carlisle and Esme's room where she sat with the human.

I felt her guilt. Lots and lots of guilt.

I rested my hand on the doorknob for a moment before gripping and turning it. I was afraid of the conversation that would wait for me behind the door. Alice rarely felt remorse. She knew the outcome of every decision she'd make before she had to make it. Precognition aside, it wasn't in Alice's nature to dwell on the past. She existed in the moment, whatever that moment might be. The overwhelming nature of this quilt was so not…not Alice. I couldn't fathom what she possibly could have done.

I opened the door. Alice looked up from her position next to Isabella where she was holding her hands the same way I had in the forest. It seemed so long ago, but it must have only been minutes. Just minutes.

Alice looked at me. I was stunned. I had never seen Alice less than pristine, from the minute I met her in the diner. Though she was still that special kind of vampire gorgeous, flakes of crusted mascara rested on her cheeks, and her eyeliner had been smeared under her eyes and across her temples, like she had been rubbing her eyes to hold back the tears that would never come.

She opened her mouth and her lower lip trembled.

'I-I…" She blew out a breath, closed her eyes and set her shoulders. After a second, she looked back up at me.

"I was selfish." She said.

Edward was suddenly behind me. He placed a hand on my shoulder and lightly pushed us both into the room, shutting the door behind himself. Despite the screaming human, it seemed suddenly quiet.

I glanced over at Edward, and saw him struggling to remain still. His hands were clenched, the tendons in his arms and neck were taut, his teeth ground against each other and he was shaking. Head to toe.

I looked back at Alice who was staring at her hands, still clutching Isabella's.

"I'm so, so sorry." She whispered.

"How could you, Alice?" Edward hissed between his teeth.

Alice looked at Edward.

"You don't understand. She will be my best friend." She looked back down.

"I'm going to love her."

"And?" Edward demanded. "Did you think for a fucking second about what this would do to me? To Carlisle? To her?"

Edward didn't wait for a response. He fled from the room, and seconds later I heard the front door slam. I looked back and saw Alice tuck a piece of Isabella's hair behind her ear. The truth suddenly hit me.

"When I realized you were missing," I said slowly, "I thought you were hurt. I thought something had happened. I didn't know what could keep you from stopping Edward the way you've always been there to stop me. I was terrified. I couldn't imagine where you were…" I trailed off in shock.

Alice began rocking back and forth.

"She's going to be so happy with us." She smiled at Isabella, "She's going to be so happy."

"You saw." I said. Alice didn't reply.

"You saw Edward attack her," I continued, "and you let it happen. He could have killed her!"

"I saw you stop him." She said.

"Are—are you kidding me? That's the best you've got?"

"The future I saw," Alice's words gushed out, "you have no idea how perfect it was. She was made for this family. We are going to be so happy with her. I made a judgment call—"

"It wasn't your fucking call to make!" I was furious. I was angrier with Alice then I had been with Edward. Edward had been overwhelmed by a bloodlust that he had no defenses against. His demon had taken over and the rational person was no longer in control. Alice was as culpable in taking the life of this little girl, if not more so, because she had a choice. And she deliberately and selfishly chose to let this girl die.

"You don't get to pick and chose, Alice. You don't get to decide what visions to share with us and what ones to ignore. You made a fucking judgment call? You should have told us. You chose what was best for you, Alice. How do you intend to be Isabella's friend, when the first thing you're going to have to do when she wakes up is explain how you could have prevented all of it? All this pain…" I looked at the human. "You caused this."

"She going to be so happy." Alice said. "So happy." I no longer knew who she was trying to convince. I had had enough. I stormed out of the room.

"You better fucking hope so."

.

I sat by Isabella as the final hour of her transformation slowly came to a finish. The past three days had been some of the longest of my immortal life. When everyone was finally gathered, Carlisle and I had explained what happened. Emmett and Esme were distraught, but I wasn't prepared for Rosalie's reaction. She had lunged at Alice, and before anyone could stop her, she had tackled her to the ground, grabbed her hair, pulled and then slammed Alice's head against the hardwood floor.

"You stole her life!" Rosalie said. "You selfish bitch." As strong as Emmett was, he almost needed help peeling Rose off Alice. Alice had pulled away from the family then and stopped trying to convince us she made the right decision.

Emmett had a lot of fun planting the car crash and staging Isabella's death. He drove her truck off a road and into a tree by a fast river, then he let the momentum throw him through the front windshield and into the water. We had stripped off Isabella's shoes and planted them a mile and a half downstream. I don't think they will wait to find a body before declaring her legally dead, but as of yet the investigation is ongoing. The extended search might have something to do with the fact that her father is Chief Charlie Swan, head of the Forks police department and Isabella is his only child. When I mentioned this to the family, Alice felt the need to contribute.

"Oh, Charlie. She'll miss him." We had all looked at her, but no one had anything to say. We were getting used to not having much to say to Alice.

In fact, I hadn't spoken to her for two days, but this morning she had come into the bedroom where I was sitting with Isabella. Alice had kneeled on the floor next to my chair and pleaded with me.

"I don't need them, the others can be angry at me, that's okay. But Jazz," she grabbed my hand, "I can't stand it that you're upset. Please, I'll do anything. I need you."

I took my hand back.

"Look, Alice. I know that I'll forgive you eventually. But right now, I can't see that happening for a very long time. Honestly, I—" I searched for the right words, "I can't do this right now. I'm working on cleaning up your enormous mess. I just can't believe that you did this. I thought I knew you. I thought I knew what you were capable of, but I never thought that included murder."

Alice started to speak, but I cut her off.

"Alice, what if she doesn't adapt to this life? I know you've seen this fucking sunshine and daisies future for us all, but that's a million precarious decisions from now. What if something changes and Bella can't deal with just animal blood? What if she doesn't want to? Are you going to be the one to put her down? Could you?"

Alice rocked back on her heels, her eyes wide and her mouth agape.

"That won't happen." She shook her head.

"It could, Alice."

"Jasper, please!" She grabbed the arm of the chair. "I'll do whatever it takes."

"Alice. Don't. I'm trying to be honest, and I honestly don't think I can be with you right now. I just… I can't get beyond how strongly I misjudged you."

"Please! How can I make it up to you? I—" Alice's words cut short, her eyes went blank and her body snapped to attention. "Oh…" she relaxed out of the state that her premonitions brought.

"Oh." She looked at Isabella, then me, then back to her.

"God has a twisted sense of humor." She muttered.

"I know how to make this up to you." She said, "I'm going to go. I'll—" She looked at Isabella, "I'll know when to come back. I want you to know that this is hard for me, and I want you to know I'm doing it for you."

I thought she was looking for attention.

"I'm not going to stop you, if that's what you want."

"I know," Alice said. "I love you and… I'll see you soon. Tell the others I truly am sorry."

When I looked up, she had already gone.

Now I sat with Isabella. The rest of the family was downstairs, waiting for the moment when she would stop screaming, stop living, and join us as a vampire.

Isabella gasped for air. I heard her heart beat speed up and splutter as it tried vainly to combat the creeping venom. It gave one last double beat and lay silent. Then her body crawled as the venom, without her heart to battle, made short work of the rest of her body. Her skin paled and strengthened, her eye teeth elongated into fangs, and everywhere that was soft and human grew tight and sharp. Cheekbones, hipbones. She still looked like the girl I had found dying in the woods, but now? Now she was a vampire. Thirteen seconds later, Isabella's eyes opened, as red as the blood she would need to survive. She looked straight at me.

"Hey, there." I said.