Ed's narrowed eyes flew across the old journal. It was all he could do not to throw the book to the ground. After all that had happened, here was his best lead on what he wanted more than anything, and he couldn't even read half of it. Above all, it was the author's fault that he needed those notes in the first place. Sighing, Ed stowed the book under his right arm. He fished around in his pocket and pulled out a small part of his last allowance. Back home, he had a jar full of coins, almost enough to buy a small cottage. He would spend all of it and beg in the streets before he even looked at that filthy deserter's stash he thought darkly. Ed pushed these thoughts to the back of his mind as he approached the grocer's stall.
"Four potatoes, two stalks of celery, a loaf of bread…" he began, but broke off as he was distracted by a familiar figure that froze a few feet behind him. The grocer took no notice. "Is that all kid?" he grunted, pushing a brown paper bag on the counter towards Ed. Slowly, Ed nodded and paid the man. "Thanks."
Ed walked to the frozen girl. "Hey Winry." He smiled for her benefit. Winry held her hands behind her back and rocked on her heels.
He looked for eye contact but received none as she continued to stare hard at the ground. Both children remained silent for a minute more. "You okay?" Ed finally asked finally, putting a hand on her shoulder.
Winry's head snapped up at the question. "No, Ed. Are you okay. I should be asking you", Winry said mechanically. Though she now made eye contact with him, Ed knew she wasn't seeing him, not really. He gazed with frank wonder at the blue eyes so filled with pain.
"I guess I'm okay. I have to be. For Al", he sighed. "But forget about that. What's eating you?" he pinched her cheek, dragging up a long-forgotten joke. Embarrassed, she drew away from his touch, the skirt of her dress ruffling silently as she did so.
"I…I wish that I could have been there...for my parents…the way you were there for her," she whispered.
Ed's half-hearted smile faded and his face hardened. "You don't know what you're saying." His voice was gruff; he looked at the ground.
"I think I do, Edward".
"Winry, you don't know. I watched her suffer and I couldn't do anything to help her. I watched her slip away and all I could do was hold her hand and watch." Ed drew in a deep breath. He wouldn't – couldn't cry.
"Do you wish you weren't there when she died?" Winry demanded, her eyes tightening.
"No, I don't wish that. But there was no reason for it. No reason at all." He shook his head slowly.
"There wasn't a real reason for them either!" Winry snapped.
Ed tilted his head to the side. "No, no there wasn't. But would you have wanted to see them go? To see them go and not be able to do anything at all?"
He knew he wasn't fighting fair, but he couldn't stand to see Winry's grief revived. Besides, if she kept going, he might cave in and tell her about his plan. She would want to help, and Pinako might find out…
"I..I..I'm sorry, Ed", Winry said finally. "Yeah, me too", Ed muttered. He shook his head as if to clear it. "I gotta go…and take care of Al." Ed shrugged. "Oh…okay", said Winry, finally looking Ed full in the face. She saw something in Ed's eyes that she could neither identify nor ignore. He was here, right now, but there was something off…
"Alrighty, then. See ya!" Ed waved over his shoulder as he walked away. "Bye, Ed…" Winry whispered, her eyes filling with tears. His retreating figure melted into a blur as he walked away from her.