Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, or "Cannonball" by Damien Rice.

CHAPTER TWELVE
Tuesday, January 17th, 1967

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth,
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt.

Rumour had it that Steve had given up on her. Soda had mentioned it to Two-Bit, who blurted it out to Kathy, who had, of course, told Anna. Shrugging it off had seemed like the best reaction, but the bitter 'again' that ran through her head couldn't be helped. It shouldn't matter to her, and if it did matter, then it should be the relieved kind of mattering - the it's-about-damn-time kind.

Instead, she was disappointed. Steve had given up on her again, and it shouldn't hurt the way it was. Him leaving her alone was what she wanted - what she had basically told him to do at Buck's - and she should be glad that he had finally gotten the hint. But the disappointment running through her was confusing and painful.

It wasn't as though she had liked the attention he was giving her, nor did she plan on going back to him. The disappointment made no logical sense, but after days of thinking about it, being confused by it all, and wondering why the hell she should even care, she thought she might finally have it.

She had believed him. Every word he'd said to her over the last few weeks had gone straight into that place that wanted to be with him - that small part of her that missed him so damn much she could hardly breathe. Going back to him had never been a part of the plan, but she had desperately wanted to believe his words. TO believe that he meant what he had said.

Tapping her nails against the kitchen table, she sighed. That's all they had been - words. If he'd been able to give up on her all over again then he obviously hadn't meant anything he'd said. Sure, she could understand the constant rejection getting to him - he was Steve Randle, after all, and his pride was bigger than his ego - but if he really wanted her back then he wouldn't give up again.

And if she really didn't plan on going back to him, then she shouldn't care.

"Goddamn it," she muttered, running her fingers through her hair.

"What's wrong?"

She looked up, surprised by what her dad was wearing. "You're awfully dressed up."

He frowned. "You think it's too much?"

"That depends; what's the occasion?"

Stan stared at her for a moment, before answering. "I have a date."

"Oh. Wow."

That was a surprise. It shouldn't be - it was perfectly understandable if her dad wanted to date - she just hadn't been expecting it. They way he'd said it had her fighting a grin, though.

"I wasn't gonna tell ya," he said. "I mean, your ma only left a few months ago -"

"After being away for four years before that."

"Yeah," he said, smoothing his hair back. "So, you're okay with this?"

Anna nodded. Everyone said that things had to get worse before they could better, and things with her dad had gotten worse the night he'd hit her. Everything had been slowly getting better since, and now it was better than it had ever been - even before her mom had left. She vaguely wondered if things would have to get worse with Danny before they got better, too. She sure hoped not.

"I think it's cool," she said. "Is it anyone I know?"

"S'just a lady I met a while back."

She grinned. "Right. Well, I think you look nice."

Stan just shrugged. "I got a few minutes before I have to leave if you wanna talk …"

Things were better, but not that good. "No, I'm fine."

"You didn't sound fine."

This time it was her turn to shrug. "Just boy stuff."

He grunted, and she knew he didn't want to hear whatever her boy problems were. She supposed there were just some things she didn't want to tell him … and some things he really didn't want to hear.

"Don't stay out too late," she said, smirking.

He picked up his keys. "I feel like that's somethin' I should be sayin' to you and your brother. You need me to drop you off anywhere on my way out?"

She shook her head. "Nope. Have fun."

Giving her a nervous looking nod, he left. She sighed as the front door closed; these pleasant talks with her dad were strange. Good, but strange. After years of him only speaking to her when he was pissed off, she wasn't used to the everyday conversations that they should've been having for years. She sure liked them, though, and with them to think about, she could almost forget Steve existed. Until someone knocked at the door, and she opened it to find him standing there.

She was silent for a moment, not sure what to say. They shared one class at school, but this was the first she had really seen him since Buck's … since Henry hit him, since the fight in the parking lot, since the kiss. Having a little trouble breathing, she finally spoke.

"What're you doin' here?"

"Well, a few things, actually," he said.

She frowned, feeling the same kind of anger and hurt she'd felt months ago. Not to the same extent - he hadn't cheated on her this time - but still the same. Everything he'd said had been lies.

He continued when she said nothing, and with the way he frowned at her, the way his hands were shoved deep in his jeans pockets, he almost looked nervous. "Look, I ain't sorry for kissin' you like I did, not even a little, but I'm … I am sorry that I upset you."

Her mouth went dry. "You're sorry?"

It was just another thing that shouldn't be a big deal, but good Lord, it really was. She could remember hearing those words from him once. In the eleven years she'd know him, after all the fights they'd had, and with all the mean things he'd said to her, he'd only ever apologised to her once. It had meant nothing then, but now …

"Yeah. I never meant for that to upset you. Shit, that's the last thing I wanted."

"Oh." With her heart pounding the way it was, she wasn't sure she could get out more than that.

He took a step forward. "Thing is, upsetting you is still the last thing I want, but I ain't gonna give up on you just because you say you want me to."

Licking her dry lips, Anna tried for uncaring. "Really? I heard you were giving up." Again.

Steve seemed to be reading her mind. "I thought so too, but d'you think I'm stupid enough to do that again?"

She shrugged, not sure there was an appropriate answer she could say.

"I ain't giving up," he said, earnestly. His blue eyes stared at her intently. "I don't care how many times you turn me down now. I know it might not be fair to keep tryin' to get you back, I know it gets to you sometimes, and I know Phillips'll wanna kick my ass, but I'm gonna fight for you anyway."

There it was - that urge to melt into his arms. His eyes, his voice, his everything was sending all kinds of tingly feelings through her. She pushed it all back, gripped the door handle, and stared at the ground.

"I want you, Anna, and I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get you."

Well, shoot. She lifted her head, looking into his eyes and knowing with all her heart that he was telling the truth. Everything he'd said the last few weeks had been true, and she thought that part of her might have known that all along. His pride had taken a beating after the things she'd said to him, and he had been willing to give up. But he hadn't. Because he wanted her.

"Anyway," he continued at her silence, "that ain't the only reason I came by."

"Oh yeah?" she asked, voice far too breathy.

He nodded. "I've been thinkin' the last few days, and I wanna go see Millie."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and I want you to come with me."

Anna narrowed her eyes. "Why?"

"I dunno. I guess I just don't feel right just turnin' up there by myself. Especially when I ain't supposed to know anything."

"Well, take Soda with you then."

"Soda doesn't know. No one else knows."

She was silent a moment, thinking it through. There was a damn good chance he was using this as a ploy to get her alone; after his actions at Bucks, and their last conversation, she wouldn't put it past him. But Soda didn't know, and he didn't want to go alone. If she knew Steve at all - and she wasn't always sure she did - there might have been a hint of need hidden in his words when he said he wanted her to go with him.

"Fine," she said. "But if you're just doin' this to get me alone -"

"I ain't. You probably don't believe that, but I ain't." He smirked. "That's just a bonus."

She rolled her eyes, but grabbed her coat anyway. It wasn't until she got to his car that she realised two things - one: she was going out with her ex-boyfriend, knowing her current boyfriend wouldn't be pleased about it; and two: she was about to be alone in a car - the same car with the same windows the two of them had fogged up more times than she could remember - with Steve, by choice.

XXXXX

"Are you okay?" Anna asked.

Steve looked at her. "Of course."

"Do you want me to knock?"

He shook his head; he wasn't sure he wanted either of them to knock. Flipping up the collar of his jacket, he glanced around. They were on the second floor balcony of a set of apartments, and they'd been standing there for at least two minutes. He looked back at the door, not sure what his problem was. It had been his idea to see Millie, and he had truly wanted to, but now …

"You don't have to do this," Anna said, softly.

He glared at her, not liking the way she said it. "It's fine."

Knocking, he waited, already feeling bad for snapping at Anna. She hadn't had to come with him, but he sure appreciated her agreeing to it. Being alone with her really was just an added bonus; he wasn't sure he would've made it to Millie's on his own.

Speaking of Millie; Steve couldn't help staring when the door was opened. When Anna had said pregnant, she really meant pregnant. He didn't want to be a complete jerk, but Millie was huge.

"Well," she said. "I can't say I'm entirely surprised to see you two here."

He looked at her. "You're really pregnant."

She grinned. "You didn't believe her when she told you?"

"No, I did. It's just …" He trailed off, not sure how to continue.

Millie smirked. "Well, come on. No use you two standin' on the doorstep all day. Come inside."

She opened the door wider, and Steve walked in. Anna followed behind him, looking just as nervous as she had on the ride over. It had taken fifteen minutes, if that, but she sure had been tense. Despite his need to try and relax her, he'd left her alone. Pushing things wasn't going to help his cause at that moment.

Standing in the living room of Millie's, he took a look around. He'd never been there before, and was surprised at how nice it was. He'd always assumed she lived in the kind of house he and his dad did. Instead, her apartment wasn't much of an improvement to his house, but the way Millie kept it sure made it seem nicer. It was bright and cluttered and it suited her a lot.

"I am surprised it took you this long to get here," Millie said. She looked at Anna. "I thought you might've gone running to him the minute I left the bakery."

Anna blushed. "I practically did," she said. "And I'm sorry. I know you asked me not to, but -"

Millie waved off her apology. "Forget it, kiddo. I never expected you to keep it from Steve."

"Dad doesn't know," he said. He needed Millie to know she didn't have to worry about that.

"You understand, don't ya, Steve? I had to leave. I couldn't have him around a baby, not when I saw the way he treats you."

Steve nodded; he got it.

"And I gotta say," Millie said, looking far too cheerful, "I'm happy to see you two still together. I always thought you'd last. You two were so in love it almost made me sick."

She was grinning at them, but Steve stiffened, and Anna blushed, looking for a moment like she might cry.

"Oh, we're not … we're not together anymore," Anna said.

The air was tense, but Millie seemed oblivious to it.

"That's terrible. What happened?"

If he racked his brain for every possible scenario, Steve wasn't sure this could get any worse. He stared at Anna, wondering what she'd tell Millie. He didn't want Millie to know the truth. He didn't know why, but he didn't want Millie knowing what a fuck-up he was.

Anna held his gaze for a moment, before shrugging. "Just didn't work out."

"Right." Millie finally seemed to pick up on the awkwardness. "Well, can I get you two a drink?"

They both nodded, watching as she waddled into what must have been the kitchen. Steve let out a heavy breath once she was out of sight, and Anna ran a hand through her hair. Everyone they knew had known about their break-up for months; having to tell someone sure was uncomfortable.

Scratch that - the whole situation was uncomfortable. He hadn't seen Millie in months, and though it seemed like she'd changed a little, it was almost like she'd never left. That should be a good thing, but it was strange. He was there and Anna was there and they were talking to Millie, who'd always been good to them both, but something felt off.

"Here we go!" Millie said, bringing in two bottles of pop. She handed one to each of them, before struggling to sit on the couch. "Don't just stand there; sit and tell me everything. I missed you kids more than I thought I would've."

Steve sat, his palms sweating. She had said it to both of them, but she'd been staring at him. He liked Millie, and she'd always been good about respecting his mom, but surely he hadn't missed her, too. She was nice and fun and had been better to him in the two months she'd been around than his old man had in the last two years, but she was just some woman. Some broad who had slept with his dad, and gotten knocked up.

"Sure," Millie said. "You wanna feel it?"

Steve paid attention to the conversation going on around him as Anna hesitantly placed her hand over Millie's stomach.

"What're you doin'?" he asked.

Anna blinked, before breaking out into a bright smile. "It kicked."

He stared at her. "It kicked?"

"You wanna feel?" Millie asked.

"I don't think so."

She laughed. "That's okay, kid. Though, with your old man as it's father, and a scatterbrain like me as it's mom, this kid's gonna need a big brother like you."

And there it was. He swallowed, wiping his hands on his jeans. Something felt off because he shouldn't fucking be there.

He stood. "I uh … I gotta go."

Anna and Millie both looked at him in surprise, but he ignored it. Not bothering to wait for a reply, he pulled the door open and left. It wasn't until he was down the steps and in the parking lot that he realised Anna was right behind him.

"Steve. Wait."

He continued to his car, trying to dig his keys out. Anna followed, and she must've been running to catch up to him.

"What's goin' on?" she asked.

"Nothin'."

"You're lyin'."

He reached his car, keys slipping from his grasp. "Shit."

"Steve." Anna grabbed his arm. "What about this has you so upset?"

"I ain't upset," he snapped.

But he was upset and he didn't feel good about any of this, and it was because he hadn't been able to help Johnny, because he always snapped at Pony, and because he'd fucked up with the one person who had truly loved him. He stared at Anna, taking in her confusion, and the words were out before he could think them through.

"I'm sorry," he said, grabbing her hands in his own, holding them tightly. "Not just for upsetting you the other night, but for everything I did. Last summer - I fucked up bad, and I'm sorry. For all of it."

Her lower lip trembled, and she slowly pulled her hands away. "Shoot, Steve, what's wrong?"

"Nothin'." He took a step back, and ran a hand through his hair. "It's nothin'."

Picking up his keys, he unlocked the car, and opened the door for Anna. She climbed in without another word, but with one last concerned look at him. He ignored it, and made his way to his own door.

XXXXX

The car ride back to Anna's was even more tense than the ride to Millie's. Steve didn't know why she was so quiet, but he just couldn't think of anything to say. He wasn't sure there was anything else to say. He'd apologised, and he just hoped she knew how much he meant it.

But he couldn't think about that even if he wanted to, because his mind was solely focused on Millie and her kid. His brother or sister. It had taken Millie's words for the situation to really hit him. It wasn't just that he was getting a kid brother or sister, it was that he was going to be a brother, and he sure as hell didn't want to be.

It wasn't the kid's fault it was being born into a fucked-up mess, but Steve didn't need to make it any worse. He'd realised as soon as Millie had said the word brother that it was a mistake. He wouldn't be a good brother, and Johnny, Pony, and Anna just proved that. He hadn't been able to help Johnny at all, and all he'd ever done was treat Pony and Anna like shit.

He pulled up outside Anna's, but kept the car running. If she wanted to jump out the second she could, then he wasn't going to stop her. She didn't, though. Instead, she slowly turned in her seat to face him.

"I'm not sure what happened up there, and I know you've probably got a lot to think about," she said, voice quiet, "but I think you did the right thing by going."

Everything became about her again the moment she spoke. Hands gripping at the steering wheel, he looked at her.

"Yeah?"

She nodded. "Yeah. And … I think Millie was right; that kid's gonna need someone like you in its life."

Christ, it amazed him how she could know exactly what he was feeling after so damn long apart. It amazed him even more that she could make him feel better with a few subtle words.

"You should probably go," he said, staring at her intently. "Otherwise I'm gonna kiss you again."

She swallowed and looked away, but he knew he wasn't imagining how slowly she climbed out of his car.

So it's not hard to fall,
When you float like a cannonball.

A/N: Thanks to RileysMomma for beta-reading. As usual, reviews would be wonderful :) That scene next to Steve's car is one of my personal favourites when it comes to Steve and Anna. I hope you guys enjoyed it, too.