Chapter 18:
Author's Notes: Again I apologise for the delay. School really is time-consuming isn't it;) Here's another one though and since it gonna be Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada I should be able to put up at least 2 more updates since there's no school til next week. Enjoy!
The khalasar had returned to sea. Most of the bloodriders kept to their rooms. The sea was never their friend and it seemed as though they would never accept it. Only the Unsullied and some sailors remained on deck to keep the ships headed in the right direction. Back to Westeros. Spencer wasn't sure whether to rejoice or cry or fear. She was headed back to her home but she did not know what she would there or what was left of her family. According to Ashley they were going to enter from the north. Spencer liked to believe that they were headed to Winterfell because of her and not as a strategy. How can it not be a battle plan? We still haven't come to terms with all that happened in Meereen, she thought, and the north? Beyond the wall? This is insanity. Spencer had tried to raise her concerns to Ashley about arriving on the other side of the wall but Ashley had dismissed her fears, insisting that as was her birthright to be queen, then all would yield before her. So Spencer had stopped voicing her fears and hoped that Ashley's belief in herself and her destiny would be enough to bring them through.
Another sigh escaped her. To this day, Ashley had not discussed the kiss in the garden. Spencer herself had not mentioned it either but it lingered whenever they were in each other's presence and the world faded for a while, leaving only Ashley's eyes searching hers. Was that how it was done? She had no experience in dealing with love or…courting. How could she when the only courting she had ever known was Aiden's attempts at being a king, a man. Should she approach her Khaleesi and pour out her troubles? Should she wait for Ashley to make the first move, since she was her queen? Or would they just let it be and wait for a sign from the gods that their love would survive all.
"We seem to be drawing nearer each day." Missandei said as she approached Spencer.
"Yes. If only the Khaleesi would head my warning about the Wall. It is dangerous to come into those lands." Spencer sighed, once again wishing Ashley would change their route to a little further south.
"The Khaleesi feels that if she cannot conquer all in the North then why attempt to conquer all in the South?"
"But there are demons there. Ghosts and other such spirits. The North is my home and we of it have long known of the dangers across the Wall. That is why there is a guard placed there at all times."
"So you do not wish to see your home?"
"Not if it means we would have to travel through those lands."
Missandei watched her companion. "But she does this for you. Can you not see this?"
"She should not!" Spencer cried out as she faced Missandei. "There is only death in those lands and she is so stubborn she will not heed anything I say right now."
"She is the Khaleesi. What kind of queen would she make if she feared rumours and whispers?"
"A living one."
Missandei kept silent. She had never heard of these strange beings in Westeros. No one in Slaver's Bay knew anything more of Westeros except where it be across the sea. However, Ashley was her Khaleesi and she would follow her wherever she would go. "She feels the need to present you with your home once more. Why? I do not know. Perchance she feels that this gift to you would prove something to you."
"She does not have to prove anything with me. I just want her to live after all this, and where she wishes to land may cause this to be less likely than one would have first thought. It is foolhardy."
"Is it really?" Selmy Barristan asked as he joined the two. "Should she not show her strength to the Lannisters by defeating those they dare not even approach? Would it not adhere her to the people of Westeros if she rid these so called night terrors from their land?"
"These are not fables Ser Barristan. There is evil in those woods whether one chooses to believe in them or not. I grew up in these lands and many have not come back from their so-called quests to rid Westeros of those monsters. It is unwise to go there, queen or not."
"That is all true but all the same, if she defeats these creatures, her name will spread fear in the hearts of her enemies and maybe we will not have to fight so many in the end." Missandei replied.
Spencer looked out to the sea, still uneasy with this plan.
"Missandei, I suspect the queen may be in need of you at this moment." Ser Barristan stated.
"Oh. Thank you, ser." Missandei answered, sensing more to the dismissal.
Ser Selmy watched her go. "I hope I have gained your trust by now Spencer."
"You know you have, ser. You have gained everyone's trust here."
"Then you will not be offended with my question?"
"I should think not. What is it, ser?"
"It has been mentioned before but…is there more between you and the Khaleesi that that between a servant and her mistress?"
Spencer glared at the old knight. How dare he ask this?
"I mean no offense. In fact if this be true I would welcome it."
"Why?" The knight could hear the suspicion in her voice.
"It has been said that the House of Targaryen can only be victorious if three dragons have three riders. We have the three dragons and one rider. We need two more and if the Khaleesi feels for you as I think she does and you feel the same then we shall only be in need of one more rider." Ser Barristan waited for a response but none came. "I know I am not a young woman so you may not be compelled to talk to me but I hope that all is well. The Khaleesi needs all the loyal servants she can find. Friends would be a better proposition. Lovers, or a lover? That would satisfy all."
"We are not lovers." Spencer answered, a blush colouring her cheeks.
"But you are friends, are you not?"
"Yes. Yes we are."
"Good. So long as you are true to her then I shall not fear for her safety. I trust that you will keep her safe from all dangers?"
Spencer sighed. "You know I will." Is that all I'll ever be? A body guard?
The exiled knight smiled. "Fear not little one. There is more for you in this tale than you think." With that he turned at left Spencer to her thoughts.
I want to believe that, ser but how can I when I cannot even command my voice to tell her how I feel. All I can do is wilt in her presence. How can I expect her to know all when she cannot read my mind? Why does she not speak to me?
"Spencer!" Ashley called out.
"Good day Ashley."
"How have you been today? You didn't come to feed my little boys. Though, they are not so little anymore are they?"
"No, not at all. Drogon is going to be a majestic beast one day."
Ashley hummed her agreement. She did have a purpose in walking towards Spencer but her courage failed her again. She knew the fair haired girl was uneasy with her plan to take over the north of Westeros and she did not want to upset her but, she needed to show her strength to the southern parts of Westeros, make them fear her and not deem her a little girl anymore. She also knew they needed to address that moment in Meereen. Gods, what had I been thinking of? How can I ever let her go now? I am only human, an inexperienced one at that. She glanced at her friend, noting they way Spencer seemed to not want to meet her eyes. "Did you enjoy it?"
"Khal…Ashley?" Spencer asked, although she knew what Ashley had meant with her question.
"You wanted to know what a kiss felt like. I aided you even with my lack of experience and yet, I still do not know it helped you or not."
"It…it did Ashley."
"Even if I am not the one you love?" Ashley said quietly.
"I…yes it did answer my questions." How can you still not know how I feel?
"Good I would hate for you to not be happy with all that happened that day. I know my lack of a stubble might have been a problem but not too much of one." Ashley replied, a smile gracing her lips. Ah there are those eyes.
"No it was not a problem. I think…I think I would prefer a clean shaven chin after all." Spencer said.
"Or no beard at all." Ashley said to herself, knowing that Spencer had heard her.
"Or no beard at all." Spencer echoed. Maybe all is not lost.
"I sometimes think that if I ever do marry again, it might not be to whom some may think." Ashley continued. Oh Gods, let me say this right.
"Why is that?"
"I…" Ashley felt her face flush. "It is Dothkari custom for handmaids to comfort their mistress until she has a lover who can comfort her always."
"Oh…and have you been comforted?" Spencer asked quietly.
"Not since Yunkai." Ashley replied. "Something changed within and I could not continue."
"Have you found someone?"
"I think I have but it seems I can never have enough courage to tell them what is inside."
Spencer thought, bracing herself. "I think…I think they would understand you no matter how you would put yourself across."
Ashley smiled. "I hope so."
I know you are all wondering why nothing had progressed between our two girls but the honest truth is, if you were in the middle of an invasion, trying to get your life back in order and trying to get people to believe you can be a ruler, plus the fact that neither of them has any experience with real love…well there's gonna be a lot of lost in translation going on. Don't worry though, I won't drag it on for too long;) I hope you all enjoyed another of my attempts with dialogue and for those who want action it shall be back soon!
strprincess: I thought about letting them kiss in a more natural setting too but then I figured, hey I'm dealing with naïve girls in love with each other here but they just don't know how to express it right or at all. Their only experience is from books and we all know how unrealistic fairytales can be;) I'm trying to be as practical as possible in a fantasy (lol) so I hope I won't kill you just yet with the lack of progress between them.
Thanks to Lolo06, Ryoko05, lnkmstr10, Palexiot, DaPhoenix, Kate529 and many others for sticking with this story. Much love to you all!!!!