DISCLAIMER: I do not own nor do I claim any rights to Twilight & the universe therein.

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Chapter 18: The China Cabinet

Jasper:

My reaction to my wife's voice was not what it should be. I felt chills crawl up my spine. Not the good chills, the kind of chills that hot breath on cold skin can produce. These were the kind of chills that virgins in horror movies got and with good reason.

These chills meant bad things ahead.

"Alice—" Whatever was going to be said, I wanted it to be said quickly. Like ripping off a band-aid or pulling out a splinter.

Was I really likening talking to Alice to pulling a splinter?

"Jasper." Alice stopped me from finishing. "This will be easier if you just let me speak. Can you do that?"

I nodded, before remembering that I was on the phone. Before I could speak, though, Alice continued, having already seen our conversation in her mind.

"Good. Jasper, I know you feel things for Bella. I also know you tell yourself it's superficial and physical, but Jasper…it isn't. Or it won't be. It's not fair to Bella, yourself, or me even, for you to continue to intentionally misunderstand your feelings. Jasper- go to the china cabinet in the dining room."

I made my way to the dining room slowly and deliberately, afraid and anxious of what was coming. The dining room was never used; it remained an artifice meant to impress the human company we never seemed to have. Nevertheless, it was clean and gleaming and fresh flowers rested in the center of the heavy table. The china cabinet was part of the picture we portrayed, I don't think I had ever touched it and I couldn't remember noticing it since the day Esme bought it. It could have been part of the wallpaper for as much as it did.

As I made my way downstairs, I noticed that the rest of the family had made themselves scarce. Edward was probably hunting alone, brooding in his own self-flagellating way. Esme had probably gone to find someone who could repair a huge custom-made window on short notice. Either Rose or Emmett or both needed to go to the hospital to update Carlisle on the state of affairs at the house, although the gaping hole where a window used to be would probably be enough to make him realize that all was not as it should be. Alice spoke, jarring me from my speculation.

"Under the large serving plate."

I reached under the plate and was surprised when my fingers brushed paper. I gently slid it out from where it was hidden. The black text blurred in front of my normally perfect vision.

"All you have to do is sign." Alice said. "I already have. Just sign them and send them to the address on the note. I hired a lawyer who will file and legalize the forms, all you have to do is sign and mail."

Divorce papers. All signed and prepped and ready to go.

I felt horrible. My insides felt like they were wrestling each other for dominance, and my lower intestine was beating my stomach. I wanted to eat food just so I could have the satisfaction of throwing it up. I wanted to scream and I wanted to cry—

Because I wasn't upset.

My wife of a lifetime was divorcing me and I couldn't summon up enough feeling to care.

What was wrong with me?

"It's okay." Alice's voice was low. "Jasper, it's going to be okay. Relax."

I noticed that my hand was clutching the paper until it crumpled and crushed in my palm. I let it go before I damaged the document and it dropped to the ground. When had she planned this? Had she always had the document signed, waiting? Was a week's worth of distance all our love could withstand?

But that little voice I didn't want to hear knew it was so much more than that. So much more than a few thousand miles and a few hundred hours. So much more than an abandonment of our commitment. Something had changed, irrevocably, for better or for worse.

I chuckled bitterly at my unintentional mental irony. For better or for worse. Those words seemed so long ago.

"You know that I will always be here for you." The appropriate response would have been to shout, passionately, 'Then why are you doing this to me?' My lips wouldn't form the words my brain knew I should say, could say to make everything better. I remained silent.

"There's no pressure. I just wanted you to have them so you could… do with them what you wanted."

What did I want? What did Alice see that I want? Did I want this?

For someone who dwelled in a realm of emotions, I was doing a really shitty job figuring out mine.

I realized I hadn't been paying attention to Alice. I refocused on her words:

"… alright? No matter what you decide, alright?"

"Yeah." My voice creaked and split the word into several syllables. My throat felt raw, though I wasn't thirsty, and it burned, though no venom flowed.

"Okay." Alice paused for a long time, and I wondered if she was waiting for me to say something. "I'll see you soon, 'kay? And Jasper?"

I didn't risk speaking again, my previous one word response had taken too much out of me.

"I love you." The phone clicked as Alice disconnected and the crackle of static ended. I remained where I was in the dining room, hand holding my cell phone up to my ear and legal documents on the floor beside the cabinet.

I heard Bella roll over in the bed and murmur my name. Before I could have any kind of reaction, however, she murmured Edward's, Esme's and Rosalie's names in quick succession.

I had to believe that this, this catastrophe had a meaning. If I was losing one of the best parts of my life, there had to be something better ahead.

Was that better thing Bella?

I didn't know what to do. Regardless of what I felt for Bella (though I definitely felt something), I had no idea what she felt for me. My attention might be as unwelcome as Edward's, though somehow I thought not.

She didn't punch you in the face, Selfish Jasper thought.

If I was being honest with myself, sometimes I caught glimmers of emotions from Bella, swirls of feeling which give me hope that my insane attachment might not be one sided. Selfish Jasper liked this.

But didn't I know exactly how it felt to be a newborn? More than anyone in this family? Didn't I know about the heightened emotions and the uncontrollable urges? Love and hate came as easily as lust to a newborn, everything felt new and overwhelming. I had seen the 'relationships' which developed in the Pit (our name for the holding area for newborn soldiers). I had seen the love and lust turn to anger and vengeance in days, in hours. I had learned that newborns were at essence unstable creatures. They were babies and as servant to their needs as babies.

When had I decided that Bella was different?

Was it when I'd learned of her powers? Was it then?

Was it when I'd first felt attraction toward her? Had that been the moment?

Was it when I'd acknowledged that the lust was simply a symptom of something…more?

I glanced down at the divorce papers where they lay on the hardwood floor.

I couldn't deal with this right now. I had to stop thinking and get out of my head.

I dropped my phone on the table, picked up the papers and slid them back beneath the platter they had been hidden under. I didn't want anyone finding them until I was ready to handle the situation in my own way. I rushed to the front door and almost tripped over Rose who had been sitting on the top step of the porch in complete silence. I regained my balance and stood at the base of the steps looking at her.

"How much?" I asked.

"All of it." She said. She didn't look embarrassed to be caught, though Rose was rarely embarrassed about anything.

"Leave it?" I asked, "At least for a bit?"

"Of course." She said. "Bella?"

"Asleep."

"Hunting?"

"Okay."

Talking finished, we sprinted into the woods, flying through the trees at top speeds. Rose had always been a good cover-story sister to me, usually a cover-story twin sister. From the day I had arrived at the house, we understood each other. Rose had always housed some resentment toward Edward because he had been the first man she'd met who hadn't fallen in love with her on the spot, and because she'd always been jealous of Carlisle's perceived preference of him. When she found Emmett and Carlisle found Esme, the dynamic of the family had shifted in a way that suited Rose. She was paired off and Edward was alone, Carlisle loved Esme more than he did Edward; her sense of vengeance was appeased. Being the only girl also made Rose feel special and doted upon.

When that position was threatened by Alice's arrival, Rose had pulled out some majorly bitchy moves to make certain Alice understood the hierarchy of the family. Alice had of course retaliated, and the whole thing had grown to ridiculous proportions before they both realized they were a more potent force together than separate, and they joined forces to achieve mutually beneficial ends.

Rose and I, however, had always understood each other. Rose planned and executed with a methodical precision that was almost military in form. Her brain worked like a soldier's: everything was seen in terms of gains and collateral damage. I could appreciate her motivation and execution and she could appreciate mine. I had told her on the first day I met her that she would have been a wicked asset to Maria's army. She had seen it as a compliment and we had been allies ever since.

Rose and I hunted until it grew dark. I was in no hurry to return to a house filled with people. I was even nervous to see Bella. To me, something massive had changed, a giant shift had occurred in my life and my perspective. Could I go in there and pretend I was the same person that I had been only hours ago?

I doubted it.

Rose sat on a low hanging branch, and I perched on a tree across from her.

"If you want to talk, blah blah blah…" She rolled her eyes, but I knew she was serious. Despite her many faults, Rose was a great listener.

"Not now."

"What happened?" Rose was a great listener whether or not you wanted her to be.

"Not now." I snapped. I immediately felt bad. "Please?"

Rose waved off my rudeness with one hand. "I need to know what the story is so I know what not to mention."

"Just don't mention any of it."

"So not Alice, or Bella, or divorce, or the paper in the cabinet or any combination involving Alice or Bella or divorce or—"

"Yeah, Rose. None of that."

Rose huffed out a breath that blew back the hair from her face. "Fine. Ruin my fun." I knew better than to take her seriously.

I wasn't sure if I was ready, but I knew I couldn't delay returning to the house any longer without raising suspicions.

"Shall we?" I held out my hand to Rose and she linked arms with me. We strolled back to the house, arm in arm.

When we returned, sure enough, everyone had gathered. Carlisle was back from work, Edward was self-loathing in a corner, Esme had got a few bids from contractors who kept flexible hours, Emmett was playing a video game in the living room, Bella was picking at non-existent dirt under her fingernails and everyone was pretending that this afternoon hadn't happened. The heavy mix of emotions was making me feel nauseous and I had to stop my self from running up to my room and curling in a ball on the bed.

Esme broke the silence.

"While I was in town today, Bella, I picked up some items for your new room. I didn't get anything big, though, because I want you to pick out items that you like."

Rose cast a sidelong glance at me, and I knew she was going to seize the opportunity to try and isolate Bella.

"Let's look online right now!" She grabbed Bella's and Esme's arms and fairly dragged them up to her room.

I kept my mind carefully blank, watching Emmett's video game progress and reciting pieces of the programming code used to create it. I had had lots of practice keeping Edward out of my head; it felt like second nature. The only downside was that Edward noticed my forced occupation. He looked at me from where he sat in the corner, and I could almost feel his concentration. He knew I was avoiding thinking about something and he would be trying that much harder to catch any mistake I might make.

I sat next to Emmett and picked up the spare controller. "Two player?" I asked.

"Hell yeah!" He said. Emmett usually had to beg to get someone to play with him. I let the violent game take over my consciousness. Edward's curiosity would have to wait for satisfaction. I had too much on my plate to worry about his reactions as well.

"Die hooker!" Em yelled. He held out a fist toward me while he continued to play with one hand.

I let myself get swept into the game. I would worry about the rest… when I had to.

I pounded Emmett's fist with mine.