AN: so here it is; the next instalment. This is Lloyd's chapter. There should be 10 chapters in total of this – one for each character. I've written a slight plan of 8, including this one and the first chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own ToS.

The silence was suffocating, the kind of heavy silence that preyed upon the group and dragged them into its stony depths. Lloyd didn't like that silence. The only silences he enjoyed were the comfortable, natural silences he had grown to love, the ones that reminded him of home. This silence made everyone sluggish, made events crawl by with the slow steps of the Renegades.

Except Lloyd. Lloyd hadn't marched behind the casket. His strides had been long and powerful, Colette and Genis almost struggling to keep up on either side of him. Lloyd had taken the lead not because it was expected of him as leader of the group but because he couldn't bear the silence any longer and he wanted to speed up this whole, horrifying scene that he wanted no part of but suffered through anyway.

His expression remained strong in his resolve. Lloyd didn't think. Couldn't bring himself to think about anything to do with the scene in front of him. He didn't care what the Renegade priest was saying. He barely even noticed as the words floated over his head. Lloyd was the leader; he had to be strong for everyone else and that was all he needed to know. Any other thoughts were surplus to requirements, null and void, against the goal he strived so hard for: keeping a brave face.

Zelos stepped forwards. Lloyd noticed the cloud of red hair move past him, flinching as it reminded him of the enemies he'd slaughtered whose blood flowed around them as they fell in the same way as Zelos' hair fanned out behind him. He wondered if they had families too, if he'd forced people into the same situation as himself. But it didn't do to think like that. He wasn't allowed to think. Not yet.

Colette squeezed his hand, her blue eyes shining up at him, concern blazing from those expressive beacons to her soul. On his other side, Genis rubbed his arm, looking small and lost. His hair seemed to droop as brown eyes swept over him. He offered a small smile to his older, human friend, drawing himself even closer than he was before. Lloyd could feel the heat of his best friend's body seeping into his bones but it felt cold and dry. Colette's pressing into his other side and radiating through his hand was the same.

No heat seemed real today. But it didn't matter because today, he wasn't real. This wasn't real. It was just another test, and if Lloyd could convince himself of that, it would all be fine. Everything would just stop, if he could just get through this. If he could only get through this little test, none of it would be real. It would be like the spider Yggdrasil had created, just an illusion that he could break by staying strong, if he could only believe that it wasn't real.

Colette repositioned her hand in his, bringing the other one up to cup it and envelop his hand in hers as if to cocoon it, and spare it from this scene, the one that didn't exist. Except her nail caught his skin and it tore and pulled and stung, and it was real. It was real pain, a horrible, stinging pain that echoed the clenching and unclenching of his heart. It felt tight, like his heart was trapped within his body and unable to get out, like he was trapped in this harsh reality. The reality that couldn't exist, that he couldn't let himself doubt wasn't really real.

He was crying now, the tears rolling, slipping and sliding over his cold, numb cheeks in their bid to escape like he wanted to. But he had to stay strong. He had to hold it together, if not for the group then for Kra- for his da... No, that was too close. He was doing it for the group. Or for himself. He wasn't doing it for anyone else, because there wasn't anyone else to do it for. That was the harsh reality. He was the leader, and that was that. He was the leader and he would lead and that was what anyone would want, not Kratos, not his father, because he wasn't allowed to think such things today. If he did, he would break, and he couldn't break: he'd promised to destroy the exspheres for his... Because it was the right thing to do.

He heard a harsh, choking sound and turned his head. If there was something happening then he could watch it and he wouldn't have to watch Sheena take Zelos' place, could pretend he couldn't hear her whispered words or who they were addressed to.

What he saw was Yuan. Yuan was a leader too. Yuan was in charge of this scene, not Lloyd. It was Yuan's men, the men that Yuan led, that he gave orders to, that he paid, who were running this ceremony. Yuan was shrugging off Raine's attempt at comfort, and it was right, because Yuan was a leader as Lloyd was a leader and leaders had to be strong. That was the real reality. That was how things were supposed to be.

But it was wrong. It was so wrong. Yuan's dull, green gaze met his, rivulets of guilt, shame and horror staining his face, which contorted with grief moments later and sought solace in his gloveless hand. The hand seemed almost to claw at his eyes, as if to rip away the skin and cast it away with his responsibilities, with Lloyd's façade of reality until only hard, harsh facts were left.

Raine murmured something and pulled the hand away, setting into it a pale blue handkerchief. Her smile was caring and sympathetic as she watched on, knowing that she was doing all she could do to make it better. It was a parent's smile. It was a parent's face.

It was a face he wouldn't know again. His parents were both dead. They were supposed to be there. They were supposed to see him graduate from Raine's classes. They were supposed to be at that ceremony, mingling with the other parents and trying to seem normal, talking to Frank and Phaidra. They were supposed to be at his wedding when he got married. They were supposed to look after his child when he was exhausted. They were supposed to love and care for him.

And now they were gone. Now he was alone, with only his mother's exsphere, the exsphere that killed her, and a shard of the Cruxis crystal he couldn't bring himself to destroy. His father's soul. He'd wanted to keep it so that his father could still be with him. So that his father would somehow still be alive to watch over him and care for him like he always had.

If only Lloyd had realised that. Then maybe it wouldn't be so hard to let him go, so hard to convince himself that Kratos knew he loved him, that he knew he cared. There was so much that he'd missed, so many experiences he couldn't remember, so many lessons Kratos hadn't taught him. So many that he never would.

Lloyd sat by the carved, grey headstone, staring up at the stars that shone down on his quest from above. Their bright light decorating the inky blackness of the sky seemed almost like hope. But it almost didn't matter about what he thought of the stars. He had to be here. It was habit.

When he was younger, he remembered perching on his father's shoulders and reaching for the stars, which were always there, out of his reach but ever shining down on his world, the world he was on top of whenever he was with his father. The world that revolved around love and laughter.

"Lloyd," a deep voice called softly, carefully, caringly.

Lloyd turned his head to watch the older swordsman approach, slightly surprised as Kratos sat down next to him, folding his legs into a cross and leaning back on his hands in the most relaxed form he'd seen the man take.

"Kratos," he acknowledged guardedly. The Cruxis member might have helped them, but he had still betrayed them, and Lloyd was confused. He trusted Kratos. He thought he trusted Kratos, but trust was difficult to recover and if Kratos was really on his side, he would fight for them, not for Cruxis, surely.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, taking in the sight of the sparkling sky. The silence felt natural and comfortable for Lloyd, which was strange. This familiarity made him feel safe, protected, and yet, Kratos was his enemy; he should be on edge.

Finally, Kratos spoke. "You have grown stronger. You're becoming a man."

Lloyd could think of nothing to say to that, except, "What?"

Kratos' eyes flicked from the sky to the face of his former pupil. "I merely stated that you have grown stronger since we last fought for the same goal."

Lloyd shrugged awkwardly. "I guess I've gotten better with my swords."

"You certainly have, but that is to be expected," Kratos responded. "Your stance is still sloppy at times and you need to cover your left more or you could become a liability, but there has certainly been an improvement."

"Why are you telling me this?" Lloyd wondered, directly. Kratos was the enemy and yet, here he was helping him again. It didn't add up. None of this did.

A smile brightened the older man's face. It was small but it was bright and shone like the stars in Lloyd's eyes, filling him with a sense of peace and pride.

"You told me that you wished to become strong," Kratos explained. "And you are becoming so."

"You just told me I'm sloppy," Lloyd said, incredulously. Kratos was so confusing. He was always contradicting himself.

"Hmph," was the reply, the small smirk still toying with his lips. "I told you before that simply being skilled with sword is not strength. It is not power that makes a swordsman great, but how he uses it. It is he himself, the man he chooses to be, the beliefs he chooses to uphold, and the rules he sets himself to adhere to. Skill with the sword, I can teach you, but the rest, I cannot. I can only guide you and trust that you will become the person I see you becoming."

Lloyd frowned and opened his mouth to ask exactly what the mercenary meant, but the man cut him off, leaning back again to tilt his head towards the stars, the contented, caring smile still splashed across his face. He looked relaxed, more than relaxed. It was like he'd come home after a long absence, despite Anna's tombstone looming behind him, covering him in its shadow. And Lloyd felt it too, that homely comfort only seeming stronger with Kratos there. As if he was meant to be. As if he belonged there.

"I know you don't understand yet," Kratos said without turning his attention back to the boy at all. "Perhaps it is best that you don't try to. You will eventually. By then, you truly know the meaning of strength."

Silence fell upon them once again, and Lloyd thought he could see the glowing outline of Kratos' cerulean wings, pulsing calmly around them both, protecting them from the harsh world outside this bubble of home. A flash of memory hit him, of being cocooned in bright blue, of hearing deep laughter, of giggling, of feeling safe, of a woman's voice telling him she loved him, laughing with the man as a smaller voice berated 'Daddy'.

Lloyd tilted his face up to the sparkling cosmos. "Kratos?" he called thoughtfully, breaking the silence.

The man looked over, contentment in his deep, indulgent eyes as he smiled a small smile especially for his student. "Hmm?"

Lloyd blushed. His question suddenly seemed so stupid as he gazed into the face of the stern swordsman. But something in those dark eyes, so strangely similar to his own, compelled him to ask anyway. "What to do you think happens to people when they die?"

Something cut across the older man's eyes, his expression darkening before he shook his head slightly, returning his eyes to the inky sky. "Some say our souls ascend to heaven, others that they remain here but simply out of our reach on another plane. I have also been told that each star is the life of one who still has a loved one to watch over."

"So my mom..." Lloyd began.

Kratos finished, "Is always with you, no matter what. Never forget that, Lloyd. You will never be alone. Your mother left you the exsphere that took her life. She left her life with you. And whether that exsphere has her soul or she looks down upon us from the stars, she will always be with you. You will never be without your parents' love."

"What about you?" Lloyd enquired sombrely.

Kratos sighed tiredly. "What about me?"

"Well, you're sorta watching over us already," Lloyd started, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. "Why don't you come with us to cure Colette? Help us fix this system where everyone has to suffer!"

"As much as I would love to fight by your side once more," Kratos said softly, lowering his gaze to the ground, "I cannot. There is still much I must do that I can only achieve in my current position."

With that, the swordsman deftly rose, a darker emotion filling his eyes, which hardened as the skimmed over the grave and the boy. "I should leave. You should get some sleep. Remember my words. You must grow strong to change this corrupt system. Don't die, Lloyd."

His wings fluttered into their full, revealed splendour, casting the grave area in a calm, ocean glow, leaving Lloyd momentarily dumbstruck as Kratos turned away.

He found his tongue, struggling quickly to his feet, as the Cruxis member took his first step. "Kratos!" he called, prompting the man to turn back to him as his wings lifted him into the air. He hovered in front of the red-clad boy, whose outfit shone purple under the mana light. "You be careful too, okay?"

The man's eyes widened, a gasp escaping his lips in the moment before they formed a wide, proud smile. He descended, his toes skimming the ground as he reached Lloyd and ruffled his hair with one warm, gloved palm. "I know I cannot say the same, as you will not be careful, but be safe and do not die."

One powerful movement of his wings lifted him above Lloyd's head, and he disappeared over the dark, foreboding shapes of the forest. Lloyd continued to watch as the glow he emitted faded until there was no trace of him left before he returned to his mother's grave and sat, looking up to the stars and hoping she was there.

As he tilted his head, something blue and light tickled his neck and floated down behind him. It was a feather, a protective, blue feather that spread a loving warmth through his hands as he held it carefully. With a simple smile, he stashed it in his wing pack.

Now his sword teacher would always be with him too.

The feather. Lloyd could have laughed. A feather, a locket and a shard of a Cruxis crystal. That was all he had left of his father. That and vague, childhood memories, and memories of being helped, being guided, being protected, and resenting the man for it. He'd resented Kratos so much, when all he'd been trying to do was be a parent to his son, to help him grow up into the kind of man he could be proud of. If he'd only known. If he'd only been able to call him 'dad'.

Colette was ushering him forwards, Sheena smiling supportively, Regal giving a nod of encouragement. Lloyd stepped up to the casket that lay alone, abandoned in the cold earth. The casket that contained his... his father.

"Dad," he managed to breathe. "What are you doing, Dad?"

He took several violent breaths, screwing his eyes closed, clenching his fists, trying to regain control – any control, anything to maintain the leader's strength that he'd worked so hard to have, so hard to hold. For Kratos, who wanted to see him grow strong.

"I'm sorry... I tried to be strong like you wanted but I can't- I can't..." He took more breaths, clenching and unclenching his fists. "I should've stopped you... If I was stronger, I would've stopped you. If I was quicker..."

He'd been so far away. His arms had reached out, he'd lurched forwards, but he couldn't reach. He'd seen the man fall back, seen Yuan leap out of the foliage, seen the limp, lifeless body that could have been sleeping, should've been sleeping, would've been sleeping if Lloyd had just been that bit quicker. If he'd been strong enough to save his loved ones.

Because that was strength. Lloyd thought he understood now. Kratos had told him what true strength was. It was knowing what was right and wrong, and doing what was right. It was saving every life you could, and protecting loved ones.

It wasn't freezing in place and not moving quick enough, or watching idly as your own father died before your eyes, because you needed Origin, because you hadn't cared enough to find another way before charging in and fighting him because he wanted to make sure you were strong enough to fulfil your dreams, because he wanted you to live the life you dreamed of.

Lloyd clutched the locket in his neck, his eyes burning fiercely. If there was one thing his father's and Mithos' and Yuan's lives had taught him, it was that mistakes could be corrected.

"Dad, I won't lose anyone else, I promise. There won't be any more sacrifices. But I'll... I'll make yours count. I'll fix this broken world, I promise you, Dad."

Mistakes could be corrected. Sins could be atoned for.

But it was with a heavy heart, a feeling of cold dread, an empty space in his heart and an unimaginable sense of grief and loss that Lloyd learned that while mistakes could be made up for, people couldn't be brought back from the dead.

He would save the world, but he had lost his father.

And even if his soul had escaped entrapment in the Cruxis crystal, even if he was watching from the stars, even if he was always with him, he would never see Kratos again.

Nothing he could do would bring Kratos back.

AN: I'm sorry, guys. This one just doesn't seem to have half the emotion I wanted it to... Any suggestions on improving it would be much appreciated.

I have to say though, I enjoyed writing the flashback even if it didn't turn out how I imagined it; you've gotta love that oyako goodness!

But yeah, I don't know what else to put here, except that I'm planning on doing this chronologically from the funeral viewpoint and the involvement of different characters, which makes Zelos next and Sheena after him. Don't worry, you won't just be getting 10 different viewpoints on the funeral; some chapter occur afterwards, some I think will occur before. And the last chapter is Kratos' so you'll get the Torrent scene between flashbacks. I'm really looking forward to writing this one... Which is slightly sadistic... But moving on! ^.^'

Big thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I got some really great reviews and you people really helped me to improve this and put a huge smile on my face, as well as motivating me to write this chapter, which was really difficult to write for me. So thank you!

And please give me feedback to improve my writing or a nice review to make me grin on your way out! ^_^

Hope you liked it!

~ThePurpleRose