Disclaimer: I do now own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, or "Thistle & Weeds" by Mumford and Sons.

CHAPTER NINE
Wednesday, January 11th, 1967

Spare me your judgments and spare me your dreams,
'Cause recently mine have been tearing my seems.

One thing Steve had always pathetically noticed about the class he shared with Anna was that it was right before lunch, just as their math class had been the year before. What bothered him about it - and what made him realise it in the first place - was that unlike math last year, they never left class together anymore. Entirely his doing, he knew that, but it still pissed him off.

What he hated the most, though, was that things were worse between them now than they had been last year before he'd started tutoring her. He hadn't thought it possible, but it was what it was and the last few months had been torture. He actually missed the dislike they'd had for each other because it was a hell of a lot better than the outright hate he was sometimes sure Anna felt for him.

Half-concentrating on his English essay, his gaze drifted from the paper to the door every few seconds. He might have stopped talking to her for months, he might have stopped talking about her for months, but he'd never stopped watching her. Not in a creepy way, and always as subtly as he could, but when she only gave him the time of day when she was standing up for the guy she was dating, checking her out was pretty much all he had.

She came in just as the final bell rang. He watched - no longer bothering with subtlety - as she made her way to her seat. She ignored him, just like she did everyday, but he smirked at her. She sure was going out of her way to ignore him even more than usual this week. He supposed he couldn't blame her; not after what he'd said to her outside Buck's, and the fact that she had almost let him kiss her - and if he knew her at all, he knew she would be pissed at both him and herself for what had almost happened.

Christ how he wanted to kiss her.

Glancing over at her, he caught her watching him carefully. He smirked again, and as usual, she blushed and looked away. Glory, but that blush made him crazy. It made him think of how he had come to realise she liked him, and made him even more certain that she still wanted him … at least in some way. Not only that, but it took his mind to places he knew it shouldn't go.

There was the blush he used to get from Anna when she had a crush on him and he didn't realise it - the embarrassed, confused, frustrated blush that he could see on her cheeks right then - and then there was the blush he used to get out of her once they were together. The wicked, flustered, burning blush that would spread over her skin when he gave her a heated look. That was the blush that killed him. That was the blush that made his head spin. That was the blush he thought about at night.

Running a hand through his hair, he let out a slow breath. He looked back down at his essay, knowing that was what he should be concentrating on - not Anna's soft, flushed skin.

What felt like far too long later, the bell finally rang, and he climbed out of his seat. His English essay was unfinished, but that was his own fault. He'd spent the last few minutes of class with an odd ache in his chest, watching Anna tap her pencil against her worksheet. The unseen tension between them had always been strong - like some kind of thickness in the air that connected them in their seats - but now it was worse. Now she knew what he wanted, now she was dating someone else, and now they were both all too aware of it.

Gathering up his notebook, he hurried out of class. He had no plan - wasn't sure he ever would have a plan - but that was okay. He just needed to see her - talk to her.

He waited until she made her way out of class, and matched his stride to hers as they walked down the hall. She looked awfully pretty, even as she threw a disgusted scoff in his direction.

After a few moments of silence, she finally looked at him. "What?"

"Nice to see you, too."

"I didn't say it was nice to see you."

He smirked. "But you should've; it's only polite."

"Yes, but it would also be a lie," she said, smirking right back. "And Henry still wants his hubs back."

He couldn't help but like her reply. It wasn't particularly nice, and he hated that she had brought up Phillips, but she wasn't telling him to fuck off and that was good enough for him.

"How's your week been?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Pretty good."

The halls were emptying and Steve was glad for it. All he had to do was hope Phillips didn't show up.

"Danny made plans for your grandpa's house?"

Her step faltered, and she gave him a look that had always made his heart clench. "Actually, we're going there after school."

"That can't be easy."

She was silent for a long moment, looking almost tortured at the idea of going to her grandpa's. She didn't want to go, that much was obvious.

"It'll be fine," she finally said.

He could tell by the way she said it that that conversation was over. He could also tell she was lying. They continued walking, and as they got closer to the back doors, Steve realised his time was running out; Kathy, Phillips, or Two-Bit would be outside, just waiting to interrupt.

"Hey," he said, voice soft. He reached out, slipping his fingers around her wrist.

She sucked in a breath as they stood in the middle of the hallway, and he let his fingers slide gently over her skin as she pulled herself free.

"What is it, Steve?"

He stared at her, taking in the way she tried but couldn't quite give him that defiant look she was going for. In fact, she looked almost desperate to get away from him. His heart sank; he hated it, but he got it.

He ran a hand through his hair, only seeing a few kids milling around the hallway. Being blunt and honest had worked well enough every other time, he figured he might as well do the same now. Taking a step closer, he leaned down and stared right into her eyes.

"When're you gonna dump Phillips and take me back?" he asked.

Her blush was almost worth the rejection when she said nothing and walked away.

XXXXX

She knew tantrums weren't at all mature, and that she was pissing Danny off, but Anna couldn't help sulking. Stupid Danny, stupid Steve, stupid goddamn house. She didn't want to do this. She'd agreed because she felt bad for making Danny do everything, but she wanted out of the car. She wanted to go home and pretend as though going to Grandpa Joe's was something that she'd never have to do.

Her hands shook, and she slipped them between the seat and her thighs, not wanting Danny to know. She loved her brother more than anything, and she knew he'd let her go if he knew she really needed to, but she didn't want to do that to him. He'd had to deal with everything when Grandpa Joe died; he shouldn't have to do this alone also. That was just unfair.

So she put on a brave face, reminded herself that backing out would be silly, and dealt with it. Despite the fact that she wasn't sure she could do it. A part of her was pretty sure she might not make it out of the car.

"You okay?" Danny asked, apparently reading her mind.

She forced a grin. "Yeah."

"I ain't sure I believe you."

"Whatever. I'm your sister - would I lie to you?"

He smirked. "Anna, you lie to me all the time; parties, school … boys."

"I thought you liked Henry." If she could change the subject by teasing Danny about her and boys, then she would.

"I like Henry when he's a part of the gang. Not when he's your boyfriend."

"He ain't my boyfriend."

Danny glanced at her. "Not yet."

Not yet was an interesting way to think of it. She supposed it was only time before she and Henry became official, but she wasn't sure she was ready. And it was stupid. She had jumped right into her relationship with Steve - sleeping with him that very night - but she'd been dating Henry for a few weeks and she couldn't even outright agree to him one day being her boyfriend.

She liked him, a lot. He was handsome and sexy and fun. He always told her she looked great, he treated her perfectly, and he was never moody. And goodness, he sure was an amazing kisser.

Her eyes closed briefly, and she wished she could forget her almost kiss with Steve. It shouldn't be on her mind so much - especially not more than her kisses with Henry. Hell, he shouldn't be on her mind so much. Henry was doing an awfully good job at helping her forget about Steve and move on, but those feelings weren't coming quick enough.

But it was still improvement. Instead of spending far too much time thinking about Steve, she now spent far too much time thinking about Steve, and a good amount of time thinking about Henry. She just wished it was more Henry and less Steve. That would make life a whole lot easier.

Danny made the turn-off toward Grandpa Joe's, and her heart clenched. She hated doing it, but even letting herself think about Steve was better than thinking about what was to come.

She didn't understand him. He said he'd do anything to fix his mistake of being with Evie, he said he was jealous over Henry, and he said he wanted her back. She supposed she should take them all as nice compliments or something, but they just messed with her head and her heart. She couldn't understand how he could feel this way when he had been with Evie just last year. They had gotten back together so damn quickly.

She didn't want to care. His words should mean nothing, but this was Steve. It wasn't often he used his words to show his feelings, so they had to mean something, but they still confused her and went against everything that had happened.

The one thing she couldn't understand, was if Evie had been such a mistake, then why did get back together with her? He'd seemed to just accept Anna turning him down, and move on to Evie. She couldn't work out how that made any of his words true.

"We're here." Danny's voice pushed into her thoughts.

She looked out the window, feeling sick at the sight of the green house they were parked in front of. Her hands trembled as she undid her seatbelt, but she ignored the look Danny gave her. It was as she climbed out of the car that the trembling in her hands spread through her body, and with shaky legs and panicked breaths, she closed the car door.

It was stupid for this to be a problem - it had been months. Months had to be long enough because any longer and she'd just feel like even more of an idiot. She shouldn't be shaking, her breathing should be fine, and her legs should be steady. Still not looking at Danny, she took a few deep gulps of air. She could do this.

Pushing her hair out of her face, she stood straight, and took a step forward.

She couldn't do this.

Her legs buckled, and she leaned against the car. She rested her head in her hands, and Danny's shoes came into her line of vision.

"Anna?"

"Leave me alone."

Danny stayed silent, but she knew he hadn't left. God, she felt so stupid. She wasn't a child, and there was no reason for her to be acting like one. Except that she wasn't damn well ready. Sure it had been months, but it was too soon and Danny should know that. He shouldn't have pushed her into this.

She lifted her head, refusing to look in the direction of the house. "I'm leaving."

"What?"

"I told you I didn't want to do this. You shouldn't have made me!" Even her voice was shaking, and she was just glad it was with rage rather than tears.

For the first time in her life, she felt something close to true dislike for her brother. She knew it wasn't real - knew it was her cowardly feelings at the idea of going inside that house turning into anger and blame - but it sure felt real. She pushed away from the car, making her way down the driveway.

Danny followed. "Where the hell are you goin'?"

"I told you: I ain't doin' this."

"Christ, Anna. You can't fucking walk home."

"Sure I can."

He grabbed her arm. "It ain't safe."

"It's not even dark, and by the time it is dark, I'll be close enough to our neighbourhood for someone to give me a ride."

"Just get in the damn car. I'll take you home."

She shook her head. "I can't be near you right now."

"Anna …"

Her brother was a hood, and a damn tough one at that. She wasn't sure she could ever remember him crying, and the last time he had looked even remotely hurt was … well, she couldn't remember that, either. But he sure didn't look happy then. She knew she should apologise, and she would, but right then, she had to leave.

XXXXX

"Shit, man. What're the chances?" Two-Bit nudged Steve in the ribs, nodding in the direction of the road.

Glancing out the window of the DX, Steve was more than surprised to see Anna. She was standing on the sidewalk, staring at his car, and he was pretty sure she was frowning. Taking the opportunity, he said goodbye to the guy working, and headed outside. Two-Bit followed, handing him the Coke he'd completely forgotten about.

"What're you doin' here?" Anna asked, the second she laid eyes on him.

He frowned. "I work here."

"Not on Wednesdays you don't."

Two-Bit chuckled and Steve raised an eyebrow. Anna rolled her eyes.

"I only remember because you happen to work the same days I do."

"Of course." He held out his Coke. "You want a drink?"

"No."

Two-Bit moved to lean against the car. "I believe the polite reply is no thanks."

"Yeah, Anna. Where are your manners today?"

She shook her head, and grasped at the necklace around her neck. Even before he saw the necklace, it was the defeated look in her eyes that made him remember.

"I didn't come here to have you two hassle me," she said.

Steve took a step forward. "Where's Danny?" He continued when all she did was shrug. "I thought you guys had stuff to do this afternoon."

"I don't have time to stand around and chat with you, Steve," she said, starting to walk away. "I have to get home before it gets dark."

He grabbed her wrist, knowing it would piss her off, but darkness was only minutes away.

"Get in the car, Anna."

She snorted. "Right."

"I ain't fuckin' kidding. You're not walkin' home with those damn River Kings hangin' around."

"They're not gonna hassle me," she said. "I'm a girl."

Steve's eyes narrowed. "You think they're gonna give a shit?"

"He's right, kid," Two-Bit said. "Especially when both your brother and the guy you're datin' are part of Shepard's gang."

She bit her lip, looking conflicted. He could practically see the internal struggle going on inside her head. He tugged on her wrist, glad she hadn't yanked herself free yet.

"C'mon; it's just a ride home. Anyway, it's freezin' out here, and for some stupid reason, you don't have a jacket."

She finally nodded, pulling her hand away from him with a scowl. Steve glanced at Two-Bit, hoping for some kind of silent understanding. Two-Bit just smirked, and Steve had to hope he understood why he was being dropped off first.

"Ladies first," Two-Bit said, opening the passenger door for Anna.

"I can take the backseat."

"Nonsense. Anyway, it's filthy from all the car parts we had to bring here."

Steve smirked as Anna complied. Two-Bit was outright lying; they had stopped in at the DX for a Coke, nothing more. Making his way to the driver's door, it wasn't until he climbed in that he realised Two-Bit was shoving Anna into the middle of the bench seat.

"Two-Bit, what're you -"

"Glory, Anna, you can't expect me to sit in the back. Like I said, it's filthy."

Saying nothing and keeping his face impassive, Steve waited for Two-Bit to get in the car and Anna to stop fidgeting before he started the ignition.

It wasn't long before Two-Bit was spread out as much as he could, and Anna was squashed against Steve. He could feel her shoulder, hip, and thigh pressed hotly against him and he had to steady his breathing. She looked good, she felt good, and damn it, she even smelled good.

Two-Bit kept up constant chatter the whole way to their neighbourhood, talking as though Anna being so close to Steve was still an everyday thing. Steve reminded himself to thank Two-Bit later, but for the moment, he wanted his buddy out of the car. He glanced at Anna as he pulled into East Independent. Her hands were balled into fists on her lap, her jaw was clenched tightly, and she looked to be taking awfully deep breaths.

She was either as affected at being near him as he was her, or things at her grandpa's hadn't gone well. Or maybe both.

He pulled up outside Two-Bit's, letting the car idle.

"Thanks, buddy!" Two-Bit said, almost falling out of the car in his hurry to leave.

The car door slammed shut, and Anna made her way to the other side of the car immediately, putting as much space between them as she could.

"Wow, he's subtle."

Steve shrugged. "He's Two-Bit."

"Yeah." She fidgeted. "Are you gonna take me home now, or should I get out and walk?"

He pulled the car back out onto the road. "What happened at your grandpa's?"

"None of your business."

He sighed, hoping they didn't have to go through this again. "I ain't tryin' to bug ya, Anna. I thought you might wanna talk."

"To you?" she asked, sounding incredulous.

"You've done it before."

She said nothing, so he just kept driving. It was okay if she didn't want to talk. He wasn't going to push it this time. It wasn't like last time where she'd obviously needed to talk, but he could tell things hadn't gone well at her grandpa's.

He pulled up outside her house with a sigh; he didn't want her to leave. This - the enclosed space of his car - was the most alone he'd been with her in months. The almost kiss outside Buck's didn't quite compare. He wouldn't keep her there, though. Her fingers were stretching at the hem of her skirt, and she seemed nervous as hell.

Yet, she wasn't leaving. He watched her, waiting. Finally, she looked at him.

"Can I ask you somethin'?"

"Anything."

She looked away again, staring out the front window. "Why Evie?"

Why Evie? He felt sick. The idea of talking about this with Anna was something he never wanted to do. Something he'd never thought he would have to do. But he knew he had to if he wanted a chance. She'd never consider anything with him if he kept this from her.

He shrugged. "She was there."

"No, God -" She paused, looking more sick than he felt. "I know why - that night - but why … oh, Christ. It doesn't even matter."

"Yes, it does."

She had been reaching for the door handle when he said it, and he hadn't made any move to reach for her, but she stopped at his words. Looking down at her lap, she clasped her hands, and nodded.

"Why did you get back together with her? I know I said it was over - and it still is - but you just -" She paused again, running a shaky hand through her hair. "You got back together with her so quickly. How can you say you want me back when you did that? You just gave up on me, after saying you loved me."

Her voice broke on that dreaded word, but she stayed calm. Steve didn't know how to answer. He was so shocked by her words - the fact that she was actually saying them - but he knew then, without a fucking doubt in his mind, that he had more of a chance than he'd even realised. She still cared about him, she wasn't over him, and her feelings for him were very possibly just as strong as they used to be. But she was still hurt. He hated that she was hurt.

Shrugging, he answered as honestly as he could.

"You said you didn't want me, and I believed you. Even though I wouldn't have taken you back if you'd screwed up the way I did, it …" Christ it had hurt. So fucking bad. "It was hard to hear and it pissed me off."

"So you just did it to get back at me?"

"I was done tryin' to get back at you, Anna," he said, meeting her gaze. "I messed up enough doin' that. Getting back with Evie was me tryin' to move on - get over you, I guess. You said it was over between us, and it …" He trailed off, palms sweating, knowing he couldn't get away with avoiding the truth. "Glory, Anna, it fucking hurt. Moving on seemed like the best way to forget you."

"Oh." She nodded, as though she understood.

He wanted to stop talking, but couldn't seem to stop his words. Being this open and honest wasn't something he was used to, but when Anna had asked him so desperately … well, he couldn't deny her what she wanted to know.

"Didn't work, though."

She scoffed, but didn't sound sure of herself when she spoke. "Of course it did."

"I dated Evie, and I know I gave up on you, but I never got over you. Never stopped thinkin' about you, wantin' you -"

"I think I should go inside."

He stared at her. "You said it was over then and I believed you. But I sure as hell don't this time."

She said nothing for a few moments. Finally, she glared. "Yeah? Well, maybe you should. In case you've forgotten, I'm datin' someone else."

He didn't get a chance to say anything else. Anna climbed out of the car, slamming the door closed behind her.

And I'm on my knees,
And your faith in shreds it seems.

A/N: Thanks to RileysMomma for beta-reading.