Chapter Ten: Anything and Nothing

Command protocol told Stonewall that he should report to the Jedi immediately upon the squad's return from the city. However, Crest was remarkably assertive for someone normally so jovial so Stone found that he was all but forced to try and catch a few hours' rest while the Jedi were at the session of Parliament. At first he lay awake for several long minutes until he caught a glance from Traxis, who had risen from his bunk to step to the 'fresher.

"You should sleep."

Stonewall nodded, but said nothing. Finally he glanced at the scarred clone. "Easier said than done."

At this, Traxis frowned and his gaze dropped for a split-second. "I didn't mean to...cause any trouble," he said after a pause. "Between you and her...I just..." He ran a hand over his face in frustration. "Look, a while ago I...had a buddy who was like you. He fell for someone he worked with."

There was a long pause before Traxis sighed heavily, adding, "It ended badly. Really badly."

"What happened?"

"You can guess, can't you? We're trained to do pretty much anything and everything, but none of that training did him any good in the end. He wound up miserable and broken, and still hasn't quite recovered."

Stonewall nodded silently, then glanced at his brother. "This happened to a buddy of yours?"

Trax's non-answer was answer enough. At last the scarred clone spoke again. "Stonewall, you're always telling us to 'keep our minds on the mission.' Sound advice, if ever there was any. I just thought that maybe you needed to hear it, too."

The room was silent for a few moments before Stonewall found his voice. "Thanks, Trax."

"You really should get some rest." After he returned from the 'fresher his brother slipped back into his own bunk and immediately fell into a deep sleep with a soldier's practiced ease, though it took Stonewall a bit longer to follow his lead.

Of course his dreams were of Kali.

He was standing alone in the garden, listening for her quick tread and hoping that somehow he'd been mistaken when she hadn't replied to his admission. The ground trembled as though crumbling beneath an approaching tank and then he heard her voice reverberating in his head, laughing and telling him how silly he was for thinking that she could – or would – ever love him. The garden around him grew hot, hotter than he could stand but he found that his legs were unable to carry him to safety; smoke from an unseen source choked his lungs.

And then he thought he heard the voice of Drake, a brother long dead, speaking in a mocking tone. You're like a wall, vod, made of stone. Nothing can touch you.

Kali's voice replied. But that's not true, is it? When he looked for her all he could see was a statue wreathed in flame, a figure he only partly recognized as the dark-eyed woman who'd broken him.

Upon his awakening, he didn't recall much beyond that which was a small mercy.

In a silent acknowledgment of his distress, his brothers gave him space when they all awoke several hours later. At one point they heard footsteps in the next room and he stiffened; Weave, who'd been studying a 'pad, approached him. "Do you want me to report our findings?"

It was a kind offer, but Stonewall refused to shrug off his duties in light of his own personal discomfort, so he shook his head and thanked his brother before he slipped into the Jedi's quarters. For a moment he stood in the living area and listened to the hum of conversation that he could hear coming from her room though he couldn't make out any of the words that were being said. He went to the door and took a few deep breaths to calm himself.

It was then that he heard her, quite clearly. "...I wanted you to be, but it still hurts, okay?"

The pain in her voice made his heart skip a beat and for a moment he forgot how much she'd hurt him, forgot that she didn't love him as he loved her; all Stonewall knew was that the woman he loved was in pain and he had to put a stop to it. Without another thought he entered the room and braced himself as he said Kenobi's name. He didn't mean for it to come out as it did and out of habit he corrected himself as soon as he realized what he'd said, but neither of the Jedi seemed to notice. The whisper of air at General Kenobi's passing was the only sound in Stone's ears for a moment until he looked back at Kalinda, when he found he could not hold her gaze even as he spoke to her.

"Are you injured, General Halcyon?" He refused to make the same mistake again, to think of her as anything but his CO. The order of his world was thrown off kilter, but he was resolved to set it right. Now I know all that I have to know, and nothing more needs to be said. He kept his eyes away from her and told her whatever it was that he was supposed to tell her before leaving the room as quickly as he could. When he stepped back into the quarters he and his brothers were sharing he found that his hands were trembling as he activated the panel by the door to shut it behind him.

"What's the word?"

Stonewall looked up to see Crest watching him from the edge of his bunk, the others gathered around him; he wondered what they'd been discussing. "They're not ready to meet," he replied. "But we'll be notified."

Nodding, Crest held up a deck of cards. "In the meantime, are you up for a few hands?"

We should spar, or try to get some kind of practice in. It isn't good to just sit around all day and wait for someone else to act. However, he suddenly felt exhausted so he nodded and moved to sit with his brothers. "Sounds good."

Despite all appearances, it was not what the captain had said to him that pushed Obi-Wan to leave the room. Rather, it was the outpouring of emotion that emanated from Stonewall – directed at Kali – that made it almost dizzying to remain in the same space. He loves her...perhaps more than I ever could.

Of this he was certain.

Eventually his steps took him back to the garden and he took a few minutes to collect himself and set his thoughts in order while he was surrounded by the presence of burgeoning life in the form of budding plants. He found a spot beneath a thick biraj tree and sat, closing his eyes and his mind against all distractions. As Obi-Wan sank into the familiar rhythm of meditation, a feeling of calm came over him and he found that he was able to place aside the personal feelings he had for Kali so he could turn his mind to the revelation that she couldn't use the Force.

I don't know what would cause something like that to happen. He gave a sigh and leaned his head back against the tree, feeling the gentle hum of life that it emanated. Perhaps she's ill? I should contact the Temple. Perhaps... At that moment, his comlink chirped, the image of one of the clones – Weave – appearing at his wrist.

"General Kenobi. Whenever you're ready, we'd like to discuss our findings with you, sir."

"Very good," Obi-Wan replied, getting to his feet. "I'll see you in a moment." He paused to take another deep breath and felt the Force ripple around him, the one constant in his life. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have it vanish. Whatever has happened to her, hopefully we can resolve it soon.

The sitting area in the Jedi's quarters was large enough to accommodate all seven adults, but Crest felt that the space was far too small to contain both Stonewall and General Halcyon; though they stood several meters apart from one another they seemed to be miles away. Standing at attention among his brothers, the captain's gaze was fixed on the wall beyond the Jedi, while she was so still she may have been a statue. Crest cast a glance at Weave, who nodded and contacted General Kenobi; the other Jedi agreed to return to the room so that they could discuss the next step.

As the transmission ended and silence again reigned, Crest found that he couldn't stand it any longer. "So...what's the deal with this festival everyone keeps going on about?"

The general blinked once before she replied. "There aren't many historically-based holidays on Aruna," she said after a moment. "And the passage of the seasons is marked by celebrations at each equinox and solstice. Apparently, it's not an event to be missed if you can help it."

"What happens?" Crest asked.

Weave gave him a look. "I thought you read through the intel?"

"Must have skipped that part," he replied as his brother shook his head. However, the general's reply was halted as the other Jedi entered the room. Wow, Crest thought as his spine straightened automatically under the bearded Jedi's gaze. You'd need one of Trax's knives to cut the air in here. There's more going on than the captain's told us, I guess. And I thought that having more Jedi around meant that our mission would be easier. He watched as Kenobi took a seat and indicated that they should do the same, though General Halcyon remained standing.

"What information have you collected?"

After a nod from Stonewall, Weave spoke. "We did as you requested, General Kenobi. We journeyed into the city and tried to...get a feel for the place." He explained how the people had refused to speak with them and Crest watched as the Jedi's hand went to his beard, though he made no comment. "However, we did manage to make contact with some locals," Weave added, glancing at Crest.

At this, General Halcyon looked at him. "How?"

Despite, or perhaps because of the tension in the air, Crest smiled. "We ran into some very obliging folks who gave us some first-hand insight into the workings of this place," he replied. "And learned that we clones are not fit for proper society; of course, I could have told you that, at least about Traxis. Sir," he added, glancing at the other Jedi.

"We're considered 'untouchables,'" Weave said. "A fact we learned when we encountered a few of the Aruna who are part of that caste."

The dark-haired Jedi frowned and looked at Kenobi. "I hoped that wouldn't be the case, but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, given Sita's reaction." He nodded but made no reply.

Stonewall spoke next. "We made an arrangement with several of the locals: an elder named Kesin and his daughter, Danu. They've agreed to use their network of contacts to provide us with the information that you need."

"In return for...?" General Kenobi's hand went to his beard.

"Danu would like her caste to have a voice in the Parliament," Weave replied. "She knows it's a long shot, but is convinced that you and General Halcyon will be able to urge the queen to consider such a thing. We're to meet with her again tomorrow night."

"And you agreed to this?" General Halcyon's voice was quiet as she looked at Stonewall, who met her gaze at last.

"I made no promises, General."

Kenobi looked thoughtful. "It is unlikely that she will agree to such a thing," he replied. "But the possibility should not be ruled out." He glanced at his fellow Jedi before looking back at the clones. "In any case, we have a new challenge ahead of us. The queen wishes to make a pilgrimage of sorts to a temple outside of the city; though Kalinda and I both feel it would be unwise to divide our forces, Sita is rather insistent on the matter."

"I'm going to accompany her," the dark-haired Jedi replied. "And I'd like to take two of you as well." At this her eyes fell on the captain and Crest saw his shoulders tense.

"Can I volunteer, General?" he heard himself ask.

General Halcyon nodded and gave him a small smile before looking at the others. However, before she could speak, Traxis stepped forward. "Me as well, General. The city's a bit crowded for my taste." There was a moment when she looked again at Stonewall, though she said nothing.

Kenobi took a deep breath. "Very good. I'll keep an eye on things here while you and your men escort the queen. Hopefully this Danu will be able to provide some real evidence." He paused and looked back at the clones. "Good work, by the way. I see that you all live up to your reputations."

Though the minute she'd set eyes on Stone during the briefing she'd known that he would never look at her the same way, a small part of Kalinda's mind still hoped that she was wrong. Perhaps if he comes with me we can talk...we can work it out somehow. She'd tried to use the Force again to touch his consciousness, but it was a worthless effort, as she could barely sense any of the others even though they were standing in the same room.

"You probably don't want to wear a dress," she said as she watched Sita hold up a bright purple silk gown. "Do you have anything that might be more comfortable?" She had found her way to the sitting room of the younger woman to inform her of their plans and was presently curled up on one of the silk pillows that lined the floor, watching as the queen and one of her servants were selecting traveling clothes for the following day. It made for a pleasant distraction, if nothing else.

Sita gave her a wry look. "I am not you, Kali. Dresses are comfortable." She smiled at the expression that crossed Kali's face. "You looked so beautiful at my wedding, you know. It's a pity that the Jedi code prohibits you from wearing anything nicer than those drab robes." The servant held up another gown but the queen shook her head and said something in Arunai, nodding moments later when the servant reappeared with a more practical pair of pants and matching shirt.

"Pretty clothes don't do much good when you're crawling through the jungle in search of some wayward Separatist goon," Kali replied, indicating the pile of colorful silk that had been discarded on a nearby bench. "I'll take my boots and tunic any day. That looks comfortable," she said with a nod to the pants. "Perhaps not with such a nice shirt, though?"

The younger woman nodded, though she paused and looked down at her bangled wrists. Finally she glanced up and spoke in Arunai to the servant girl, who bowed and slipped out of the room a moment later. "Kalinda," Sita said, coming over to the Jedi. "Something is wrong." Her pale blue eyes met Kali's dark ones. "You helped me so much when you were here last, I wish I could return the favor."

Kali took a breath. "You don't have to, Sita. I was doing my job. You owe me nothing."

"No," Sita replied. "That's not the proper way of things, Jedi or not." She frowned. "Since dinner last night...that's when I noticed. Is it Master Obi-Wan? Did you quarrel?"

At this Kali laughed, though it was a bitter sound. "Sort of, though it's more complicated than you might think." At the younger woman's expression she sighed again. "Sita, I know that when we were here last you...formed an impression of us, but that wasn't...it didn't..."

"I remember," Sita replied, holding up her hand. "Though I think that you still care for each other, no matter what you say. But now..." Her head tilted as she regarded the Jedi. "There is something else." Kali said nothing but her thoughts turned to Stonewall. The queen took a seat beside her. "No," she breathed. "I know that look. It's someone else, isn't it?"

After a long moment, Kalinda nodded.

"Another Jedi?"

Kali paused before she looked back at the queen. "No, Sita. Someone you've met, actually."

The white-haired woman gave a sharp inhalation and covered her mouth with her hand. "You don't mean...one of the clones?"

"They're men. Even though they share the same face, they are all individuals."

The queen frowned and shook her head. "But...you are so different from them, are you not?"

"As different as a farmer's daughter from a king?" The words came out harsher than she'd meant but she made no apologies.

"It's a surprise to me, that's all," Sita said after a moment's silence. "I never would have expected such a thing."

Kali sighed and hugged her knees to her chest. "You're not the only one."

They talked a while longer before Kali decided to try and speak to Stone again. Maybe I can fix this somehow, she thought as she bid goodbye to the queen and headed back to the clones' quarters. Maybe there is still hope.

They weren't there, but it wasn't difficult to track them down, as she could clearly hear Crest's voice from an open section of the garden where they had started a sparring session. "Come on, shiny. You can do better than that!"

Kali smiled to herself at the indignation in Milo's reply. "Shiny? Really? After all we've been through?"

"Cut out the chatter and focus," she heard Traxis say. "Newbie."

As Kali entered the garden, she paused by the statue to watch them for a few moments. Traxis and Milo were circling one another while the others stood to one side, offering suggestions, pointers, and – in Crest's case – jeers. "Hey Trax, don't look now, but your fly's open."

"Shut it, baldy." At this, all of them – Stone included – chuckled as Milo leaped forward to tackle the scarred clone.

Suddenly, Stone looked over at her and she watched his face change. Though she knew that she couldn't reach him through the Force any longer, she tried to impart her desire in her gaze. Please, Stone, I just want to talk to you. Please. There was a moment where she wondered if he would turn away, but he nodded almost imperceptibly and murmured something to Crest before tilting his head towards the inner section of the garden. She followed him until they came to a spot far enough that she couldn't see the others but close enough to still hear them, as if he was reluctant to stray too far.

They stood before one another until she found her voice. "Is there anything I can say to make you come with me?" She watched as he inhaled, as his hands opened and closed at his sides and knew that he was organizing his thoughts. Never in her life was it so difficult to be patient as she waited for him to reply.

At last he shook his head, though the movement seemed more in response to his own thoughts rather than to her question. "You don't want me like I want you. I only wish I'd realized it sooner."

"Stone-"

"General," he said, lifting his hand. "I would fight for you until my last breath, if I knew that you..." he grimaced. "If I knew that you loved me, too. But I see that it can't be that way, though it's not your fault...we're just too different." His eyes met hers. "I know that now. It was foolish of me to think otherwise."

For one insane moment Kali was glad that she couldn't sense him through the Force; she was certain that the feeling would have brought her to her knees if the look in his eyes was any indication. "No, Stone...that's not true. We're not so different and even if we were, we could find a way. I know we could." She reached for his hands and was relieved when he allowed her to take them. "Please."

"I want to." His voice was quiet. "You have no idea how much. It was enough for a while, but I want...more from you than you can give me, I guess. I know that I don't have a right to. I know what I am and I know what you are." Here he lifted his hands from hers and took a step back. "Kali...we were living in a dream."

She almost couldn't breathe as she looked at him. "You don't mean that, Stone. You know how I feel about you."

"Then why won't you say it?" Though soft, the words were a slap across her face; her mouth opened but again, nothing came out and he nodded. "You see? A dream. That's all it was." In the distance they could hear the others laughing and shouting. "We're too different," he said again, shaking his head. "As different as a bird from a fish...where can we find a common ground?"

As she listened to him, Kali was aware of a part of her mind that was screaming at her: say something, say something, say something. But she was silent, the fear that was hammering within her chest was so loud that she was unsure if her voice would carry over the sound.

At last he looked at her again and took a deep breath. "For what it's worth, I would have given anything to know that it was real." With that final arrow in her chest, he slipped away through the dappled shadows of the garden.

At daybreak, Kalinda, Crest and Traxis accompanied Queen Sita and her guards as they made their way into the mountains.

A/N: From here on out, the angsty stuff takes kind of a backseat to the "adventure" portion of the saga, though there is still a good bit of story left. I promise that questions will be answered, though you may have to be patient. Thanks for sticking with me!