Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, or "Swing Life Away" by Rise Against.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Sunday, January 15th, 1967
Are we getting closer?
Or are we just getting more lost?
Anna felt sick to her stomach at what was coming. Sitting on the porch steps, in the cold, she wrapped her arms around her knees. She should go inside, but refused to do so until Henry showed up. They were going to talk - they had to talk - and staying cold would help her. It would keep her mind focused and her body rigid. There would be no relaxing during this conversation - not after the shit she'd pulled the night before.
But even after what had happened, she didn't know what to say. Sorry didn't seem like enough, but there wasn't anything else. Sorry was all she had and it was useless. She had already said it too many times for it to still have any kind of effect. An apology wouldn't mean anything.
"Whaddya doin' out here, kid?"
She looked up at her dad. "Just waitin' for Henry."
"That's the boy you've been datin'?" he asked.
"Yeah."
He grunted. "Make sure he treats ya better than the last one."
Anna grinned, watching her dad leave for work. He didn't know everything that had happened with Steve and Evie - there was no need to make family occasions more uncomfortable than they already were - but that didn't matter. What mattered was how much Anna's relationship with him had improved since her mom took off the last time.
She waved goodbye, watching as he drove off and Henry's car pulled up. He climbed out and her heart thudded at the sight of him. They hadn't talked about what had happened, but she knew they needed to. She had kissed another boy, after all. She and Henry might not be a couple, but they were still dating. She had cheated by kissing Steve the way she had - that was all there was to it.
And instead of talking about it, they had spent the rest of the night fooling around in the back seat of his car. She had thought Henry would have driven her home right away and left it at that - left them at that. Instead, he had driven them to the lake, and they'd sat in silence for a long few minutes.
The moment she'd opened her mouth to apologise again, he had kissed her, and for once, she hadn't even compared it to Steve's. It had been rough, passionate, and needy. It was as though he thought he was slowly losing her to Steve, and wanted to do whatever he could to keep her. She refused to think he might be right.
The night had ended with Anna being so caught up in their kissing and touching, so eager to make up for what she'd done, that she'd reached for his belt, ready to sleep with him. He'd stopped her right away.
"What's wrong?" she'd whispered. "Don't you want to?"
He pulled her hand away, breathing deeply. "I do, but … I ain't doin' this with you, Anna. Not when you're doin' it for all the wrong reasons."
It had killed the mood, and been slightly insulting, but it just proved how much they needed to talk.
"Hey," she said, softly. She stood to meet him as he made his way up the path.
He gave her a quick grin. "It's freezin' out here; why ain't ya inside?"
"I was waiting for you."
She didn't know if they were on the same page, or if he simply knew what she was thinking, but he nodded. He sat on the porch, and she sat next to him.
"To talk, right?"
"I kinda figured we ought to."
He nodded again, but was frowning. "You know, if this is you ending things with me, I'd really prefer it if you just did it. Forget all the talkin' that goes with it."
"I'm not … I wasn't …" She shook her head. "That's not what I want."
"Sure about that?" Henry's voice was causal, but he wouldn't even look at her. "Spending the night with me don't change the fact that you kissed your ex."
Again, she wondered what else to say. All the apologies in the world wouldn't be enough, especially when she'd spent her morning trying not to think about Steve's kiss.
"I didn't mean for it to happen," she said.
"You didn't stop it, either. I know it's only been a few weeks, and I know you ain't my girl - not officially - but I thought we were at least something. I mean …" He finally turned to look at her. "You know how much I like you, and you know I want you to be my girl."
It had only been a few weeks, but with all the flirting and teasing before that, it felt like much longer. She felt like she'd had something with Henry for weeks and weeks, not to mention the two times she had drunkenly made out with him long before getting together with Steve last year. Henry was right; they were something, and if she wanted them to stay that way then she was going to have to make the extra effort.
She sighed. "I don't know what to tell you, but I really am sorry."
"You goin' back to Randle?"
"No."
"He wants you back, you know? Wouldn't've chosen a kiss as his winnings if he didn't."
"Yeah, I know."
They were silent, and Anna racked her brain for something - anything - else to say. Even an explanation would have been good, because other than telling him the truth, she couldn't give him any reasoning behind her actions. Telling him that she hadn't stopped Steve because she couldn't wouldn't go down well. She sighed; she couldn't say no to Steve when he touched her like he had.
Shit.
She shook her head. "I'm not goin' back to him, okay?" And for once, her heart and mouth were saying the same thing. "I might not be as over him as I'd like, but I ain't goin' back to him. Not after what he did."
"You let him kiss you. And you kissed him back."
"And I get it if you don't want to date me anymore because of that. Kissin' him like that wasn't the same as what he did with Evie, but I still hate myself for doing that to you."
"So it's because he cheated on you that you ain't goin' back to him?" Henry asked. "It ain't got anything to do with me?"
She didn't like talking about her feelings, and that had been one good thing about dating Steve; neither of them were talkers - their actions always spoke louder. But Henry was a talker. Henry wasn't shy about his feelings, and she knew she had to open up if she wanted to keep him.
She shrugged. "I don't know what this is with us, but I'm still not goin' back to him. I like you, Henry. And I want to be with you."
"You mean you wanna keep datin' me?"
"I mean I wanna be your girl," she said, feeling too many mixed emotions about what she was saying. "I didn't try to take things further last night just because I felt guilty. I did it because …"
He grinned at her. "Because?"
"Because I wanted to … with you," she said, blushing.
Sighing loudly, Henry threw his arm around her shoulders. "I guess this makes you my girlfriend, huh?"
She nodded. "Yeah."
Danny chose that moment to come outside, and he stared at Anna a moment. She stared back, desperate to say something, but not sure what to say. She wanted this awkwardness between them gone, but she didn't know how to do it. Apologising seemed like the best idea, but she didn't know how to apologise for being an idiot. The only time they'd fought like this was when they thought Ruth Goodall was pregnant, and that fight had disappeared when Grandpa Joe died.
"Get your hands off my sister, Phillips," he finally said, breaking eye contact with her.
Henry grinned. "That's my girlfriend you're talkin' about."
"Huh. 'Bout time, don't ya think?" He paused, glancing at Anna and back at Henry. "Don't fuck up."
Anna watched him leave, feeling relieved that Danny at least didn't hate her for how she'd treated him.
"You know," Henry said, thumb sliding over her neck. "I'm beginning to see why Mathews is the way he is with Kathy; you girls sure are charmers."
She smiled at him, glad to have things sorted, and wishing everything else would just fall into place.
XXXXX
If he could help it, Steve would never work another Sunday again. If he didn't want the money so bad, he would've turned his boss down when he'd called far too early that morning. But he did need the money, and had figured working the day away would take his mind off his crappy night.
Instead, it had been dead at work all day, and two fantasies had been running through his head since lunchtime.
The first one was obvious: Anna. Christ, that kiss had been something. That hadn't been a part of any plan. Pointing out that he knew she and Phillips weren't dating, and maybe getting her a little drunk so she'd spend some time with him had all been a part of the plan.
And it had worked. Their conversation had been borderline friendly, at times edging toward flirting. The game of pool had kept her around when Phillips had come out of the gang meeting, and she'd spent a good amount of time just hanging out with him. But the bet - that had been entirely her own doing. Sure, the kiss had been his, but if he couldn't ask her to go home with him, what else would he ask for?
He smirked, locking up the front doors of the DX. That had been one hell of a kiss, and his imagination had been turning it into more all afternoon. Even with Anna as angry as she was with him, he wasn't going to regret that for anything - not even the punch to the gut that he knew he deserved. Kissing Anna had been perfect, and even in her anger, it had caused her to admit what he'd been waiting to hear; she wasn't over him.
Problem was, she wanted to be over him - even more than he'd thought. Her words still burned in his ears - I'm not yours anymore - and made it a little hard to breathe. That had been enough of a punch to the gut without Phillips sticking his nose in.
Fucking bastard. Fantasy number two consisted of beating the crap out of Phillips any way possible. Steve was sure that if Anna hadn't slept with the guy before last night, then she probably had now. He'd heard her, he'd seen her guilt. He wanted to think she wouldn't sink that low, but he'd also picked up on how much she liked the guy.
It made him sick, and it changed everything. Anna liking Phillips the way she did, Anna saying she wasn't his anymore, and Anna with someone else's hands on her. She wasn't over Steve, but she wanted Phillips. She'd made that clear as fucking day.
Steve shook his head. To hell with her. He'd tried and tried. Not always in the most decent of ways, but he'd tried and he'd been honest and he'd put himself out there again. She didn't want him, and he was sick of the rejection. He was done with her.
He pushed those thoughts away, sick of thinking about it. Shrugging on his coat, and flipping up the collar, he headed outside and locked the doors behind him. It had been a boring as shit day, but at least he was allowed to close up early and the pay packet sure would be nice, and -
And there were four guys standing in front of his car, waiting for him.
"Christ," he muttered.
He knew who they were. Two of them he'd never seen before, but one was the twitchy guy Two-Bit had gotten into it with a while back, and the other was the same guy Danny Harris had been fighting with at the Dingo. Steve knew what they wanted, and that he was screwed. Even if he hadn't left his blade in his car, he wouldn't have a chance; River Kings carried weapons to visit their grandmothers.
There was nothing he could do but man up and face whatever was coming.
"How's it goin'?" he asked, dryly, stopping a good few feet away from them.
One of the guys he didn't know stepped forward. He was small - Pony could take him down with a good punch to the gut - but he was swinging a piece of pipe between his fingertips.
"S'goin' real good," he drawled.
Steve swallowed; he could handle a jumping, but the pipe made him nervous. "That right?"
"We saw you the other night," the twitchy guy said.
"Oh yeah?"
He nodded. "Yeah. Saw you with that buddy of yours. I'm sure you know the one I mean - he's got a real big mouth."
Shit.
"Yeah, I know him." Not only was he not in any position to lie to these guys, but he wasn't about to pretend Two-Bit wasn't his friend just to avoid them.
Twitchy frowned at him. "He wasn't the only guy you were with."
He sure wasn't. If Steve had his nights right - and he was pretty sure he did - he'd been sitting on the hood of Two-Bit's car, talking to Bobby Miller and George Silvers. One guy who was giving the River Kinds crap every chance he got, and two of Shepard's boys. He was in deep.
"Well, fuck," he finally said. "You gonna just stand there and stare at me all night, or you gonna do somethin'?"
Not his smartest move, he knew it, but he wanted it over and done with. Having these guys try and succeed at psyching him out wasn't helping anything. The other guy he didn't know - this one pretty damn huge - stepped forward.
But, according to Tim, River Kings weren't smart guys, and Steve was just starting to agree. They'd found the perfect time and place to jump him - especially considering it was a day he didn't usually work - but they were pretty clueless to anything else going on around them. Including the red Buick crawling to a stop across the road.
The first punch to the jaw was harder than Steve had been expecting, and it almost floored him. Had the pipe across his back not done so seconds later, he would have been proud of sticking that punch out.
"Fuck," he moaned, falling to his knees.
Boots started hammering at his ribs, and his body jerked with the force of it. He knew it was useless, but he tried getting up anyway. It was while he was wondering where the owners of the Buick were that the damn pipe was brought down over his head. His vision blurred, and he didn't bother trying to get up again. His head was dizzy, he thought he might have cracked a rib or two again, and there was something warm trickling down his head.
It wasn't more than half a minute of having the shit kicked out of him, but it felt like forever. Finally, the River Kings were pulled off of him and he could breathe again.
Steve staggered to his feet, wincing at the pain every-fucking-where. He clutched at his ribs, not because it would help, but because pressing against the pain made him feel better. He watched, wanting to help as Tim and Danny took on two guys each. He felt like shit for not joining it, but felt even shittier from the pipe to the head and boots to the ribs. Fuck, he hurt.
But it didn't take long for Tim and Danny to over-power the River Kings; there was a good reason Tim was a gang leader and Danny was his second. They took off in their car a minute later, telling Tim he was going to get what was coming.
"Fuck," Tim muttered, spitting out blood. He looked at Steve. "You okay, man?"
He nodded. "Sure. Thanks."
"How many times they get you with that pipe?" Danny asked, looking at the fingers on his right hand, three of which were obviously broken.
"Only twice; once on the back and once on the head."
Danny gave him a look. "You sure? You're covered in blood."
He remembered the warm feeling on his face. Raising a hand to his head, he pulled it back wet with blood. "Guess they got me harder than I realised."
Tim spat again, and all three of them winced at the tooth that came out with it. "Fuck! Those bastards are gonna get what's comin' to them."
"Oh yeah? When?" Steve didn't mean to sound like an asshole, but he was sick of the River Kings' bullshit.
Tim sighed. "When I figure out how to stop them."
"Nothin' we can do about it now," Danny said. "Let's go, Randle. We'll give ya a ride."
"I got my car."
"You also got blood covering half your fucking face. Get in the damn car."
Steve said nothing, but followed them across the road anyway. He didn't need a ride, but he figured he'd rather get blood all over Danny's car seats that his own. That hint of malice doubled when Danny made some offhand comment about Anna and Phillips becoming official that morning. Fuck it. He was done.
XXXXX
A few hours after her chat with Henry, things seemed back to normal between them. She was in the kitchen, rolling out pastry and talking to Henry, when Danny and Tim walked in.
"Oh, God," she said, wiping her hands on her apron. "What the hell happened?"
Their injuries didn't look too bad at first. It was obvious by Tim's swelling jaw that they'd been in a fight, but that seemed to be the extent of his injuries, and Danny seemed okay. Then she noticed his fingers.
"That's it? Just broken fingers?"
Danny frowned. "Whaddya mean just? These hurt like a bitch."
"But that's it, right? No broken ribs or knife wounds or anything?"
Danny shook his head, and she sighed in relief. She couldn't stand it if he'd been badly hurt and they still weren't talking.
She turned to Henry, whose mother was a nurse. "I don't know what to do with broken fingers."
"Christ, Anna, it's a couple of broken fingers." Danny glared at her. "Just tape them up."
Tape them up. Right. There was no need for him to be such an asshole about it, though. Throwing off her apron, she grabbed the box of medical supplies from the cupboard. As if she knew how to "just tape up" some broken fingers. Sitting at the table, she looked at the fingers. They were bent and red and bloody. Usually she could clean Danny up pretty well, and even Tim if she really had to, but this made her feel a little sick.
Henry laughed. "Give it here," he said, taking the box from her.
She watched him take out the bandage and start on Danny's fingers.
"So, what happened?"
Danny barely glanced at her as he spoke. "River Kings. One of the boys got jumped as we pulled up. Fuckin' good timing, too. It was four of them on him until we stepped in."
"They got him fucking good with a pipe, though," Tim said.
"Who'd they jump?" Henry asked.
"Randle." Danny said it so casually, as though it were the least important thing in the world to him. "Bastard bled all over my car seats, too. He's lucky I was plannin' on getting gas or we never would've been there."
Her heart was thudding, and she lowered her hands beneath the table, not wanting anyone to see them shaking. Steve had been jumped, and from what Danny and Tim had said, it was bad. Glory, she wanted nothing more than to ask if he was going to be okay. Just to ask - she didn't have to see him or even call him - she just needed to know. Four on one, they had gotten him good with a pipe, and he'd bled all over Danny's car seats …
An image of Johnny a week after he'd been jumped came to mind, and she thought she might throw up.
But she said nothing. She couldn't do that to Henry, not after last night. She couldn't ask.
He asked it for her.
"Randle okay?" he asked, just as casually as Danny had said it.
"He'll be fine," Tim said. "Head wounds always bleed pretty bad, and he might have a few cracked ribs, but that ain't nothing he hasn't had before."
She remembered the night of the rumble. Standing, she looked at Tim.
"You want any ice for your jaw?"
He looked at her as though she was stupid. "No."
Of course he didn't; he never did.
Ignoring the looks, she went back to the counter and the pastry. She wasn't going back to Steve, but that didn't mean she had stopped caring. Tim had said he'd be okay, and she was more relieved than she was willing to admit.
XXXXX
"You sure you're okay, Stevie?" Soda asked.
He nodded, taking a deep drag of his smoke. His ribs were sore, but not cracked, and his head had stopped bleeding a while ago. He was fine, just sore.
"Can I get ya anything?"
"Na, man. I'm fine." He paused, not sure whether or not to continue. The only people home when Danny had dropped him off at the Curtises' were Soda and Anita. They'd been arguing - again - and Anita had left as soon as Steve had arrived. "You know, you and Anita sure fight a lot."
"Oh." Soda sat next to him on the couch. "Yeah, I guess."
"I thought she and Pony were good friends."
"They are. They work on a lot of school stuff together."
Steve looked at Soda. "But you don't like her?"
Soda shrugged. "She's okay. You heard the rumours about her?"
"Sure. Same rumours that used to go 'round about Anna."
"Yeah."
Neither of them said anything else for a while, but Steve remembered Soda and Anita dancing at Buck's a few weeks back. And once he thought about it, this time and the night before weren't the first he'd seen them arguing, either. He didn't know what to think about it, or what to say about it, but he was glad Soda was showing some kind of interest in another girl.
"Hey." Soda was grinning as he propped his feet up on the coffee table. "I heard about you kissin' Anna last night."
"Yeah. Ain't gonna happen again, though."
"Why not?"
"I'm done with her, man," Steve said. "I've been tryin' for weeks, but she just keeps turning me down." He shrugged. "I give up."
"You're kiddin' me, right?"
Steve shook his head.
"Shit, Steve, don't be such a damn idiot."
"What's that s'posed to mean?"
"It means that you screwed up, buddy. You screwed up, and maybe you deserve to have Anna reject you."
Steve sat up a little straighter. "I thought you were on my side."
"I am, but if you really want her back, then you'll do whatever it takes to get her." Soda dug around the couch cushions for some smokes, and lit one up. "I'm dead certain you're gonna get her back if you keep tryin', but if you give up on her then you're always gonna wonder."
He remembered Anna words from in his car. He had given up on her before. He wasn't stupid enough to think that not giving up on her last time would have ended in them back together already, but the last few months might have been more pleasant if he had never gotten back with Evie.
And over Anna's voice, he heard his mom's. It was stupid, but it was something she'd said to him more than once before she'd died.
"Nothing worth having ever comes easy, Stevie."
Anna was worth having, but not coming easy was an understatement.
If love is a labor I'll slave to the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand.
A/N: Thanks to RileysMomma for beta-reading.